does therapy ever really help anyone that is really messed up?

[toddzilla]

just curious.. my family is a complete disaster, myself included. no end in sight and nothing really seems to make a difference one way or another..

[proud patriot]

1. I like to think it can

It has helped me at different times when
I or my family needed clarity from an
objective observer .

[Booberdawg]

2. Yes, it can be very helpful

I think you have to approach it with an open and willing mind though. I have sought therapy a couple times over the years and it you are willing to put some effort into it, it can be very useful. I sought grief counseling a few years back as well and that is a little different but was quite beneficial.

[7th_Sephiroth]

28. i disagree

every therapist i have had has been a fraud,(tho i DO live in FL) i went in optomistic but after the first session i almost killed myself.

[Iris]

3. It can.

Just remember, if you are thinking about therapy, the only person you can really change is yourself.

I changed tremendously with the help of therapy, and, although my family didn't, I learned how to take care of myself and set limits so that their destrucive behaviors don't ruin my life.

[HornBuckler]

4. Depends On The Therapy

I Assume You Are Talking About Psycho Therapy, In Which Case I Would Say No - After Having Seen Family And Freinds Go Through Therapy I've Come To The Conclusion That The Only Person That Can Help You Is Yourself And Your Loved Ones. Shrinks Really Have No Idea How The Human Mind Works Anymore Than You Or I (Especially If We Read A Few Books On The Subject). I Aslo Believe That After Doing That Line Of Work For Any Significant Amount Of Time, They Become Loony In Their Own Right.

My 2 Cents

[Droopy]

5. I say it can't hurt if you try , todzilla

I'm in therapy right now, been there in the past, too. It's a good place to go if you've got something that's really bothering you and you need some good advice. I'm in a group setting right now and going once a week. It's helping me to overcome social anxiety that I've had since I was a child.

I say go for it. Give it several sessions and see what happens.

[toddzilla]

7. been there, done that..

so has my sister.. we have discussions about how useless it seems to be. The last time i went i got completely screwed by the insurance company because my job had switched providers and i used the incorrect card. They approved it even though i wasn't covered by the same provider anymore, then they denied payment. so now i'm stuck with a 500 dollar bill.

i'm not talking about "mom liked you best" crap, but really serious emotional neglect, physical& psychological abuse,big holes in childhood memories etc.. i just think when you're broken, there's really not much that can be done. i don't know im' just bummed in general and need to get over it already

[Iris]

8. Have you tried more than one therapist?

I went to 2 different therapists before I found the one (3rd) that really clicked for me.

Don't give up on yourself. I know a $500 bill seems like a lot of money, but if you can get through this and find out how great life can be, you will barely remember the $500 mistake.

[Droopy]

10. That's what the shrinks are there for

They are there for the serious stuff as well. It sounds like you need to be in therapy. It can be hard to "just get over it". Especially if your feeling down- and I don't see how you couldn't feel that way after a childhood like that.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

11. Serious emotional neglect...

and the other issues you describe can be helped with therapy/and or medication -- if you are with a GOOD therapist.

As much as we may want it to, iIt will not change the past, but can help you discover ways to take care of yourself now and and give you the tools to take you through the rest of your life.

We are all walking through this life damaged in some way or another. The trick is knowing your vulnerabilities and building your world so that it is fully supportive of you.

[amazona]

31. i had abuse and other issues

I am supposedly a high functioning autistic and also experienced a good bit of physical/emotional abuse. So while I don't think therapists know much if anything about treating these traumas, please read my previous post and get some hope from that. Things do get better. They just do. If nothing else, you get to an age where you really don't give a hoot about what happened when you were 8 years old or whatever. Time is the great healer. Don't give up. You can make it. There's a big, beautiful world out there. Look to the future, not the past, is my suggestion. Therapy perhaps dwells too much in the past. As you get older, memories fade, or their accuracy changes so much that there is no point any longer wondering if what you remember is really "true" -- it probably isn't, so don't stress it.

You will be happy one day. Don't give up hope.

[JackSwift]

6. Yes if you want to work on changing

As we are growing and learning, we operate in family and are very dependent. In order to survive in the environment, we develop behavior patterns such as withdrawal, or aggressiveness or whatever, that may be very effective in that environment at promoting survival and a few other needs.

As we become independent, we tend to keep these behavior patterns, and they are counter-productive with new people and groups. Therapy can jump start the process of abandoning old behavior patterns and learning new ones that are useful for mature people.

I speak from experience. That said, it is not easy.

[kodi]

9. sure does.

.

[Laszlo_Hollyfeld]

12. Yes, it can.

I have some very close friends who've benefitted by good therapy. I think 2 things are necessary for success, though.

You have to be willing to face some things in yourself, do some work on you.

And you have to be seeing a good therapist. A nincompoop won't help anyone.

[Iris]

13. yep. I knew I had found a good therapist when

stepping into the lobby of her office building felt sort of like going to the dentist - you know it might be painful for a while, but you gotta do it.

I grew up in a family that went to a lot of effort to appear "perfect" so I was able to bullshit my first 2 therapists a little too much.

[smallprint]

14. Does it ever help? Yes. Does it always help? NO.

In fact, IMHO it's very hit-or-miss, with an emphasis on "miss". I think most psychotherapy is no better than talking to a good friend, and a hell of a lot more expensive. There are a lot of quacks, frauds, incompetents, and just plain abusive people who call themselves "mental health professionals."

The best therapy of all, I must say, is GETTING EVEN with the bastards who are destroying our country!!!! Organize!! Protest!! Educate!! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!

Heh.. I feel better already...

[Iris]

15. while that sounds good, very few of us have friends who can be

totally objective, and it's not really fair to expect them to be.

Sure, there are therapists who are frauds out there, but it's probably not all that difficult to sift them out.

[BigMcLargehuge]

16. yep

went through it voluntarily when the first few years of the Mclargemarriage were tail spinning. Would do it again if necessary. There is nothing more helpful than a safe place to vent.

[TrogL]

17. Yes

I've seen many success stories myself included.

In 1984 I was a fucked up drunk barely holding onto a shred of sanity. With the help of the mental health facilities and some other support I was able to pull it back together.

[qwertyMike]

18. No

But you get to talk about your favourite topic - YOU

[toddzilla]

19. i've tried so many of the available medications as well...

frankly, i wont touch any of them anymore. all they do is make me nauseous, dizzy and generally feel much worse. i think many of them are highly toxic and do much more harm than good unless you're really nuts. it's horrifying to read some of the stories of people unable to discontinue use of some of them due to extreme withdrawal symptoms.

i'm going to try a homeopathic deal that seems to have a pretty high degree of success, it's only marginally more expensive than a traditional doctor, without the toxicity.

[DemExpat]

21. I've tried all that too.....Toddzilla.....

Years and years of different psycho-therapies that helped me get insight into things, but did not help my self-image and coping in the present.
I was terrible addictied to tranquilizers for 10 years - kicked them when I got pregnant 20 years ago and have not touched them since. Tried anti-depressants 10 years ago which caused more harm than good.

The best advice I got was from a woman counsellor who told me to ACCEPT my handicap, that the wounds and harm were a done deal, but that it was in my power to make my life and those around me better, healthier, more loving.......by LITTLE things. She was absolutely correct.

As soon as I gave up trying to make it ALL BETTER, doing little things to take care of me and my children (and friends and loved ones), things DID get much better.

Also, do give homeopathy a try - it has given me the best relief and support of any medicine I've tried.
One of the most wonderful benefits is no side-effects, and the feeling/perception that one is healing oneself......very empowering without drugs, at least for me!
Make sure that you go to an accredited doctor and/or practitioner.

I would go to a cousellor/therapist again if I feel I really need to discuss an issue that I cannot understand, cannot deal with, but focussing on how to live well today is a powerful tool.
I found that delving into the hell-holes of the past made living today worse instead of better, and I did that for years and years.......

The clue IMO is being able to clearly, without any denial, face the facts of the past and what it has done to you, while focussing on making the present healthier and more loving.
Learning to understand the position of the ones who hurt you is good too, without denying what they actually did to YOU......

Best of luck Toddzilla, it might take many years, but if you take positive steps day by day, you'll find yourself on a good road.



DemEx

[qwertyMike]

23. Agreed - the LITTLE things

Do small things that give you pleasure.
The rest will follow.
DO FOR YOU

[qwertyMike]

24. We are all dealt a hand of cards in life

The losers spend their lives whining about the lousy hand.

The winners play the cards they are dealt the best they can, without question.

As in a game of poker, a pair of deuces played properly can often beat a Full House.

[DemExpat]

25. Yes, you reach a point where you have to give up all of the

"what might have beens if only....." and place your sights on the prize ahead (and right in front of you!) - a relatively peaceful, ordered, fun, and satisfying life for yourself and the ones you love.


DemEx

[TrogL]

26. Where'd you get that "bumper sticker"?

I was at an AA meeting one time and it was a member's "birthday". After he gave his traditional speech one of his relatives insisted upon getting up and giving a rant.

He kept it up for 5 minutes, "bumper sticker" after "bumper sticker", mostly conservative platitudes, until another member got up and started screaming "shut up, shut up, shut up", then turning to the birthday boy, said "Jaysus, no wonder you had a problem with alcohol. I would too if I had to listen to that all fscking day".

[RuB]

20. Time is a great healer.

How you feel now will not be how you feel next year. Take up a hobby that gets you out of the house and or gets your mind off your problems. Volunteer your time at an old folks home or a mission that helps the homeless. Helping others is a great cure for helping yourself.

[foxy]

22. I haven't been able to get much satisfaction from therapy.

I have been in and out of therapy for most of my life and I am still not a very happy camper yet, but it's not over yet.

[Nlighten1]

27. "That's a trick question"

LOL

Yes it can but it all depends on what is wrong with you. I am living proof that it works.

[toddzilla]

29. i've used this analogy lately..

say you're driving down a deserted road, and the car breaks down. you get out and open the hood and discover that the engine is blown.

knowing what's broken doesn't always help your situation.


i think i need to leave it broken and start walking i guess.


and time doesn't really heal anything, sorry to disagree.

[amazona]

32. "i think i need to leave it broken and start walking i guess."

I like that! Start walking into your future, and focus on what is good and what is ahead of you. Great image, I may steal it for my own use.

[amazona]

30. not to my knowledge

I can't help but have noticed through my decades of existence that, coming from a background where therapy was considered shameful and in any case completely out of reach financially, we ended up sooooo much better off than all the zillions of people I knew who hopped on the therapy bandwagon. I'm sorry to say it, because quite a few of my friends are therapists, and everyone has to do something to earn money, but I don't feel anyone is actually being helped except for the bank accounts and families of the therapists.

In several cases, I know people severely hurt by therapists. Two friends killed themselves with drugs prescribed by psychiatrists. A third became violent after being prescribed Prozac -- even though the shrink knew he was bipolar. (This shrink is now out of business, thank God.) I was also involved in a large circle of people in the New Age movement severely harmed by a therapist who through incompetence retrieved many false memories of sexual abuse, Satanic abuse, etc. later shone to have never occurred. These examples are extreme but lives and families were ended as a result of these therapies, which caused me to deepen in my suspicion of the entire process.

When I need someone to hold my hand, and I want it to be a neutral party rather than a family or friend, I prefer to patronize psychics because 1) no danger of getting involved in psychoactive drugs, and 2) better awareness that the suggestions and advice are from another possibly fallible person instead of being in a situation where I might believe my advisor is a little tin god.

Your mileage may vary, and I hope your family enjoys better days. People do get better, with or without therapy. We did. We have never been happier despite many personal challenges such as natural disaster, severe cardio disease, etc. affecting our family in recent years. Time gets perspective, just seeking to improve things gives perspective. Do what you feel you must, and keep hope alive -- things DO get better.