I'm not gay yet. What's the deal?

[ZombieNixon]

OK, I've been on DU for over a year. I've been a registered Democrat for six months or so, and I'm still straight and not clued in to the secret queer agenda to take over the country. You people aren't working hard enough, damn it! I swear, if my wrist isn't limp by the end of the week, I'm suing you all for false advertising!

:P

[KitchenWitch]

1. No toaster oven for you!

:P

[ZombieNixon]

2. WAAAAH!

:cry:

Why not?!

[KitchenWitch]

5. You have to be certifiably gay before we issue the toaster oven.

[ZombieNixon]

6. So, do I need a doctor's note?

Also, can I get the toaster oven and then attend one of those ex-gay camps, thus curing myself and effectively playing you all for chumps? Just hypothetically, of course. :eyes:

[KitchenWitch]

8. Only if you completely renounce the existence of the Flying Spaghetti

Monster.

[ZombieNixon]

10. GASP! Sacrelige!

That's like asking me to give up ice cream! Never!

[KitchenWitch]

11. RAMEN!

[ghostsofgiants]

3. Dude, I'm CANADIAN...we LEGALIZED same-sex marriage, and I'm not gay yet..

I'm about to ask conservatives for a refund or something.

[ZombieNixon]

4. Well, you see,

in America, being Canadian's just considered a disability, like mental retardation, whereas being gay means you're a dangerous monster out to corrupt our youth and it's merely a technicality that we can't lock you up yet! :P

[LostInAnomie]

7. Alright, alright! I'll start walking around with my shirt off again.

I'll also start wearing some really short cut-offs if you think it will help.

[ZombieNixon]

9. I assume you look better than the AquaTeen guy in your sig,

because otherwise...I think I just threw up a little!

[LostInAnomie]

16. Hey! Do you want to be gay or not!?

Beggers can't be choosers. Take it or leave it, but remember this. You would be walking out on the greatest thing that ever happened to either of us...

Uhh...

Wait a minute. I'm not gay either.

[NMMNG]

12. Stare at a picture of Ann Coulter

If that doesn't turn you gay, there's no hope for you. :rofl:

[ZombieNixon]

13. You know, that just might do it.

But, then, wouldn't staring at a picture of InSannity or O'Falafel or Limpballs change me back?

Maybe it's better to be asexual. I think I'll try to reproduce by just dividing myself. People can do that, right?

[NMMNG]

14. They have been making progress in parthenogenesis,

But so far that's only in female mice, not humans. Humans can reproduce without sex, but guys have to use a surrogate mother or adopt. Sorry. :shrug:

[Rowdyboy]

15. Do you have any gay friends? Ask them if you're gay!. They'll know....

Trust me, they're very smart. They may want to give you a test or two, but if you just cooperate, I'm sure you'll do just fine.

Remember, always trust your gay male friends...

[Ellen Forradalom]

17. Does that work for the women too?

just askin'

[Rowdyboy]

19. Of course, you can always trust your lesbianese friends....

They're only concerned with your well being. In the words of feminist lesbian poet Rita Mae Brown "My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man and I'm giving them my share!"

[JVS]

18. Increase the showtune dosage!