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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 03:01 PM
Original message
Poll question: Would You Go Through Your SO's Email?
Edited on Sat Mar-04-06 03:03 PM by lionesspriyanka
If it were open and/or you knew the password!

If you say yes/no let us know why and how long you have known your SO

Sorry, polls are turned off at Level 3.

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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 03:04 PM
Response to Original message
1. For those of you who say bitch...also explain!
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miss_american_pie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 03:05 PM
Response to Original message
2. No
That's just wrong. I don't open his snail mail either.

I trust him or I don't. And if I don't, reading his email isn't going to fix anything.

Hmm if my math is correct, I've known him for 14 years.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 03:07 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. thank you!
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 03:19 PM
Response to Reply #2
6. What you posted.
Edited on Sat Mar-04-06 03:20 PM by BlueIris
Also...hasn't anyone here ever had this extreme misfortune of accidentally or intentionally reading someone's private correspondence and...regretting it big time? The one time I peeked, (age fourtee) I was so, SO sorry I'd done that. Never done it to anyone since.
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AlCzervik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 03:09 PM
Response to Original message
4. if i ever get to a point where i think i need to go through them then
that would be a signal to me that our marriage was either over or very close to being over.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 03:17 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. true!
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no name no slogan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:02 PM
Response to Original message
7. No-- and I've been in that situation
my ex-wife used to have an email account on my web site, which she had for a few months after we separated. I could have gone into it at any time (having full admin rights) but I had no desire to. I deleted the account after she said she was through with it.

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Ravenseye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:10 PM
Response to Original message
8. I've gone through her email and I've known her about 15 years
The last time I went through her email was over a year ago, because I was trying to get some contact information on some of her friends that I didn't have so I could throw her a surprise birthday party.

Before that, I went in once because it was sitting there open and saw she got an email from a mutual friend we hadn't heard from in awhile and I saw his name walking by and wanted to see what he was up to.

My wife can go through my email all she likes. I'm sure she could care less if I go through hers. Trust is a great thing. Neither of us has anything to hide from each other, so those kind of boundaries don't exist. I don't normally go in and read her email, because I have no reason to.
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rbnyc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:20 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. That makes sense. (nt)
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rbnyc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:19 PM
Response to Original message
9. No.
I could go through it any time I wanted, and he could go through mine too. Our passwords are saved on our computer. But I don't and I wouldn't. If I want to know something, I'll ask him.

:hi:

We've been together 10 years.
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bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:23 PM
Response to Original message
11. No
It's their business, not mine.
I certainly wouldn't want him to go through mine. It's a privacy issue that is all.
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OhioBlue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:24 PM
Response to Original message
12. I would and have
but only because it is a business e-mail and he has asked me to. We have a very open and trusting relationship. He can go through my e-mail anytime he wants. I don't think he does, but I don't have anything in there that he can't read.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:27 PM
Response to Original message
13. Not unless I was asked to for some reason
and even then I'd be uncomfortable with it. I like having my own space, he deserves his and in any place if I didn't trust him we wouldn't be a couple.

I've had somebody (my son's Dad) go through my email and it was really hurtful. I wouldn't do that to somebody else.
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yurbud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:28 PM
Response to Original message
14. good email reading story about a guy and his mail order bride
She was from Romania, and he thought she was acting funny, so he had a friend who spoke romanian read her emails.

They said that she couldn't stand this guy and was just waiting until they had been married long enough to get a green card and she had a boyfriend on the side.

Later, she figured out how to speed up the immigration process: she had him arrested for domestic violence, so she could stay even though they were separated.

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supernova Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:32 PM
Response to Original message
15. No I wouldn't
Not as a matter of habit anyway. I might, like the other poster said, look at it if I were looking for something specific, like the names of people for a surprise party, or some other person I wanted to contact that was primarily a friend of his, and he weren't around to get it for me.

If you feel a need to read their mail on a regular basis, it isn't a relationship that is in full trust mode.

My ex used to read my diary on a regular basis and it hurt me terribly because he used the information in there to start arguments.


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jpgray Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:33 PM
Response to Original message
16. Yeah
I like to look at my old messages she received to remind myself of how clever I am. Oh we're broken up, but -clearly- one has nothing to do with the other.
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Fenris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:34 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. You are so totally over her.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:45 PM
Response to Original message
18. NO, not under any circumstances.....
We've been married over 40 years now.....
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SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 04:52 PM
Response to Original message
19. Absolutely not
I don't open mail addressed to him either. I do know his password, so I could look at his emails, but it would just never occur to me to do that. And, I've known him for 15 years.
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Dont_Bogart_the_Pretzel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 05:35 PM
Response to Original message
20. NO
It just ain't right!
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titoresque Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 06:47 PM
Response to Original message
21. Yes
We have eachothers email passwords. Maybe we're just too boring to
be suspicious? :) We've been together for 9 years.
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titoresque Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 06:54 PM
Response to Reply #21
22. oh yikes...
after reading through some other posts of people who say "No"
I should clarify that I don't read my partners emails because their is
a lack of trust, nor does she read mine for that reason. Sometimes I check her email because she gets so busy and never checks it, and I let her know that so and so has written, or whatever. She checks mine on ocassion, mainly because we have mutual friends who will only email to one address, whether it's hers or mine. I guess I've just never felt like I have an email seperate from hers. We have a lot of "things" that are seperate from eachother but email has never been one of those.
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Divameow77 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 07:01 PM
Response to Original message
23. No!
My husband read mine and I was very hurt. He then went into my work e-mail (he used to work there and knew how to do it remotely) and that just pissed me off. We seperated over a month ago after 5 years.
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TBreeze Donating Member (393 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 07:17 PM
Response to Original message
24. No
unless he's asked me to for some reason
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 07:43 PM
Response to Original message
25. No, I would not. Except
I did last week.

I still feel dirty for doing it but I would do it again under the same circumstances because I knew I was being deceived. And he wasn't going to admit the truth to me. I looked in it, found exactly what I suspected I was going to find and when he came home, told him exactly what I'd done and why. And that I was leaving.

In the end, we've decided to try couples counseling, something I'm not sure will work. But I don't think there's really an easy or an ironclad answer to this question. I never would have answered yes prior to this and I never would have pictured it coming to that. I've been with him five years and trusted him - that's been damaged badly and I don't know if it can be resurrected. I don't want to be with someone I can't trust, someone who I feel like I need to check up on.

Life is so much more complicated than yes or no answers. :(
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gollygee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 07:51 PM
Response to Original message
26. If I needed something
like if I needed info I knew he had in his email. Otherwise I'd have no reason to go through his email - I trust him completely. He's welcome to go through my email whenever he wants also. There'd never be anything he couldn't see. Snooping isn't really an issue for us.

We've been married for 7 years.
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Withywindle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 08:12 PM
Response to Original message
27. Absolutely not!
Privacy is sacred to me. I had an SO read my diary once and use things in it against me, and I had trouble writing for a long time (bad, as that's my livelihood as well as my vocation) because I didn't feel safe anymore.

It's a violation, one of the worst psychological things you can do to someone. I would never do it, and if he does it to me, it's OVER, just as much as if he had hit me, because the effect is very similar (and I've experienced both in other relationships, I know).

I'm not cheating. I'm not "hiding" anything. I just need my own brain-space, and so does he.

We've been known each other about 9 years, been together as a couple about 6, lived together about 5.
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ContraBass Black Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-04-06 08:28 PM
Response to Original message
28. If she says, "I'm in a rush. Could you check my e-mail?"
Then sure, I would.
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