Why is it that one person's anger is viewed as qualities of leadership

[Wapsie B]

and with someone else that trait is looked on as being irrational?

A problem I have is that on the one hand I can look like this stone cold person to some. But get me in a negotiation or a situation where I’m scrutinized and I fold up like an omlet.

The last supervisor I had knew exactly how to push all my buttons and manipulate me with guilt. I allowed myself to be put through 3 interviews and then to be browbeat to the point where I was grateful to be given a job. At that point I was a pushover.Salary negotiations were a non-issue for the hiring director as I took their lowball offer. I cost myself a lot of money in that ordeal along with a mountain of self respect.

The thing is that the times I do try to stand up for myself I’m accused of being irrational and a tyrant, that I’ll get a reputation for being a hothead. So why is one person’s assertiveness a demonstration of leadership qualities but when I do it it’s looked on as being emotionally unstable?

[pitohui]

1. sometimes color, class, or gender is an issue

i don't know anything abt you to guess but i have a general idea

if you're a woman, you just can't win, but the recent hurricane coverage has made me really notice how it's used against blacks also

aaron broussard (white) yelling & crying is a strong man
ray nagin (black) yelling & crying is "out of control"

there is definitely a double standard, i think it comes down to the boss or the media or the person judging you has ALREADY decided what they think abt you, and then they justify their opinion of you by labeling yr strength as "irrationality" if they are already prejudiced against you

does this make sense?

[Wapsie B]

4. Yes it does.

I'm a guy btw. They've pidgeon-holed me as the pushover and if I try to assert myself in any way that's a no no. Double standard indeed.

[Orsino]

2. Leadership is an art...

...and anger has its uses--ask any marine drill instructor. Acting angry can be motivational when it comes to simple tasks, expecially when the leader maintains a veneer of professionalism. Someone who has his act together while--apparently or actually--angry dons a mantle of righteousness that can be mightily inspiring.

The trick, then, which I have by no means mastered, is not to let your displeasure interfere with your judgement. You can use it as an attention-getting tool, or even to throw another person off his game.

[Wapsie B]

3. Yes I've seen it

used to throw me off my game many times. And the person who does it has that mantle of righteousness. That's a great description. But when I try to do the same thing I get in trouble for it.

[Wapsie B]

5. Kick

[In_The_Wind]

6. It really is about the presentation.

The same argument or set of ideas will elicit a different response if the presentation is changed.
A good speaker will think out the end results before beginning.