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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:21 PM
Original message
Very lame new Chick Tract up
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GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:22 PM
Response to Original message
1. I don't have to go read it. I can just guess what it says. Hateful stuff.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:26 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. It's religious stuff.......
Looks like preaching to me.......

Kind of run-of-the-mill....I didn't really see any hateful stuff....


:shrug:
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:27 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. Yeah it is surprisingly non-hateful
Edited on Tue Nov-01-05 08:28 PM by primate1
Chick is usually brimming with hate.
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GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:28 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. Then you haven't seen Jack Chick at his finest. Trust me, it's hateful
overall.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:33 PM
Response to Reply #5
8. Well then, my dear GreenPartyVoter.......
I count myself as very lucky that I am NOT aquainted with this Jack Chick!

Sometimes ignorance is bliss........

:hi:
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GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:34 PM
Response to Reply #8
9. Heheh, yes.. He is the kinda guy that inspired parodies like this
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:50 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. But Chick is FUN!
Some of his greatest hits:













(this one needs to be read in its entirety...http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0098/0098_01.asp )



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yurbud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:56 PM
Response to Reply #10
11. you shouldn't invite someone named Elfstar to anything
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A HERETIC I AM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 09:23 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
:spray: :rofl: :rofl:


Too fucking funny!

Inviting an "Elfstar" to a social occasion is most certainly asking for trouble. You just KNOW they're gonna break out a dog-eared copy of "The Hobbit" and start reciting favorite passages.

Either that or offer you a fried puppy foreleg with hot sauce.






:yourock:
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yurbud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 01:44 AM
Response to Reply #13
23. An "Elfstar" like story...Once I was riding the train and this guy sat
down next to me. a dumpy white guy with light brown hair and a thin, patch beard, and big square glasses. He put out his hand and said, "I'm Gray Wolf, what's your name?"

I said, "Gray Wolf? Are you part Indian or something?"

and he said "No, that's my SHAMAN name!"

So I picked up all my stuff and moved to another seat.
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Chovexani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 11:54 AM
Response to Reply #23
41. ...
:eyes:

Remind me to move if you ever sit next to me on the train.
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yurbud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 06:09 PM
Response to Reply #41
46. If you are a germanic white guy who calls himself by an Native American
name and believes in a bastardized, New Age version of native spirituality, be my guest.
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Solon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 11:06 PM
Response to Reply #11
51. Actually, I make it a point to invite chicks named like that over...
to my place. Ah Gods especially the double-jointed ones!!!! Memories, very good memories. :evilgrin:
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Dr Fate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 02:25 AM
Response to Reply #10
26. Which tract is the last panel from?- I've been looking or that one.
That is the one with the hot brunette witch- which one is that? :)
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 09:59 PM
Response to Reply #26
49. It's from "Dark Dungeons"
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp

Now, HERE's a tract that expresses one of Jack's favorite themes:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0095/0095_01.asp

Jack loves Ephesians 2:8-9--faith gets you into heaven, works gets you thrown into hell.

I counter with James 2:18--Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.``
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Dr Fate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-03-05 01:49 AM
Response to Reply #49
52. What classics- great stories & art on those- the older tracts rock!
I love "Bad Bob" "The Angels" and "The Last Generation"
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-03-05 07:27 AM
Response to Reply #52
54. They don't hold a candle to "The Bull"!
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LostinVA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 08:06 AM
Response to Reply #10
32. There would never be guys at the Temple of Diana
Those Dianic Wiccans would NEVER okay that!
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khashka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 09:31 PM
Response to Reply #8
14. Jack Chick is
(was? didn't he die?) a virulent misogynist and homophobe. His stuff was dumber than a brick. You know what causes homosexuality.... looking at Playboy! Satanism? RPGs!


He was so fucked in the head. I have several of his tracts because they make me laugh my rear end off. I remenber an incident where my ex-wife and I were playing Illuminatus at Denney's and got pelted with Chick's tracts because we were going to hell and satanist homosexual child molester monsters.

We were playing a game and at the time I was a Gnostic Christian. It was funny.

Chick was kinda, well, so fucked in the head you can't believe it.


Khash.
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 03:56 AM
Response to Reply #14
29. Looking at PLAYBOY makes you gay?
Well, obviously. For a so-called Porno Magazine, Playboy is refreshingly free of porn. Lots of "lifestyle" articles, but not a lot of porn.

The old joke about reading Playboy for the articles isn't exactly a joke: if you're reading Playboy for the porn, your money will be much better invested in a Hustler or some other porn book that actually has a lot of porn in it.

But seriously: if you were going to turn yourself gay by reading magazines, wouldn't you at least get a Playgirl or something else that had naked men in it?
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khashka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 06:28 AM
Response to Reply #29
30. In Chick's twisted world, yes it does
Apparently the sight of beautiful naked women is enough to turn anyone gay. I have the pamphlet around here somewhere...

(Playboy is pretty tame, I agree. Hardly pornographic. (When it first came out, though, it was revolutionary.) Reading it for the articles is actually a good idea - they publish stories from some of the best writers and the interviews are often interesting and insightful. And the Playboy Foundation has done good work on free speech issues.)

Khash.
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mongo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 11:48 AM
Response to Reply #29
39. Actually, if you are reading Playboy for the articles
You would do better reading Hustler. Good investigative Journalism articles in every issue. Not to mention the asshole of the month column.

More good articles than the fluff and consumerism articles that fill the pages of Playboy.
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 04:46 PM
Response to Reply #39
42. Playboy is GQ with better nude photo essays
Yeah, I like Hustler's articles. Remember when Larry Flynt tried doing a "serious" investigative journalism book? He basically took Hustler and stripped out the raunchy stuff. It didn't last very long, as I recall, because the people who wouldn't buy a porn magazine put out by Larry Flynt also wouldn't buy a porn-free magazine put out by Larry Flynt. Bummer, because the guy does put good solid articles in his magazine.
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:29 PM
Response to Reply #1
6. This one's not hateful at all. It's just...lame.
It's called "The Dirty Diamond."

Brief synopsis:

Man and his dad are engineers in South Africa.

Man and his dad go into a mine.

Mine caves in, killing dad. In dad's hand is an uncut diamond.

Son takes diamond, keeps it uncut, passes it on to man in story.

Man in story tries to give diamond to family next door because he has no family of his own. Family next door gives it back because grandma decides it's just a rock and won't pay to have it appraised.

Man dies intestate, state takes over his house--including the uncut diamond.

The state appraises it at over $4 million.

Woman who gave diamond back faints.

Man from the state talks her into Accepting Jesus As Her Savior.

* * * * *

Like I said, lame. No devils or nothin'.
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:27 PM
Response to Original message
3. That really was lame...
Why was the lawyer proselytizing to them?
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 08:30 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. Well...someone had to
Since no one went to hell in that tract, someone HAD to proselytize. It's one of the rules: either Someone Finds Jesus or Someone Goes To Hell in every one of Chick's tracts.
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AntiCoup2K4 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 09:40 PM
Response to Reply #3
15. Yeah, I thought all lawyers served Satan?
What the fuck was up with a preaching lawyer anyway? :evilgrin:
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LostinVA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 08:07 AM
Response to Reply #15
33. I suspect he went to Falwell's new Fundie law school
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yurbud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 09:01 PM
Response to Original message
12. I found this one in a chink in a wall at a campground as a kid
And it scared the living shit out of me.



http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0022/0022_01.asp
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AntiCoup2K4 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 09:44 PM
Response to Reply #12
16. Ah, yes, "The Assignment", a true Chick classic!
And just when you wondered who REALLY controlled the insurance industry....

....yep. It's SATAN!! :evilgrin:
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yurbud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 12:18 AM
Response to Reply #16
22. Chick got that one right
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AntiCoup2K4 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 09:58 PM
Response to Original message
17. The previous one was better
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1025/1025_01.asp?wp...

This should have been the November edition since it's about Thanksgiving. Typical Chick stereotypes in this one. Gays controlled by demons, the faceless God, all "unsaved" people being foul mouthed drug addicts, etc. Or in other words, a normal Thanksgiving in the typical American family :evilgrin:



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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 10:17 PM
Response to Original message
18. So THAT'S what happened to all the drive-in theatres!!!

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TimeChaser Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 10:19 PM
Response to Original message
19. It didn't offend me... thumbs down.
Come on Jack, you've gotta try harder if you want to offend people.
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tuvor Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 10:26 PM
Response to Original message
20. I'd like to commision a Chick tract:
george w bush: This Was Your Life!

I wonder how it would end.
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AntiCoup2K4 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 02:04 AM
Response to Reply #20
24. Let Mike Malloy write the ending
He would have Chick's 50 ft tall faceless God pinch off Chimpy's head and throw it down to Hell so the demons could play soccer with it.

(he's said that would be an appropriate fate for both James Dobson and Pat Robertson before, so why not Junior?)
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NMMNG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 10:31 PM
Response to Original message
21. Gag me. I'll take the dirty diamond, thank you very much.
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Dr Fate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 02:21 AM
Response to Original message
25. I sincerely love Chick Tracts- what great pop artist...
Edited on Wed Nov-02-05 02:22 AM by Dr Fate
...so unwittingly hip- his outrageous stereotypes are very compelling.

Some of the story telling is great too- check out "Bad Bob" "Somebody Goofed" "The Last Generation" or the Haloween titles...

Chick tracts are great fun- solid comics.

The art in this particular tract and some of the new ones really does suck though.
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Dr Fate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 02:34 AM
Response to Original message
27. Here is a great panel :
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TrogL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 03:10 AM
Response to Original message
28. Jack's losing it
His earlier Chick Tracts at least made some sort of causual sense.

This one's just plain incoherent.
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LostinVA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 06:57 AM
Response to Original message
31. This sucks... this may be the most boring Chick EVER
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 08:09 AM
Response to Original message
34. Damn, no Susy!
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WCGreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 08:12 AM
Response to Original message
35. That wife is a shrew... Why does that nice fat man stay with her..
He should divorce her and go on Harmony and find a nice christian woman to have sex with...
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RumpusCat Donating Member (548 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 08:22 AM
Response to Original message
36. "Then let's get it settled... on our knees."
:rofl:

That was a lame tract, but that line alone made it worth the read.
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Nicholas D Wolfwood Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 09:38 AM
Response to Reply #36
37. Anyone else think he wasn't talking about praying there?
:rofl:
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Patiod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 09:44 AM
Response to Original message
38. Here I thought Chick was onto evil mining practices in Africa....
finally realizing that diamond money funds murder in Africa.

What was I thinking?
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yurbud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 06:15 PM
Response to Reply #38
48. can't address a REAL problem...
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noonwitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 11:53 AM
Response to Original message
40. I don't think this one is hateful the way his anti-gay tracts are.
This was actually a good story to make his point about turning down the gift of grace. I don't necessarily agree with the whole judgement and hell thing, but there is a good point made in the story. Turning down a gift generously given is not a wise thing to do.
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Chovexani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 04:50 PM
Response to Original message
43. Chick tracts have been totally lame lately
Boring and unfunny. :(
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yurbud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 06:14 PM
Response to Reply #43
47. maybe we should send suggestions, like this story:
Jesus talks to George W. Bush at his ranch

One day, George W. Bush was walking through woods at his ranch in Texas, and the Lord Jesus met him and walked with him, as Bush said he often did.

Mr. President, Jesus began respectfully, I am deeply troubled.

Whats eating ya, beard boy? Bush said to his Lord and Savior.

I am deeply troubled because I have seen a country that does not know me. Their people do not follow my ways, and their leaders do not fear God and glorify themselves instead of him. They ignore the cries of their people and add to their affiliction. What would you do to make such a country come to know my love, Mr. President?

George W. Bush did not think at all, for he was a decisive man who knew what he knew and needed no thought or evidence to tell others what to do. This leaders a bad man?

Yes, Jesus said.

We got to take him out. Well give some money to his enemies or even his bodyguards, so maybe one of emll air condition his head and take his place.

What if no one can do this?

Then we gotta invade. Well bomb every place that leader ever takes a dump, and tuh make sure they cant fight back, well blow out the phones, electricity, water, and even sewers.

Wont your bombs hurt mothers and children and even men that hate the leader more than they were hurt by the leader? Wont the parent who sees his child whose head is reduced to empty flaps of skin by your bombs or the child whose parents and brothers and sisters are killed and whose arms armed burned from his body, hate you and your lord with an undying hatred if you do this, and fight you even more than the evil leader?

Jesus, I got that covered. See, were going to privatize everything. Everything they ever made, all the minerals and whatnot below the ground, and every plant, drop of water and breath of air above and sell it to my friends. Then they gonna sell

How would that help

Dont interrupt me, Im working toward a point, Jesus H. Christ!

And Jesus was silent.

After we finish the privatizing, if anyone dont like it well throw them in prison, strip them naked, and make them bark like dogs. Then well take pictures and threaten to show em to their wives and friends if they dont do just like theyre told when we turn em loose. If that dont break em, well rape their wives and children in front of them, so that they know whos boss.

How will that make them love me?

Well do some religious stuff too. Well make them cuss out their false god and say that youre the Lord, and if they dont, well throw their holy book on the ground and piss on it. Hell, well make them piss on it. You can bet they wont be denying you after this.

I see. And what would you do with the leader of this country?

Well, if we didnt kill him outright, we got to humiliate him in public. Kill his children and pull their bones out to identify them. Then when we catch him, well parade him around in his underpants, and have a local on our payroll pretend to give him a trial. Its better not to kill em outright now that I think about it. My pappy says cant go back to beat a dead dog a second time, so Its better to let him live.

George, Jesus said, your plan is more terrible than the wrath my father rained down on Sodom and Gomorrah, the people of that country will repent of their sins, and their leader will be brought low.

Thats great cuz Im a war president. I always got war on my mind. When do we get started? Who is this leader?

You are that leader, George. And what you have done unto the least of my children will be done unto you.

And George W. Bush had no idea what the hell Jesus was talking about.

http://professorsmartass.blogspot.com/2005/06/jesus-tal...
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gmoney Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 04:52 PM
Response to Original message
44. Very lame, even by Chick standards
Jebus is an uncut diamond? WTF?
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Hobarticus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 04:57 PM
Response to Original message
45. A lawyer telling people to get on their knees?
Ye gods...the mind races.
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derby378 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 10:06 PM
Response to Original message
50. I've seen worse...
Didn't he write one called Why Catholic Scum Burn In Hell or something like that?
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Truebrit71sbruv Donating Member (890 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-03-05 02:17 AM
Response to Original message
53. That's all very well... but where's the car chase...
... and the Chicks in tight pants saving the world?
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-03-05 07:53 AM
Response to Original message
55. I think Jack Chick is running out of ideas
That was really lame!
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kick-ass-bob Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-03-05 08:15 AM
Response to Original message
56. Man, That sucked. Even for Jack.
Was there even a point?

x(

:P
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