Ladies--Had my first mammogram today...

[bliss_eternal]

...still shocked that my boobs didn't stay in that position--flat and oblong.

Kind of like this, I guess " UU "...

:rofl:


What's up with the mammogram machines, ladies?

[lildreamer316]

1. Torture machines, more like.

Used to watch my mother in those things. OWWWWWW.
I have to get my first one in 3 years. Hope they figure out some better way of doing it by then.

[bliss_eternal]

5. I heard that they have improved...

My mammo tech told me today that the earlier ones (probably the ones your mom had) were MUCH MORE painful than what I had today...:wow:

I can't imagine. It was uncomfortable--but she was working so fast. She knows that thing is a pain, but it didn't last long since I had a considerate tech.

[lildreamer316]

21. Well, that's a relief.

I had heard they had come out with some better ones,but you never know.

[hippywife]

2. Invented by men, no doubt! n/t

[GCP]

3. If they detected testicular cancer like that

You can bet your bottom dollar there'd have been a new technology invented the next day.

[purr]

6. Isnt that the truth!

[bliss_eternal]

10. LMAO!! So true--so true

:rofl:

They bitch about prostate exams, and the 'turn your head and cough' thing when they grab their balls. There's NO WAY they'd tolerate what we go through...EVER!

[purr]

14. I went with my hubby to get his yearly exam...

The look on his face when they did the turn your head and cough was priceless. I said to him on the way home.. now.. imagine laying on your back and a huge q tip scraping up there.. Then the pushing.. then the feeling of your boobs.

Not to mention this is all multiplied by 10 when your pregnant. Then the delivery.

They dont get it.

[bliss_eternal]

27. Mine refuses to allow

a male doctor to do that. :shrug: Doesn't want 'a dude yankin' his balls' he says.

I went with mine a few years ago--turn your head and cough is hysterically funny to me. Especially in light of us on our backs, in stirrups!

They'll never get it... LOL!

[hippywife]

12. Amen to that!

Hell, if men could have babies, we would never be contesting the legality of abortions, either.

[bliss_eternal]

7. No doubt in my mind!

LOL!

[purr]

4. I read a hilarious email on them.. it was comparing the procedure to

smashing your boobs in the fridge door and sitting there for 15 min :rofl: then repeat. I wish I still had it, I couldnt stop laughing and holding my own :)

[bliss_eternal]

13. OMG! LMAO!!!

:rofl:
I.can't.stop.laughing.

:rofl::bounce::rofl::bounce::rofl::bounce::rofl::bounce::rofl:

If you ever find that, you've GOT to post it--that's too funny!

[LeftyMom]

8. Can't they do ultrasounds or something?

As I have the chest of an underfed twelve year old boy, I sure hope they come up with something easier before I'm old enough to get one. :scared:

[hippywife]

15. If I recall correctly

they are trying to use MRI technology in some places. I don't think I can have that, either, since I have a rod in my right leg from knee to ankle. :(

[LeftyMom]

17. Well they've got fifteen years to come up with something painless and

radiation free. Oddly enough, I don't see how irradiating my tits on a regular basis is the best anti-cancer strategy. :eyes:

[purr]

16. Sounds like me..

I dont know what they'll smash on me.. they'd have to put my whole body in the thing.

[bliss_eternal]

19. The tech told me

that since this was my first, I may get called to come back, to take additional pics. Because they have nothing to compare it to. She said in that case, they may do an ultrasound.

So, I would think if she mentioned it, that they MUST be able to do such a thing.

Can you imagine, trying to get the girls on that ledge, and not really being able to? :scared: I'm not amply endowed, so even if I lose a few pounds, they may have issues with me...

Yikes...

[ignatius 2]

9. Ouch,even thinking about that hurts. Glad you got throught it

and I hope all is fine.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

11. My dear bliss_eternal.......

The place I go to has you stand up, and the plate comes down over...you know.....

I remember, back in the day, when you had to lie down on an x-ray table on your side, and then they flattened you under the plate.....

Now THAT was awful......the machines today are faster, and easier, IMHO.......

But that's just me......:shrug:

[bliss_eternal]

23. It wasn't bad at all--

Where you go, sounds exactly what I went through. Except, I still had to place mine on the board, and then the smooshy plate came down...(giggle).

It went fast. My tech was nice.

The older procedure you recall sounds so awful! :scared: I don't know how women endured through such a thing...(not that we had a choice)...

:hi:

[purr]

18. Heres one.. not as good as the fridge one!

My First Mammogram


For years and years they told me;

"Be careful of your breasts.

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,

And give them monthly tests".



So, I heeded all their warnings,

And protected them by law.

Guarded them very carefully,

And always wore a bra.



After 30 years of careful care,

The doctor found a lump.

He ordered up a Mammogram

To look inside that clump.



"Stand up very close", she said

as she got my tit in line.

"And tell me when it hurts", she said.

"Ah yes! There! That's just fine".

She stepped upon a pedal...

I could not believe my eyes!

A plastic plate was pressing down...

My boob was in a vice!



My skin was stretched and stretched,

From way up by my chin.

And my poor tit was being squashed

To Swedish pancake thin!

Excruciating pain I felt,

Within it's vice-like grip.

A prisoner in the vicious thing,

My poor defenseless tit!



"Take a deep breath", she said to me.

Who does she think she's kidding?

My chest is smashed in her machine.

I can't breathe and woozy I am getting.

"There, that was good", I heard her say,

As the room was slowly swaying.

"Now let's get the other one".

Lord, have mercy, I was praying



It squeezed me from the up and down.

It squeezed me from both sides.

I'll bet she's never had this done,

To her tender little hide.

If I had no problem when I came in.

I surely had one now.

If there had been a cyst in there,

It would have popped --- ker pow!



This machine was made by man,

Of this I have no doubt.

I'd like to get his balls in there.

For months he'd go "without"!

[bliss_eternal]

25. LOL! LOL!

LMAO--ROFL! Thanks, purr--that was too good!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[purr]

20. FOUND IT!!!

:rofl:

First Mammogram


Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there?s no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!



Exercise 1

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn?t effective enough.



Exercise 2

Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.



Exercise 3

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next week and do it again!!



CONGRATULATIONS! Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your mammogram!

[SeattleGirl]

22. Bwahahahahaha!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[lildreamer316]

24. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

LOL!!!!

[bliss_eternal]

26. Oh-oh-oh....can't. stop. laughing...

ROFL! :rofl: LMAO!

[Jamastiene]

28. Yep, that about sums it up. n/t