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It's 10:40 PM. Do you know where George Michael is?

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Bush_Eats_Beef Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-07-05 01:39 AM
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It's 10:40 PM. Do you know where George Michael is?
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/88/88nupdate.phtml

Dennis Miller: You know, the Grammys were held Wednesday evening and George Michael failed to show up to collect his award for Album of the Year. But he's here tonight to tell us why. George Michael.

George Michael: (leather jacket, shades, British accent) All right, all right. Thank you. (cheers and applause) Faith. Thank you. Thank you, Dennis. You know, I've been rather busy lately, you know, starting work on the new album and filming videos, you know. Well, appearance is very important, as you know. Hair - is important. Face. And, of course, butt.

Dennis Miller: Well, George, if you're so concerned with your image, why were you a no-show at the Grammys?

George Michael: Butt maintenance is very important. And, in fact, that is why I missed the telly-cast. I began preparing my butt a full forty-eight hours before the Grammys. I did a mineral pre-soak. I plucked it, waxed it, buffed it. And, as I was applying the sealant, I looked up and Billy Crystal was saying, "Good night!"

Dennis Miller: Let's get back to your work, George. What about your new album?

George Michael: But - but look at it. Look at it. (rises, shows butt to Dennis) Don't - don't be afraid of it, Dennis. Don't deny it. Look at it. (wiggles butt) It's a nice butt. Look at it. It won't hurt you, Dennis. It's your friend.

Dennis Miller: Yeah. I know, George, I know, I know.

George Michael: (sits) You fear my butt because you don't understand it. You resist it like all the others before you, yet its power only grows. ...

Dennis Miller: Have you spoken to Andy Ridgeley lately?

George Michael: What about my butt?! (rises, shows butt to Dennis) Look at it! You can't take your eyes off it, can you?! (Dennis stares deadpan at the wiggling butt, occasionally glancing at the audience) It's hypnotic! Try to look away! You can't look away! Try to look away! You can't! Look at it! Look at it! (sits) Did you know - did you know, Dennis, that my butt has the power to heal? Put a wilted flower near my butt. It blooms! I don't claim to understand it, I'm only its servant!

Dennis Miller: George. George, man, let's get off the butt thing--

George Michael: Dennis, my butt will not be trifled with! (rises, shows butt to Dennis) Do its bidding, Dennis! Save yourself! Resist and die! Surrender and live eternally! My butt will prevail! It will outlive us all! For I have achieved perfect buttness! (cheers, applause and whistling as George Michael rises and rips off his microphone - he and his butt exit)

Dennis Miller: (after a pause) Bummer.

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