dissing your dog

[anarch]

Hi. I'm Dale Sturtevant. I've been raising dogs since I was six. And nothing has brought me more joy, or more sheer frustration, than training a puppy. With a very young pup, correcting problem behavior can be very maddening. And, like you, I've probably tried all the tricks - screaming myself hoarse, starving them, locking them in a closet for days on end, or just beating them without mercy. But after my third arrest and court-ordered anger-management counseling, I learned to channel my rage into an effective non-violent puppy training tool. It's called "Dissing Your Dog: how to train your puppy with mockery and verbal humiliation".

You see, dogs are much more intuitive than we give them credit for. They know when they're the butt of ridicule. And when they misbehave, a well-placed sarcastic comment or cutting remark can work wonders wherever a rolled-up newspaper fails. Whatever your puppy's behavior problem, I guarantee I can help you fix it.

...

Problems like jumping on furniture:

Oh no, no, no, Humphrey, don't get up. You just stay there, relax. After all, you did put in a long day of work at a demanding high-stress job. Oh no, wait a minute, that's me! Now I remember! I'm the one with the job. You're the one who lies around the house all day in a pool of your own slobber!

[WeRQ4U]

1. Oh shit!!! That is one of my all-time favorites.

Oh, right, Margaret, you wanted prime rib. Here's the deal: The Palm wasn't taking reservations, and I didn't even try Morton's because I understand they have a new chef. So for now, let's just go with the Alpo, okay? I know it's not your first choice but keep in mind, you're a f--king dog!

Love it.