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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 08:45 AM
Original message
What it means when you dream about a deceased loved one...
My brother died when I was 18 almost 9 years ago at age 24. I always dream that he didn't really die. That he has just been gone somewhere for a long time. And I rush to tell my family he isn't really dead. Then I have to wake up only to realize it was just a dream. I even dreamed one time that his spirit jumped in my body (kind of like the movie "Ghost"), weird, huh?

Do you ever dream of dead loved ones?
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MissHoneychurch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 08:52 AM
Response to Original message
1. yes, I dream of my dad
who died 4 years ago. I actually dreamed of him a day before my birthday. For me it was his birthday gift from another world.

Is there a specific date coming up that you connect with your brother?
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 08:53 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. Well Mother's Day is coming and it is a really tough day for my mom,
but these dreams happen randomly. At least once a week.
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MissHoneychurch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 08:54 AM
Response to Reply #2
4. wow, that is a lot
for me it means he is still around watching out for you. Take it as a gift.
I don't dream as often of my dad, but he shows up once in a while.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 08:57 AM
Response to Reply #4
7. Last night I dreamed that he told me he was scared when he died.
He died in a car accident and he told me in my dream that he was scared when it was happening and he said something about a tree. But no tree was involved in his accident. I always try to analyze my dreams, I don't know, I just thought it was weird.
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YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:41 AM
Response to Reply #7
17. Shell, he's visiting you...
The dead can communicate while we sleep. And he loved you so much he's making sure your relationship didn't die with him. I dream often that my sister didn't die, and she had TJ. I dream terribly mundane saturdays with them, playing with TJ in the yard and talking to Bobbi, my sister, sitting under the siccamore tree in my front yard. It's the greatest gift I've ever gotten. I never got to meet my nephew in this life, but I play with him a lot in my dreams.
Duckie
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:45 AM
Response to Reply #17
18. Not to get too personal, but did your sister die in childbirth
or something? If you don't like to talk about it, I understand. I always feel better talking about my brother. I hope that he is visiting, that is what I like to think, anyway.
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YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:49 AM
Response to Reply #18
20. She died in a car accident.
She was killed instantly, and the car caught on fire, so the baby didn't make it either. I think he knew I loved him, even in the womb. He knew my voice. I talked to him as much as possible. When we play in the yard, he says, "Auntie, you loved me before I was here, didn't you?" And I say, "Oh yes. You kicked my hand when I talked to you, and we would laugh and laugh." It's the coolest thing.
Duckie
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:55 AM
Response to Reply #20
22. Wow, that must have been devastating. I am sorry for that loss for you and
your family. It is a really tough situation. You are really tested in times like that.
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YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:57 AM
Response to Reply #22
23. Thanks...
I'm sorry you lost your brother, but I can empathize.
Duckie
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:58 AM
Response to Reply #23
24. Thanks to you, too!
:hug:
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Pretty_in_CodePink Donating Member (256 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:58 PM
Response to Reply #17
43. I recently heard or read that when our deceased loved ones visit
in our dreams. The dreams are marked by a vividness and that sensation that the dream really occurred. Duckie, it sounds as if your dreams are lovely. I think that experience is a wonderful gift.
I wish you many more.
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Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 08:54 AM
Response to Original message
3. One of my best friends died of an overdose
a few years ago and I dream of him regularly.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:04 AM
Response to Reply #3
10. That is sad. I guess it could be a way of keeping their memory fresh.
Edited on Fri May-06-05 09:11 AM by Shell Beau
Just a theory????????
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Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:09 AM
Response to Reply #10
12. Probably
He doesn't 'speak' to me in the dreams or try to send me a message or anything. Usually it's just normal dreams that you'd have of anyone.
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Rowdyboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 08:55 AM
Response to Original message
5. Occasionally....Dreamed about my mom and grandma
night before last. I think its a good feeling.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:36 AM
Response to Reply #5
16. It is a good feeling, but I hate waking up to realize it was just a dream.
My dreams are so vivid and so realistic, that I really feel like it is happening. It is a sickening feeling to be slapped in the face with reality again!
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bertha katzenengel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 08:56 AM
Response to Original message
6. I dream of my mother every now and then.
For me, I don't think it means anything. Perhaps a subconscious reminder that she'll always be part of me. (As if looking in the mirror wasn't enough of a reminder.)
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H2O Man Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:00 AM
Response to Original message
8. Yes.
While some dreams are just that, those which are vivid are when your deceased relative comes back to visit. Your brother still loves you, as you love him. Death doesn't break that bond. As Seattle said, "Death? There is no death, just a changing of worlds."
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:03 AM
Response to Reply #8
9. Thanks, I hope that he is visiting me. I was the last to see him alive,
so maybe there is a connection, I don't know.
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Lavender Brown Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:07 AM
Response to Original message
11. When I was waiting to hear if I got into my college,
I was really having hard time with losing my grandmother. She had died a few months before in a nursing home, and I was missing her so much. I had a dream that I went to the mailbox to get the mail, and there was my acceptance letter. I went back into the house and my grandmother was there waiting for me, just like when she was alive and lived with us. A few days later, I got the actual letter. I feel like she helped me or was trying to tell me not to worry.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:11 AM
Response to Reply #11
14. Wow!! I agree with that.
My brother died the day before I went to college. Actually I was going through rush (for sorority) and I was last minute shopping for clothes, I always felt guilty thinking that while he was dying,I was trying on a stupid dress.
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youthere Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:09 AM
Response to Original message
13. I dream about my dad...
it's always the same dream and it happens whenever I am trying to make a big decision.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:13 AM
Response to Reply #13
15. Do you think it means he is trying to help you with your decision?
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youthere Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 01:27 PM
Response to Reply #15
38. Possibly. It could be that I miss his guidance.
I mean I'd like to think that our loved ones watch over us after they pass, and gosh, I sure hope they do. Maybe it's my dad helping me find my way, or maybe it's me missing him and his guideance. Maybe it's a little of both. The weird part is, I never remember what is said in those dreams, but I'm always able to come to a conclusion after I've dreamt of him.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 01:32 PM
Response to Reply #38
39. That is so nice. I'm with you, I like to believe that they watch over
us. I really think that they do. At least I take comfort in believing that whether it is true or not.
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Coyote_Bandit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:47 AM
Response to Original message
19. It Depends
Sometimes I think it is comforting and reassuring. Perhaps they are looking out for us. Perhaps a way in which they continue to touch and impact us and live on.

I also think it can be an indication that we have unresolved issues with their loss. I think this is especially true if their death was unexpected and traumatic.

I've experienced both and I think the difference is only known to the dreamer. Are you dreaming that your brother didn't really die in that accident because you haven't accepted all of the implications of what occurred? Is it possible that you dreamed that his spirit jumped in your body because you feel some obligation to fill his role? Has it been difficult for the family to accept his loss or to speak about it? Do you avoid talking about his loss in order to not upset other family members? Or do you feel comforted by his presence in your dreams?

I too lost a sibling in an auto accident. I was quite young when it occurred. I used to think and dream of her quite often. And still do. But my dreams are different now. I can't really explain that except to say that they evoke different feelings and memories - my focus now is on her life rather than her loss. And that change is the result of me finally working through my own grief.

It is not unusual for younger people especially to have a more prolonged grieving process. Younger people not only have to grieve but often they have to learn how to grieve. And contrary to popular opinion the loss of a sibling often has a more profound effect than the loss of a parent. You have lost someone close to you who may perhaps be more like you than anyone else in the world. They lived in the same environment subject to the same rules and authorities and under the same primary caregivers. You may have spent more time with your brother than with any of your friends. There is nothing unusual or sick about this. It is a normal reaction to a profound loss.

If it has been nine years since he died and if you still feel like you are preoccupied with his loss rather than his life you may want to consider grief counseling or participating in a support group of survivors who have lost loved ones.

I hope you too remember and celebrate life rather than loss.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:53 AM
Response to Reply #19
21. My family and I always sit and reminisce about him and the funny things
he used to do. It's not so much that I focus on his death instead of his life, but I was a changed person after this happened. My mom still has really bad days (Mother's Day, the day he died, his b-day, Christmas) I think sometimes these dreams serve as a reminder of him, because sometimes, I can't remember what his voice sounded like and other things like that.
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Coyote_Bandit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:04 AM
Response to Reply #21
25. Everyone who knew him was changed by his loss
It is good that you remember and talk about him. Some days will probably always be harder than others.

I know exactly what you are talking about though. Even though I was quite young, I remember my sister very well. What she looked like, her mannerisms, some of her quirky habits, some of the irritating things she would do. But I too have difficulty recalling her voice.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:06 AM
Response to Reply #25
26. Yeah I wonder why that is. Sorry for your loss, how old were you?
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Coyote_Bandit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:20 AM
Response to Reply #26
29. Just over four years old
I too was in the accident. The car rolled three times. It happened in the middle of nowhere about 20 minutes from the nearest hospital. It was the last trip of our move from a small surburban area to a very rural ranching and farming community. The folks who lived just down the road witnessed the accident and took us all to the hospital. I saw everything. Both my parents had medical training and they checked her pulse and breathing and eyes every so many minutes on the way to the hospital. She was unconscious but still alive when we arrived. She later died in flight as she was being transported to a regional childrens hospital. As traumatic as her death was to me at the time, I now realize that it was peaceful. There was nothing bloody or gory and she was not in any pain.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:27 AM
Response to Reply #29
31. To see it happen had to be very traumatic for you and your family.
At least you have some peace knowing it was a peaceful way to go. That is a positive way to look at it. Must have been devastating though. :hug:
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Coyote_Bandit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:59 AM
Response to Reply #31
34. We can't always control what happens
But we can control our attitude toward the challenges we face.

I suspect that I remember my sister in much the same way you remember your brother. Time has passed since those terrible events and I have healed. I have warm positive memories when I think of her. She was a sweet, loving and playful girl. I was fortunate to have known her, to have loved her, and to have been loved by her. Thanks for the memories provoked by this discussion.

I hope you and your mom and everyone who knew your brother are eventually able to look back and remember and honor his life with warmness, fondness and gratitude. Take comfort in your dreams. I suspect that you will always have a part of him with you.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 11:10 AM
Response to Reply #34
35. Thank you so much. You have actually brought tears to my eyes
with that. :hug:
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Coyote_Bandit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 11:28 AM
Response to Reply #35
36. Happy Ones, I Hope
Be kind to yourself. And try to do something special for your mom on Mother's Day since you know it will be difficult for her.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

:hug:
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 01:09 PM
Response to Reply #36
37. Thank you, you are so kind.
My mom means the world to me, and me just being there with her (along with my other brother) is all she wants. But my husband is a landscaper and we are going make her yard look awesome. Thanks again. :hug:
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shrike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:18 AM
Response to Reply #21
28. I know how you feel
Sometimes I wish I could hear my dad's voice again.
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shrike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:16 AM
Response to Original message
27. I had two dreams about my dad right after he died
His estate was very difficult to settle. I went to bed one night very angry with my sibs. In the dream, I approached a man at a table. He turned around, and it was my father -- with a very angry look on his face. One I'd seen more than once when he was alive. It woke me up and I felt very upset. My dad did not want any fighting over the estate when he died; he told me that more than once.

The second dream happened sometime later. He walked up to me in that way he had and just sort of looked at me -- like, "C'mon, cheer up; it'll be okay." That was four years ago, and I haven't dreamed of dad since.

Not long ago, a friend my husband hadn't seen in a long time died. He had a dream a few nights later that he was sitting and talking with the friend. The friend said he couldn't believe he was dead, and how strange it was. My husband apologized for not seeing him more.

BTW, neither of us is a big believer in visitations.
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:21 AM
Response to Reply #27
30. Visits, yeah that is what those definitely sounded like.
It is amazing to me, really. I hope everything worked out with the estate.
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shrike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:58 PM
Response to Reply #30
44. Everything worked out fine
Thanks for asking. I'll tell you though, the look on my dad's face in that first dream -- shocked the heck out of me. I lay in bed shaking. I was on my best behavior at family meetings from then on, believe me.
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hippiechick Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:32 AM
Response to Original message
32. Yes
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 10:38 AM
Response to Reply #32
33. Wow!! Although, I believe my brother is already where he is supposed to
be, I feel like maybe he is trying to tell me that he is still alive inside of my heart and maybe to make sure we (my family) all know this. He is still with us just not physically. And I know that he has to be happier than he was on this earth (he was a troubled soul)
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Dervill Crow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 02:13 PM
Response to Original message
40. Just a few nights ago.
I dreamed that I was talking to my mom, who's been gone since 1987, discussing whether it was okay to set up my dad (also deceased) with a lady at work who would be a good influence on him. My dad went a little wacko after my mom died and we never did get him straightened out.

I usually dream about my parents this time of year with mother's day coming up on Sunday and tomorrow would have been mom's birthday.
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RFKHumphreyObama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:42 PM
Response to Original message
41. A number of my deceased relatives have visited me in my dreams
All of which have been pleasant, beautiful, wonderful experiences that have made me wake up feeling relaxed, happy and at peace. I actually believe that a significant number of those dreams have represented genuine communications with my deceased relatives who are contacting me from beyond the dead to reassure me that they are fine and are still watching over my family and myself

I can relate to the experiences with your brother. I keep having these dreams with my deceased grandfather in which it turns out that he hasnt actually died. These dreams always bring me so much joy at being reunited with him and the knowledge that he is OK. I think that perhaps the people from the next world are sending us a message that they are alive and OK in the next world. Perhaps sometimes we dream of them being alive in our current settings and in our current world because they want to communicate their message to us in settings that we are familiar to us and which we can comprehend. Im not sure if that makes sense I know what Im trying to say but cant communicate it in words. Or perhaps they are letting us know that they are watching over us in this world. I dont know and I wouldnt want to second-guess the intentions of those in a realm that is beyond our understanding at the present time. These are just theories I have considered

I truly do believe there is an afterlife and I am not afraid of moving on to the next world when my time comes.
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shesemsmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-05 09:50 PM
Response to Original message
42.  I dream of my Hubby killed at age 27 and I was 21, I never saw him alive
after the wreck and I was in the hospital 6 weeks and could not go to the funeral. My Mother in law was a true bitch and gave me more grief than one person should have to bare.That was 26 years ago and I still dream of him. Sometimes I dream that he is alive and the M_I_L has him hidden somewhere other times it is like he is trying to explain what happened and where he is. I had grief counseling and still when I dream off him I can smell his Cologne. I like to think he is comforting me. I have since remarried 20 years ago to his best male friend. I was his BEST FRIEND.
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