Alcohol sucks

[TallahasseeGrannie]

My 64-year old sister was placed in a nursing home today because her last binge lasted two weeks and she lost the use of her legs and became incontinent. She wanted me to care for her but I can't. Not only am I not a medical person, I work. And add to that, I have "rescued" her so often there isn't anything left. Five hospitalizations in one year. What a waste. This is a fine, loving woman with a long career in nursing. She has enormous self-control in every area of her life but this one. I am so very sad. I can't believe that I have a sister in a nursing home. My parents were in one for six years and I just lost them. Now it is my generation.

I think I'll take a little white pill today.

[KitchenWitch]

1. I am so sorry!

Can you do an intervention?

[TallahasseeGrannie]

4. We did one in 99 and she went to rehab for a month

She was sober a year. Since then the pattern has changed and she binges about a fifth a day. She binges and doesn't eat and then has to be hospitalized for detox and to get her blood chemistry straight. This time it hasn't come back up and she can't walk. When she stands up, she loses bladder control.

It is a dreadful disease because she is a good person, fun and caring. But alcohol turns her bitter and ugly and mean. Someday something has to figure this out. There has to be a place in the brain that controls this compulsion. When she starts the binge, she knows where it will end. Without doubt. In the hospital.

Thanks for caring.

[KitchenWitch]

6. I have much empathy for you and your family

I am in recovery, and always feel so sad when others suffer from this affliction.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

13. I admire your recovery efforts

because I KNOW what goes into them. Someday we will understand addiction and we can deal with it better.

I attend al-anon, so I guess I'm in recovery, too. The hard thing is not being able to do anything to "help" her, like take the dog to the vet, visit, etc. Because anything I do like that reinforces the concept that I am rescuing her (I've done so many times) and they tell me she needs to understand that in the end, she is the one accountable. Any other disease I could be there with her, but with this damned stuff I have to worry about enabling.

And so I watch her slip away.

[Coventina]

17. I'm ignorant about 12 step programs, so I'm curious about your post

I understand the concept of "enabling" and how it doesn't help people to mask their problems.

I was just unaware of what comes under the definition of enabling.

You can't care for her dogs? If she is not caring for them, shouldn't they be taken away from her? I don't think it is right to have dogs be neglected because their owner is sick.

Can you not visit her even when she's sober? I have a friend in AA and he's told me that if he ever calls me while drunk that I should hang up on him. That I can understand. But he also told me that it's an important part of the program to maintain his non-drinking relationships. So we make an effort to get together for lunch every month or so.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

19. Don't worry, I had the dog picked up by

a friend and put in the vet.

It is very prickly, this enabling stuff. I have a fine relationship with her when she is sober. Her last sobriety was 70 days, the longest in about five years. She lives a life then...goes out, shops, attends quilting classes, visits me, comes for dinner, etc. When she goes on a binge she gets very private and insular and doesn't answer the phone, etc.

For years I talked with her while she was drunk, trying to help. I arranged her intervention and all that. Then I learned that talking to her drunk was useless. But for years I still took her to detox, picked her up from the hospital, brought her her clothes, etc. Then I realized that even THAT was enabling. And sure enough, the time I completely backed off she checked herself into rehab (instead of my making the arrangements, talking her into it, etc.) and she got 70 days out of that. So now I am just plain out of it. This time she told me that the hospital wouldn't release her unless it was to supervision (aka ME) because she couldn't walk and was incontinent. But I had to tell her that neither I nor my daughter (home with two infants) had the skills to do that, and so they put her in the nursing home. Now she has told my other sister that "this really got her attention" (meaning the nursing home). So I have some small hope that this is unpleasant enough to help her avoid driving into the liquor store parking lot.

As soon as she is sober, I step back in. The whole concept is to reinforce her sobriety. But it hasn't really worked. Nothing has.

[Coventina]

21. Thank you for the enlightening reply. Hugs to you for what you're going

through.

:hug:

[LaurenG]

2. Oh wow, I am so sorry to hear that

It does suck. :hug:

[ThomCat]

3. I'm very sorry.

Alcohol does suck. It sucks the life out of people, and not just the people who drink it.

[tatertop]

5. that is very sad to hear

alcohol is a wonderful thing for those
fortunate to be able to have three and walk away.
I am lucky that way.
I have seen it trash many lives.
It is a cruel master.

[AirmensMom]

7. I'm so sorry, TallahasseeGrannie.

:hug: My younger sister is headed down the same road. She just switched from beer to straight vodka. She's only 48 years old. It's hard to watch. :cry: I really feel bad for you. :hug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

8. Oh Grannie

That is so sad. :cry:

A good friend of ours is dying of cirrhosis right now. He is only 56. He has two teenage daughters. They are just devastated.

Damn alcohol.

[liberaltrucker]

9. That it does TG

I'm fighting my own battle with it.
Question though: Is the little white
pill any different? Just askin' :hug:

[TallahasseeGrannie]

11. Well, the little white pill is really not much different

with the exception that I only take one when severely anxious. And it's prescribed. I've had anxiety problems for years. I probably take less than one a month. But it's so nice to know they are there. Usually I have to throw the bottle out half full because they got old.

I'm convinced that alcohol changes the brain in some way. I am fortunate enough to get sick if I drink. I don't know how much research is being done in this area, but this stuff ruins lives all over the world. If we just knew why the compulsion exists. When my sister binges she KNOWS it will end with a hospitalization and yet she does it. I don't think she really gets any pleasure from it. Maybe the first day or so. The rest of the time she sits on the bed and drinks until she can't walk or care for herself. And this is a woman of very strong morals, great willpower, etc. It has to be a brain thing.

I don't know. But it makes me so sad.

[Benfea]

10. Not sure what you mean by "little white pill" but... uhm...

…be careful.

*hugs*

[TallahasseeGrannie]

12. Just ativan

for very special occasions. It doesn't give me a buzz, just makes me quiet down.

Thanks for caring.

[Crazy Dave]

14. Hugs

:hug: Not being nosey, but did she live in the Jacksonville area at one time? I had a roommate one time who was a nurse and a very heavy drinker and I had to ask her to leave. No answer necessary if you don't want to.
I wish you both and the rest of your family the best.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

16. Nope, not her

Tallahassee.

[bigwillq]

15. Not a good situation TG.

:hug: I am sorry you have to go through this.
She needs some serious help it seems, help that you may not be able to give. Leave it up to the professionals. You've done enough for her, imo. It's time for her to be a big girl.

[RetroLounge]

18. I am so sorry to hear about this...

I lost my Uncle to this disease a couple of years ago.

As someone in recovery, I know what it is like.

:hug:

RL

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

20. It's like Uranium-235

If you pile up too much of it, everything goes kaboom. You have my sympathy.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

22. Yeah, the scary thing

is that while she drank too much for about 20 years, she functioned quite well. She went to work and drank from about 5 PM until 8, when she went to bed. She then woke up and did it all over again. Then after 20 years she found herself waking up in the middle of the night and drinking and it was all downhill from there. Now she can drink a fifth and a half of vodka in 24 hours and she is a small lady. She NEVER drank that much before. It IS just like it suddenly exploded on her. And now she has to drink 24/7.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

23. Wow. I'm so sorry. It sounds as if she's well on her way to drinking

herself to death, sad to say.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

25. I think so

I've been in denial for a long time. I guess if she stays in some sort of custodial care maybe she could survive, but you can't keep folks locked up, I suppose.

[RandomKoolzip]

24. I don't drink. Can't stand alcohol.

Even the smell of it makes me want to barf.

I used to drink, but quit after haing terrible panic attacks. I used to do all kindsa drugs, in fact (favorites: Acid and mushrooms). Now the strongest thing I'll touch is NyQuil, and only when I'm sick.

I hate that almost all social interaction seems to revolve around alcohol consumption. People ought to realize that they can be funny and smart and attractive without booze, and in fact, sometimes inebriation is a hindrance to being taken seriously.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

26. Boy, do I hear you

I am usually the only sober person at family gatherings, unless somebody is pregnant. It gets kind of old because people can be really, really dumb when they are drunk.

[mongo]

27. you're right -- and my sympathies to you

Hang in there. Maybe this will be a wake-up call for her.