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"No boxed gifts, please." Indian wedding reception.

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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:02 PM
Original message
"No boxed gifts, please." Indian wedding reception.
Edited on Wed Jul-20-05 06:04 PM by trof
My daughter and son-in-law got a wedding reception (not ceremony) invitation from a college friend. He is Indian. The bride is whitebread 'Murican.

The invitation is very ornate and made in India.
The wedding reception is in New Jersey.

First question (from my son-in-law)
Why the reception, but not the ceremony?
I say maybe the ceremony is customarily a private, family affair for Indians.

Second question (from me)
The invitation states that
"(names of two individuals) invite you to the reception of (groom), whose parents are (two names not the same as the invitors) and (bride) whose parents are..."
Would the invitors be grandparents?
They're springing for the party?

Third question (from my son-in-law)
At the bottom it says "No boxed gifts, please."
What's that mean?

I think it means an envelope, like Italian weddings.
Cash money.

Anybody shed some light on this?
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candy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:09 PM
Response to Original message
1. I haven't a clue but am looking forward to the answers.
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livetohike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:09 PM
Response to Original message
2. Are they moving to India
:shrug: Perhaps they wouldn't want to pay to ship the gifts.
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:38 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. No. He's a citizen and has a career here.
Attorney.
I think he was born here.
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Tyrone Slothrop Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:15 PM
Response to Original message
3. I don't know exactly how informative this will be
But I attended a very Indian wedding once. (Went to high school with the bride.)

Both the bride and groom were Indian, and it was an arranged marriage so this may be a more formal (and traditional) affair than the one your daughter has been invited too.

We were initially seated for the ceremony, but it was all in Hindi and a lot of the guests had no idea what was going on. Shortly into the ceremony, an usher-type person came around and quietly informed us that we were free to stand, chat, eat, drink, etc. while the ceremony was taking place.

This seemed odd at first, but after we got a drink and were talking with some folks at the bar (which was in the same room as the ceremony), we learned that the ceremony itself was going to take approximately 3 hours. We were all just supposed to be having a good time and enjoying ourselves with the knowledge that the knot was being tied at the other end of the hall.

So maybe in this case, the ceremony and reception are one and the same? Or perhaps the invitees thought the guests might not care/be interested in sitting through a lengthy ceremony in a foreign tongue?

Don't know if this helps or applies to this situation, but your post triggered a very unique memory.

PS. I also assume that the boxed gift thing is a polite way of asking for cash.
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:40 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. Now I could GO for that.
Have a drink and chat during the ceremony.
Fun!
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Tyrone Slothrop Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 07:14 PM
Response to Reply #6
15. It was really fun
My memories of the actual wedding consist of getting drunk and eating as much shrimp as I could!

Also, both of the families were very wealthy, and the whole thing was rather opulent. The bride was wearing an elaborate outfit and was all tattooed in henna. The groom arrived riding a white stallion.

It was quite a thing to see.
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gmoney Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:24 PM
Response to Original message
4. Give them a bottle of cheap scotch in a paper bag... (n/t)
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:45 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. No, that's for ME.
;-)
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tjdee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:40 PM
Response to Original message
7. I have a similar situation--I think it means have it sent ahead?
Edited on Wed Jul-20-05 06:42 PM by tjdee
Someone explained it to me like, don't bring the gifts with you, because that's the ghetto way of doing it. On second thought, though, maybe you're right. I don't have any money though! :scared:

Is the wedding very long? My Indian wedding is! I love weddings so I'm cool with that. I just reread your post, duh. I'm invited to the wedding and reception. The wedding itself is two hours or so, so perhaps your answer was right--it's a family thing and the reception is for friends, etc.

I'm so looking forward to it--the invitations were beautiful.
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electron_blue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:45 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. dont' Indian weddings generally last 3 days?
That may be why you weren't invited to the wedding.

I have no clue about the boxed gifts.
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tjdee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 07:34 PM
Response to Reply #8
17. Traditionally, yes. But in my case they cut a lot out.
I'm not being told what exactly they cut, LOL, I'm supposed to be surprised and awed or something--but even the cut down version is two and a half hours.

Maybe matcom's son's friends are doing the entire set of Indian customs like you said.
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:49 PM
Response to Reply #7
10. They're gonna check to see if they're registered somewhere.
But I've never seen the "No boxed gifts, please" thing.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:52 PM
Response to Reply #7
11. I was raised w/ no boxed gifts at the wedding.
It meant not to bring gifts to the ceremony or the reception. You are supposed to mail your gift instead (you have up to one year after the service to mail a gift). The wedding itself is supposed to be a time of celebration and enjoying the company of your loved ones instead of attempting to one-up each other on presents. I prefer sending the presents ahead instead of taking them to the wedding for that reason. IMO, you open presents at Christmas or a birthday party. You celebrate love and friendship at a wedding and I don't associate love w/ money (like a present).

I don't know about an Indian wedding. It might be a similar idea. My boss will be relieving me at work on Friday morning. He is originally from India. If he is in a pleasant mood I could ask him about what to expect from the wedding and if "No Boxed Gifts" means something different than what I think it means.
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 07:00 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. Funny you should mention the "one year" rule(?).
Edited on Wed Jul-20-05 07:02 PM by trof
My generation (born in 40s) always brought/sent a present well in advance of the nuptials. Usually the bride would take over a part of the family's living or dining room to display them, WITH the gift card. Folks would visit just to view. Maybe that's a southern thang.

"Oooo, the Smiths gave her two ENTIRE place settings of her silver."

My daughter's generation gets around to it whenever.
We would have been embarrassed to attend the wedding if we hadn't sent a gift.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 07:08 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. I always send a gift way in advance.
But Miss Manners states that there is a one year rule, especially in cases of rushed weddings or the participates live very far away.
And I've been to friends homes where they did put the presents on display at their parents houses w/ the cards out. They were from the South so there might be something to that.


Compared to most families now, my family does not believe in gift registries either. We have always believed that registries prevent some from being able to send a gift, if they want to (since some like to register at very expensive shops). Even some of my wealthier relatives believe the same way (and if someone does register, the family talks about them for a long time to come). And what I really like is that some believe that those who are already established should not expect gifts at all. Instead, they will donate money in their names to a local charity(which is what I want if I ever get married someday).
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candy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-05 02:11 PM
Response to Reply #11
18. My daughter had 2 gifts stolen at her wedding because someone brought them
to the ceremony and it was a large,loud,Irish wedding.I would never bring a gift to a wedding.

God knows where they went.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-05 06:40 PM
Response to Reply #18
21. I just don't like the idea of showing them off to everyone.
Someone will always feel like they should have spent more money, even though they couldn't afford it.
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flamingyouth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 06:56 PM
Response to Reply #7
12. Yes, that's exactly what it means.
:hi:
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greatauntoftriplets Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-05 07:15 PM
Response to Reply #7
16. That's a good idea....I hate taking boxes to weddings.
Someone has to haul the damn things home.

It also sounds like a request for cash.
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DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-05 02:12 PM
Response to Original message
19. Usually there are hundreds of people invited
Can you imagine having to transport that many boxes?? Money or a nice gift card would be much appreciated, I'm sure!
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-05 03:19 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. huh
I've only been to weddings with a large gift table or wishing well -I've never heard of not bringing them. Of course it is a big pain to cart everything home, but....
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