Question: Why do women settle for unexceptional men?

[chaska]

I see it all the time, a beautiful woman with an obvious dumbass.

You know the type, they watch or play sports, they like to squeal the tires or play their music really loud in their cars with the big loud engines, and woowee, don't they love their beer. They like to gun them engines too, don't they? Not a one of 'em could write an intelligent sentence, or play a musical instrument, or could cook a meal, or ever did anything interesting in their lives.

What the heck would you want one of these standard issue jackasses for? I think I know the answer, and it makes me kind of sad. It's that most women are the female equivalent to these unevolved "moran" boy type. Am I wrong?

Why do you go for these guys, ladies?

I realize how I come off sounding here. Cut me a little slack, will ya? I got some bad news today. I guess it's just me looking at my life and where I've gone wrong ... if I have.

[KG]

1. i would say it's because those women are unexceptional, also

[Mnemosyne]

13. I tend to agree with you KG,

Maybe they are just dumbasses too!

[CelticWinter]

2. bad boys

it is because they are bad boys. but in all reality how many marry or stay married to the bad boy?

[Lisa]

3. it happens to not-so-beautiful women too ...

I've seen guys whom I know to be sleazy and not even halfway charming, walk into a room full of accomplished, self-confident women (some of whom are drop-dead gorgeous), and have them all vying with each other to attract his attention.

Hormones, perhaps?

[DS1]

4. Maybe they think they're fun

and don't like the kind of guys that think house parties just means everyone has to take their shoes off so nobody gets any shoeprints on the carpet

[clydefrand]

5. Why do you go for these guys, ladies?

Simple: Sex! And they get away from their parents.

[VelmaD]

6. Because the exceptional ones cause us pain too...

trust me on this one. I know an exceptional man and they aren't that easy to deal with.

[PretzelWarrior]

7. probably either sex, money, or low self esteem

if people have a GREAT time in the sack..they end up putting blinders on.

similarly, if they feel they want a comfortable life and this guy is a good wage earner, maybe the woman is okay with his "ordinary" ways.

also, some women don't look at themselves in the mirror and take a personal inventory where they see themselves as exceptional and their insecurity forces them into arms of a guy who probably isn't all that great.

but then again, I've seen the same thing go the other direction too. men settling for women who clearly don't match well with the guy.

[Xipe Totec]

8. Maybe seeking fulfilment through others is not the answer

WHEN YOU LEARN TO FIND A SMILE

ENRIQUE GONZALEZ MARTINEZ
Mexican Diplomat and Poet
(1871-1952)

http://palabravirtual.com/index.php?ir=ver_poema1.php&p...


When you learn to find a smile
in the subtle drops that exhude
from porous rocks in the mist,
or from the sun, the birds, and the breeze;

When nothing to your eyes remains lifeless,
or amorphous, or colorless, or distant,
and you grasp life and the mysteries
of silence, shadows and death.

When you can cast your gaze at the different
paths of the cosmos, and your effort
becomes a potent microscope
that discovers invisible universes;

Only then in a blazing bonfire
of infinite and superhuman love,
like St. Francis of Assisi, will make brothers
of the tree, the jungle and the beast.

And you will feel in the immense multitude
of beings and things your own self;
and will become fear itself before the abyss
and will become pride itself upon the summit.

Your love will shake off the defiling pollen
that stains the very whiteness of the lily,
you will bless the sandy seashores
and cherish the flight of insects;

And you will kiss the briar thorns
And the silky petals of the dahlias…
And piously cast off your sandals
to keep from hurting the stones along your path.

[Lorien]

9. Because many women are conditioned to believe that they are nothing

without a man-ANY man. Generally such women suffer from poor self esteem and/or the Florence Nightingale syndrome ("I will nurture and "save" him")-also known as the "Beauty and the Beast" syndrome ("My love can transform him").

[Lisa]

10. yeah, a woman is incomplete until she gets married ...

Then, she's finished.

(One of my co-worker's favorite sayings.)

[PretzelWarrior]

11. exactly. hey question

will you go out with me? I am ordinary and you seem exceptional.

LOL. sorry.
so who is that in your avatar? and why?

[Lorien]

17. Awww...

and here I am, 3000 miles away.

Her name is Arundhadi Roy, and she's a Booker prize winning author and human rights activist from India. She's one of the few modern day heroes of the Left out there, imho.

[PretzelWarrior]

24. miles make no difference in this new world of ours

but anyway....I just looked up her info. great stuff. I linked to one of her articles right in the wake of 9/11/01 attacks.

glad I asked. I've seen her avatar many times from many posters but finally asked. I was wondering why people were so fixated on Penelope Cruz. BUWAHAHAHAHA!

[BikeWriter]

21. Because of the White Knight Syndrome...

I've saved three of those women. I have empowered each of them to leave me and seek better lives.

[PretzelWarrior]

26. lol. that is quite a punch line

and I'll have to remember that one.

so are you out searching for your future ex wife, then?

[BikeWriter]

42. I've taken a hiatus from the Battle of the Sexes...

There are two who would like to be my next ex, but I'm attempting to turn over a new leaf.

[Hardrada]

12. I used to get a lot more action when I was bombed

or generally out to lunch (OUT TO LUNCH! wild and crazy guy) and more obviously dysfunctional than now when I am cool, calm and collected. Of course I am a lot older too now.

[Child_Of_Isis]

14. Because they see it on the tele...

Think Everybody loves Raymond, King of Queens, etc. Men are supposed to be stupid and women are supposed to "fix" them.

[LynzM]

15. Because....

"Badass" is sexy.

To say 'fuck you' to societal expectations (friends, peers, parents, whatever)

Because they believe they don't deserve better

Because it's less threatening than dealing with someone who forces you to challenge yourself, internally

There are many, many reasons.

[chaska]

16. I think there are a great many exceptional people here at DU.

It's a shame we're all in different states and such.

[knowbody0]

18. Pearl Jam, "Can't Find a Better Man"

it appears to be my daughter's theme song. sigh

[Misunderestimator]

19. "most women are the female equivalent to these unevolved "moran" boy type"

Um... MOST WOMEN are MORANS?!?

I am only surprised that you didn't post this tripe in the feminist group.

Sorry for your bad news... it does NOT give you the right to denigrate ALL WOMEN!

[DS1]

22. Would you settle for 51%?

[Misunderestimator]

30. I'll settle for 20%...

jerk...

[DS1]

37. Yeah, that was about my number too

Sugar

[Schema Thing]

62. Can't see why a woman on this forum would have a problem with that

...isn't that pretty close to the percentage of people that fucked our country like a drunk TX frat boy the last two elections?

just sayin'

[chaska]

31. I didn't say "ALL WOMEN".

I said "most". We at DU are an exceptional bunch.

[Misunderestimator]

38. Right... and I've got a huge problem with "MOST"

No matter what your experience here... or whatever steam you feel you need to blow off... Do NOT call MOST women MORANS... without expecting some objection to that crap...

Most WOMEN did not vote for Bush... Most MEN did. Who are the morans?

[Kathy in Cambridge]

46. Remember what I said the other night?

Comments like this come from men who long for or lack female companionship. And they wonder why.

[chaska]

59. Thanks a lot. I got news today that my father died. I was feeling weak...,

and said as much, and yet you attack me.

Nice.

Most PEOPLE ARE unexceptional. You, personally, I don't know about.

...People suck.

[Misunderestimator]

71. I am sorry for your loss.. I truly am...

but there is NEVER a reason to insult an entire group of people, no matter what you are going through.

I did not attack you... I was merely defending myself as a woman, against your attack.

By the way, all you said in your OP was this "I got some bad news today." It's astonishing to me that you would berate people who responded to that with this news, as if we all should have known it.

And in your PM to me... you said this:

Did you ever consider that I could have gotten news today...
From: chaska
Date: Jul-20-05 11:24 PM

that my father died?

He COULD have died? Again... if this is so, I am sorry for your loss, you should have made it clear in your OP, but it does not change the fact that you have no right to insult all women because of your grief.

[Maddy McCall]

47. I caught that too.

And OH how I wanted to respond...really wanted to respond.

Yes, the bad news does not give anyone the right to say with impunity such nasty things about women.

I'm sick of these "Why don't the wimmen folks like nice guys" posts.

REally sick of them.

[stevedeshazer]

20. Because they are unexceptional women.

Beauty is where you find it. It really is that simple.

Sorry about whatever your bad news is, though.

If what you say is true, (that unexceptional men who are beer drinking, fast-car driving shallow moran types attract women), you're limiting yourself to the wrong set of potential partners.

Finding a suitable partner for life is one of the toughest things to face in life. I've failed many times. It took a long time to work it out, but I found someone eventually, and we're happy now for many years.

I have known your sadness, it oozes from your post. I wish you the best, and my advice is to take plenty of time to heal and not jump back in with someone else right away. Learn to be independent first, then find an independent woman who is the same.

But who am I to preach? I'm just saying that it worked for me, but it took a lot of patience.

Good luck going forward, friend.

[chaska]

34. No, not a relationship but a death.

[stevedeshazer]

48. Sorry, I was way off base.

But still, I wish you well.

[no_hypocrisy]

23. A variety of reasons:

1. Being in love or lust and not really seeing the man.
2. Marriage is the goal, the man incidental.
3. Cynicism. "Real good men" no longer exist in their belief system. These women give up too soon and "settle" for less.
4. Better to be with someone than to be alone (see #2). This works for dating as well.
5. Oh heck, he can always be changed after the wedding . . .
6. Maybe he reminds them of their fathers.

I'd guess #4 to be the most prevalent reason to your rhetorical statement.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

25. What the fuck?

It's that most women are the female equivalent to these unevolved "moran" boy type. Am I wrong?

No slack will but cut for a phrase like that, dude.

[baldguy]

27. Hey! I'm an unexeptional man! Where's MY beautiful woman?

[SOteric]

28. It's always possible, no disrespect to your mood intended,

but it's decidedly possible that an exceptional woman can see more in that man than you do; and/or she has a different scale of what's relevant to her personal happiness.

Love isn't a reward for excellent performance in some sort of talent contest. Sometimes what's most important is that he make her laugh, feel secure, needed and cared for. Thank goodness people don't have to be exceptional to deserve to be loved. I worry most of us wouldn't qualify.

[PretzelWarrior]

32. actually we would. we are exceptional each and every one

we just need to be actualized...somehow connected with the tools to be that better person who impresses all who come in contact with us and leaves a room more positive than when we came.

unfortunately many do not avail themselves of these daily opportunities for growth including yours truly.

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

35. Wow.

That is one of the best posts I've ever read on DU.

[DS1]

41. Yeah, she does that now and then

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

44. I can see why

that heart's goin' thumpity-thump in your sig ; what a great outlook on life and people and love...

[Schema Thing]

61. Nicely put.

[Mnemosyne]

29. Hello chaska. A couple questions...

What is your definition of "exceptional"? Is it a physical qualification or overall description?

Does your question assume that "beautiful" women are more worthy of an "exceptional" man?

Does your question imply that those of more inner beauty deserve to have only "unexceptional" men?

Inquiring mind would like to know.

And yeah, many of those jackasses have HUGE tires also!!! Maybe it's the tires! Some of those women may need the air!

You know the old saying, little tires, big _ _ick!

Sorry, couldn't resist.

[PretzelWarrior]

36. and size matters. right?

[Mnemosyne]

39. The bigger the tires baby, the better!

[mcscajun]

45. I noticed that as well.

How is that the OP equates "beautiful woman" with "exceptional woman"?

There are plenty of exceptional women who do not score a perfect 10 on the attractive to males "richter scale". Not all beautiful women are otherwise exceptional.

[Mnemosyne]

50. It's too common in this society anymore.

EGOS! I deserve "better" than you because I'm "prettier"?! Is this only in the US/ Or world-wide thinking?

I'd hate to think the entire world is filled with the same shallow rhetoric.

[chaska]

52. I often use beautiful and exceptional to mean the same thing.

[mcscajun]

55. Which leads to a 'chicken and the egg' question:

Do you judge the beautiful to be exceptional, or the exceptional of whatever form, to be beautiful?

[MnM]

33. Confidence

Plain and simple -- those "dudes" usually have confidence -- however misguided it may be. Confidence is attractive. If there is nothing to back it up but loud music, loud cars, and lots of beer and the woman chooses to stay, is it really a woman you would be interested in anyway?

If your opinion of "most" women is that they are attracted to the "morans" then you are looking in the wrong places! Good luck in your search -- sorry about your bad news.

[KittyWampus]

40. Confidence? That Description= A Self Absorbed, Shallow, Materialistic

macho case of arrested developement.

[progmom]

43. Chaska, I adore you, but you're all wrong.

I could start an equally ridiculous thread called: "Why do men settle for beautiful bimbos?"

Dig?

[chaska]

54. And I would have no problem with that.

In fact we can go right ahead and change to that if you want.

[progmom]

56. So yeah - there are stupid women and stupid men

and they are going to find mates too. but the over generalizing that goes on drives me crazy.

[mcscajun]

49. Slight error in your original premise...

...based on an assumption that is also flawed.

There are plenty of exceptional women who do not score a perfect 10 on the attractive to males "richter scale". Not all beautiful women are otherwise exceptional.

[LisaL]

51. Isn't it rather obvious? If women were waiting for

exceptional men only, there would be a lot of single women out there.
LOL.

[Mnemosyne]

53. Sorry chaska, but please think about

what you said a little. Many very exceptional people are rather ordinary looking.

Peace

[chaska]

57. Whoa Nellie, you guys are getting way too far ahead of me.

I do think most men and women are unexceptional. I honestly think that most of us here are exceptional. Maybe what I'm wondering is what it's like to be unexceptional.

I don't want an unexceptional woman. Looks are nice, and it is true that we all like a pretty face, but I would like to meet someone who has something more than that.

I'm first an foremost an artist (specifically, a musician) and I always wanted to meet a painter. I love the visual arts, but have no talent in that area.

I'm just rambling, I realize, I can't remember all the points raised.

Exceptional doesn't necessarily mean elevated either, it can mean exceptionally bad in some way.

That's enough for now.

[WCGreen]

58. Cause a lot of women just wanna settle down

Not all, but a lot of women I met would have married me way before I was ready to settle down. They wanted to change me, make me see my evil ways....

I wasn't ready and it would have been a disaster....

Some men are lucky at love but lousy at marriage and some women are good at marriage abd settle for that......

[WMliberal]

60. there is ALWAYS someone hornier than you are ugly/a loser. eom.

[sir_captain]

63. Hey! Nothing wrong with sports!

Not everyone has to like the same things you do, dude.

[samplegirl]

64. I'd say any woman whos attracted

to a sports fanatic, is a little boring herself. The high fives
and beer bleching would get real old real quick with me.

[sir_captain]

69. Ridiculous

I'm a sports fanatic and there is not one iota wrong with my intellectual pedigree. If you don't like sports, that's terrific, but judging people based on their hobbies and interests, is, well, moronic.

[TroubleMan]

65. You judge too much....someone who's unexeptional to you may be exceptional

to others. They might consider you unexeceptional (and that would be wrong, too).

It's bad too look at people in that light, because everyone is exceptional in some ways, and unexceptional in others.

(edited for clarity)

[JanMichael]

66. Beats me man. Ask my lovely exceptional spouse.

Whoops she's in bed and I'm fucking off with you turds on the web.

Ok, I'm the idiot you speak of!

Once again, it's beyond me.

[swag]

67. Because we smell nice.

Hints of crusted sweet jissom and fecal-born pheromones. Smell of rectal mucous and carbolic soap. Shirt-tails flappin' in the wind.

A little dab'll do ya.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

68. Just because a woman is beautiful doesn't mean she's smart

or emotionally mature or ethical or any of that other good stuff. It means she's beautiful, period.

If she settles for a dumbass moron, then it's likely that she's a dumbass moron herself.

[Champ]

70. What's wrong with that?

You know the type, they watch or play sports, they like to squeal the tires or play their music really loud in their cars with the big loud engines, and woowee, don't they love their beer.

Seriously a guy like this can be fun to be around, caring, is true to their partner and sticks to their partner in any situation, etc

Also a man who dresses real fancy, has manors, listens to classical music, etc can be an asshole to woman as well. As long as they treat them well is what it comes down to in most cases.

[Missy Vixen]

72. I'm not exceptional, either

>Why do you go for these guys, ladies?<

I love sports. Fortunately for me, my husband likes them, too. I suppose that we would be perceived as highly boring by many people here. We don't go clubbing. A big night for us is having our friends over for dinner and conversation. We're not glamorous or fascinating. I think my husband is handsome; I'm sure that many of his friends consider me plain at best. I married my husband because his insides are even more gorgeous than his outside, and that's what I was looking for.

IMHO, YMMV.
Julie

[The empressof all]

73. Locking

This thread has run it's course and is being locked at OP request as well