Life in Phoenix

[Sequoia]

Not to be insensitive but here's a email I was sent last month:

Dear Mom

May 30th
Just moved to Phoenix. Now this is a city that knows how to live !
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings, what a place! I watched
the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've
finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th
Really heating up, Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home. .Drive an air-conditioned car... What a pleasure
to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants. Lots of cactus and
rocks, what a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another
scorcher today, But I love it here.

July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used
to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy today. But getting
used to the heat and humidity is taking longer than expected.

July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work, what a dumb to do, I learned my lesson though.
Got to respect the ol'sun in a climate like this.

July 20th
I missed Tubbie (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died
and swollen up to size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now
smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though.
No more pets in this heat.

July 25th
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's
hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order
parts.

July 30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now, $1,500 in damn
house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug 4th
Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$900 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity
makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman, I hate this
stupid city.

Aug 8th
If another wiseass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to
strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat.

Aug 9th
Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts and sat on the black
seats in the ol'car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers
of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car
smell like burnt hair, fried ass and baked cat.

Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. "Hot and sunny"
"Hot and sunny" "Hot and sunny" It's been too hot for 2 damn months
and the weatherman says it might warm up next week. Doesn't it ever
rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1,700
worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even
the cactus can't live in this heat!

Aug14th
Welcome to HELL ! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the
window and blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to
fix it and said, '' Hot enough for you today?'' My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona! What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?

[smartvoter]

1. I live here. That about sums it up. nt

[ET Awful]

2. Ummm. . . since when does Phoenix have a problem with humidity?

[Whoa_Nelly]

4. During the summer monsoon season

And sometimes it clouds up and sprinkles just enough to make the humidity a real pain, and the heat index still high. Without A/C,would be unbearable...swamp coolers are useless during the monsoons.
On the bright side, the monsoons bring some of the most fantastic lightning storms ever! (am a storm lover

[ET Awful]

9. Well I don't remember ever feeling air that was anything but parched

during the times I spent in Phoenix

[Greyhound]

12. Since they allowed over 300 golf courses to be built n/t

[pdx_prog]

3. Yeah, but it's a "dry heat"....lol

Dont' forget the fucking scorpions....lol

[Dr.Phool]

7. It's a dry heat, but so is a blowtorch!

[caty]

5. I have a question for those who live in the southwest.

Do you ever get used those high temps? Do you eventually adjust?

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

8. Rio de Janeiro has a tamer summer and I've NEVER adjusted.

16°C (61°F) this morning - Joy! But I know Hell is just 4 months ahead. *whimper*

[Greyhound]

13. Sort of...

You start shivering when it drops to 60. But it's F*ing HOT!!!!!!!!

[enigmatic]

15. I did

I lived in Phoenix for a number of years; the first summer I thought I was going to die. By the last summer I was there I was riding my bike to work when it was 110F w/o a problem. You learn to adjust.

[OneTwentyoNine]

6. LOL,I was in Scottsdale a week ago.....

Holy Jebus,115 for the high--oh yeah,its lowwww humidity though! What BS,it was so damn hot there wasn't a living person on residential streets--might have been some dead ones though.

OK,so now I'm back in the land of higher humidity,but its only 93. I don't know how they do it down there.

[Dora]

10. "I survived 123 degrees"

It was '99 or '00, I think.

123 degrees. I was 19 and working in a tiny mexican restaurant in Tempe. After the lunch rush ended, I sat up front at the cash register all afternoon and just gazed out the window. The parking lots were empty. Nothing was moving.

Commemorative t-shirts were sold.

[I Know How To Do it]

11. It's 100 here right now. 106 degree heat index, but Humidity

is low right now at around 37%. It's still early, but it will go up a few more degrees.
Lincoln, Nebraska.

[Greyhound]

14. I laughed so hard I had to clean my keyboard

That is exactly what it is like. OTOH While the rest of you are shoveling 3 ft of snow out of the driveway, we're sitting by the pool, sucking up the perfect weather and cool drinks.

[ET Awful]

16. From what I remember about Phoenix, even worse than the heat is the

city water . Good lord, I don't know what they used to purify that crap, but even a drink in a restaraunt tasted like shit when they used the city water for ice cubes.

I mean that stuff was RANK. It was like drinking swimming pool water with twice the chlorine and none of the urine.