Comfort foods for when you have the flu! (humorous)

[Deja Q]

I googled "flu foods" and this was the first page that came up:

http://www.dietitian.com/coldflu.html

What does it say first? "If your symptoms include fever and / or vomiting, contact your doctor. The strains of flu this season can be life threatening."

Great. Just great. I'm throwing up what looks like kittens smooshed in a meat grinder for 24 hours and it's only NOW when I find out about this, despite owning two medical books - neither of which has any useful information, so why the frig did they cost me $100 and a 17% premium hike?! Still, I'm not barfin' up a river anymore (just about, still feels that way though), so I think it's safe to say I'm going to live through this one...

Gradually add other foods as tolerated. Buttered or plain white toast without liquids at the same meal or any food that does not cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea or allergic reaction is allowed.

Really? So I can't eat food that would cause an allergic reaction - just like how I don't eat those same foods when I'm feeling well? Hot diggity! Also, everyone else told me to not use the butter... dairy products are a NO-NO for any illness featuring vomiting. Just where did this purported MD get the license from anyway; a packet of Lucky Charms cereal with a free prize in every box?!

If you have diarrhea, contact your doctor.
I did that. He told me to get lots of rest and liquids in a tone of voice that suggested "Bugger off, sickie."

Wash all eating or drinking utensils in hot soapy water or in a dishwasher after each use. Use glasses and silverware once then wash to limit the spread of the virus. Remember to wash the bathroom drinking cup too. If you are too sick to wash dishes, use disposable dishes, cups and silverware.

Really? I thought I could sip from a glass, let it sit on the counter overnight while I'm trying to sleep when not chuckin' chunks, and then drink from it once again when waking up in the morning and not expect to get sicker!! Sheesh! And I'm not even in medical pre-school!

If you have the flu, stay home rather than spreading the flu virus at work or school. Definitely stay home if you are vomiting, have a fever or diarrhea.

Yes, but I really love my co-workers and felt I wanted to give something novel to them!!

As your flu symptoms subside, gradually increase your food intake back to normal for you. Your appetite for food should increase as you get better.

Oh, I thought my appetite would continue to go down until I had no appetite at all. Oh well... so much for becoming a size 28...

Remember to get plenty of rest. If you are having problems getting to sleep, switch to decaffeinated tea, herbal tea or decaffeinated carbonated beverages.

Well, I'm tossing and turning when not vomiting what looks like liquefied gerbil bits all over the place... and when I try to drink, that only makes me barf even more! Whoopie! :woohoo:

Drink plenty of liquids. Water, tea, fruit juice, fruit drinks, carbonated beverages or broth based soups. Liquids help thin mucous secretions. Chicken noodle soup has been shown to thin mucous secretions.

Isn't chicken noodle broth a liquid too? Looks liquidy. Smells liquidy. Feels liquidy. Must be a liquid then... or is it an alien that can metamorphose into a liquid and solidify in my stomach to zap that mucous away?

Flavored gelatin can be prepared with water or fruit juice and drank as a liquid rather than waiting for the gelatin to set.

Yes. And just how when you eat an apple seed is when an apple tree grows in your stomach, the jello will solidify in your tummy too and you'll never have to eat or BM again because you'll always feel full!!! :party:

Not entirely related:

Wash your hands with warm soapy water to prevent the spread of the cold virus. Use the paper towels you dry your hands with to turn off the water faucet and open the door to bathrooms.
Don't you wish they said the same thing in restaurant lavatories? Or witnessed people DOING it!?