ALTERNATIVE CHRISTMAS CAROLS

[tocqueville]

http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/humor/mondegreens.asp

or mondegreens like :

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My tulip sent to me:
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lawyers leaving,
Nine lazy Hansons,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven warts on women,
Six geezers laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a cartridge in a pantry.
(or) And a partrie Jinnapear tree.

[mwooldri]

1. Another politically correct Christmas Carol:

Deck the halls with boughs of non-endangered plant species
Fa la la la la, la la la la
'Tis the season to be self-actualizing,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Don we now our alternate-lifestyle apparel
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Toll the ancient non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday carol
Fa la la la la, la la la la

See the blazing log of non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday-
non-endangered wood before us,
Play the harp without unnecessary brutality and join the chorus
Sing we emotionally stable in a collective group effort,
Heedless of the weather patterns despite the effects of global
warming,

Fast away the chronologically challenged year passes
Hail the new year without any implicit ageism, ye persons
Dance in a non-hierarchical manner in merry measure,
While I tell of non-materialistic, non-denominational-winter-
solstice-holiday treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la LA LA

[strangemedicine]

2. ooooh! oooh! wait! I have one!

God rest ye Unitarians,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember there's no evidence
There was a Christmas day.
When Christ was born is just not known
No matter what they say.
Oh tidings of reason and fact,
Reason and fact.
Oh tidings of reason and fact.

There was no star of Bethlehem
There was no angel's song.
There couldn't have been wisemen
for the trip would take too long.
The stories in the Bible
are historically wrong.

Oh tidings of reason and fact,
Reason and fact.
Oh tidings of reason and fact.

Our current Christmas customs come from Persia and from Greece.
From Solstice celebrations of the ancient Middle East.
This whole damned Christmas spiel is just another Pagan Feast!
Oh great tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact.
Oh tidings of reason and fact.