Serious question for single men...how do you deal with it?

[Longgrain]

The loneliness I mean.

Do you lift weights, pound something, pound a few drinks, geek out on sports, geek out on sci-fi, engage in porn (keep it light, no sex threads), read a book, dream...

Please try to keep the answers clean, cause I sure as hell don't know...:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

[KG]

1. been single most of my adult life. developed a life of my own.

i'm not lonely, thats for sure.

for me, being single does not suck.

[Longgrain]

4. Well I'm not necessarily talking about being single.

I'm talking about being "mate-less".

[KG]

6. well, i'm pretty much 'mate-less' most of the time, too.

i'm open to relationships, but that 'special person' just hasn't made an appearence in my life in about 15 years.

[eyepaddle]

2. Oh I pull through somehow,

just remember. any hobby worth having is worth taking too far! (paddling, guitar, cooking, reading, and right now my graduate studies in Industrial Hygiene keep me focused.

Plus I'm a semi-ascetic.

Hey, I just realized my subject line could be taken a couple of ways--I think I'll let it stand :evilgrin:

edited to add I'm not lonely either.

[Longgrain]

8. I hope I reach your state of euphoria one of these days...

And I'm glad you're not lonely, you're a better man than me.

Unfortunately, for me, my hobbies take back seat to human relations...I'm an artist, it's the basis of my hobby.

[eyepaddle]

13. A very dumb friend of mine

once said something very smart,

"Dennis, I like myself better when I don't have a girlfriend."

Now I am FAR, FAR, AWAY from being a he-man woman-hater, just forcing it doesn't do anybody any good.

If you meet the person who spins your prop silly you'd be a fool to not go after it. However, I think it's more foolish to pretend someone is your "soulmate" if they're not.

Just stay relaxed (I know, far easier said than done, grasshopper) ;)

[ComerPerro]

53. Yeah, I assumed it was a dirty pun

[Arkana]

3. Video games. Lots and lots of video games.

[Sven77]

5. forget relationships

forget relationships, im out for #1. i just need my computer as the window to the world.

[DIKB]

7. It's difficult.

I try and keep myself occupied, to stave off the feelings of loneliness. Sadly depression runs in my family and I have been diagnosed as melancholy (not full on depression yet).

Working out gets rid of the aggression/anger I feel when I get frustrated.

Drinking can be both good and bad.

Sports I've never cared too much for, no vicarious masculinity problems here.

Sci-Fi ? YOU BETCHA !!! Huge nerd here, eagerly awaiting May 19th.

Pornography ? Hey we all need SOME release (read into that what you will)

Reading ? Lots. Currently reading "Under and Alone" book by William Queen about going undercover in The Mongols. Also follow Politics, religion, sciences, etc.

Dream ? if you mean daydreaming, sometimes I do a little too much of that.

On edit: Oh yeah VIDEOGAMES. Currently engrossed in FFXI (have been for quite some time.) Remember you can live without a woman. If you try to take away my computer though . . . they will never find the body.

[johnnie]

9. Honestly

I've been "alone" for a long time now and more than often I like it. If I start getting bummed out, I think of the times when I had to be somewhere, do something, get bitched at for no reason, answer to someone , I can go on. I also think of my friends that needed so bad to be with someone that they didn't think about what they were getting in to and had to go through terrible divorces and now pay out a lot of cash.
I will tell you this, you will never be happy with someone else if you aren't happy to be with yourself. Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it, and then it might not be as easy to get back what you thought you didn't like.
As for passing the time... I write songs, play music, surf the net, play with video stuff, play in my studio, play games on the computer, watch TV, read books, meditate, hang w/ friends and play music, go to parties, teach myself instruments, dabble with other art, watch Elvis movies, listen to my friends whine about their lives, get drunk, try to find new hobbies..I can go on.
Oh, and don't believe it when people say stuff like "Don't worry, there is somebody out there for you" or, "You are a great guy, some girl will be lucky to be with you". That stuff might be true, but you still have to be the one to go out and find it, it won't come from a magic lamp. Oh, and don't expect your friends to help set you up...here how that works...If you have someone, your friends will bug the shit out of you to set them up..but as soon as they have theirs, you may as well kick mud, because they won't help you in kind.
Does this help?..LOL

[Longgrain]

Oh GOD! I don't know how many times I've heard expressions like

"There's someone out there for you" or "You'll find the right girl someday"...

They mostly come from people who are married or involved in long tern relations.

:banghead: :mad: :banghead:

[DIKB]

20. funny

I get that response mainly from women I'm interested in. Either they're completely oblivious to my feelings, or they ignore them hoping I'm just fickle.

:banghead: :mad: :banghead:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

64. Oh Longgrain, I'm feeling sad because I think I've said things like that

to you...How can I make amends? I HATE to hurt my friends. Does it help to say that I truly meant what I said? Causing you pain is the farthest thing from my mind. Please forgive me...

:cry:


:loveya:

[JohnKleeb]

10. I deal with it

I realize its not the worst thing and I try to talk to as many people as I can despite being shy.

[hfojvt]

56. you seem to spend some time as a Cheerio too n/t

[Zuni]

11. By taking huge amounts of mind numbing sedatives and acting out

with extreme violence and savagery. :P

[crispini]

12. Like us single chicks don't get lonely?

:shrug:

Volunteer, baby. I'm out every night of the week fightin' the good fight. Precinct chair, neighborhood conservation district, technology committee for the local party, the list goes on and on. And you meet fun people too. It's good to have friends.

[hfojvt]

58. they seem better able to make friends

Maybe that is my illusion or ignorance talking, but my girl Vida agrees: "Until I was 30, I wanted terribly to fall in love. I didn't care so much about being loved; almost any woman can manage that if she cares to try. But I was eager for the experience without which, all literature assured me, life missed its consummation. Once or twice I tried to compass it, but I couldn't."

Anyway, I think the OP is feeling that only another guy can explain how a guy deals with it.

[Merrick]

14. Being single rules

as long as you make good company for yourself. Personally, my problem is when a relationship gets serious to the point that I'm spending less and less time by myself because I start to miss me (and the farting at will)

[Droopy]

15. Lots and lots of

hand lotion.

Seriously, it's not that much hand lotion. Being without a companion is more depressing than going without sex. I currently speak with a few women that I met on an on-line match-making site and I am going to meet one of them this summer.

I'm pretty cool with being single. I'm not too concerned that I haven't gotten married or started a family. I don't think that's in the cards for me. But I would like some companionship. Someone I can talk to who understands me.

[Longgrain]

17. Yeah, yeah....

Thanks for the soothing words...

But it still hurts!

[eyepaddle]

19. Dude,

that's an :evilgrin: away from being the best post of week!

edited to add: Not that I'm trying to make light of your anguish--it's just always good to keep a sense of humor.

Plus if you were taking the "Lotion" ball and running with it, that was gold!

[VelmaD]

16. What crispini said

Plus us girls use a lot of those same coping tactics you listed. I know going to the gym and pounding on things helps me enormously. Hell, I edit porn as a side-job. And I'm a sports and sci-fi nut.

I've had tons of my guy friends tell me I'm the perfect girl...of course none of them ever ask me out. :eyes:

[Droopy]

18. Hey Velma

What are you doing this Saturday night?

[VelmaD]

22. I'm washing my hair

:P

[Droopy]

23. LOL!

Well you can't say that nobody's tried! :)

[VelmaD]

24. Tell ya what...

you're in Ohio. I'm in Texas. Meet me in Missouri and we'll go see Hitchhiker's Guide. :)

[Droopy]

26. Sounds like a date

I haven't been on one of these in ten years. Let's see....what to wear......

[VelmaD]

28. Ten years?

Good lord and butter. *blink*

I can empathise though. Up until a little over 3 years ago I was in a long-term relationship. Lasted 10 years. We didn't "date" much. That was one of the problems I think. Since then...well, it's been slim pickins. Oh well. :shrug:

[Droopy]

32. Yeah

But I was going through hard times for a lot of that time and any kind of relationship with me would have been a total disaster. So it's probably for the best that it's been that long. Things are looking up now and there is a woman I've been talking to via e-mail that I'm interested in. Problem is that we live 1000 miles apart. I'm going to get to meet her this summer, though. I guess it's a long shot when you consider the distance, but I'm going to see what happens. She's very special.

[VelmaD]

35. I hope it works out for you

I've gotten myself somewhat entangled with a couple of guys that live that far away. I went to see one of them back in October and it was amazing. :)

[Droopy]

38. Thank you

[xmas74]

66. I have a distant cousin who divorced when she turned 40.

She packed up and moved to Vermont to start a new job and a new life. She got involved in an online community (she wasn't even looking for a date). She met a man in Oregon. They decided to meet up as friends. Two years later, they were married. They have their fifth anniversary coming up in October.
So now you know of at least one person who it has happened to(and she says that her relationship w/ him is better than her marriage ever was).

[HeeBGBz]

33. I'm in Missouri

Can I go?

[VelmaD]

36. Heeeeee...sure...

and when we're done with the movie...we can go see Tony Orlando and Dawn. :)

[HeeBGBz]

39. I may have to bail before that happens

Would hate to spoil the "hitchhiker" mood with Faux-patriotic furvor.

[VelmaD]

43. I'm thining living in Branson...

must be an unusual experience.

[HeeBGBz]

46. That's an understatement

The country is good. The politics are nauseating.

[evlbstrd]

60. You guys can hang on my front porch after the movie!

[xmas74]

68. Or on mine!

[Longgrain]

21. Actually I'm not much of a pounding type guy...

I could careless for sports, I like sci-fi a little, and I rarely pound on anything...

I care for human expression and feeling, I like poetry, and the last thing I pounded on was one of my paintings...

Yeah, I need an artist.

[Liberal In Texas]

25. Hah! Wait till you get married...

Loads of companionship.

But. Single people have way more interesting (ahem) sex lives than (most) married people. (I'm trying my hardest not to turn this into a sex thread.)

But, you get my drift.

Best advice...get a really interesting hobby.

[Longgrain]

29. You say...

Single people have way more interesting (ahem) sex lives than (most) married people

*Folds arms and taps foot*

I'm waiting.

[Liberal In Texas]

50. I'm just saying....

Was married 3 times.
Seems when I look back on it all, I had better "luck" as a single man than a married one.

One of the things that used to amuse me, kind of, was there was some sort of law like, "If you're out there looking for it, you will not find it."

It always seemed that when I had pretty much given up on female companionship and accepted my lot as a monk, I would, say, have a drink after a flying lesson or something as equally hobbyish, and WTF...some really "nice" thing would happen. (Can't make this into a sex thread, can we?)

Wink wink nudge nudge.

It's the darndest thing...when you're desperate -- they can smell it!

(Hope this helps...probably not, but my 2 cents anyhow.)

And good luck!

L

[Bouncy Ball]

57. Hmmmm.

Most of the single people I know AREN'T having sex.

And um, some married people have pretty interesting sex lives.

I'm just sayin'.

:D

[Liberal In Texas]

65. What a differnce a few miles makes...Bouncy...

...perhaps.

Singles seem to have that competitive edge going all the time. Unless, like our topic poster, one that gives up. Every time I gave up, something happened. Not my doing, but something happened.

Now, I'm married...happily, and all that. <sigh>

Maybe the hunting thing goes out of it???

(BTW, I deleted several lines, didn't think they'd pass muster...)

[JVS]

27. What loneliness?

[Floogeldy]

41. Thank you

I've never been lonely simply because I did not have girl, girlfriend, or wife around.

[Liberal In Texas]

51. You are obviously...

...a more self-directed, secure, and confident person than most of us.

Cheers! :toast:

Some of the rest of us are always scrambling around looking for some psychological need I don't even want to get into.

Consider yourself lucky!

[Floogeldy]

52. Well

I do consider myself lucky. The down side is that I may be a little weird. :crazy:

B-)

[Bok_Tukalo]

30. Allow yourself to feel bad, lonely, depressed, bummed, and useless

for about an hour. I mean really wallow in it. Don't fight it at all. Drown in the dread and regret.

Then stop.

[LynzM]

40. I'll second Bok's advice

There is nothing less attractive to most women than a guy who is so self-depricating or down on himself that that is one of the first things a woman notices. Work on just being yourself, invest time in yourself, your hobbies, meeting other people through those hobbies, and enjoy their companionship, even if it's not in a romantic way. I think that this area has some artist's collectives, or similar things, where you might find some like-minded people.

[jpgray]

45. I'll third that (nt)

[sparky_in_ma]

31. Been single a long time

and can't say I really get lonely. Work, hobbies, and going places with friends keeps me busy.

Different people have different temperaments, the only thing that matters is what works for you. If you'd like some honest advice in coping strategies, send me a pm and I'll respond.

[Jesus Saves]

34. self improvement

that way you keep moving towards something, and eventually find that special girl.

[HeeBGBz]

37. All the lonely people

Where do they all come from?

I wish some of them would come see me. At least we could narrow down more possibilities together.

[Historic NY]

48. I've decided I would get a dog or cat.....to keep me company.

[Kenneth ken]

42. you're a painter

ever thought of going outside and trying your hand at landscapes or cityscapes? It creates an environment where you can be a magnet of attraction for women who might be interested in you and your art. Don't be shy about telling any women who stop to comment positively on your art that part of the reason you're working outside is so you can meet interesting women.

I do realize from your sig, that landscapes aren't necessarily your metier, but you should be able to produce a decent landscape anyway.

[evlbstrd]

61. Do you have a toddler niece or nephew?

Volunteer to take he/she/it for a day and take he/she/it to a museum. I took my daughter to the museum all the time, and while she was little, she was a magnet. Unfortunately, I couldn't say "I'm her uncle." Especially when she'd say "Daddy, I hungry."
edit: spelling again, dammit.

[jpgray]

44. It's a Tao thing

He who does not compete has no competitors. Once you are happy with where you are, things start to fall into place for change and growth.

[Redstone]

47. Bingo!

"He who does not compete has no competitors."

The only philosophy that is 100% effective, and applicable to about 100% of the situations in life. A state not easy to achieve, but once it is, all else follows, as you said.

Your post is without question the best advice that any of these guys could take.

Redstone

[SarahB]

55. I like that.

People either like me or they don't. I probably don't find the ones who don't all that interesting anyway. :boring:

I lived my life for years trying to please everyone else. F*ck it. It's not worth it. Be who you feel comfortable being and it's not always an easy road, but it's more genuine.

[Lilith Velkor]

49. Exercise does help

I'm not a man but I am single and get terribly lonely sometimes, even though I tend to be a loner. I've done everything on the list at times but getting in better shape was the most effective.

And developing physical stamina will help when you are no longer single. ;)

[hfojvt]

54. I try to talk to people on anonymous message boards

I think the dogs help too (any mention of Santorum and I am cranking Europe's "mind in the gutter"). Plus, half my life is spent at work, at least, so there is sometimes too much human contact. At home I have a ton of stuff to do. Seriously, I think there is a ton of stuff to do and read on this "internets", and video games to not hurt either, although I mostly play spider and chess.

[last_texas_dem]

59. Denial

I'm young and have been single for quite a while now. I mostly deal with it by pretending it doesn't matter to me. It does, though not nearly as much as I used to think it did. The thing is that even if I were to decide, "OK, I definitely need a significant other," I wouldn't even know how to go about it. I never really learned "how" to date, and I don't care about having a casual relationship, unless it's just on the way to leading to something serious. I take things seriously, and I don't need the hurt that would inevitably come with something casual. My one major relationship came about because we both liked each other, though it still took a couple months for both of us to acknowledge it and begin the relationship. Also, I can reassure myself that at this point in my life a relationship is just not something I need. I don't like a lot about myself, I'm not sure what my next step in life is... what's there for anyone else to want in me?

Besides, I have my record collecting, music, keeping up with politics/news, reading, a new job (worthless in the big scheme of things as it is), family, and my few friends who are still left in town to occupy some of my time. Still, I get lonely... it's like my regular state of mind, though; it doesn't phase me all that much, though. It's the general depression and low self-esteem I deal with constantly that I need to get under better control.

[onager]

62. Not really a problem

I was an only child with (usually) 2 working parents. So I got used to staying alone and amusing myself at an early age.

I've been married, divorced long ago. Also had quite a few long-term relationships etc. But I've been alone for quite a few years now.

If I need to yell at somebody, I just turn on Faux News...

[kodi]

63. if you truly love life, you do not have time to feel lonely

its hard for a mature adult with his/her shit together to even think that way. there is just so much to do in life that such self pity is best suited for adolescent girls.

unless one is seriously fucked up in the head.

if you are truly serious, i would submit that you do not like yourself very much and need distractions to keep you from thinking about who you really are.

maybe your mama beat you, maybe you got dropped on your head, or just maybe you have a chemical imbalance. who knows, but you better get used to living in your head, its the only home you got and you live it it alone.

[TorchTheWitch]

67. I don't get it

What does not having an SO have to do with being lonely? Of all the single men I've known throughout my life, there's been only one or two that felt they needed an SO. Other than those one or two, they all LOVE being single.

[Abelman]

69. I dig you

I find myself coping doing many of the same things as you. It's very difficult, especially since my regular friends are so far away right now. I miss them all. It doesn't help that I was responsible for ending my last relationship - what I refer to now as "the big mistake."