Would You Go Through Your SO's Email?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

Poll question: Would You Go Through Your SO's Email?

If it were open and/or you knew the password!

If you say yes/no let us know why and how long you have known your SO

Poll result (44 votes)
Yes	(15 votes, 34%)	Vote
No	(25 votes, 57%)	Vote
Bitch!	(4 votes, 9%)	Vote

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. For those of you who say bitch...also explain!

[miss_american_pie]

2. No

That's just wrong. I don't open his snail mail either.

I trust him or I don't. And if I don't, reading his email isn't going to fix anything.

Hmm if my math is correct, I've known him for 14 years.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. thank you!

[BlueIris]

6. What you posted.

Also...hasn't anyone here ever had this extreme misfortune of accidentally or intentionally reading someone's private correspondence and...regretting it big time? The one time I peeked, (age fourtee) I was so, SO sorry I'd done that. Never done it to anyone since.

[AlCzervik]

4. if i ever get to a point where i think i need to go through them then

that would be a signal to me that our marriage was either over or very close to being over.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. true!

[no name no slogan]

7. No-- and I've been in that situation

my ex-wife used to have an email account on my web site, which she had for a few months after we separated. I could have gone into it at any time (having full admin rights) but I had no desire to. I deleted the account after she said she was through with it.

[Ravenseye]

8. I've gone through her email and I've known her about 15 years

The last time I went through her email was over a year ago, because I was trying to get some contact information on some of her friends that I didn't have so I could throw her a surprise birthday party.

Before that, I went in once because it was sitting there open and saw she got an email from a mutual friend we hadn't heard from in awhile and I saw his name walking by and wanted to see what he was up to.

My wife can go through my email all she likes. I'm sure she could care less if I go through hers. Trust is a great thing. Neither of us has anything to hide from each other, so those kind of boundaries don't exist. I don't normally go in and read her email, because I have no reason to.

[rbnyc]

10. That makes sense. (nt)

[rbnyc]

9. No.

I could go through it any time I wanted, and he could go through mine too. Our passwords are saved on our computer. But I don't and I wouldn't. If I want to know something, I'll ask him.



We've been together 10 years.

[bigwillq]

11. No

It's their business, not mine.
I certainly wouldn't want him to go through mine. It's a privacy issue that is all.

[OhioBlue]

12. I would and have

but only because it is a business e-mail and he has asked me to. We have a very open and trusting relationship. He can go through my e-mail anytime he wants. I don't think he does, but I don't have anything in there that he can't read.

[LeftyMom]

13. Not unless I was asked to for some reason

and even then I'd be uncomfortable with it. I like having my own space, he deserves his and in any place if I didn't trust him we wouldn't be a couple.

I've had somebody (my son's Dad) go through my email and it was really hurtful. I wouldn't do that to somebody else.

[yurbud]

14. good email reading story about a guy and his mail order bride

She was from Romania, and he thought she was acting funny, so he had a friend who spoke romanian read her emails.

They said that she couldn't stand this guy and was just waiting until they had been married long enough to get a green card and she had a boyfriend on the side.

Later, she figured out how to speed up the immigration process: she had him arrested for domestic violence, so she could stay even though they were separated.

[supernova]

15. No I wouldn't

Not as a matter of habit anyway. I might, like the other poster said, look at it if I were looking for something specific, like the names of people for a surprise party, or some other person I wanted to contact that was primarily a friend of his, and he weren't around to get it for me.

If you feel a need to read their mail on a regular basis, it isn't a relationship that is in full trust mode.

My ex used to read my diary on a regular basis and it hurt me terribly because he used the information in there to start arguments.

[jpgray]

16. Yeah

I like to look at my old messages she received to remind myself of how clever I am. Oh we're broken up, but -clearly- one has nothing to do with the other.

[Fenris]

17. You are so totally over her.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

18. NO, not under any circumstances.....

We've been married over 40 years now.....

[SeattleGirl]

19. Absolutely not

I don't open mail addressed to him either. I do know his password, so I could look at his emails, but it would just never occur to me to do that. And, I've known him for 15 years.

[Dont_Bogart_the_Pretzel]

20. NO

It just ain't right!

[titoresque]

21. Yes

We have eachothers email passwords. Maybe we're just too boring to
be suspicious? We've been together for 9 years.

[titoresque]

22. oh yikes...

after reading through some other posts of people who say "No"
I should clarify that I don't read my partners emails because their is
a lack of trust, nor does she read mine for that reason. Sometimes I check her email because she gets so busy and never checks it, and I let her know that so and so has written, or whatever. She checks mine on ocassion, mainly because we have mutual friends who will only email to one address, whether it's hers or mine. I guess I've just never felt like I have an email seperate from hers. We have a lot of "things" that are seperate from eachother but email has never been one of those.

[Divameow77]

23. No!

My husband read mine and I was very hurt. He then went into my work e-mail (he used to work there and knew how to do it remotely) and that just pissed me off. We seperated over a month ago after 5 years.

[TBreeze]

24. No

unless he's asked me to for some reason

[skygazer]

25. No, I would not. Except

I did last week.

I still feel dirty for doing it but I would do it again under the same circumstances because I knew I was being deceived. And he wasn't going to admit the truth to me. I looked in it, found exactly what I suspected I was going to find and when he came home, told him exactly what I'd done and why. And that I was leaving.

In the end, we've decided to try couples counseling, something I'm not sure will work. But I don't think there's really an easy or an ironclad answer to this question. I never would have answered yes prior to this and I never would have pictured it coming to that. I've been with him five years and trusted him - that's been damaged badly and I don't know if it can be resurrected. I don't want to be with someone I can't trust, someone who I feel like I need to check up on.

Life is so much more complicated than yes or no answers.

[gollygee]

26. If I needed something

like if I needed info I knew he had in his email. Otherwise I'd have no reason to go through his email - I trust him completely. He's welcome to go through my email whenever he wants also. There'd never be anything he couldn't see. Snooping isn't really an issue for us.

We've been married for 7 years.

[Withywindle]

27. Absolutely not!

Privacy is sacred to me. I had an SO read my diary once and use things in it against me, and I had trouble writing for a long time (bad, as that's my livelihood as well as my vocation) because I didn't feel safe anymore.

It's a violation, one of the worst psychological things you can do to someone. I would never do it, and if he does it to me, it's OVER, just as much as if he had hit me, because the effect is very similar (and I've experienced both in other relationships, I know).

I'm not cheating. I'm not "hiding" anything. I just need my own brain-space, and so does he.

We've been known each other about 9 years, been together as a couple about 6, lived together about 5.

[ContraBass Black]

28. If she says, "I'm in a rush. Could you check my e-mail?"

Then sure, I would.