"PUNCHLINES ONLY" thread! (it's been awhile since we did this old fave)

[Richard Steele]

Post ONLY THE LAST LINE to a joke
that everyone should know.

I'll start with these two:

#1: To get to the other side.

#2: DOCTOR: "The first thing we need to do is test your hearing."

[kick-ass-bob]

1. "A brazillion is more than a million, right?"

:hide:

[flowomo]

2. here ya go:

[Richard Steele]

9. Well done. I bet you know which way your umbrella leans! nm

[RedCloud]

3. "and therefore we must go to war with Iraq to halt their WMD"

[scarlett1]

4. Well, stop doing that.

( also what I want to tell the people who vote Republican)

[AllegroRondo]

5. The viola burns longer

[anarch]

6. "you better pet him first...he looks pretty mean."

[taterguy]

7. What's this "we" shit white man?

[Redstone]

72. Actually, that one works better as:

"What you mean WE, white man?" More of the way Tonto actually talked.

Redstone

[Deja Q]

8. Sooner or later, everybody does that.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

10. Yeah, the manager of the grocery store said that, too.

[XemaSab]

11. I did exactly what you said, and the migraine went away!

Oh, and by the way doctor, you have a lovely home.

[Sanity Claws]

12. That's not my dog.

[ScreamingMeemie]

13. "Hey, why the long face?"

:hi:

[Skelington]

20. OK, but ... "Why the big Paws"

[MsAnthropy]

14. Because seven eight nine

[Skelington]

22. "O.... U812 "?

[Mad_Dem_X]

15. "ORANGE you glad I didn't say banana?"

[bertha katzenengel]

16. Evaporated milk.

:rofl:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

17. I'm not going through 67 more of these!

[texas1928]

18. You left you Ingin runnin.

[DS1]

19. No mon, mine says "Welcome to Jamaica, hope you have a nice stay"

[Beaverhausen]

21. and the doctor said, "I can clearly see your nuts"

[El Fuego]

23. No, I'm a FRAYED KNOT!!

[Abelman]

76. Aw

You took mine!

[Skelington]

24. "AND THEN SHE ....... ....SHAT ON A TURTLE " !!!!!

[Lethe]

25. only one....

but it's going to take a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.


:rofl:

[Arkansas Granny]

26. That's OK doctor. We won't be going back to that restaurant.

[Richard Steele]

27. He wasn't hurting anybody, and we needed the eggs.

[Misunderestimator]

28. Sahara Pipeline Laid by 3000 Men in a Single Day

[Patiod]

29. You're having a bad day? The milkman died on the porch!

[jus_the_facts]

30. "Spit it out...spit it out...it's a piece of ass!!"

[Tikki]

31. ...."and survive many hard ships".

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

32. Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

[5thGenDemocrat]

33. And the groom said...

"That's okay, Father, they won't let us into the supermarket any more, either."
John
Don't know if anyone here knows that one, but it's a real knee-slapper. Has gotten a laugh EVERY TIME I've ever told it.

[Burma Jones]

34. Who Cares!!!!!

If you drop Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter off the Washington Monument, who hits the ground first???

[LeftyMom]

35. Hey! This isn't Snickers!

nt

[Ramsey]

36. "Bass Solo!!"

Great rock band joke.

[DanCa]

37. unlawful is against the law or unlike, illegal is a sick bird.

[Catfight]

38. Quit while you're a head.

[WilliamPitt]

39. The Aristocrats!

:)

[Scout1071]

40. And this b*tch is giving you trouble? n/t

[OhioBlue]

41. hey...

you two chicken fu__ers, up here with me...

[SeanQuinn]

42. "We don't do that here, we only needed a urine sample."

^ Fertility clinic..haha.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

43. Welcome to Jamaica, Mon, have a nice day!

[hippywife]

44. If you think

I'm gonna gargle with that shit after she sticks her ass in it, you're crazy! }(

[Dave Reynolds]

45. Rectum hell! Killed 'um!

That one gets me every time.

[PittPoliSci]

73. Rectum? Damn near killed 'um!

I love that one too!

[Habibi]

46. Well, says Li'l Johnny,

it would have to be a tragedy because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident, either!

[benburch]

47. BZZZT! We Disrupt This Thread For An Important Announcement!

[Catchawave]

48. "Sir Lancelot was speechless"

[LostInAnomie]

49. Oh, I peeled the scabs off.

It's a pretty dirty joke.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

50. The duck says "Yeah, get this guy off my ass"

:)

[Beaverhausen]

51. "Where's my Lorna Doone cookie?"

[afdip]

52. and then the bartender said, "get the fuck out of here."

[PassingFair]

53. I said "POSSE", Silver!

...and my absolute favorite:

I'm afraid this is just the tip of the iceberg!

[name not needed]

54. hearing the pelvis break

[JanMichael]

55. It was playing over and over "breath in breath out"

<snort>

[mwooldri]

56. No, it's Tony Blair, you idiot!

[mwooldri]

57. The blonde replied, "But my computer keeps telling me I have mail."

[PassingFair]

59. No, the potato goes in the FRONT of your pants!

[marigold20]

68. Ah, a classic!

..

[mac56]

58. "Two candy bars and a Pepsi. Why?"

"Hey! Where the hell's my cookie?!"
"And you know, I think it works! I haven't had a cold all winter."
"If you think I'm gonna put up with that 67 more times, you're nuts!"

[Straight Shooter]

60. That's great, Doc! I could never play piano before.

;)

[fleabert]

61. so the man says 'Read the card!' nt

[fleabert]

62. 'turn it (the apple) around...' nt

[strangemedicine]

63. "I left my harp ...

...in Sam Clam's disco ..."

[Duncan Grant]

65. Welcome to DU, strangemedicine!

Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes? :hi:

[strangemedicine]

66. Thank you kindly, 94114!

You ROCK!

I love that joke too ... heard them both on the same day

:)

[sendero]

64. But lil Johnie says..

.."nah, my ass is still sore!"

[baldguy]

67. If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

[Richard Steele]

69. "So I bit him."

[tuvor]

70. "Please."

[recoveringdittohed]

71. Some A hole's got my pencil

Also, a couple more medical jokes.

Not necessary, two or three weeks it'll fall off.

That's funny, I couldn't play the piano before the operation.

Paging Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard

[Elidor]

74. "I dunno," said Satan, "But if that trucker ain't here in five minutes..."

"I'm takin' that bald-headed fucker at the end of the bar."

[yellowdogintexas]

75. "Abscess makes the Fart go Honda "

also:
"It's against the law to make obscene clones fall"

and:
"Because it's got meringue on it"

Finally:

"Frogga got no legs, frogga DEAF"

[Lilith Velkor]

77. The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my ass hurts."