women don't dislike guys because they are "nice"

[StopTheMorans]

there are many reasons that some women aren't attracted to a certain man, just as there are many reasons that some men aren't attracted to a certain woman. "nice" has nothing to do with it. however, "self-pity", "lack of goals/motivation/a view of how you'd like your life to be and the drive to do something about it", "whining about how you'd like every woman on the planet to change and like you instead of trying to gain some confidence and self-respect", "not being overly needy and projecting your personal happiness onto another person, a need which that other person will never be able to fill if you can't fill it yourself", and "projecting massive instability" are all traits that I think it can be agreed BOTH sexes would find unattractive. Can the term "nice guy" PLEASE go the way of "b*tch" around here?

[bicentennial_baby]

1. word

:thumbsup:

[yvr girl]

2. well put

[Misunderestimator]

3. Good one!

:thumbsup:

[StopTheMorans]

5. SNAP!

i didn't realize it until today, but i've had a girlfriend for the last 9 months, so apparently i'm not a nice guy any more *hangs head in shame and hands in membership to nice guy's club*

[Fenris]

21. I, too, am a jerk and a chauvinist.

I've been with the same woman for almost a year. Why am I so evil? :(

[StopTheMorans]

25. because you beat your woman, and you treat her like crap

if you just whined a lot more, and told women how nice you were, you'd be a better man, although you would most certainly NEVER get laid (nice guys don't get laid TM)

[Fenris]

28. That's true. I don't whine enough.

I should do that more. And talk about how nice I am. For my own self-satisfaction. Because it will make me feel better about my ineptness with women.

[StopTheMorans]

29. exactly! you've discovered the direct correlation between self-pity and

the continued inability to get laid. damn it, i wish i was better with graphics; i'd make a little graph with "self-pity" on one side and "probability of getting laid" on the other. good work :thumbsup:

[Fenris]

31. Surely there's a mathematical principle somewhere in there.

Something related to exponential decay. Perhaps we can prove your theory is not just common, it is a universal law.

[StopTheMorans]

32. math is not my forte, but i would welcome your help

it could definitely do wonders towards decreasing the level of annoyance and irritation in the lounge, and possibly the greater world as a whole.

[JimmyJazz]

4. excellent post

:thumbsup:

[WI_DEM]

6. very true

but how does it explain all the men and women who are with very confident,motivated, successful and attractive looking people who cheat on their spouses, lie and are generally self absorbed with themselves? and yet the man and/or woman will stay with this person without giving the time of day to somebody else who may not have all the looks or success but are generally decent and hard working people?

While I feel beauty is in the eyes of the beholder--the most attractive traits a person can have (male or female) are a strong sense of humor, the ability to listen as well as contribute to a conversation and respecting yourself because if you don't respect yourself you can't respect anybody else.

[StopTheMorans]

10. the two aren't related

but people can be attracted to people for a variety of reasons. hell, for all i know, maybe the people in your scenario are staying with their spouses because they are good-looking and make a good income IN SPITE of everything else. and, if that's the case, then why the hell would a "nice guy" or "nice girl" for that matter want to date someone who is just interested in such "superficial" things?

[WI_DEM]

17. of course economic security is a major reason

it used to be by and large women, but increasingly even men. I know a guy who lives with his girlfriend and she makes very good money and he is an hourly worker in a discount store. He takes lots of verbal abuse and he gets upset and I say, "well, why don't you move on?" and he says, "I've gotten used to the good things." ($$$) so it is really his fault that he is taking it.

[StopTheMorans]

18. exactly

[JimmyJazz]

23. I totally agree with the attributes you consider to find attractive in

a person. I'd add "having a passion for life" to it, but otherwise, it's a good list. :)

[progmom]

7. Stop TheMorans has my vote for President of the Lounge

:woohoo:

[leftofthedial]

8. I think all people (of both genders) are remarkably BAD

at choosing romantic partners

we attach WAY too much significance to coupling

[StopTheMorans]

11. i'm assuming you're single

[leftofthedial]

22. I will be in about 6 weeks

for the first time in 27 years.

[StopTheMorans]

26. ouch

[Taverner]

9. A little clarification here

Women don't dislike nice guys, they dislike 'nice guys.' There is a difference.

A nice guy is simply a standup guy who tells the truth and doesn't behave like a complete asshole all the time.

A 'nice guy' is the kind of guy you'd bring home to mother. Basically an anti-superfreak. Everything Rick James ISN'T.

I wouldn't want a 'nice girl' either.

[StopTheMorans]

14. not really true, and a false distinction

there are plenty of girls who want just that kind of guy, just as there are plenty of guys who want just that kind of girl. noone dislikes a person for being "nice", however, they may dislike them for all kinds of traits, i.e. that they are "boring", "self-pitying", "have no drive/motivation/passion" etc... "nice" really does have nothing to do with it...

[Taverner]

19. Ahhh but you know what I mean by "nice guy"

Let me set up an example.

You and your wife/girlfriend/significant other are sitting around. She has a friend. Let's call her, for the sake of argument, Samantha Jones.

Now Samantha was lamenting to your SO that she can't find any quality men, and she's already 28. So your SO goes to you, and wants you to dig into your pool of able bodied men for a date. Problem is, everyone you know is married or gay. Or both.

But there is one - lets call this guy "Mister Bungle." Now Bungle is a sweet guy, he collects Richie Rich comics, goes to Casper conventions and likes to play Mist.

You are now describing Mister Bungle to Samantha....she asks is he cute.

You reply, "Well he's a NICE GUY."

That is what I mean.

[StopTheMorans]

24. i wouldn't call mister bungle a "nice guy"

i'd call him a guy with "weird social habits" or a "nerd" or a "geek"; his choice of activities has nothing to do with whether he respects people and affords them common courtesies or not.

[bicentennial_baby]

16. never woulda guessed that...

"I wouldn't want a 'nice girl' either."

:P

[Taverner]

27. We'll the two of us should stay away from nice girls then....

;)

[jonnyblitz]

12. lol..you're a nice guy in my book stopthemorans!!

:crazy: :hug: :hi: (good post)

[StopTheMorans]

15. damn it; do i have to get castrated now?

:scared: :cry:

[redqueen]

13. U R tEh r0x0r!!!!111!

:P

Seriously, though... :loveya:

[Double T]

20. Nice Guys Often Finish Last (and are perceived to be boring) And.....

Many Women Prefer Bad Boys That They Believe They Can Rehabilitate And Mold Into Their Ideal Man. It Also Works The Same For Nice Women Etc.

[terrya]

30. Mom likes me because I'm nice...but that's certainly NOT what you're....

talking about. :-)

This is a heterosexual thing only, so I'll just step out here. :-)

[StopTheMorans]

34. you can step in if you'd like Terry, do gay men hate nice guys too?

:D

[terrya]

38. Some do.

Yeah...some gay men do hate nice guys. I was involved with a couple of guys like that...long, long ago.

Fortunately, my guy, LOVES nice guys. :-)

[crispini]

33. THANK YOU MORANS!

:hug: :yourock:

Very well put. When it comes to this seemingly inexhaustible topic, I have often said, "Nice is not enough." In other words, I have met plenty of "nice guys" who were TOTALLY attractive interesting and fun to be with -- I have also met plenty of "nice guys" who were just plain ol' DULL. The thing is that a guy who is "Nice PLUS" tends to get described in terms of the "PLUS," in other words, he is a reader / a political activist / a movie lover / a friend to animals, etctera. A guy who has "nice" and ONLY "nice" going for him, tends to get described as, "Well..... he's a nice guy." That long pause after the "Well," is someone vaguely searching for some other way to describe him, IMO.

[tblue37]

35. This is the absolute truth.

I have a good friend, a wonderfully nice guy (and good-looking, to boot), but he can't get a girlfriend. He sees girls with guys who treat them badly and assumes they are with those guys specifically because they like to be treated badly. But although he is really nice to people, he also has all those negative traits you list in the OP.

Evolution matters. Males who don't hold back and whine and wait for females to come after them and admire them for their niceness are the ones whose genes are most likely to get into subsequent generations. And females who were impregnated by such males are also the ones with more descendants. Therefore, there is going to be a strong tendency for women to prefer men who have self-confidence over weaker men who hold back and whine and feel sorry for themselves.

[StopTheMorans]

37. sweet, I speak the "absolute truth"

:D

[Susang]

36. Testify!

:headbang:

[Amaya]

39. Finally you make some sense!

j/k Well said! :yourock:

[StopTheMorans]

40. you don't like me; it's because i'm nice, isn't it

:cry:

[Amaya]

41. No, it's because you hate U2

and you said I smell funny :P

But, I'll forgive you because you have a nice ass ;)
(opps... did I say that)

[StopTheMorans]

42. well, U2 does stink, and so do you

and I can't hate you for telling the truth about me :loveya: