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Any DUer's have a kid at Umass Amherst? My son is there and he's having

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Sperk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-19-05 09:17 AM
Original message
Any DUer's have a kid at Umass Amherst? My son is there and he's having
a tough time adjusting. He's a great kid, smart, doesn't drink or do drugs. He thought a few of his friends were going to be going to Amherst but all of them ended up going to another school.

The problem is that my son is extremely quiet and shy. He's trying so hard to overcome that but it's not easy for him. TO make matters worse, he was put in the ONLY all male dorm on campus. He wanted to be around girls (for the obvious reason) but he also feels that girls are better at forcing you out of your shell. And to top it all off his room mate is a druggie! He's out all hours of the night and sometimes brings his slimy friends back to the room after a night of drinking and drugging.

He's also having trouble with a boss who wont respond to his emails and phone calls when he has questions about his schedule or what he needs to bring or wear to work. She's a middle aged woman who is also a student. Very unprofessional!

It's all just really getting to him, he's having a hard time sleeping which is just adding fuel to the fire.

I think he's also just suffering from old fashioned home sickness. And I think that surprised him.

We are going to put in for a room (hopefully a dorm) change for next semester. I'm also pushing for him to join a student group or two, he needs to be put in situations where he is forced to be in a group.

I was wondering if there were any Duers with kids there and maybe we could hook them up somehow. Or maybe I just want to vent....I'm worried about my little guy (six feet tall, 200 pound black belt) but he'll always be my little guy. :-(

any words of wisdom out there?

How is God's name do these women with children in Iraq handle it??? I swear on my mothers grave...I would rot in jail before I would let my kid go over there in that Hell hole for that SOAB in the white house! :mad:
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Mizmoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-19-05 09:19 AM
Response to Original message
1. He should see a campus counselor
Edited on Wed Oct-19-05 09:20 AM by Mizmoon
they are experienced at handling tough adjustments. Maybe they can help.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Nothing hurts us more than something that hurts our children.
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Gormy Cuss Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-19-05 10:40 AM
Response to Reply #1
3. Mizmoon gives good counsel
For what it's worth, being utterly miserably in the first few months of college isn't that uncommon. That's not to say he should tough it out, just that he's not alone and large college campuses are equipped to deal with students who are having a hard time. College counselors see this all the time.

I had a friend whose son partied his freshman year away at ZooMass. He ended up taking a semester off then returning. He's now in his final semester, finishing a year and a half after his peers, but he is finishing in good academic standing.

If U Mass is your state school, he may want to consider the other campuses. I have another friend whose son could not adjust to the Amherst campus but thrived at the Dartmouth one.

I hope for the best. The school year is young --- he may be totally enthralled with U Mass by the end of the semester. :)
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formerrepuke Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-19-05 09:34 AM
Response to Original message
2. Speaking as a one who remembers the difficulty adjusting...
..most schools have an 'activities mart' early in the school year.. or some sort of gathering of campus clubs and organizations where interested students can sign up.. or just find out what kinds of things there are to do on campus... from hiking clubs to academic groups.. if this has already happened, a counselor could direct him towards a group that may be of interest. My recollection is that the types of students who are in such groups are usually NOT the druggie and 'party-hearty' ones.
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Sperk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-19-05 04:41 PM
Response to Original message
4. thanks guys, all good advice.
n/t
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JPZenger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-20-05 09:55 AM
Response to Original message
5. Start by Asking for a new roommate
He should start by asking for a new roommate. Hopefully, he will find another roommate who will be more compatible, and the two of them can get involved in things together. He should also try to find a "wing man" to help him meet women. He also should join some clubs or the student newspaper or some other activities. Clubs and activities are the best way to meet women and make friends in college.
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-20-05 10:01 AM
Response to Original message
6. He needs to get a new roommate pronto
If anything, the roommate is the first step into finding friends but with that is coming back to the room and bringing friends who are doing drugs - well he needs to move out immediate. Talk to the housing folks and see if they can help him now or at least sometime the beginning of next semester
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Zuni Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-20-05 10:17 AM
Response to Reply #6
8. wrong
his new roomate is the key to college fun, parties and hopefully party girls
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WilliamPitt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-20-05 10:08 AM
Response to Original message
7. "doesn't drink or do drugs"
There's the problem right there. ;)

Kidding, of course. I grew up in MA and had a lot of friends from high school go there. The party stories are epic.
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Zuni Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-20-05 10:18 AM
Response to Reply #7
9. yup
it will be hard to make friends outside the math club unless you at least binge drink
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sleipnir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-20-05 11:17 AM
Response to Reply #7
10. Well, there's some truth to that snark...
You do make more friends if you go out and "Party." I met couple of my current really good friends doing drugs and drinks in college a few years back.

You do get out more, and the stories...

Well, my advice is always the old adage, "Everything in moderation, including moderation." Not that the OP's son needs to embrace a drug and/or drink culture, especially if that's not really his scene, but I wouldn't dismiss it out-of-hand.

Honestly, going to a couple parties is a great way to meet people, and it's much more relaxed than the Chess Club.
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izzybeans Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-20-05 11:44 AM
Response to Reply #7
11. True, if he can be around it and handle it, he will introduce himself
to the heart of big univeristy life. Otherwise he should look for groups or clubs that share his interests (i.e. the black belt thing).
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