W's resume

[lazarus]

Received through email:

Resume of George W. Bush The White House, USA

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I attacked and took over two countries.

I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the Treasury.

I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in
history.



I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period.

I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history
of the stock market.

I am the first president in decades to execute a
federal prisoner.

I am the first president in US history to enter office
with a criminal record.



In my first year in office I set the all-time record
for most days on vacation by any president in US
history. After taking the entire month of August off
for vacation, I presided over the worst security
failure in US history.

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips
by any president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million
Americans lost their job.

I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work
Americans than any other president in US history.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a
12-month period.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration
positions than any president in US history.

I set the record for the fewest press conferences of
any president since the advent of TV.

I signed more laws and executive orders amending the
Constitution than any other president in US history.

I presided over the biggest energy crises in US
history and refused to intervene when corruption was
revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US
history and refused to use the national reserves as
past presidents have.

I cut health care benefits for war veterans.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15
million people), shattering the record for protest
against any person in the history of mankind.

I dissolved more international treaties than any
president in US history.

I've made my presidency the most secretive and
unaccountable of any in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multi
millionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker
named after her).

I am the first president in US history to have all 50
states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market
fraud in any market in any country in the history of
the world.

I am the first president in US history to order a US
attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation,
and I did so against the will of the United Nations
and the world community.

I have created the largest government department
bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget
spending increases, more than any other president in
US history.

I am the first president in US history to have the
United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights
Commission.

I am the first president in US history to have the
United Nations remove the US from the Elections
Monitoring Board.

I removed more checks and balances, and have the least
amount of congressional oversight than any
presidential administration in US history.

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

I withdrew from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners
of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva
Conventions.

I am the first president in US history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors access during the
2002 US elections.

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for
most corporate campaign donations.

The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who
is also one of my best friends, presided over one of
the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world
history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron
Corporation).

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any
president in US history.

I am the first president to run and hide when the US
came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had
the code to Air Force 1).

I am the first US president to establish a secret
shadow government.

I took the world's sympathy for the US after 911, and
in less than a year made the US the most resented
country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic
failure in US and world history).

I am the first US president in history to have a
majority of the people of Europe(71%)view my
presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
stability.

I am the first US president in history to have the
people of South Korea more threatened by the US than
by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be
awarded government contracts. I set the all-time
record for number of administration appointees who
violated US law by not selling their huge investments
in corporations bidding for gov't contracts.

I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for
Americans than any other president in US history.

In a little over two years I have created the most
divided country in decades, possibly the most divided
that the US has been since the civil war.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US
history and in less than two years turned every single
economic category heading straightdown.


RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in
Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not
available).

I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the
military during a time of war.

I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any
questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have
been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider
trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy
and unavailable for public view.

All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for
which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP)
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public review.


PERSONAL REFERENCES:

For personal references, please speak to my dad or
uncle James Baker (They can be reached in their
offices at the Carlyle Group where they are helping to
divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq war and plan for
the next one.)

[silverweb]

1. Wow.

Pretty damning stuff. I'll pass this one along!