22 RULES FOR BEING A GOOD REPUBLICAN IN 21st CENTURY AMERICA

[SharonRB]

I was just looking through some old e-mails and I found this from early in 2001. It still applies today. Enjoy!

22 RULES FOR BEING A GOOD REPUBLICAN IN 21st CENTURY AMERICA

1) You have to believe that the nation's current
8-year prosperity was due entirely to the work of Ronald Reagan and
George Bush, but that yesterday's gas prices are all Clinton's fault.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from
birth achieve success all on their own.

3) You have to be against government programs, but
expect your Social Security checks on time.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out
of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate only
opposite-gender marriages and what your official language should be.

5) You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long
as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long
as people don't pray to Allah, Krishna or Buddha.

7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers
are still virgins.

8) You have to believe that women cannot be trusted
with decisions about their own bodies, but that large multinational
corporations should have no regulation or interference whatsoever.


9) You know you love Jesus and that Jesus loves you
and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and
President Clinton.

10) You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black
in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote
for Alan Keyes.

11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken
Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other
U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.

12) You have to believe that a waiting period for
purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an
important concern for all Americans.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools,

because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they
won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the American Civil
Liberties Union is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the
National Rifle Association is good because they defend the Constitution.

15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked
anywhere, and that Europe doesn't exist.

16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not
important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the
resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated
about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.

17) You have to believe that biology teachers are
corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of
human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is
good reading.

18) You have to believe that Chinese communist
missiles have killed more Americans than private handguns, alcohol, and
tobacco.

19) You have to believe that even though governments
have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works
of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should
shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own
and the poor don't need any.

20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last
one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of
those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and
animals therein.

21) You have to believe that we should forgive and
pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital
infidelities,but that bastard Clinton should be impeached.

(and one to grow on...)

22) You have to believe that the Federal Government
should always respect the sovereign rights of the States to determine
and define their own laws, except when you need to elect a Republican as
El Presidente.