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I decided to do something different . . . first, I went to Costco and purchased a case of Spam . . . I took it home, and started carving the contents of each can into a dozen or so little Spam cubes . . . when I was done, I rolled each one in a secret recipe coating containing, among other things, brown sugar, mustard, cayanne pepper, and apple pie seasoning . . . then I neatly arranged the coated squares on my vacuum sealing machine, about two inches apart . . . when I sealed the batches, each square had a good two inches of molded plastic surrounding it . . . I was therefore able to cut them into nice little sealed Spam squares, just the right size for trick-or-treaters . . . of course, no one knew what they were getting; they looked a lot like candies, I guess . . . I wonder what the little darlins will think when they cut open the plastic and bite into them? . . . I sure hope they like 'em! . . . if they do, I think I'll try to market these unique treats as Spamettes . . . (I was going to say "thoroughly unique," but unique is one of those strange words that can't be modified . . . which really sucks, if you ask me) . . . do you think Hormel will let me do it? . . . gosh, I hope so . . . to market them, I'll find four young black female R&B singers, call them the Spamettes, and use them in my advertising . . . (note to self: find a good jingle writer . . . wonder what Randy Newman's up to) . . .my first media buy will, of course, be on Bill O'Reilly's fabulous show . . . God, I love that man! . . . the only person in the whole country telling us the truth! . . . if everyone would just listen to him and heed his advice, we might actually be able to save this country, praise Jebus! . . .
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