zen sarcasm

[helderheid]

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[skygazer]

1. That's hysterical

Number 8 had me practically rolling on the floor for some reason. Thanks - I needed that! :rofl:

[Random_Australian]

2. Same! LMAO for some reason!

:rofl:

[helderheid]

3. glad I could provide some levity! My mom just sent this to me. :) I love 8

and the first one. :)

[TheCentepedeShoes]

4. Thank you, Thank you !

:rofl: :rofl: Made both Mr 'pede and the doggie come in here to see what I was laughing at.

[helderheid]

5. You just made me smile! :)

[mdmc]

6. thanks for the OP - enjoyable!

[merh]

7. Bookmarked & kicked.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Number 8 caused me to snort.

Thank you helderheid! :hi:

[billyskank]

8. Hi merh!

:hi:

:loveya:

[merh]

9. Hello, billyskank!

:hi:

How the heck are you?

:loveya:

[billyskank]

10. I'm okay, sweetie!

How are you? :hug:

[merh]

11. I'm doing good, just plugging along.

Thanks for stopping me to say "hello" and thanks for the hug. :hug:

:loveya:

[genie_weenie]

12. These are far too coherent to be Zen

Koan or zen inspired...

[Strong Atheist]

13. Good ones! nt.

[El Fuego]

14. Too funny!