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Joke: The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives and Texan

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RebelOne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 02:35 PM
Original message
Joke: The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives and Texan
This was postd on an AOL anti-war group list. Thought I would share it with you all.

The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives and Texans Question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun and what kind of message does this send to society and my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.

Conservative Answer:

BANG!

Texan's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
click... (sounds of reloading).

Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"

Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it too..."

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips



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progressivejazz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 02:40 PM
Response to Original message
1. Gee whiz.
This liberal would have acted like your conservative on this one.

I guess we can't be stereotyped that easily, huh?
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ironflange Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 02:51 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Me too
But I'd have aimed for the legs. You know the other two would go for the vitals.
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 02:48 PM
Response to Original message
2. not quite
Without the conservatives and Texans around, the liberal would be able to hire a police force capable of detecting and arresting this lunatic. How's that for pre-emptive? :evilgrin:
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 03:02 PM
Response to Original message
4. this was my response to a wingnut at work who sent that to me
WRONG; I am a liberal and I would have blown the SOB away in a heartbeat. And since I was trained to shoot in the military I'd probably be a better shot than most chickenhawk conservatives.

And YES, I REPLIED TO ALL. :D
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Bucky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 03:15 PM
Response to Original message
5. God, I'm such a liberal
But I'm from Texas too. So I'd shoot 'im. And then blame it on Bush.
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Kamika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 03:15 PM
Response to Original message
6. I'm sorry
I dont find this especially funny
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brainshrub Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 03:23 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. I did
:D
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toddzilla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 04:18 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. sorry, this is stupid
yet another example of diluting a situation just to the point of proving whatever false assumption you want to spread.
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Kamika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 06:55 PM
Response to Reply #7
13. Well i seriously dont get what's funny about it
Edited on Sun Nov-09-03 06:58 PM by Kamika
It looks like some Texan-freeper propaganda if you ask me, directed to the stereotypical freeper.

I guess the "fun" thing is how the liberal is all indecisive and all but I just fail to see whats funny.. It's just stupid.


sorry


Edit: Well me being from Texas and all I think i would have tried runnin away first. If he followed I would have shot him.
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bearfan454 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 05:33 PM
Response to Original message
9. A repuke at work sent me that too.
I told him I find it funny considering I am a liberal Democrat with a concealed handgun liscense and a Vietnam Era Veteran. He didn't say one chickenhawk word.
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name not needed Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 05:47 PM
Response to Original message
10. im a liberal from nj
and i wouldve gone with the texan response.
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VOX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 06:44 PM
Response to Original message
11. The thrust of the joke is to make liberals look weak and foolish...
I'll weigh in too -- I'm *extremely* liberal, but you put me in that situation, and I would not hesitate to pull the trigger. A burst of three, and another burst if necessary.
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 06:53 PM
Response to Original message
12. I'd do both
I'd have to shoot to protect myself and my family.

BUT

the repukes and texans don't give a fuck about positive change. They claim to cherish life, but that's a crock of cack. Our society, in so many ways, creates stressful and angry situations. That must change.
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Kamika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 06:59 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. heh
Repukes and texans? hehe

*locks aim on you*



Seriously I would have tried running away first.
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VelmaD Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 07:00 PM
Response to Reply #12
15. Tired of the Texan bashing
As a native Texan I resent the statement that "texans don't give a fuck about positive change". I do not own a gun (though I do know how to safely operate one) and have worked my whole life for positive change. I may be the most liberal person you will ever meet. I'm really tired of bein lumped in with carpet-baggers like that fake Texan in the white house. I'm tired of the stereotype. I'm tired of the sweepin generalizations. It's no different than when conservatives make sweeping generalizations about blacks or women or the poor. As democrats we're supposed to be better than that.
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Nailzberg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 07:04 PM
Response to Original message
16. Another liberal with that would have pulled his gun.
Edited on Sun Nov-09-03 07:05 PM by Nailzberg
If I had a few second to hold off on shooting, I would. I would allow this deranged person a few seconds to drop the knife if that was at all a possiblity. But that is dependant on how much ground there was between us.
If I only had the time to draw and shoot, I'd shoot him right in the chest. It's the best target area.


And in reality, only the liberal would have the Glock to begin with.
"I ain't buying no Kraut gun. Germany don't support our great president's war."

The other two would have some 'Murken gun. And the Texan? They like em big in Texas, I say he'd have a Desert Eagle or something.
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Kamika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 07:06 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. why not try and run first?
Edited on Sun Nov-09-03 07:07 PM by Kamika
Im just curious.. im not just askin you.. im asking everyone here that says they would shoot him .. why not run first.. maybe hes just some mental guy defending his "territory".

If hed follow you.. by all means blow him away.
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Nailzberg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 07:16 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. Two reasons
Edited on Sun Nov-09-03 07:59 PM by Nailzberg
1. He's probably faster than my children.
2. I would have to turn my back on a dangerous manicac with a knife in order to run away.

I have no desire to kill anyone, but you cannot defend yourself with your back turned.

I would not shoot until he was right atop of my position, giving him those last few seconds to reconsider, but I'd probably get stabbed in the back if I ran. And if that happens, I can't draw my weapon to defend the family.

on edit: Actually, I could probably take him open-handed from the get go. But if I have the gun on me, it's safer to use it. Chances are the mental state of the assailant is due to drugs or derangement, in which case he'd keep coming and coming. If I tire first, or slip up, I'm dead. And if I'm dead, that's one less progessive voter.
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Kamika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 07:34 PM
Response to Reply #18
21. Yeah ok
HOw about pulling the gun.. just aiming it and backing off?
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Nailzberg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 08:01 PM
Response to Reply #21
22. I said I would hesitate in shooting until he was within striking range.
I've pulled my gun, every step he takes after that is his choice, until he leaves me with no choice.
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Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 07:29 PM
Response to Original message
19. I'd shoot him
Take a chance with your own life if you wish, but not two small children. I have heard a few people argue against self defense being immoral. If you really believe this, good for you. If you are willing to lay down your life for someone who wishes to harm you because they are desperate, I suggest that you devote your life to preventing such tragedies. If you are willing to give your life, certainly you are willing to give the poor your paycheck, share your food, and share your home with them. I'd consider these things minor sacrafices compared to the lives of myself and my family.
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Kamika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 07:32 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. Where
Edited on Sun Nov-09-03 07:32 PM by Kamika
Where did you hear that? some Amish place?
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mitchum Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 08:05 PM
Response to Original message
23. A better liberal/consevative joke:
a half-filled glass of water

LIBERAL: But the glass is only half-filled!
CONSERVATIVE: Who the hell drank half of my water???!!!
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-09-03 08:27 PM
Response to Original message
24. The joke, corrected
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

The liberal way:

The liberal shoots the guy, takes him to the hospital, then works for universal health care so the guy can get fixed up without having to sell everything he owns including about fifty gallons of his blood. The liberal then works to fix the horrid judge shortage so the guy gets convicted and jailed before he dies.

The conservative way:

The conservative shoots the guy, shoves him in the gutter and leaves him to die. When the conservative gets home, there are six police cars in front of his house. He's taken away along with his whole family. He's convicted of second-degree murder and his family of misprision. Six months later, the conservative is shanked in prison and buried alongside the guard dogs.

The Texan way:

The Texan shoots the guy, shoves him in the gutter and leaves him to die. Unfortunately for the Texan, it's 1998 and a death warrant with our guy's name on it has just landed on the governor's desk. Can you say "pancuronium bromide," boys and girls?

(The corrected version's not funny; then again, neither is the original.)

I am so sorry, but you don't walk around packed if you won't shoot someone with it. Even if you are a liberal.
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