I went to a (gay) bar last Saturday and did NOT get carded!

[Deja Q]

I'm 31.5 and many people still think I look rather younger! :ego:

But they didn't card me! I even fished out the old drivers' license card and, nope, they didn't want to look.

Maybe I look 57 and just don't realize it.

Or am I that repulsive? I mean nobody ever wants to talk and when they do look at me they look as if I'm some creature from another planet, not the look which welcomes conversation.

So here I am, in black and white:



Why am I single even though some people think I'm attractive? Because I'm shy, neurotic, can't converse with strangers out of fear they'll hate me or make nasty comments about me or what I like, and always look apprehensive in public (fear of people, don't ask why right now) and I always wait to be spoken to before speaking. Still, nobody's perfect. And that's probably for the best.

Of course, if they did look welcoming, they'd see my eczema outbreak on my arms that freak out, thinking I've got HIV or something...

[mr_hat]

1. Just so you didn't get stiffed.

[Systematic Chaos]

2. You look slightly younger than your age

and a HELL of a lot younger than me. I turn 35 in March but I'm graying at about the same pace that Steve Martin did.

I know I would never think to card you in a bar. You look late 20's to me. That ain't bad at all!

on edit: Oh, and while I don't make a career of judging other guys' looks, I don't think you look bad. You look like just another typical dude and there's nothing wrong with that. If shyness is a problem, do what you can to work on it. I was that way too and it's a terrible thing, but if you can acknowledge the problem you can certainly work on it. Good luck to you in any case!

[Kamika]

3. lower mid 20s

23-25

Pretty good looking too

[Maple]

4. Well I would have said

you weren't even 30.

And yes, you're good-looking!

[Droopy]

5. I have some of the same problem with regards

to waiting to be spoken to before speaking to a person. If I remember correctly you have some disorder that you have to take an anti-psychotic for. I have pretty much the same deal and from what I hear it's a symptom of the disease. I have trouble initiating conversation adn when I do I feel like I have a tendency to turn people off to me. I guess it's just something you have to work with.

Oh, btw, you look like an attractive fellow to me. I'm not too good a judge on the matter because I'm a straight male, but I don't see how your looks might get in the way of somebody taking a liking to you.

[mlawson]

6. That's the way gay bars are, at least in my experience.

It's been a few years since I've been in one; being 53 now, I do not wish to be the oldest person in the building by 20 years! (Even though I look considerably younger.) But I remember wondering, 'how does ANYone find someone in here?', over and over. It was me, in part, just being shy and picky, very picky, for a good reason: once of twice I went home with someone to whom I was NOT attracted, thinking that would change once we were in bed. WRONG!!!!! Total disaster. After that I became so choosy that finding anyone mutually atracted to me was virtually impossble. But still, if it don't work, it DOES NOT work!!! Literally.

But the rest of the problem with gay bars is that the young'uns, the really good looking ones, can be narsasistic, and only "stand and model" -- it took me a long time to figure that out, I confess.

Nowadays, I go to my neighborhood brewpub, which is 'mixed' like most bars here. All my friends (mostly metrosexuals) are there as well, and we have a good time. But having no reliable gaydar makes things a bit difficult. Good luck!

And you do not look 31, either!

[ldf]

7. from a gay guy

you are quite attractive. don't worry about your looks.

as far as the excema thing, no one is perfect. you are probably making much more of it than someone who is attracted to you would.

relax, take a deep breath, and go for it! just play safe.

on edit:

lots of people feel that they aren't good conversationalists. the more you do it, the easier it will be. just be yourself.

[Bronco69]

8. I had that same problem (talking to strangers)

but I found that most of them are just as nervous as you are. Now I can talk to anybody. I got tired of being a wall flower. Now I have a partner. You are an attractive guy, you have no reason to be nervous, and coming to DU shows that you are certainly intelligent. Believe it or not, people are attracted to people who exude confidence. Go get em tiger!! LOL!!

[MojoKrunch]

9. Was that *you* in Leathers?

Does CH/C even *have* a gay bar these days?
Or did you make it to Durham?

Dude, think about it for a second... cute, shy, young looking guy walks into a *GAY BAR* and doesn't *GET SHIT* from the doorman.
*FRESH MEAT*!


//Because I'm shy, neurotic, can't converse with strangers//
You're in Chapel Hill/Carrboro, right?
Hang out at Weaver Street Market.
Better yet, join and become a member owner/volunteer and meet all *sorts* of cute women.

Mojo

[joeybee12]

10. Yeah, well when I go into a bar everyone in front of me gets carded, and

then I whip out my ID and the guy always says, "That's ok."

SOB's!

[Deja Q]

11. Thanks, y'all!

It's nice to know I look okay overall. Time to get rid of the shyness though... I'll pop by the bookstore and look at their goods, and maybe get Al Franken's book while it's still 40% off...