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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 02:58 PM
Original message
would you date someone who said these things?
so this girl i've been talking to, who's pretty cool, has said some things that has caused some major red flags to go up. First, she said her dad believes that "races shouldn't marry"!? :wtf: After my shocked silence, she quickly added that she did beleive it, but i'm not so sure (we're both white by the way). then a few days later she described her mexican neighbors as "the INS would have a field day with variety." now I know she's a liberal republican, and I have no problem dating a republican, but racism is a major red flag and deal breaker.

what do you think? is this racism, or being naive?
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:00 PM
Response to Original message
1. ugh!
i would not....yeesh
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Radio_Lady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:44 PM
Response to Reply #1
41. Self delete... thanks.
Edited on Wed Sep-28-05 06:49 PM by Radio_Lady
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:00 PM
Response to Original message
2. FUCK NO, I would not date a racist.
It should be a "deal breaker" for any kind of relationship.

Jesus.

Where did you FIND that person?

Welcome to DU, by the by.
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:09 PM
Response to Reply #2
6. thanks
we met online, we haven't met in person yet, but i am starting to debate whether we should or not. this thread has helped a lot in that decision.
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Nicholas D Wolfwood Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:02 PM
Response to Original message
3. Time to say good bye
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:02 PM
Response to Original message
4. It is ignorance! She should know better!
Either you can stick around and try to teach her and hope she grows as a person or you can get out now!!
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:14 PM
Response to Reply #4
8. yeah
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:06 PM
Response to Original message
5. how old is she...cos ignorance only works if shes 16
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:11 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. my age
22.


but she never went to college.
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antigone382 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:14 PM
Response to Original message
9. Well, my dad is a bigot, and I'm not.
He believes that different races shouldn't mix, and I always disagreed with him very strongly on that. Granted I don't talk to him anymore, but when I lived under his roof I wouldn't have wanted to be shut out from someone's life just because of my father's stupid opinions.

The Mexican comment, however, seems totally wrong and out of line, so I guess my whole point is moot anyway.
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:22 PM
Response to Reply #9
12. yeah, i was thinking that too
I'm ready to move on with her dad's comment, as i think my dad my have some of those beliefs tooand i am definitely not a bigot. but yeah, it's her mexican comment that threw me for a loop too, especially since i tutored kids of migrant workers, who may or may not have been here illegally too, and i loved every minute with them.
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:17 PM
Response to Original message
10. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:24 PM
Response to Reply #10
14. what the hell?
i'm just gonna assume you were not advocating that i hit her and move on. yeesh
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swag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:26 PM
Response to Reply #14
16. Why on earth would you assume that?
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:27 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. .
"snap her bean just right ("it hides itself," says sage Heraclitus) and she'll do and say anything you want her to. Under your thumb (er, in a manner of speaking)."
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:31 PM
Response to Reply #17
19. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 04:04 PM
Response to Reply #19
21. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
swag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 04:33 PM
Response to Reply #21
24. For those about to rock,
we salute you!
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 04:12 PM
Response to Reply #17
23. uh be aware that in the lounge all bets are off -
people here don't always say what they mean and could be using a "code" that many of us already get. Be patient and all will be revealed. :)
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wildhorses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 04:47 PM
Response to Reply #23
26. I sure hope so...
I am beginning to think I am too ignorant to hang out here...
I think this place can be informative and fun but, gee whiz,
you guys sure have your own jargon. It is like learning a second language.
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:29 PM
Response to Reply #26
37. just don't take anything too, too seriously
in GD, that makes sense ( they can be deadly serious there), but in the lounge, silliness and bad taste tend to run the show a bit. If you write people off in the lounge for snarky commentary, there won't be as many posts to read. ;) And yes there are a lot of inside jokes.

Don't worry, it will begin to make sense after a while.


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UncleSepp Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 04:37 PM
Response to Reply #10
25. Use her for sex, then move on, you're saying?
Also, women can be controlled by their clit?

You're a pig.
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swag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 04:50 PM
Response to Reply #25
27. I thought I was being obvious with my insincerity,
given my use of extremely crass expressions, cultural references, etc., for what I had intended to be humorous effect.

Wrong audience, wrong time. I apologize for offending your sensibilities.
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UncleSepp Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 05:01 PM
Response to Reply #27
30. S'ok hon. Sadly there are too many men for whom that's real.
I deal with people that rude for real every day, so it can be hard to tell :-(
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swag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 05:03 PM
Response to Reply #30
31. Well, sorry about that: those people you encounter.
And sorry again to have made your blood pressure rise. Satire is an overused form, and I have proven again that I am not a brilliant practicioner.

Best to you, and have a good night.
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progmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:19 PM
Response to Original message
11. um......probably not
:shrug:
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darkism Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:23 PM
Response to Original message
13. Why would you not have a problem dating a Republican?
You can do better.
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:26 PM
Response to Reply #13
15. because i've had a crush on one before
even going on a kind of psuedo date with her. She was able to not take her politics seriously when we talked and neither was i. but that that girl never made any racist comments.
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WCGreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:29 PM
Response to Original message
18. Several women and girls I have dated have shown their
racist tendancies....

that was a clear sign for an exit stratagy....
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tainowarrior Donating Member (425 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:40 PM
Response to Reply #18
40. never had that problem
ONly dated non-white girls. BLondes just don't do it for me, and most white girls I've met are so ditzy it's not funny

Besides, nobody beats Black and Latina girls. Most of them have great bodies, and because of their life experiences, tend to have more interesting conversation topics.

Just my experience, not a generalization.
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hickman1937 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 07:01 PM
Response to Reply #40
46. Gee whiz, as a blond, thanks for the massive smack down.
I spent most of my adult life being shoved into that box.
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WCGreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 08:21 PM
Response to Reply #46
47. I like blonds
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Ladyhawk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-29-05 12:16 AM
Response to Reply #40
54. Hey, I'm a blonde and I'm no ditz!
OK, as I get older, I'm less and less blond, but I'm still not a ditz. I would tell you about my academic and artistic achievements as proof, but you'd probably think I was boasting.
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KyndCulture Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 03:32 PM
Response to Original message
20. dude, RUN don't walk away... nt
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 04:06 PM
Response to Original message
22. I would say it is latent racism at the very least.
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LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 04:55 PM
Response to Original message
28. Quick! DON'T knock her up!
Yeah, kick her to the curb. Nothing good comes from dating a racist. She's probably even toning it down. :scared:
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ismnotwasm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 04:59 PM
Response to Original message
29. Tell her when ever you plan on getting married
You want to adopt poor children of color just like Anjela Jolie. See what she says.
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Shine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 05:09 PM
Response to Original message
32. Yuck!! Her comments would definitely raise my red flag, too.
I say, RUN, don't walk, away from this one, dude. There are many other fish in the sea. Good luck. :hi:

My two cents,
Shine
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khashka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 05:10 PM
Response to Original message
33. She's got some race issues
Run away!

Can't you find a nice Demgirl to date?


Khash.
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enigmatic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 05:11 PM
Response to Original message
34. Nope
Absolutely not.
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Mayberry Machiavelli Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 05:19 PM
Response to Original message
35. The brief picture you've painted certainly makes the spidey sense tingle.
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SocratesInSpirit Donating Member (540 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:13 PM
Response to Original message
36. Trust your gut
If you're feeling apprehensive, then it's probably a good idea not to let the relationship go any further. But if you can't decide whether or not you're worrying over nothing and feel that it's too soon to make judgements, then take things very slowly. If she is racist, it'll be revealed eventually.
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Thtwudbeme Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:37 PM
Response to Original message
38. You already know the answer; you just want to hear it from other people:
Dump her.
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 11:49 PM
Response to Reply #38
48. yeah, i think you're right
just needed that confirmation. a second opinion, so to speak
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 11:49 PM
Response to Reply #38
49. yeah, i think you're right
just needed that confirmation. a second opinion, so to speak
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tainowarrior Donating Member (425 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:38 PM
Response to Original message
39. dude
that's not "liberal Republicanism". That's straight up closest xenophobe /racist.

Still though, if you're single, adn she's single, and things aint' serious, do your thing and move on.

If you can't stand that, then just move on. She obviously holds the beliefs but is a little cold in stating it publicly.

Congrats to her. She joins 40% of Americans who feel the same way (closet racists).

Obviously not anyone here at DU. It's the same people who keep supporting Bush in the polls.
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Dastard Stepchild Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:48 PM
Response to Original message
42. I have dated a person that made unpleasant racist comments...
The person was otherwise a wonderful person. I informed the individual that I did not feel that way, and that if we were to remain dating, said comments were not be be uttered in my presence ever again.

In actuality, though, I don't think he was a racist as much as he was a misanthrope.... he seemed to have a dislike of all people in general. I actually really like people, and come with no preconceived notions or judgments about how people are supposed to be. Which is probably why I could remain in his presence after he made a racist comment.
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:51 PM
Response to Reply #42
44. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
Dastard Stepchild Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:54 PM
Response to Reply #44
45. Well, we're different...
and that's cool. :)
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AlienGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 06:49 PM
Response to Original message
43. Do you like "projects"?
It sounds like this person would not be a satisfying emotional partner for you without making a big change in attitude. People can unlearn racism, but it takes effort, and she'd have to want to broaden her horizons. You could invest a lot of time and energy trying to get her to change only to discover that she has no desire to climb out of her current worldview.

On the other hand, if you're a "fixer," you may have found a project more easily worked on than addiction or untreated mental illness.

Tucker
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hfojvt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-29-05 12:01 AM
Response to Reply #43
52. I just heard a line in a movie or on TV
This woman said "A woman marries a man hoping he will change, and he never does. A man marries a woman, hoping she won't change, but she always does."
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NMMNG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 11:53 PM
Response to Original message
50. First, welcome to DU
Second, I love your screen name

Third, I'd bow out of the relationship. Racism is not for me.
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-28-05 11:58 PM
Response to Reply #50
51. hehe, thanks
ain't it a great book? had to read it for a summer reading list in HS, loved it.

yeah, just trying to figure out a nice way to do that.
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Blue-Jay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-29-05 12:07 AM
Response to Original message
53. Tell her that you have an out-of-wedlock Mexican son.
She how she reacts.

Then you'll know what to do.
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