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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 08:59 PM
Original message
So, I went to therapy by myself tonight
Edited on Thu Jul-07-05 09:17 PM by Not_Giving_Up
The LOC hasn't gone since she looked at him and told him that he needs a job. She asked me if he'd gotten a job yet. I told her that he wasn't even making an effort. She said he needs meds, I said no shit. We talked exit plan for an hour. She agrees that now is not the time, I need a job first. She wanted to make sure I realized that he wasn't putting forth any effort. I told her that I was well aware.

I went to the grocery store on the way home and picked up a couple of TV dinners for tonight. He asked me to make his for him, while he played video games. I threw it in the microwave, then our son called from my parents. I was talking to my stepdad when the food was done. I don't have a cordless phone, so I motioned for the LOC to get his own food out of the microwave. He did, sat down on the couch with it, then, with food in one hand, tried to operate the remote, but dropped the remote. Yep, his dinner went to the floor. He threw a spoon across the living room and sneered at me asking "Are you off that fucking phone yet?"...I finished my conversation, then went in the bedroom until he was done eating and back to video gaming.

Edited to add: LOC=Lump on Couch, his normal position
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:01 PM
Response to Original message
1. Ugh! He sucks!!
I feel for you honey...can't wait till you are free! :hug:
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:07 PM
Response to Reply #1
12. Yeah, he does
I need a JOB...DAMMIT!
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AuntieM1957 Donating Member (775 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 11:12 PM
Response to Reply #12
49. What kind of work do you do?
Hey, if a job is what you need - tells us what kind you want.

Maybe some of your fellow Texans can help out.

I'm also in Houston - but on the far north side where we can still respirate. Especially after the rain tonight.

You know the HCDP (Harris County Democratic Party) is looking to replace the exec director. I figure if you can put up with LOC, you can do anything.
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Tsiyu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:01 PM
Response to Original message
2. God, marriage can be hell
Sorry about this evening's outburst, but sounds like that therapist has it together and will be a great source of support for you through this.

I will send positive job mojo your way, Baby. You are brave and strong.

Things will get better, I just know it. :hug:
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Bouncy Ball Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:03 PM
Response to Original message
3. YUCK!
What does LOC stand for, by the way? I get that he's a significant other and/or husband, but I can't figure out LOC.

He sounds.......not so good. I'm so sorry, hon. I hope you can get out and get happy quickly!!!

:hug:
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:04 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. LOC=Lump on couch
His general position is sleeping on the couch for 15 hours a day.
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Bouncy Ball Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:29 PM
Response to Reply #6
17. WHAT?????
Dear God.

Kick the shit out of him.

Just kidding, not advocating violence, but my foot got real itchy just reading that.

:grr:
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:30 PM
Response to Reply #17
19. I've tried it all, nothing works
He's bipolar, but won't take meds. Hey, you're in Texas! Come on over and kick all you want!
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Bouncy Ball Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:32 PM
Response to Reply #19
22. Hey really?
I'm in kind of a bad mood, too!

Just kidding. As I know you were. But wow. **I** got pissed off at him reading this thread.

Bipolar is so hard to deal with. Big hugs to you. I hope you can get out soon. AND I hope he figures out he needs meds soon.
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:35 PM
Response to Reply #22
24. Sure!
:evilgrin:

He won't do meds. Period. I've got to get a job and get out.
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kedrys Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:03 PM
Response to Original message
4. Oh boy.
Any way you can hook him up to an IV and force-feed him his meds? I assume wishing he'd croak without actually killing him yourself is going to take too much time... :( :hug:
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:05 PM
Response to Reply #4
8. rotflmao
I don't think I have that kind of power. Wish, and it happens! If I did, President Kerry would be in office! No, I can't force meds down him.
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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:04 PM
Response to Original message
5. Your post totally confused me
Who is LOC?
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progmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:05 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. her not so dear husband
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:06 PM
Response to Reply #7
10. Ummmm....yeah, that's it!
Also known as Richard Cranium (dickhead). But, don't use big words, that'll make him feel stupid!
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:05 PM
Response to Reply #5
9. Sorry
LOC is Lump on Couch
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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:09 PM
Response to Reply #9
16. That's alright
Makes much more sense now. I'm glad you are planning an exit strategy. If he's not trying to get a job and is verbally abusive then I'm afraid there's nothing to be salvaged.
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BrklynLiberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:07 PM
Response to Original message
11. Can you leave and stay with your Mom and Stepdad?
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:08 PM
Response to Reply #11
14. Sure, if I want to put my children in a situation that will scar them
psychologically worse than he does. They're OK to visit...NOT to live with. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
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progmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:08 PM
Response to Original message
13. you'll find a good job
and then you need to get out.
you need to get out.
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:09 PM
Response to Reply #13
15. I know
You know I know. The therapist knows that I know. He just doesn't know that I know.
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:29 PM
Response to Original message
18. Geez! Now he's
cussing at the PS2 because he can't win this race. May I vomit now? (I sure feel the need to!)
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Bouncy Ball Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:31 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. You have a son with him, right?
Is that the only child?

Yeah, girl, plan a serious exit strategy. If you've tried counseling and he needs meds but won't take them, won't hold down a job and is verbally abusive, you need out, SOON.

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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:32 PM
Response to Reply #20
21. Two kiddos
Son, eleven, daughter, nine. Yeah, I know.
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Bouncy Ball Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:32 PM
Response to Reply #21
23. My daughter is ten.
Do you live in the Dallas area, by any chance?

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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:36 PM
Response to Reply #23
25. Nope...Outside of Houston
You know, where you can't breathe!
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EC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:38 PM
Response to Original message
26. I figured you would have to leave eventually...
that is why I didn't really think it a good idea to take that trailor park job...get a job and leave.
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:39 PM
Response to Reply #26
27. Me too
He brought back apps after dropping off the resumes. I never filled one out, neither did he. he said "So, you don't really want to that?" I said no, end of discussion.
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catbert836 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:44 PM
Response to Original message
28. I'm terribly sorry.
Edited on Thu Jul-07-05 09:54 PM by catbert836
No one should have to go through this- not you, not your son, not anyone. I know because I'm going through something similar right now (although I'm in the position of your son). Just whatever you do, make sure your son and daughter have readily available contact to both you and your husband, whenever they need it. You and your family have all the good vibes I can give out.
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:45 PM
Response to Reply #28
29. Well, when we've split up in the past
The trend was to have no contact for weeks, then suddenly reappear, acting all dad-like.
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catbert836 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:50 PM
Response to Reply #29
30. That's sick.
Edited on Thu Jul-07-05 09:51 PM by catbert836
I know that at least in my situatoion, my dad disappeared only when I was away- and he came back before I left. But they told me what had happened. My parents tried therapy for a long time, but eventually my mom moved out instead. Now I'm caught in the middle (dual custody, but living with my dad.) that's no way to behave, just to walk out and then show up like nothing had happened. Very immature. I think you're doing the right thing. Best of luck-- :pals:
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:52 PM
Response to Reply #30
31. We haven't split up in over 3 years now
maybe this will be different, when it happens. I doubt it though. You'll get through OK, just remember to breathe.
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catbert836 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:55 PM
Response to Reply #31
32. I will remember
Thanks a lot, and once again, best wishes.
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:56 PM
Response to Reply #32
33. Thanks
My dad left when I was two, never to be seen again. Be glad you get to see both of your parents regularly.
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catbert836 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:58 PM
Response to Reply #33
34. That sucks!
What a life you have. I will remember you everyday in my prayers/meditations.
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 09:59 PM
Response to Reply #34
35. It's not just a life, it's an adventure!
Oh, and the pay is crappy! :crazy:

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catbert836 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:14 PM
Response to Reply #35
42. Life sucks, and then you reincarnate.
Edited on Thu Jul-07-05 10:14 PM by catbert836
from Dilbert.
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:16 PM
Response to Reply #42
43. lol
That's pretty good.
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KaliTracy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:00 PM
Response to Original message
36. I'm so glad you are getting support/help/strategy. My dad was
bipolar and living with him was a complete nightmare. Please take care of yourself....and protect your kids. I hope a job/escape opens for you soon. *hugs*
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:04 PM
Response to Reply #36
38. We're lucky here
He sleeps damn near round the clock when he's down, which is much more common.
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BiggJawn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:03 PM
Response to Original message
37. What would happen if something "went wrong" with his precious...
...Nintendo?
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:05 PM
Response to Reply #37
39. Without the PS2, he's climbing the walls
Edited on Thu Jul-07-05 10:06 PM by Not_Giving_Up
It was in the shop once for warranty work, and I swear, I thought he was missing a child.
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BiggJawn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:52 PM
Response to Reply #39
46. But not climbing into therapy, huh?
Oh, well...At least YOU'RE doing something...
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WCGreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:09 PM
Response to Original message
40. I noticed your post last night....
I feel for you...

I know a lot of people who are in your situation, a bad marriage being made worse by economic pressure....

It's time to remind you that life is short.....

Somethimes you have to do what is best for you and those you truly love....

I am glad my folks split when I was growing up (way back in the sixties), the weight of their problems effected me greatly....

Do what you think is right for you...

Do it now....
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #40
41. I can't do it without a job
He's not working either, and even if he was child support would be nonexistant.
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WCGreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:18 PM
Response to Reply #41
44. I know, but what about moving in with your parents for
a while. Didn't you mention that they had one of your children?
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Not_Giving_Up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:22 PM
Response to Reply #44
45. My son is visiting there until tomorrow
My daughter is at my mnother in law's for the week. My mother is not a stable person. She's ok for short visits, that's it.
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Maddy McCall Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 10:59 PM
Response to Original message
47. Get out. Get assistance from Section 8, Food Stamps, TANF.
Get away from this lout before you have zero self-esteem. You do not need to wait to find a job. You can look for a job while you get assistance. Your children don't deserve this. You don't deserve this.

Is there or has there been physical violence? He reminds me so much of my ex, and there was physical violence.

Why is now not the time?
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tibbir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 11:06 PM
Response to Original message
48. Best wishes as you work through this.
I'm bipolar myself and in the past I would get enough out of my meds that I wouldn't be able to see that I needed them. It makes things very difficult on the people around you, as you well know.

What part of Houston do you live in? I'm near the Galleria. I'm disabled so I don't work but it seems to me that Houston's job market is the pitts right now. I hope something comes through for you soon so that you can get a liveable salary.

In the meantime, just keep seeing your therapist and give your kids all the support you can. They need you now.

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LiberallyInclined Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 11:31 PM
Response to Original message
50. what was LOC's job before?
and how long has he gone without?
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faithnotgreed Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 11:53 PM
Response to Original message
51. im so sorry ngu - we sure hold you and your family up tonight
and praying things will work out as they need to
things do have a way of working out as they should (and not always as we think they should)

take good care and im glad you have a therapist - and that youre able to go see her
hugs for you and your family
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Whoa_Nelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-08-05 01:03 AM
Response to Original message
52. Pack up and leave tonight
before it's your head he throws at the wall. You, your safety and actually getting to be around for your kid comes first. Run, do not walk. Have been there, and with a child, too. Don't wait...take care of yourself first. Your safety is your son's future.

Peace,
and mega :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Whoa_Nelly
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