How do people fall in love? At all? Even a little?

[WritingIsMyReligion]

Seriously.

I seem to be asexual...Somebody took my sex hormones and put them under a rock. Well, I want them back, please. They sure aren't going to be doing that rock any good.

Well, okay, so maybe I have some sex hormones left (:evilgrin:), but the amount I have doesn't seem to be enough to actually romantically enjoy the company of either sex. Dammit, I don't care if I'm homosexual or heterosexual.....any -sexual is fine with me. And OAJD doesn't count; he's "purdy," and all, but he just doesn't count.

Stupid-assed teenage males (and girls, myself included)....we're all so dumb. I want love now, dammit, not tomorrow! And I don't want some asinine boy, either...I want someone who is beautiful, and accomplished, and sensitive, and progressive.

Frustrated! Arrrrgh!

Checking myself into the institution, now....

:grr:

:cry::cry:

WIMR

[miss_american_pie]

1. Oh WIMR

Be careful what you wish for.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

2. Aye.

Doesna mean I dinna want love, though.

:(

[miss_american_pie]

3. Give me two minutes and check your pm

;)

[WritingIsMyReligion]

6. Same to you.

:(

[miss_american_pie]

9. And back at you

:hug:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

10. And again!

:D

:pals:

[StellaBlue]

15. Are you Scottish?

nt

[WritingIsMyReligion]

16. Aye.

About a wee 1/16th.

;)

'Tis just fun to write "dinna" and "doesna."

:P :P

:hi:

[Oeditpus Rex]

4. What were you feeling the other day

when you posted "Holy fuck!"?

If that ain't love, I dunno what is.

:evilgrin:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

5. You.....

are a riot.

:rofl:

:loveya:

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear WIMR.......How do people fall in love?

Well, I've been there, more than once, so maybe I have a clue......

The BEST way, IMHO, is to decide that the person you admire is the one you will fall in love with.

Now I know that this will sound absolutely cockeyed. These days, you "fall" in love. Or maybe it's lust...

But I think that the best circumstances lead you to decide that this person is the one you want.

This is what I did when I met my husband. I decided, after carefully watching him for several months, that I would fall in love with him.

So I did, and then the lust came into full play.

For a lot more information, read the book "The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm. It is most likely out of print now; the copy I have is from the sixties.

Ironically, it was given to me my then boyfriend. He turned out to be not the man I married.

Good luck, sweetie!

:hug:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

8. I'll need the luck.

I'm the ugliest hag you ever saw....

:(

:D

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

14. My dear WIMR......

You are far from ugly.....

And believe it or not, looks have almost nothing to do with real love...

It's how you are inside.....where your soul lives.

What sort of person are you? How do you treat people? and so on.....

I am no beauty queen.....but people still love me....

Because I have a good heart......

:hug:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

18. You have the BEST heart!

:hug:

I don't know who I am. Well, not really. Not outside of jazz and writing and piano. But...maybe those things are just part of me.

This all could be problematic.

:D

[Droopy]

17. That ain't true

Teenage guys notoriously have their heads stuck up their rears when it comes to matters of the heart. You are mature beyond your years. Add to that that girls mature faster than boys to begin with and I think you might see the reason for your difficulty right now. If they don't come around now, I bet they will when you get to college.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

19. College!

Frightening idea! Aiiieeee!

;)

This whole "real life" business is very odd. How come people never tell us before now what we're in for?

:D :P

[CaliforniaPeggy]

23. Droopy is right, my dear WIMR.....

College is the place for finding mates.....

At least, that's where it happened to me.....

The three years that I lived away from home were the best, most fun, and the most liberating years of my life!

And then the young men started to notice me.......

Wait....you'll see!

The teen years, especially the high school teen years, are very tough....

:hug:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

26. I noticed.

:(

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

37. Have to agree with Droopy and Peggy

My daughter was alot like you, although not as outgoing. Quite honestly, I believe she intimidated boys her age because she was quiet, smart and seemed so much more mature. The guys tended to like the girls who giggled and were kind of goofy.

She didn't have a single date in HS. No prom, nothing. But when she got to college, she met a wonderful guy who has the same interests and can talk with her about so many things. They both love history, philosophy and music. So, be patient. The guys have to catch up.

:hug:

[otherlander]

22. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, because

on the inside, we are ALL very, very hideous.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

27. !

:rofl:

Thanks. I needed that.

:D

[otherlander]

28. ^_^

You need proof? Go post the following in GD:

"I don't think Chavez is a bad person or a bad leader. He's not violent or anything. But he hasn't built a very sustainable economy, and his alliance with Castro is somewhat disturbing."

See how long ya last.:evilgrin:

[Mutley]

11. The best definition of love I ever heard

(and it is still inadequate) is when another person's well being and happiness becomes just as important to you as your own. Sex, of course, adds a whole other layer to that. As does learning who someone really is — beyond the rose-colored glasses of infatuation and lust.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

12. It's so....weird.

:shrug:

Crazy little thing called love.

:D

:hi:

[taterguy]

13. Dwight Yoakam does a great version of Crazy Little Thing Called Love

[mccoyn]

20. Have lots of sex with someone.

Every time you have sex with someone you get a whole mess of hormones running around in your brain. Some make you feel great, others cause you to remember the feeling and the person better. Anyways, the long and short of it is that every time you have sex with someone another connection is made in your brain between that person, and feeling great. Eventually, just being around that person activates enough of these connections that you begin to feel great, with no apparent reason. This behavior is commonly referred to as being in love.

Of course, sex isn't the only way to get acclimated to a person like this, but all those hormones really moves the process along.

Disclaimers:
1. Scientists haven't really figured out this whole brain/hormone business so this discription is probably simplistic and entirely theoretical.
2. I may be a bitter asexual.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

25. LOL.

Great way to get diseased, too, if you aren't careful.

Sorry, not an option.

:P

:rofl:

[Aiptasia]

21. What does sex have to do with love?

Very little... I love my cat but I don't want to hump it. Sure people's libido's go up and down. You might not even think about sex for a long long time then suddenly you're the horniest thing that ever got aroused. I don't think that has much to do with love though. Lust, yes. Love, No.

Us single folk, we all get lonely. We all wish we had someone to share our experiences with, the good times and the bad times. We wish the wind wouldn't whistle through the empty holes inside of us. Sometimes we just want to be held, or have a conversation, or be spontaneous and hold hands with someone while jumping in the rain puddles. Someone to care for and be cared for back. Someone you can share your life with.

And I'd wish anybody and everybody could experience that kind of love. No matter what their sexual orientation is or isn't.

I'd like to have that in my life. I'm not sure if I ever will though, but it doesn't stop me from trying.

[billyskank]

24. Awwwww

I hope you find someone you like. :pals:

:hi:

[politicat]

29. I seem to recall you're not very old and female.

Don't worry, they get more active as you get older. Really. Trust me. I got started fairly early, but in the race that is the hormonal and emotional marathon, I didn't erm.. feel... anything until I was well into college.

In retrospect, what is there to be interested in in a teenage boy? No staying power, commitment phobic (half of them can't even manage to make it from asking for a date to the date), selfish, cocky, mentally undeveloped... They're not worth your effort.

And having been a bisexual teenage girl, we're not much better. You have a slight advantage over me, in that being lesbian has cachet that it utterly lacked fifteen years ago, but still.

Besides, it's hormonal to a greater degree than not. Obviously, the people in your area aren't putting off the right pheromones. Are you related to a lot of them? Humans are far more likely to be attracted to those who have a histologically different pattern than their own (helps prevent incest) so it's really easy to not fall in love and feel the oxcytocin rush if everyone you know smells like your brother or your dad (or your sister, though apparently the problem is less common in the GLBT community.)

[WritingIsMyReligion]

30. There is absolutely nothing attractive about a teenage male.

That's my point. :D

[catbert836]

43. Ahem.

Apparently I didn't notice that at all. Thanks for letting me know. :cry:

[HEyHEY]

31. How old are you?

[WritingIsMyReligion]

32. Haha.....

14

:P :P :P

Yeah, I know: "Don't worry...You're still young, very young...You've got your whole life ahead of you to love in..."

;)

[HEyHEY]

33. No, I was gonna say I'm not gonna discuss sex hormones with you

Talking about sex with a 14-year-old on the internet could land a brotha in jail.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

34. LOL.

:rofl:

Yeah, it probably could.

:evilgrin:

[Porcupine]

44. Hie thee to the nearest Dojo.

Actually, check out every one in town if you can. The boys therein will be: A) Polite (required to avoid training injuries) and B) available for non-sexual wrasslin. (burns off frustration.)

Please remember that teenage boys have to be led by the nose in matters romantic. Especially the nerdy ones who might actually be able to hold a conversation at some point.

Good Luck.

[Deja Q]

35. Lust + compatible personalities.

Personalities is obvious. Women want money and men want control.

Lust is when both of you look into each others' eyes, feel something like 'fireworks', and start thinking naughty thoughts.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

36. Naughty thoughts....

:evilgrin:

[Deja Q]

55. They help, but naughty thoughts are based on what inspires the lust.

:D

[MiniMandaRuth]

38. Well.... Maybe they just haven't turned on yet....

I'm a year younger than you (I think. I'm not sure.) and I, ask anyone, have a crush on about three guys. Maybe I should try to put my hormones in a bottle and ship them over to ya! :)

[WritingIsMyReligion]

39. That would be helpful.

:P

:hi:

[MiniMandaRuth]

40. (Maybe they're aren't enough sexy guys around)

Move over here, we're overflowing with sexy, nice guys with great personality!

[catbert836]

41. Sorry, WIMR

People say they're "in love" with someone to justify having sex with that person. In other words, love was invented to justify sex, which still seems filthy to our immature minds.

Sorry to be so frank, but I gots to tell it like it is. ;-)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

48. My dear catbert836.....

I must disagree, at least a little, with you here.....

You can say "I love you" and never have any hopes of having sex with that person....

To say that love was invented to justify sex is awfully cynical, IMHO...

I hope that you will be able to change your mind on that score....

Being this cynical at so young an age is likely to make you bitter.

Or did your bitterness cause your cynicism?

[catbert836]

51. No, just a bit of wisdom

from my Art History teacher. To settle you down, my post was an (obviously failed) attempt to be funny.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

54. Ah, my dear catbert!

It is sometimes difficult to read when someone is being funny.....

If I'd paid more attention to your smiley, I would have gotten it.....

Thanks for clarifying!

:hi:

[JVS]

42. It starts when the devil finds two hapless victims....

[sakabatou]

45. For me, the hardest thing was finding the right girl

Too many superficial girls in high school. But I found one and I'm still with her.

[Xipe Totec]

46. Sonnet 49 - William Shakespeare

Against that time, if ever that time come,

When I shall see thee frown on my defects,

When as thy love hath cast his utmost sum,

Call'd to that audit by advised respects;

Against that time when thou shalt strangely pass

And scarcely greet me with that sun thine eye,

When love, converted from the thing it was,

Shall reasons find of settled gravity,--

Against that time do I ensconce me here

Within the knowledge of mine own desert,

And this my hand against myself uprear,

To guard the lawful reasons on thy part:

To leave poor me thou hast the strength of laws,

Since why to love I can allege no cause.

[Giant Robot]

47. Better question

Why do you want to be in love?

[leftofthedial]

49. love? or sex?

:shrug:

[Nikia]

50. You don't need to rush things

Being only 14, your sex hormones are not as strong as they will be in a few years and more. Everyone matures at a different rate this way. There is no reason to worry yet. Despite popular opinion, you are probably better off not having a strong libido yet. Too many teens do stupid things that they regret because of their libido.
I only dated a couple of guys during high school. Perhaps, they were good because it helped me relize what I didn't want, but they weren't good relationships, and more negative than positive in terms of developing myself.
Good luck to you. Be patient. I bet that things will be completely different in another 5-10 years for you.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

52. Love just sometimes happens.

I expected to be alone for a very long time after the end of another long-term relationship and was becoming quite content with that. However, I was open if someone really made an effort. He made beyond an effort. (Plus, he's brilliant and handsome.)

I'll also say that I have a daughter about your age and she's had a pretty nice boyfriend for the last 6 months. He's cute, smart, progressive, and treats her well, but she's the type of girl that wouldn't take anything less than that. Not all boys are jerks. It just seems the jerks let themselves be noticed more.

[mwooldri]

64. Similar situation here.

Quit my university studies, after having a few crushes on some female peers and expressing unrequited affection for them. Got bored, went online and went on a penpal board. Saw a posting from a "Military brat, with tattoo, tongue ring and a real wild child LOL" or something like that. We got writing (email at first, letters next), and then phoning, and then meeting up... I proposed a few days after meeting her for real. We've been married seven years now, and I still love her to bits. Oh, and sex helps but it is not crucial. As Al Franken has said, I too have had X number of sexual encounters (I don't know the exact number) and all of them were with my wife. The one right person for you wouldn't care if you couldn't screw for England.

Mark.

[Onlooker]

53. Trust and honesty

When two people have affection for each other, all they need is trust and honesty to realize love.

[ContraBass Black]

56. Save this post and read it again in five years.

:D

[txwhitedove]

57. Good advice, and then again in 5-more years.

[LeftyMom]

58. It's a mystery dear

It's just one of those things we're wired to do. I can't explain it, all I can tell you is this- it really doesn't make any more sense when it happens. :shrug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

59. How old are you?

I was sort of "in like" many times during my teen years, but never anything worth getting excited about it.

Then, at the age of 22, I met someone unlike anyone else I'd ever met before, and I was in love, as in run over by a truck, don't know what hit you, can't think about anything else kind of love.

And I thought, "Oh, that's what all the songs are about." :-)

[catmandu57]

60. There's a lot of difference between love and sex kiddo

Don't be in such a hurry, you're only this young once, enjoy it without the encumbrances of any type of relationship. Back to your question though, How do we fall in love? Well, when I met my wife I didn't love her at first, I liked her, I liked her a whole lot, I enjoyed being with her, I always felt much better and smiled more easily when we were together, and slowly it just dawned on me that I loved her.
Look at the people you like, try like first, there's plenty of time for love and that other thing further down the road.

[kwassa]

61. Be patient

I thought I knew love as a teenager, but I only knew lust, really.

Read about "romantic projection", in which project wonderful qualities onto people to make them what we want them to be. It is about us, not them. I learned about it after many hard knocks.

It took me a very long time to find real substantial love, but I did find it. You will, too, your impatience is normal, but love happens when it is meant to. You have lots and lots of time.

"You can't hurry love, you just have to wait ...." lotta wisdom in that Supremes song.

[WCGreen]

62. You just never know when love will sneak up on you...

And bite you on the ass....

I always longed for love and forced it far too many times to think would ever know the real things....

But guess what...

I found it...

Or it found me...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

63. That is beautifully put......

and true besides.......