Is it wrong to have a "type" of person you're attracted to?

[tjdee]

Okay, everyone is going to say no, but really. Should we try to NOT have a type? Does anyone NOT have a "type"?

For instance, this is my type:


As y'all know, I'm sort of like this:


Now, this gets me in a lot of trouble for two reasons. Some black folks want to know why black guys aren't "good enough for me". Eh, some white folks are weird about it too. Also, many times I'm not the type of my type. Hmm.

I DO find all kinds of men attractive, often for reasons that have nothing to do with their physical appearance--and I don't turn down guys who aren't "my type". I don't think I'm shallow. But sometimes I feel kind of creepy. Plus, I don't like the idea of not being someone's type, LOL!

I don't want to so much get into interracial dating, but I'm wondering about the guy who only dates models, or blondes, or the women who prefer dating taller men, or whatever. What do y'all think?

[THUNDER HANDS]

1. everyone has something special to offer

To settle for "types" is like going to the Sizzler buffet and just eating the breadsticks.

To use another food analogy tonight.

[tjdee]

4. What if you like the breadsticks best though?

I mean, what if you like lobster and salad, but you really like breadsticks? Should you try to stop eating breadsticks and force yourself to try other fare?

So you don't have a type, is what you're saying?

[THUNDER HANDS]

9. personally

I like the breadsticks with sesamie seeds on them.

[ablbodyed]

11. They have LOBSTER at Sizzler....

Who knew Madame Nu slew the crew through and through? BABBLEBABBLE

[Liberal Veteran]

2. That's the guy from 28 Days Later, isn't it?

Yeah. He cleaned up pretty damn good after his first couple of scenes.

[tjdee]

5. Drrrooooolllll. I mean, yes.

He's Irish too. Accents um, I also enjoy accents.
His name is Cillian Murphy, btw.

[Astarho]

3. Everyone has a type

Which is to be expected. I for example find raven black hair to be one of the sexiest things ever. But it doesn't mean I won't go out with a blonde if I met someone I liked.

Type should be a guideline, not a rule.

[LincolnMcGrath]

6. Stereotypes and typecasting

are never a good thing. I`m not sure if some people really mean the comments they make. Maybe they just haven`t met the "right" one who is outside their "type".

[tjdee]

10. I wonder that sometimes.

Can you expound on "I'm not sure if some people really mean the comments they make"? Not sure what you mean...and I'm curious!

Are you really open to all types of women though? Really?

[LincolnMcGrath]

13. The comments they make"?

Samples of comments:

"I`d never date/bed a black girl/guy!"

So you would would kick Lil Kim/Denzel out the door/bed?

"Uh, Uh, ehem, well, thats not the same!"



And yes to the second question

[WillyBrandt]

7. There's nothing wrong with it

Your preference for a partner is your own business. There is no judging taste: you owe nobody any explanations. Whom you choose to like is a supremely irrational act of judgment, and it can be no other way. It's perfectly proper that a leap into the twining of selfishness and devotion should be done on one own's terms.

In fact, "choose" is the wrong word, since there's little you can do about it. As long as you treat no one unfairly--which is never easy--the best you can approach is a state of grace where you can't be bothered by others' opinions.

Everybody has their own weird ticks in terms of their "types." (I've got perfect vision, but who can deny a girl who is pretty in glasses? Ahh...) Sometimes these ticks cross into areas that have political or racial overtones, but what can you do?

And you look like Aaliyah? You know, I'm a shadowy white guy... sort of

[tjdee]

14. That's what I got when I used to go out, anyway...

People used to say that's who I looked like, but that was a few years ago before I gained a few pounds, LOL!

Do you really think you can't help your own preferences, though?
I dunno. I never bothered to try--but sometimes I wonder if I ought to check that, as I said many times I find I'm not the type of my type!

[SOteric]

8. I guess ultimately your question asks

whether we should date only those with whom there is a well-developed mutual physical attraction, or whether we should date and see if a physical attraction develops.

And I guess for me, the answer lies in the level of commitment each perceives in dating.

If I date someone I feel no compelling attraction to, hoping it might develop, then I feel I could well be using this person and that would be wrong. But if I don't, I could be closing myself off to a rewarding opportunity and that would be wrong, too.

[tjdee]

15. Yes, that's what I mean.

You said it much better, too.

I don't want to fight my natural inclination, but I wonder if I could be more open to something else.

[angee_is_mad]

26. pretty packages

At x-mas, you always open the prettiest box first, but the best gift might be wrapped in the plain brown-wrapping paper. We are visual animals. If the appearance is not attractive to us, we seldom take the time to get to know the person. Or if we do it might just be as a friend and not a love interest.
As far as the interracial dating thing, as a black woman I date white and black men. I do not date a white man because he is white, but in spite of him being white. When you reach a certain point in life you realize that dogs come in all colors-black,white, brown, red and yellow. Basically color doesn't matter, now size? That's a whole other thread, lol.

[populistmom]

12. I have a type

(although, technically, I'm not supposed to be looking)
There's nothing wrong with having a type or "preference" as long as your flexible enough not to miss someone that may not fit any narrow definations. Externals are negotiable IMHO, certain internal characterics aren't.

My type- Smart, liberal/progressive, think outside the box, sexy, tall, 40ish, graying a little, and humor is a plus.

Tim Robbins, my celebrity crush for 15 years. (He just keeps getting better and better.)



My new crush is PBS's NOW's (and NPR's Marketplace's) David Brancaccio.



Hubba hubba !

[tjdee]

18. Tim Robbins is such a good man.....

to have a crush on for 15 years!

Good picks!

And I agree...I think internal requirements are much more important and non-negotiable than how he looks.

[Kamika]

16. Lol I dunno someone once called me a racist

I described what kind of guys I go for and they went on , how I was such a racist etc

[tjdee]

17. What kind of guys do you go for?

Yeah--I've been called racist against my own race .
I think I laughed when they said that.

[Kamika]

19. well

To be honest first off im Asian american and I mainly go for latinos or italians..

This black guy came off saying I was a racist and shit cuz I told him I wasnt interested in black guys.. and I suppose an asian guy would say I'm racist against my own race if id say the same to him .. It's crazy.

I have this prob too that I get ALOT of asianphiles on me.. guys that want a asian gf cuz were so "cute and submissive" and shit.

I want to be some normal guys type not some guy with a school girl fetish type

[JohnKleeb]

20. No not at all

[happyslug]

21. Picking a mate is a complex undertaking

And that is what you are doing when you are dating. Men and women have different (but similar and compatible) things they are looking for in a mate. Lets look at some:

1. Complimentency. Men and women are NOT equal, each have strengths and weaknesses. The key often is to find someone who compliments your assets. Men are larger and stronger. Women have higher pain thresholds and better endurance (provided equal training which is rarely the case). Women are better at detail work than men (men are better at things that require strength). Women are better at learning a language than men (Men are better at judging distances)

I hesitate to go beyond these areas for if you do is the difference a produce of Culture or sex? For example, direction. Many years ago I read a study that showed that based on driving people around blind-folded, men have a better sense of direction than women. Many years latter there was a study on English Taxi Drivers (who had died of natural causes) whose brain (on autopsy) showed an enlargement of that part of the brain the deals with directions. Thus your brain can be hard wired for directions AFTER you are born. When it comes to women, most women are driven around by their parents when young and told to stay home. Young boys tend to be left to go out more than young girls. Teenage boys tend to get cars and pick up dates and than drive their dates. Thus the MEN where exercising their brain for directions and the Woman was tagging along. Thus the difference between the sexes when it comes to directions may be a product of CULTURE not sex.

Similarly is the old adage that men do better than women in Math. This did not show up till puberty, when a lot of women, not wanting to outshine the boys who their were hoping to date, just stop doing math. If the Math teachers tolerate this, women fall behind for almost two years in Junior High and never catch up. If the teachers do NOT tolerate this and make an effort to prevent it, the women do not fall behind and stays even with the males. Thus the fact men do better than women in math is cultural not sexual.

Now a person wants a person who is complimentary to them, and the complementary may be a product of culture as while as sex. Thus when you are looking at someone who is complementally to you, it may not only be complementary on a sexual level but also on a cultural level. I stress this point for complimentarcy seems to be the number one things people look for in a mate. Unlike the following items there seems to be no one item that brings out the complimentarcy, it is a product of your personal history and your culture. Just accept it and work with it to find someone you can develop a permanent relationship with.

2. Spreading of Genes. Present theory holds that sex evolved probably as a protections against parasites. Study have indicated that in women, there is a tendency to look for a mate with the widest variation from her own Genes that meets her other requirements. I.e. if everything else is the same women will pick a mate from a different race. In the South Seas when Europeans firsts arrived, they were shocked at how “easy” the women were, and the higher in status the woman the more “easy” she was. Subsequent research showed this was NOT true among the natives themselves, but given the small populations of these islands the natives knew a influx of new blood would minimize problems caused by to much inbreeding. Furthermore the Higher ups wanted this “new blood” for themselves more than any other part of the populations. Thus it was not uncommon for the wife of the Chief to sleep with the Captain of the European ship. Any children born of the relationship was viewed as belonging to the Chief. This was an attempt to solve the problem of interbreeding and that women also want to get a mate as far from them in genes is another part of this process to minimize the effects of inner-breeding.

In men the nearest equivalence to this is how healthy is the woman to bare children. The better the women is to bare children, the sexier she looks to a man (and related to this is that when pictures of women is “sexy” poses are shown to men, the women who are ovulating are the second most likely to be picked as looking “sexy”, second to a woman holding a baby).

3. A man who is the closest looking to the most common male role model (or if you are male the best female role model) you knew of in you pre-school years. Generally your father (if Female) or your mother (if Male). Given that the people who will be the most like your parents would be your parents relatives, this offsets (only to a limited degree) the spreading of genes listed in 2 above. Also complimentary also means understanding HOW to work around someone, and if you are brought up in the same culture, it will be easier to find a mate who is complimentary to you among people in your own culture than further from your culture. Thus a near relative will be more complimentary to you than someone from a completely different culture. Thus it is easier to find a complimentary partner among relatives than non-relatives (but the Spreading of Genes desire seems to offset this).

4. Wealth of the male. Women tend to gravitate to a male who at some sub-conscious level she believes will be able to provide for herself and her children. The wealthier some man is, the sexier he looks (Age and health also factors in, an old 80 year old Millionaire will look less sexy than a kid out of Law School. The kid out of Law school has very few assets, but his educations indicate he will soon be making a lot of money. Thus soon he will be able to support her, thus he will look “sexy” to her). This is one of the reason for the long tradition of men paying for everything during a date, he is trying to show her he can support her so she will pick him as her mate.

The female equivalent to this is doing favors for her date, wash his clothes etc. She is showing she can complement him, and he would do better and go further if he pick her as his mate.


Thus what you are doing when picking a mate is a complex calculation. By the way I look like your dream, only about 20 years ago....

[CO Liberal]

22. I've Always Preferred Larger Girls and Women

Ever since I was ten. The women I've dated as an adult ranged between 180 and 450 pounds.

[BiggJawn]

23. You could take this to the "Nth" degree.....

F'instance, someone who claims not to have a "type"...

"So, it makes no difference to you? You could bed down a guy as easily as a woman?"
"No, I'm not Gay..."
"Oh. I thought you said you didn't have a "type"...

Date whoever makes you happy for whatever reason they make you happy. I don't look ANYTHING like that Irish guy (I look more like John Goodman) Do I feel slighted because I know I wouldn't rate a second (maybe even a first) look? Hell, no....That's life. Maybe if Oprah ever got rid of "DUD-man"....

[HEyHEY]

24. I love "ethnic" girls man

Anyone who has a problem with that can bite me!

[Feanorcurufinwe]

25. I guess there's a lot of types that are my type.

But I've had fun and surprising relationships with people who weren't. None that lasted for long though...

[KG]

27. is there a type that *really* turns my head?

yep - several. but i find myself attracted to to all kinds of 'types'

when it comes to womens - it's all good!

[Sting]

28. I'm pretty liberal on the girls I get attracted to...

I don't have just one type. I like all types of women. But I do have my standards.
Sting