I figured out why people are so hostile to me at work.

[Sannum]

I am the victim of racism. As a white, irish, lapsed catholic, this is totally new to me, but this was brought to my attention. I am the only non african-american that works in the office in a non management-capacity. I have no idea how to even deal with this. I was so naive that until someone (my hispanic best friend) pointed it out, that I didn't even know something could go on in the professional world like this. Do I quit? Do I bring this up to management? How do I bring it up to management? The hostility I deal with daily is making my life a living hell. I almost lost it today. I had no idea that things like this went on like this in this day in age. I also heard people refer to me as "that white girl" on several occasions.

Woo hoo. I work with a group of ignorant fucking bigots. :eyes:

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. The sad truth is that racism is inherent and rampant in every culture,

race, and society.

I lived in harlem for many years, and constantly encountered racism (I'm white, in case you didn't know - and not just white, but an educated white male who was often wearing a suit).

Obviously, the kind of racism I encountered was totally trivial in comparison to the kind of racism that my neighborhood encountered from the white majority outside their neighborhood, but it was there.

And I was also witness to the incredible amounts of racism within my neighborhood toward each other - Dominicans versus Puerto Ricans and black versus hispanic, especially. And a bit of hispanic and african american versus asian, and also versus white.

[Ladyhawk]

13. It's fucking sad, isn't it?

I know I harbor prejudice and I'd like to be able to rid myself of it. Whenever I encounter it in myself, I feel so much guilt. All I can do is try to behave as if I was never exposed to such ideas. I think living in a more culturally diverse community would help. I live in white Republican Land. Boring.

[NMMNG]

2. I can empathize with you

I used to live in New England until 1995, when I moved to the Mid Atlantic. Where I live now has a much higher percentage of black people, and one of the first things I noticed is that many of the black people here have a noticable racist attitude towards white people. To some of them it seems whites are the equivalent of dog poo on the bottom of their shoes, and they are sometimes openly rude and condescending towards us.

I've always been adamantly opposed to racism and spent my life fighting against it. I despise the notion that anybody deserves maltreatment based on skin color, ethnicity or any other feature. Then I come down here and become a victim of it--it has really thrown me for a loop, particularly since many people prefer to ignore any form of racism that isn't perpetrated by Caucasians.

Definitely speak to the managment regarding your problems. Write down specific problems you have encountered, including dates, times and names. That way the manager will have concrete information to work with and be better able to assist you. Don't quit--you have done nothing wrong. If things don't improve within a week or two after speaking to the manager speak to him/her again, and follow up in writing. If you don't like the results with this particular manager go to his/her supervisor and follow that up in writing. (You may also want to check out your agency's grievance policies first to see if there is a specific procedure to follow)

Best wishes to you!

[raccoon]

11. I second that, write down specific problems,

names of everyone who was present, times, what was said.

Document, document, document. And keep this documentation at home.
Until you go to the management with it.

[obxhead]

3. wow, you are now a minority within a minority...

Time to move on?

[radwriter0555]

4. Wow, that sucks! What are they doing that's hostile? What type of actions?

I've had people in the workplace be terrible to me, but not for reasons like that.... what's going on there?

[BikeWriter]

5. Hang in there, Home Girl!

You can live through this, Hon.

[philosophie_en_rose]

6. It depends on what you mean by racism.

If your coworkers are just jerks that exclude you socially, I'd say screw them. Get revenge by being the best at your job and succeeding in spite of that kind of behavior.

If you're being called names and can point to specific instances, write it all down and bring it up delicately with management. If that doesn't work, HR or EEOC or lawyer.

[Indy_Dem_Defender]

7. is it majority women in this office

Is it a majority of women working in this office, with just a few guys? If that's the case I've noticed that when the majority of employees are of one race and there's someone of the other race employed as well there. The sex of majority race which is the same as the person of the other race kind of shun this person and the rest all stick together, then they kind of presser the opposite sex of their race to not have contact with this person.

I know as a white male I've had instances where I've became just friends with black females and the black males at this employment have acted like haters toward us for this. I've also seen where then white females don't want anything to do with me then and look down at my black female friends. When the shoes on the other foot like I've seen this happen alot where black females kind of look at look at the black males like hey where not good enough for you, you sellout, while calling the white female a whore. Then the white males look at white females as if there whores as well, and call the black males as losers or call them the n-word. Keep in mind this is just people talking to each other hanging out at work this isn't dating or anything.

Strange pattern there, but maybe in your case (I'm sorry I don't know your whole story I'm trying not to be judgmental) the black females are in a clique and the black males don't want to be labeled sellouts for talking to you. I don't know hope maybe that helps you out a little from an outsider, who was went thru something sort of similar.

[Solon]

8. Just be upfront about it...

Best thing I can think of is to be up front and honest about how you feel about the situation. Don't come off as hostile, and just talk to your co-workers about how you feel. I've been in a similar situation, being the only white(Irish) guy in a workplace that was even divided between black males and females. I never encountered the hostility, in fact it was cool as all hell, I remember having to work on Thanksgiving, not much of a holiday for me(Grandpa died on that day), and a boring night, and one of my co-workers came up to work after she and her husband cooked us dinner. We were security, fighting boredom night after night, and that dinner was probably the best thanksgiving dinner I have ever had.

[El Fuego]

9. That happens to me all the time

I'm a total White Girl, and sometimes for the sake of convenience I shop at the stores frequented by african-americans, and they all stare to let me know I don't belong. The women glare at me. The surly black teenage girl clerks treat me with the same contempt as you might have found in 1950s Alabama, if a black girl had entered a white store.

[kwassa]

10. What specifically are you calling racist?

Before you start claiming victimhood .... a description such as "that white girl" might only be a description that works in a shortcut to identify you in a discussion to people who don't know you. In and of itself, it is not racist. It might be, depending on how it is used

Now, you say your co-workers are hostile to you. How are they hostile to you? Do you feel this is completely unprovoked, or have you had personality conflicts with others in other jobs that you have had? How friendly are you to them? and, is it about a clique or social group, rather than race?

I am a white male married to a black female. I am often in social situations where I am the only white person, sometimes among hundreds of people. I virtually never have a problem, but I am also considered family, too, so it is a little different. Usually, I am treated with great warmth and affection. I often enjoy them more that my own family, quite honestly.

I would stress that you look closely at the situation before you jump to conclusions, and see if you contribute to the situation yourself in any way, or if you are viewing the situation accurately.

[Terran]

38. Well said.

I'm sensing that there's a perceptual issue here. What may be indifference from the co-workers could be interepreted as active hostility by the OP. I also am white with a partner of color, and frankly I have never been in a business or a home that was all or mostly African-American and had people behave negatively toward me. I'm finding some of the anecodotal tales of being treated with contempt in an all-Black setting a little hard to believe. In my experience, Black people as a group just don't do that.

[Patiod]

12. It happens. Maybe time to find a more hospitable environment

I used to work at a company where everyone in one department was black. I'm white, and they were really nasty to me. Other departments were different mixes - mostly white, mostly black, or mixed. Got along with everyone else fine, but the one department was just MEAN, and I watched them be consistantly rude to white co-workers but halfway decent to black co-workers (they were incapable of being really pleasant to ANYONE). What made it doubly difficult is it was a heavy-math function. I've always struggled with quantitative stuff intellectually, and I was already intimidated, and the staff was not inclined to be helpful to my stupid ass. Quite the opposite.

I feel for your pain.

The place I'm at now is much better. People treat each other more based on how they are treated. Staff of all colors are difficult to those who are inconsiderate, and pleasant to those who are considerate. A much better place to work.

[cleofus1]

14. yeah when i was living in compton

i found it was easier to fit in if i talked shit about white people...it's a real ice breaker...i could walk up to complete strangers and find common ground with "our hatred" of "whitey"...at work we would kinda hang together and talk about the "honkys" behind their backs...of course they knew we were talking about them...cause as soon as they walked up to us we would stop talking and just stare at them...boy did that drive them crazy...my advice is not to take it personal...it's really just an institutional thing...you know like "white people" as a monolithic structure....not so much as individuals...really...even in environments where i was not like all the rest...most of the time if people didn't like me it was becouse i'm such a smart ass...

[ScreamingMeemie]

24. You....? Smartass.....??? NEVER!!!

:hi: I always accept every word you say as gospel truth. Please don't crush me this way. ;)

[cleofus1]

32. sorry dear

but i am a bad seed...it's my density...

[newportdadde]

15. My dad experienced that as well.

He became a postal employee and did his first part of his career in the downtown city post office as a carrier. He said during lunch out of a group of 30 men he was the only white guy and nobody would invite him into conversation or really sit with him. He said finally one guy, a young guy, in his early 20s(my dad was about 35) talked with him and they ate lunch together everyday until my dad found a location close to home without the 60 mile oneway commute. The younger guy was much more open then some of the other guys there who were 10-20 years older then my father.

I think in some ways it was both good and bad for him. In one respect he got to feel the other side of the coin, the odd man out. On the other I think it hardened him, made him a bit bitter.

I'm experienced some as well although not on a day to day basis like you. It hurts some, I'm democratic voter, liberal but if you saw me on the street, I'm business casual, military type hair cut that looks like a conservative RW freeper who just forgot to grab his bible that morning.. so I've heard the cracker stuff etc.

Just try to remember though you may just be in a group of assholes. During my intership my first step into the field I have now worked several years in I had a horrible experience. Every single one of my co-workers, barring 3 were assholes, thats right 20+ assholes. Of the three people who were friendly 2 of them were the only black people in the office. Everyone else was horribly rude. I almost quit the major thats how bad it was.

I have yet to encounter anything that bad now and I've seen some bad ones. Maybe you just had bad luck.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

16. I've been in this situation a lot

as I live and work in a heavily African American area.

My only advice is to try and break them down one by one...break them down with friendliness. It takes a while but eventually it will work.

[Sannum]

23. Sorry....I went out of town today for the holiday...

My friend came to take me to lunch yesterday because she knew what a hard time I had been having. She says that the looks that I was getting were the looks that she was getting when she was being the victim of racism. I grew up in a place that could be described as a racism free utopia. I do not see skin color, religion or discriminate based on anything. It certanly is not my behavior to them because I have been nothing but nice to the point of stepfordish. There just have been little incidents since I have worked there. Like when the ladies room key was lost so I knocked and I said a polite and soft thank you. I guess she did not hear it because I had laryngitis that day, and she said "You know I am not paid to be the maid around here". That really shocked me but I just put it in the back of my mind and didn't really think it was anything but her being a witch or having a shitty day. There was one woman who tried to spend time with me, but now due to pressure from others, she just completly ignores me. It is just strange. Another incident which makes me want to contact the fucking ACLU is when I requested to be sent to sites to take apps on weekends for extra money. I have done canvassing and voter registration, as well as this same thing for a month this summer so I am more than qualified. I was told that the people would not be "comfortable" with me taking their applications. I don't know about you, but there is only one way I can take that comment.

Does this change my views on race? No. Absolutly not. I am devoted to causes of equality and justice for all sexes, races, religions and financial means. I always have been and I always will be. If anything, this makes me more devoted to that cause.

[Karenina]

33. Happy to see your follow-up, Sannum!

It is VERY DIFFICULT, especially if one is sensitive, being the "token." I empathize with what you're experiencing having been the only black face in the crowd for most of my half-century plus on this planet and having broken many colour barriers. There are strategies that one can use to take the heat off. First and foremost, it's important to avoid people who fuel your sense of helplessness, rage and victimization. What I learned at a very young age is "How-to-become-the-exception."

"There was one woman who tried to spend time with me, but now due to pressure from others, she just completly ignores me. It is just strange."

DON'T LET HER OFF THE HOOK SO EASILY. If unwarranted bullshit is flying, SHE KNOWS IT. Take HER into your confidence. Invite her to lunch, or better dinner away from the workplace, tell her you need to talk, ask her for advice, ask her if there are things you may be putting out unconciously that are off-putting. Be open about your pain. If she's a Mensch she will feel and recognize it and likely rally to your defense.

"It certanly is not my behavior to them because I have been nothing but *nice to the point of stepfordish.* There just have been little incidents since I have worked there."

Please allow me to very gently suggest that there MAY be unconscious assumptions and *behaviours* on your part that create a visceral reaction and herd-think. DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO PUT YOU IN A BOX. Humour works well. If you are intimidated, the herd smells blood. The way I've found around it is making allies. :hug:

(Failing that do PM Cleofus1 and insist she do some serious research on her parfum! ;-))

[Ivan Sputnik]

17. It's always hard to be the "only one"

You tend to become a projection screen for your co-workers' hostility toward your group. I was once the only male in an office, and it was ... interesting. They were nice to me for the most part (a few were hostile for no reason that I could see) but I never did become "one of the gals" if you know what I mean.

[Pharlo]

26. It's difficult if you're overly sensitive and you're not used to being an

'only' one...

I learned early - I was an only girl with three brothers.

As an adult, I've worked mainly in a manufacturing environment in an indirect labor capacity. I have, at times, been the only female working on a particular shift. I have at other times been the only English speaking person on the shift, as well as the only caucasion on the shift. I have even been described as 'the only white female out on the floor'. Did it bother me? Nah! It was the best description they could give, because whoever needed to find me was always able to do so. Everyone always treated me very courteously, regardless of ethnicity.

[Karenina]

18. Where's Sannum???

:shrug:

[Taverner]

19. Truth is - groups will always hate the minority

Whether its whites hating the blacks, or vice versa.

[Karenina]

20. The OP fits a years-old pattern here

of outrage at being treated as the "other" then disappearing. :shrug:

[GOPisEvil]

21. Well, let's see. She posted at 12:35am.

Perhaps she went to sleep soon after and has been at work all day.

[Karenina]

22. Always willing

to give the benefit of the doubt.

[LSK]

25. not everyone can be on DU 24/7 n/t

[Capn Sunshine]

36. but , judging by the lounge

some ARE :scared:

[Patiod]

27. I have only dial-up at home

So I often make a last post, however inflammatory, on a Friday, and then don't reappear until the following Monday

Posting and disappearing is my M.O. - it's not always evil


(I'm waiting for my SO to finish up at the gym - and using the gym's computer center while I wait)

[Metta]

28. Have you spoken with people re: suppestions about how to deal with it?

Just a thought?

[Nikia]

29. Do you know this for sure?

Sometimes, if it is a small group, it doesn't really have to do with race exactly. It could have to do with being an outsider in any capacity, not just race. If they have worked together for a while, you could be disliked for being new alone.
Do they perceive you as hostile towards them? There could also be some misunderstanding that way.

[XemaSab]

30. I've been treated like that before

as the only white person in a group of black people and it really sucks.

If you try to act nice, they treat you like you're being weak or condescending...

If you don't like your co-workers, find a different job.

[cleofus1]

31. i must

emit some sort of pheromone that makes black people like me in spite of the fact i am not black. we could bottle it...i could get you a bottle and you could wear it like parfum...and like dew on a hot summer morn...your problems would float away...

[yellowdogintexas]

34. I seem to have that pheromone myself. Most of the time.

I did have a situation with a team leader many years ago who was black and made it her personal mission to make life difficult for any non black person she had to train. She was very hostile towards me from the get go, and very unpleasant. I noticed that whenever she acted out around me, several of the women who had been there longer exchanged what I would call "knowing looks", and one day two of them invited me to eat lunch with them. I found out it was her MO, as we say.

Needless to say, I applied for the first job that came up in the office that I could reasonably hope to transfer on and once I moved to a different part of the company it was like night and day. As the years went by, I found out more than I ever wanted to know about why this person had her job in the first place and why she tried to intimidate the non black trainees.

I also would like to note that I made several good friends in that company from the African American community and to a one they all despised that woman.

There are things that can contribute to aggravation of the odd person out placement: herd instinct, especially among an established "clique" of women in the workplace (and I am a woman so I am not being sexist here) is very strong. If they have all worked together for a long time there is going to be resentment of outsiders period. Maybe they had a friend who wanted YOUR job and you were hired instead. And maybe they are just a room full of bitches. I worked in an office like that too. The head woman was a complete and total harridan with an old school adversarial management style and it filtered down through the teamleaders to the rest of the department.

If you know you are sort of stuck in this dept for a while, I agree with the earlier poster who suggested some alone time with the person who was friendly to you. Getting to know members of an established group on a one at at time basis can help a lot.

Bring food. If you are a good cook, bake a cake or some cookies and take it in for no good reason other than you felt like baking and didn't want it staring you in the face all day.

Humor helps, as long as it is stuff that anyone would think is funny.
Admire their kid's photos if they have them on their desks.
Little steps, one at a time can help a lot.

And best of luck to you. It is not fun being the odd person out no matter what the circumstances.

[Karenina]

37. "one day two of them invited me to eat lunch with them."

Na Du, Ydit, Ever wonder WHY they did that? WHAT was it about you that inspired them to clue you in? Just curious.

[xmas74]

35. Maybe they just see you as a race and not as a person.

Silly ideas here but one of them might work. Make some cookies (yes, I said that) or pick some up at a local bakery and bring them in to work. Walk around and offer one to each of your coworkers. I know-sounds silly. But how many people do you know can resist a fresh cookie? And it's the perfect icebreaker. When each person takes a cookie look at their desk. See any pics of parents, SO's, children, pets? Ask questions or make comments (Is that your little girl? How old is she? What kind of dog is that? That couple seems really happy in that picture-are they your parents?).
Don't get too personal on your questions-just ask basic questions by what they already have displayed on their desks. Maybe they have a collection of something on their desk. Ask about it. Or,right before lunchtime, ask if someone knows of a good place to eat around the area. People love to talk about themselves and things they know about. Showing interest somes helps quite a bit in the way that people will treat you.
In some cases it might be that they are uncomfortable around you. Opening yourself up and making yourself an approachable person might help. Try it and see what happens. Most people see others as a stereotype until they get to know them.
Otherwise, log everything that happens and bring it up to management. If people are still nasty to you after you've made an effort to go out of your way to be nice to everyone management should be notified. You have to right to a decent workplace.

[bunkerbuster1]

39. Bigotry comes in all colors

However, the pecker knows no bigotry.

[Karenina]

40. Otherwise expressed...

A stiff cock knows no conscience.