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New Evidence Suggests Noah's Sons Rode Flying Dinosaurs

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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:33 PM
Original message
New Evidence Suggests Noah's Sons Rode Flying Dinosaurs
CREATION SCIENCE BREAKING NEWS

For years, Creation Scientists have disputed how Noah was able to quickly collect millions of indigenous animals from remote, inaccessible regions of the world for a 40-day ride in his ark. New evidence from an archeological find in China supports the long held Christian belief that Noah's sons rode giant flying dinosaurs to transport duck billed platypuses from Australia, and penguins and polar bears from the Antarctic, to name a few. "Those must have been some mighty big flying dinosaurs," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "Imagine the look on Noah's face when his sons flew in for a landing with a pair of Hippos strapped to the back of one of them things! Glory to God!"

"The Lord is just amazing," says Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards. "Whenever Atheist scientists make a new find, they think it will hack away at our Christian beliefs. They must get pretty peeved at how sneaky our Lord is, because whenever they unearth something, it only provides more support for the historical accuracy of the Holy Bible And these flying dinosaurs they keep finding are no exception!"

Dr. Edwards explains that it would have been impossible for Noah's sons to travel to the four corners of the earth to areas that were previously inaccessible on foot. "Noah and his sons had to collect two of every single creature on the face of the planet," he says. "We're talking about a big haul here. At first we just attributed it to what Creation Scientists call, the Holy Finger Snapping Theory. That's where God snaps his fingers and just makes it so." Edwards points out that Creation Scientists are still unanimous in attributing the fact that Noah was able to load 100 million plus animals onto a 450 foot ark "in the selfsame day" (Genesis 7:13-14) to the Finger Snapping Theory. In the case of how the animals were collected from remote regions of the world in the first place however, recent archeological finds indicate that Noah's sons were able to tame giant flying dinosaurs and in turn, load them up with food supplies and hitch rides for long trips around the world to China, South America, Australia, Greenland, and the North Pole.

Creation Scientists estimate that since the Earth is only ten-thousand years old, human beings were living among dinosaurs and had plenty of time to tame them. "I would have loved to have been around to see Cain and Abel rolling around in the grass outside the Garden of Eden playing with the pet raptors their father, Adam, gave them for their birthdays," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "What a glorious time that must have been!"

Through tithing donations from Landover Baptist Church members, the Center for Creation Research was able to secure several fossilized remains of flying dinosaurs valued at over $14 million. The remains will be studied exhaustively for evidence of the leather harnessing used to secure Noah's sons for their long transcontinental journeys.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0605/flyingdinos.htm...
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despairing optimist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:36 PM
Response to Original message
1. After a day like today, I can really use what they're smoking
It must be holy smoke, right?
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:37 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Holy hemp
most likely :)
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despairing optimist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:47 PM
Response to Reply #3
8. I made a mistake: Humans did live among the dinosaurs. See?


No wonder God had to rest on the seventh day.
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:14 PM
Response to Reply #8
13. I'll bet Raquel Welch has one of these
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despairing optimist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:17 PM
Response to Reply #13
16. She may be a grandma now, but what a grandma!
I haven't seen her lately, but I bet she looks fabulous for her age.
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grannylib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:36 PM
Response to Original message
2. Hee hee! This is hilarious. Thanks for sharing
:rofl:
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:39 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. Well I am from Kansas
so this shouldn't surprise you.

It could be a page from our new Science textbooks.
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evlbstrd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:38 PM
Response to Original message
4. And they discovered Kansas while they were at it.
Man, I love that site. The Jesus thongs are precious.
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:41 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. It is my favorite internet site - next to DU
Did you see their recommended summer reading books for kids?

And I can never stop getting a kick out of Vacation Bible Gun Camp. LOL
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evlbstrd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:50 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. I like this book.


Nancy Boy Chrissy, The Bed-Wetting Sissy!
-by Pastor Deacon Fred (featuring Christian poems from Sister Taffy Crockett)

List Price: $18.95
Our Price: $28.99
You Save: Nothing. (Only Jesus Saves!)
Availability: Usually ships within 24 hours (if Jesus wants it to) from Landover Baptist Church in Freehold, Iowa:

Summary: Do you know someone whose child seems a bit effeminate? Does he dress a little too neatly? Take too much time with his schoolwork? Is he suspiciously polite to grown-ups? Well, "Nancy Boy Chrissy, the Bed Wetting Sissy" is just the holiday gift to provide the tools his parents will need to embarrass and taunt him back to masculinity.
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:11 PM
Response to Reply #9
12. My favorite


Buy This Book
On A T-Shirt!
Shopping With Jesus Is 100% Safe!Guaranteed.

Donkeys Can Talk, People Can Fly, And A Man Named Jesus Lives Up In The Sky!
(Creation Science For Teens) -by Pastor Deacon Fred
List Price: $14.95
Our Price: $57.99
You Save: Nothing. (Only Jesus Saves!)

Availability: Usually ships within 24 hours (if Jesus wants it to) from Landover Baptist Church in Freehold, Iowa:

Summary: Donkeys Can Talk and People Can Fly - Creation Science for Teens is a Bible based textbook designed to reclaim America's children from the corrupting influence of today's culture. Religious leaders around the country believe it will replace most high school science textbooks in the next four years. The book opens up with an unforgettable Bible truth in the form of a poem: "Donkeys Can Talk, People Can Fly and There's a God-Man Named Jesus Who Lives In The Sky - Science and Math are all made up lies, by a giant old demon with a tail and red eyes." These words describe in beautiful simplicity the glorious True Christian principles upon which the United States of America was founded.

Donkeys Can Talk and People Can Fly is a wonderfully animated approach to the Bible. Secular children will be introduced to timeless True Christian beliefs that come directly out of the Scriptures and not from the hallucinations of some boat-riding, bird-watching, monkey-loving, lizard-humping, 19th-century liberal! Teens will enjoy hearing stories about angels, "the flying people with wings," and demons, "naked red-skinned creatures with razor sharp teeth and horns sticking out of their sweaty heads." What a great book to have in secular schools! Kids will finally learn the truth about Creation- "how a giant old man with a long beard just snapped his fingers and everything just poofed into existence." Parents will be overjoyed to find that their children will no longer be exposed to the fantasies and supposed truths that public schools have been teaching them for the last 30 years. They will learn that some bodies do not decay after death, but remain intact and never rot so that when God finally decides to invade Earth, they will all come back to life and become "flying people" who zoom up to the clouds to join Jesus' army of angels on jet-propelled horses!"
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evlbstrd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:16 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. You're right. You could end up assigning this shit.
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:19 PM
Response to Reply #14
18. LOL
One more reason I am sooo glad to be two years away from retiring.

Lynne Cheney's books are bad enough.


This book is banned from MY classroom.
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MissB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:42 PM
Response to Original message
7. These are the funny guys, right?
The joke site?
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:07 PM
Response to Reply #7
10. No
It's a page from the new Science textbooks in Kansas.
:sarcasm:
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MissB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #10
11. .
:rofl:

I'm only asking because the website has gotten much more sophisticated looking since the last time I looked at it (more than a year?).
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:16 PM
Response to Reply #11
15. It is a bit more polished
Oh man I love this site. I will never tire of Betty Bowers. And one of these days I am buying a What Would Jesus Do thong. Yes I am.
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MissB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:19 PM
Response to Reply #15
17. I remember seeing those at a store in the mall a few years ago
(not from Landover Baptist- at Claire's, an accessories-for-teeny-boppers store).

My friend and I were heading out to lunch, and we passed the window. There they were- only all they said was WWJD. Being the good atheists that we are, we spent most of lunch time coming up with words for the unknown acronym.

I think we finally settled on Wild Women Just Do.
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BiggJawn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:22 PM
Response to Original message
19. Dr. Edwards has read too damn much Anne McCaffery
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