Men: What type are you in the bathroom (an oldie but goodie)

[burythehatchet]

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts

SOCIABLE : Joins friends in pissing whether he has to or not

CROSS-EYED : Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed

TIMID : Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal and comes back later

INDIFFERENT : If all urinals being used, pisses in sink

CLEVER : No hands, fixes tie, looks around and pisses on floor

WORRIED : Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection

FRIVOLOUS : Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit fly or bug

ABSENT MINDED : Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants

CHILDISH : Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble

TOUGH : Bangs penis on side of urinal to dry it

PATIENT : Stands very close for a long time waiting, lets it drip dry, reads with other hand

EFFICIENT : Waits until he has to crap, then does both

DRUNK : Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants

DISGRUNTED : Stands for a while, gives up, walks away

CONCEITED : Holds two inch penis like a baseball bat

DESPERATE : Waits in long line, teeth clenched, pisses in pants

SNEAK : Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[burythehatchet]

1. me, I'm frivolous

[Benfea]

2. Urinals are a feminine plot!

Any time you really have to go, the shape of those urinals are perfectly designed so that no matter where you stand and no matter where you aim, you will get splashback. I'm convinced there's an angry female engineer out there with a very good understanding of fluid mechanics who is responsible for this.

[aclog]

4. What I don't get is how come

you can fill a McDs cup with coke and its fine but for some reason the bottom gets all soggy and blows out if you piss in it one time. Paper or plastic? plastic for me

[burythehatchet]

6. as a tired old veteran

I can tell you that the key to minimizing splashback is to make sure you can generate a heavy stream, sort of counter-intuitive, I know. And never, ever, try to melt the freshening tablet...it is a fool's errand

[aclog]

3. I don't quite know what WORRIED means

but now its got me worried...

[burythehatchet]

5. think back to your 20's ... now do you understand?

[aclog]

7. I'm in my 20s

but I still don't see why I need to a dick check to take a piss lol

[burythehatchet]

8. the check was not necessarily to pee

that's all I can say!

[Gold Metal Flake]

9. All of the above.

I make the most of the trip!

[petronius]

10. Uh...including conceited?

:shrug:

[Gold Metal Flake]

12. Of course!

A penis should only be as long as one's memory.

[petronius]

14. The 2" reminds me of an old joke that ends:

...
Q: "And just who do you think you're going to satisfy with THAT little thing?
A: "Me!"

[Gold Metal Flake]

15. And there's the Kyuss song "One Inch Man"

Lyrics:
One inch man, lonely soul
Two inch man, give me more
Five steps back, gettin' back
Three steps north get 'em up

Always so lonely, lonely, lonely
Always so lonely, lonely, lonely

One inch man, lonely soul, yeah
Two inch man, give me more

Always so lonely, lonely, lonely
One inch man he's so lonely
Oh, he's breathin'

Damn my fire for you, do you really wanna fuck me?
Love my time for you, do you really wanna hold me?
And my time for you, do you really wanna hold me?
Love my time for you, do you really wanna...

Always so lonely
One inch man he's breathin'

Always so lonely, lonely, lonely
One inch man he's so lonely
Oh, he's breathin'

One inch man he's so lonely, oh

[Radical Activist]

11. I'm the "Take two steps back to make room" type.

Ok, its not really THAT big but I like the joke.

[eyepaddle]

13. Indifferent

and sometimes a toucj clever! ;)

[Xithras]

16. Definitely frivolous.

I like to snowshoe, and when it's time to "go", I'm the type that tries to write his name in the snow :evilgrin:

Hey, if you can't have fun with it, what's the point of having it?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

17. Oh my god! The things I learn on DU.......

I'm bookmarking this one....must show it to my husband for his reaction!

You gentlemen are waaaay too funny!

Thank you...


:rofl:

[Oeditpus Rex]

18. Sounds like it's time for

another Shel Silverstein sing-along. :woohoo:

Ready? Ah-one and ah-two...

Have you hard about Stacy Brown?
He got every chick in town
He got looks, he got class
Do anything to get a little lass
And everybody shout at him as he walks his girlies past

Everybody got one
Everybody got one
Everyboy got one
But Stacy Brown got two

Do you know the reason for his success?
They say that he is double blessed
They say that Stacy Brown was born
Just a little bit deformed
But still his girlfriends wake up smilin' every morn

Everybody got one
Everybody got one
Everyboy got one
But Stacy Brown got two

Why they climbing up the wall?
Young ones run and old ones crawl
He got two and that's a fact
But no one knows where the other one's at
On his elbow, on his knee, or underneath his hat?

Everybody got one
Everybody got one
Everyboy got one
But Stacy Brown got two

[Blue-Jay]

19. I'm the type who prefers to not talk about his pissing habits.

But if i *did* like to discuss that sort of thing, I'd say that I like to piss in the kitchen sink when nobody is looking.

[terrya]

20. Locking

This isn't "let's talk about bodily functions" night in the Lounge. Actually, there is NO "let's talk about bodily functions in the Lounge" night.