Hello. My name is Miss Smack and I'll be your flight attendant

[Sugar Smack]

this evening.

Welcome aboard Flight WTF-2080. Please extinguish all "smoking materials" until the light is off and we have reached the proper altitude. Please regard the safety card located in the pocket in front of you. We will be taking off "momentarily", so please take a minute to locate the emergency exits. If you feel you are not equipped to sit next to the emergency exit, please switch seats with someone who is.

There is an emergency "floatation device" within your seat cushion. Oxygen masks are located above you. In the event of an emergency, these masks will automatically be released from a trap-door in the overhead bin.

We may be experiencing mild turbulence. Please do not scream, as it startles the other passengers. If you have problems with the passenger sitting next to you, please let us know and we will remove them. A Menu is located in the pocket directly in front of you. We will be coming around with the drink cart shortly after takeoff. Please let us know what you require, and thank you for flying WTF Airways. :-)




*all photos courtesy of airline meals.com*

[Deja Q]

1. Now if only my fellow in the next seat would lead me to the onboard loo...

:rofl:

You do know him, Khashka? :D


This joke was a mile high of a stinker, wasn't it? :D

[Sugar Smack]

3. Sir, I am not properly equipped to arouse him-

as he seems to have passed out. He smells of "screwdriver". Perhaps I could lead you to the loo instead?

[Sugar Smack]

29. Sir?

[Sugar Smack]

50. Sir?

[Deja Q]

69. Terribly sorry my dear, I was stunned.

K9 did it, and Sarah Jane Smith didn't tell him to stop.

:7


Wait a mo, where did he get that *screwdriver* from? :D

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Sugar Smack!

WTF Airlines! This is inspired! :rofl:

You are cooking today, sweetie! I love it.....

:applause: :applause: :loveya: :hug:

[Sugar Smack]

6. *Tries to professionally stifle LOL*

Ma'am, you are most gracious. May I fluff your pillow? Would you like an air-cooked meal?

[Mutley]

4. WTF am I doing on WTF Airlines?

:scared:

:D

[Sugar Smack]

9. Where is your destination, ma'am?

And would you enjoy a hot lemon-scented towel? We also have Nicorette. :-)

[Mutley]

10. I'm not sure where I'm going.

Do you know?

Nicorette would be great. About 10 of them, thanks. :P

[Sugar Smack]

16. Gladly, my dear. You're visiting Europe.

And a bottle of our finest.

[Mutley]

23. Why thank you, miss.

Did you steal this from AirEuropa?

[Sugar Smack]

26. I stole this from Airlinemeals.com.

;) ;) *wink, wink*

[In_The_Wind]

5. Could you bring me something cold to drink.

Thank you.

[Sugar Smack]

8. Here's your bloody Mary, ma'am.

Please ring us if you have any further requests. We'll be delighted to appease them.

[In_The_Wind]

65. Ah? I'd like to know more about your departure date for the west coast?

I was wondering if you'll be available to add a sippy straw to my drink on that day?

[Sanity Claws]

7. Where am I going?

How did I ever get past the no-fly list?

[Sugar Smack]

11. You are going to Paris.

and you are traveling with WTF Airlines, the most bountiful airline known to the sky!

[Sanity Claws]

12. That looks like the cheap eats

I want whatever first class is getting.

[Sugar Smack]

14. It's not "first class" any more- it's "elite". In which case-

Lasagna and smoked salmon for you.

[Sanity Claws]

19. Why thank you, Miss Smack

That was so gracious of you. This is food worthy of the elite, like myself.

[no name no slogan]

13. Whooohooo, a sexy flight attendent!!!

May I join your Mile High Club? :evilgrin:

[Sugar Smack]

17. Sir, it would be HIGHLY inappropriate to answer that.

But yes, WTF? :D

[texas1928]

15. I like to Fly...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!! Airlines.

[Sugar Smack]

18. Sir, I beg you not to scream. You just set off that baby in F28.

:spank:

[texas1928]

73. Nah that was from me throwing peanuts at the little buggers head.

:evilgrin:

[khashka]

20. So Sugar Smack

is the smarmy, bitchy airline hostess from hell?
I never woulda thunk it... but she does have hidden depths :)

Khash.

[Sugar Smack]

24. I am the SMARMIEST, bitchiest airline hostess from hell.

How would you like your scented towel? Gruelling hot? You ARE sitting next to HypnoToad, you know. He's asleep. Shall I soak his fingies in warm water?

:evilgrin:

[khashka]

55. Well I should have known

whatever you do you'll do to your bestest ability.

But oddly disturbing erotic encounters between me and HT? Thank you, ma'am, but we've found we can generally manage that on our own :)


Khash.

[ZombieNixon]

21. Excuse me, Miss Smack...

but with a name like that, don't you think you'd be better suited toward working for S&M Airways?

:hide:

[Sugar Smack]

25. Yes, so here's your apple juice and your pretzels.

:spank:

[ZombieNixon]

27. Oh God! Please, stop the torture!!

:cry:

[Sugar Smack]

70. OK-

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

22. To fly in style...

check out this new low-cost airline. Lots of great special deals! http://www.skyhighairlines.com/

And the catalog has the most excellent products for the frequent flier. http://www.skyhighairlines.com/catalog.pdf

[Sugar Smack]

28. Class of service: "Bench"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: STOP! That is too funny!

[ScreamingMeemie]

39. I went with cargo and it will only take me 19 hours with 6 stop overs...

to get from Detroit to Dayton. :rofl:

[flamingyouth]

30. Please tell the guy behind me to stop kicking my seat

x(

[Sugar Smack]

31. "ASSHOLE! Do you have any perception whatever between

your body and the rest of the world? Do you have any sensitivity toward those who move in your sphere and are knocked into by the likes of you? Here's your parachute, son. Good luck!"

[flamingyouth]

32. ROFL! Some airline, please hire this woman now!

Preferably Continental, and before I have to fly to Texas on Thursday! :rofl::yourock:

[Sugar Smack]

34. Ah, let's get you set up with something good, then-

QUICHE, darling! :yourock: :pals: :rofl: :patriot:

[flamingyouth]

36. Aw, you are a true friend!

:patriot::pals: :D

[LaraMN]

33. Please don't give Matcom any more peanuts.

I'm sure the plane has enough gas to make it to our destination.

[Sugar Smack]

38. Darling, here. And just think, ma'am, this is "bidness class".

[LaraMN]

40. Do you have any cookie dough blizzards?

:9

[Sugar Smack]

49. Only the supremest sherbet!

[DS1]

35. heh, I was just thinking about this website, too

http://www.xrs.pl/

only because it's so original, and so damn fun - you can zoom out and drag and drop the panels to make your own flight paths

[Sugar Smack]

41. *Darn it all* I can't get that website on my crappy computer. Sir.

Would you like a Guyere omelette? *clasps hands like a sycophant*

[Sugar Smack]

45. Ooh, I'm downloading it as we speak.

:bounce:

[DS1]

52. I want a report

I showed it to my boss, he immediately demanded I make our company a site like that, I said "Nope, can't do it"

He said "Why the hell not!"

I said "cause it's already been done" :D

[ScreamingMeemie]

37. When do we get to CRASH?!!!!

This was an actual question of my son's the first time he flew. :hug:

[Sugar Smack]

42. *pats child's head* Here's some cellophane to play with.

;) :loveya: and some coffee for you, ma'am.:donut:

[bridgit]

43. whoa, whoa, whoa...all ""smoking materials"", cause that ain't gonna...

work :rofl:

[Sugar Smack]

56. WTF Airways has cherries flambe

and two brave firefighters on the nearby.

[bridgit]

71. now that is reassuring...

http://www.hightimes.com/ht/home

[bigwillq]

44. Hey sugar!

Just took my seat!


:hi:

[Sugar Smack]

46. Mister, would you like a glass of anything, or a pillow?

Or some penne?

[bigwillq]

47. Yes, I will take a Heineken

and one pillow please.

Oh yeah, and some peanuts.

Thank you!

:hi:

[Sugar Smack]

62. Here's your Heineken, sir.

:*

[bigwillq]

77. Why thank you!

:beer:

[GOPisEvil]

48. Coffee, tea or me?

:hi:

[Sugar Smack]

57. You.

On that boat. Cutie. :hi:

[lumberingbear]

51. I think I'm going to be airsick!!!

[Sugar Smack]

58. Here. Close your eyes and think of Snoopy:

[lumberingbear]

76. ahhhh. That's better

[no name no slogan]

53. Ms Smack, I've been a naughty passenger

may I please have a spanking?





























Please? :evilgrin:

[Sugar Smack]

59. No-

and yes! Sir, kindly get across my knee.

:spank: :spank: :spank: :spank:

[Ptah]

54. Uh, miss? Excuse me but I'm wondering.

Are there any snakes on this plane?

[Sugar Smack]

60. Not on this plane. That would be on

"Got-Damned" Airline. :evilgrin:

[Call Me Wesley]

61. I know it's first class,

but I miss kicking someone's seat, really. Well, can you close the door then, please? I'm taking a nap.

[Sugar Smack]

63. Aaaah, yes. The second floor of our plane is obscenely outfitted

with space and minibars. Don't you hate it? I'll close the door, sir. *blows kiss*

[Hugin]

64. Excuse me Miss... Will you be serving Balut on this flight?

If so, may I have a parachute... CUZ, I'M BAILING OUT OF THIS CRATE!

Please...

Thanks so much.

[Sugar Smack]

66. Absolutely not. We serve Tom Yum instead!

:hi:

[Hugin]

67. Great thanks!

I could use some of those delicious Pepperidge Farms cookies with
my coffee later.

:thumbsup:

[Sugar Smack]

68. Good. Besides, we ran out of parachutes.

:yoiks:

[RandomKoolzip]

72. THERE'S A MAN ON THE WING OF THIS PLANE!!!!!

[Sugar Smack]

79. Thank God, he's doing his job.

:bounce:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

74. I request a martini from Miss Smack.

:D

[wildhorses]

75. but, wait a minute!!! What about ....

snakes on da plane????

[elshiva]

78. Is this plane bound for glory? Does this plane carry no gamblers?