I just found out my Dad's been in the hospital for 2 days.....

[jus_the_facts]

....they just decided to tell me tonight...his leukemia came back a month ago and he had a chemo treatment last week...went home from the hospital to stay until he had another one next week...but started running fever and unable to eat anything so he was admitted Tuesday night and will have to say in with IV antibiotics and feeding tube until after his next chemo treatment next Tuesday. I've wanted to be there but it's just not feasible for me to be.

I had been looking forward to going down there for Thanksgiving week as my Uncle and Aunt were going on a trip and had asked me to come stay at their place and keep their dog while they were away...had been looking forward to that for months now...and was even more so now that Daddy is sick and getting to spend time with him too has been foremost on my mind but now that too has been denied me. I'm beside myself with worry and angry that there's no way for me to be near him or to be involved in the decisions that are being made regarding his treatment and what they're doing to him either.

I just needed to vent and hoped for some kind words and support from my friends here as I feel so alone and scared...hopeless and depressed.....and angry that I'm so far away...useless and worthless...unable to hug him and hold his hand...make him laugh or ANYTHING AT ALL...but sit here and squall....feeling sorry for myself for being such a waste of space. :cry: x( :cry:

[acmavm]

1. How sad. I feel so sorry for you. Have you spoken to him? If possible,

call him up and tell him how much you love and miss him. Tell him what you wrote here. I bet that would do the two of you worlds of good, just to hear the sound of each other's voice. You aren't useless or worthless. And if you can just let him know how you feel, that would probably help him get through this as well. Let him know that he is on your mind every minute of every day, even though you can't be there.

[jus_the_facts]

6. Thank you.......

....I did do that earlier...but it's just not the same as being there.....I appreciate your kind words and thoughts though very much.

[Hand]

49. Keep calling...

I'm sure that just hearing your voice is a tremendous comfort to him. It's so important to both of you to talk at this time--believe me, you'll be glad you do whatever you can. Been there with my dad under similar circumstances; every thought and moment you share, however you do it, is precious.

Don't hesitate to cry, either. Do what you have to do. If there's ANY conceivable way to get down to see him, do it!

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Amich]

2. sorry to hear the news.

Hopefully he will go into remission again. Can't you send him something and tell him when ever he looks at it imagine getting a hug from you? I hate the helpless felling.

[jus_the_facts]

7. Thank you....that's a great idea.....

...will do that too. Thanks so much.

[Rick Myers]

3. You are among friends here...

The DU family has helped me thru several major incidents, and that's one of the things that makes DU so great. We are a family, and, despite the dysfunctions in each of us, we are a family...

All good karma to you, my friend... I'm sure there are a thousand DUers wishing you the same...

I'm currently in my old hometown assisting my 76 year old dad who's got Alzheimer's. Some times it's annoying, it's rough... Other times it's so endearing... Like he's a child again. You almost envy his take on the world...

Strength to you...

Rick

[jus_the_facts]

8. Sending the good karma back to you and your Dad.....

....Thank you so much Rick...strength back to you as well.:pals:

[Lars39]

4. I've been where you're at, and it is the most helpless/frustrating feeling

imaginable. :( {{{{jus_the_facts}}}}

[jus_the_facts]

9. Thank you Lars....

:pals:

[salin]

5. ((((((hugs))))))

How far away are you? You have my sympathy, it is excrutiatingly hard to be far away during medical emergencies of a parent or other loved one. :hug:

[jus_the_facts]

10. Only a few hundred miles......but might as well be across the universe....

.....thank you Salin...it is at this moment undeniably difficult to the extreme. :hug:

[salin]

28. I was several hundred miles away

when my father had serious surgery. Over the thanksgiving holidays, no less. There was no way to get home - and he pulled the... "I would rather that you visit when I am in good health" (re: not to worry you) thing that many parents do. I hear you - sometimes the miles can't be crossed... and at those time having family protect you from the real news is just as bad as the news itself. If you can't get back - may you find yourself around friends that feel like family - who can be there, hold your hand, and deal if you get snippy (as would be natural with such worry weighing on the shoulders.)

[jus_the_facts]

40. yeah it's the same way now too...

....he said "it's okay baby...I'm just waiting this out here...no reason for you to feel like you need to be here bored too." But I wouldn't be and just want to be able to be there in case anything should happen with this new chemo drug they're using...he had a bad reaction to it while they were giving it to him last week...really sounded bad to hear my Mom tell it. :scared:

[northofdenali]

11. My heart goes out to you, and to your family.

My thoughts will be about you and your dad. My wishes for the very, very best outcome for him, and for relief from fear for you. {{hugs}}

[jus_the_facts]

13. Thank you northofdenali....

.....my parents were looking forward to coming back up there to Alaska next year to spend the summer...he LOVES it up there...they spent summer before last driving across Alaska and took the most beautiful photo by the lake at night with the northern lights shining on the water...I envy you with that awesome landscape and wilderness. How I hope he will be here to get to experience his dream again...as he puts it GOD'S COUNTRY once again! :hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

12. Amber I am SO sorry to hear this

YOu are NOT a waste of space and he KNOWS you love him. I am glad you told us so we can at least offer our support. YOu and your dad will be in my prayers.

((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))) :loveya:

Really, friend, I am sad about this.

[jus_the_facts]

16. Thank You Teena...

.....you know that means a LOT to me too for your support and prayers and encouragement....so very much. :loveya: :hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

33. More hugs (((((HUGS)))))))

[jus_the_facts]

41. More back to you too....

:pals: :hug:

[JohnKleeb]

14. Amber I am sorry to hear that

My late aunt died of Leukemia. I hope for the best.

[jus_the_facts]

17. Thanks John....

...so sorry about Aunt...thanks for your support. :hug:

[JohnKleeb]

23. She died in the beginning of Bush's awful regime

She was also my godmother. Shes in heaven now though. I wonder what she would think about today. I remember crying at her funeral. May you rest in peace, aunt Annie, thank you.

[jus_the_facts]

27. RIP Aunt Annie....

....glad she hasn't had to suffer though any of the things that happens in this world because of those thugs. :hug: :loveya:

[JohnKleeb]

29. I am too

great woman Amber I can tell you that. Thanks :hug:.

[Skittles]

15. it's OK sweetie

you are with friends here.

[jus_the_facts]

19. Thank You Susan....

....I know you are with me...and I so needed you tonight too. :hug: :loveya:

[AquariDem]

18. I have been there--I hope he gets better

My cousin had leukemia several years ago, and has been in healthy remission ever since. Hugs for you, and for your dad. :hug: :hug:

[jus_the_facts]

22. Thank You...he'd been in remission for a year....

....but has relapsed...if he goes into remission this time they're supposed to harvest his own bone marrow for a transplant...he also had a tumor in his lung that they removed last March...sure hope it doesn't spread too...as they were baffled by him having two different kinds of cancer at once....he's a very strong man and has been fighting it...but it still worries me so....thanks again. :hug: :hug:

[roguevalley]

20. You are not useless or a waste of space for having a heart and being

afraid.

Call. Call every day. Call everytime the anxiety
surges. Talk to someone, honey. Does your papa have
family with him? Contact them when you feel you need
to know what is going on.

Don't worry about weeping or feeling awful. My dad
had cancer. I know what that's like. Take care,
keep in touch and hugs to you, honey.

RV

[jus_the_facts]

24. Thank you RV.....

....he does have other family there...my Mom and his brother...and many friends too...but not me...his baby girl who wants to be so very much...I plan on calling lots and lots. :cry: :hug:

[jiacinto]

21. I am sorry

I was worreid that he had been attacked by a predator. Thank God that he wasn't the victim of a violent crime!

[salin]

Carlos...

while we empathize tremendously with your ordeal... there are times that reaching out to another suffering from a different kind of ordeal - without mention of one's own... can be a graceful art. Life and death and serious situations are just as serious even when an physical attack is not involved. Please take these words as a gentle nudge, nothing more, to remind you that even in this time of crisis... working hard to try to find/keep perspective (which can take emotional resources) is really helpful to refinding one's center. I, too, have been the victim of a very violent crime - and speak from that space. It had to be dealt with. But I worked really hard to fight it when it tried to creep in and takeover my life (as in encrouching into every thought and situation.) May you find some success in doing the same.

[jus_the_facts]

30. Thank You Carlos....

....nope just a violent predatory blood disease that is also a crime in my eyes. :hug:

[Rhiannon12866]

25. I am so very sorry. If it helps, at all, I've been there

My dad had cancer and was in the hospital several times for chemo. He just hated being stuck in there; it made him feel trapped. He was the first patient in the history of that hospital to have chemo as an outpatient. They attached the chemo to his belt so he could walk around and he insisted on returning to work. Fortunately, I was able to visit him in the hospital, but I share your feelings. I just felt so helpless to do anything and I have never been so terrified in my life. I mean this was my father! Can you give him a call? It might make you feel less alone if you could hear his voice and it might just make his day. I don't know if this helps, but I really do understand.;(:hug:

[jus_the_facts]

31. Yes it does help Rhiannon.....very much....

....I don't feel as alone now as I did before I posted...thank you so much for sharing your experience...I did get to talk to him tonight but it made me so upset not to be right there with him still. :hug:

[Rhiannon12866]

34. I know what you mean

It's such a helpless feeling. It's the first time in my life that I saw that my dad was scared and I couldn't do anything to help him with that. I'm so glad that hearing my experience helped a little. The one thing I don't understand is why this changes your plans for Thanksgiving...:pals:

[jus_the_facts]

36. Well my Uncle and Aunt decided not to go on their trip after all....

....my cousin is pregnant and might have to induce labor sometime ain the next weeks...so they aren't going anywhere now...I stayed at there place last year for a month when my Dad was in the hospital for chemo and again in March when he had to have surgery...but they've got a lot going on now building a new house and with their own children too so I guess it's just not a good time to extend me the offer of staying in their guest house right now. :shrug:

I know he's scared too...eventhough he's putting up a good front...we talked last weekend for awhile and he sounded so down...bored having to stay shut in is so very difficult for him...he was NEVER sick and always on the go all my life. :(

[Rhiannon12866]

42. I'm so sorry

I would think your aunt and uncle would be concerned about your dad, as well, and understand. Is there no other family you could stay with? It just sounds to me like you really need to see your dad. When my dad was in the hospital, I used to stop by sometimes after work, which was really late since I was working nights. They didn't have regular visiting hours in the oncology unit. People could visit anytime. Even if he was asleep, which wasn't often, it just made me feel better. He also liked the company. I wish so much that there was something I could do to help.:shrug:

[jus_the_facts]

43. I'm sure this turn of events is another major factor.....

....in their decision not to go...I have other family there on my Moms side...will see them this weekend at our annual family reunion...maybe they might offer...just have to wait and see. :shrug:

Thank you so very much..you've done something already by your kind words and support here. :hug: :loveya:

[Rhiannon12866]

44. I can't imagine they won't offer

That's what families are for, to be there for each other during the tough times. And DU is your other family, you know. You know now how many people here care about you. Thanks for the kind words. As I've said, I really do know how you're feeling right now.:grouphug:

[ronzo]

26. Hey.

This sucks and I can relate! Do let me know if there's anything we can do for ya!
Thinking good thoughts,
Ron and Kaye

[jus_the_facts]

32. Thank you both....

....I appreciate the good thoughts from ya'll. :hug:

Guess I need to be up here on the 15th so I can vote huh?! x(

[ronzo]

35. You may be able to still turn in an absentee ballot...

I'm not sure. Seriously, I don't know where the folks are, but PM me if we can do you a favor, seriously.
Think good thoughts!

ed: did I mention I was serious? :)

[jus_the_facts]

38. They're in Baton Rouge.....

...he's in Our Lady of The Lake down there...I appreciate the offer really I do...and may need ya'll so I'll sure let you know if and when I might. :hug: That's so very sweet of ya'll. :)

I'm not sure about the absentee voting if it's still an option or not this close to the election. :shrug:

[Zomby Woof]

37. your Dad is strong

So are you. Through all of this, I hope he knows what a caring daughter he raised. I am sure he draws strength from the support you give him, even when you can't be in the same room.

[jus_the_facts]

39. Thank You so very much for saying that....

....means a LOT that you think that of me and cared enough to let me know it too....it really really does Laurin...thank you! :hug:

[Fridays Child]

45. You and your dad are both my thoughts...

He knows you want to be there and that you love him. Don't worry about that. And you'll get there as soon as you can. But it's very tough, I know.

((((((((((Big hugs for you))))))))))

[jus_the_facts]

46. Thank You Mary Pat...

....sure do wish the best to your friends there regarding his safe return home. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[newyawker99]

47. I am sending some positive thoughts to you and some

good vibes to your Dad, Amber. I hope he gets better soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~good thoughts and vibes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[jus_the_facts]

48. Thank You Veronica.....

...we both need that so very much. :loveya: :hug: