I think the time has come for me to leave organized religion.

[elcondor]

I know y'all probably don't care one wick about this, but I came to a revelation today that's been a long time coming for me. It's hard for my friends and family to understand what I've been going through as far as religion goes and I wanted to share in my joy with someone. I know from reading the posts here that many of y'all feel the same way I do; or have gone through something similar! So I hope SOMEONE will read the entire thing and comment!! :-)

I think the time has come for me to leave organized religion.

My entire family is Catholic. I knew the Catholic Church was not the church for me even when I was 8-years-old. After months of studying and preparation, I donned what looked to me like a miniature wedding dress and took my first communion. My PSR teacher told us of the positive feeling that should fill us when we took the bread. Yet upon receiving the sacred host and wine, I felt nothing. I expected that I would feel something--at the very least disappointment because it didn‘t live up to the hype. Instead, I looked around the church and realized that it wasn’t my spiritual home.

Of course, my eight-year-old mind didn’t quite grasp what I knew in my soul right then … as time went on I realized I didn't believe what the Catholic Church taught and I couldn't morally stand for some of the things it preached. But it was years before I began to explore other religious traditions and slowly form my own beliefs. It was during this exploration that I first came to know Judaism and began the road to conversion. For the first time, I felt connected to a higher power--God. Not only in a childlike, doe-eyed relationship, but in a mature, loving-yet-questioning one. And for awhile I prayed. I prayed everyday not because I was asking for some trivial thing like a car or even something serious like a cure for my Nana’s knees. I did it because I when I read the Shema, I felt connected to something larger than myself. I felt connected to God. And I felt that it was something I could do for the rest of my life.

This is what I believe: I believe that somewhere out in the great cosmic expanse, there is a loving spirit who had some hand in the creation of this Earth. I believe that this spirit is not corporeal; some giant old man in the sky. I don’t believe the spirit meddles in our day-to-day affairs, chooses favorites, or picks people to die. I believe that we all have control over out fate. The most precious gift our creator gave us was free will. I do believe that it looks after us and loves us, though. It weeps with humanity when events such has Rwanda and the Holocaust happen. It rejoices when peace happens between nations.

I don’t believe that a Messiah has come, or that there definitely will be one someday. But I do see the benevolence of the spirit literally in the face of almost every human being; in the trees; in the animals of the Earth; in the sky. When we die, we might go and join it; or we might just go to sleep. Neither possibility seems implausible or terrifying to me. I don’t believe that if there is an afterlife, eternal damnation could be a part of it. No matter what we do, if that spirit loves us all equally, how could it punish us forever? Truly bad, irredeemable people; like a Hitler, are simply faced with separation from that spirit for eternity. So far, this does not contradict with anything Judaism teaches.

Then something happened to my sister. She's alright now, but for a little while my family thought she wouldn't be with us anymore. What happened to her didn’t conflict with my beliefs. But after it happened, I prayed. I prayed with a fervor that I hadn’t felt since I began praying because I felt the need to connect to God. Yet I felt the same nothingness that I felt at eight. And it made me sad. Not because I spent so much time and money on things related to Judaism … but that I was lost again. I know that after years of searching for a religion, that I’m not ever going to find a religion that gives rise in me a passion that it invokes in people like a priest or even my religious friends ... Who are happy and content to go to church/synagogue/mosque, etc ...

Obviously, my faith in Judaism either wasn’t as strong as I thought or it was never there at all. I’m beginning to believe it was the latter. I don’t think that when I began to convert to Judaism and to pray in it and was so happy with it that my feelings weren’t genuine. It was just that I was looking for something before I knew what I wanted or needed. My religious beliefs haven‘t necessarily changed in the past few years, but what I need has.

Of course, I’m not talking about founding my own religion or writing my own gospels or some silly thing like that. I’m just talking about a multi-faceted, open, agnostic way of approaching my spirituality. If I acknowledge and or praise the spirit I feel in my own way, how can that be a bad thing? Right now, if I’m anything, I’m probably a Unitarian Universalist … so things have gone full-circle. Almost immediately after leaving Christianity, I thought UU-ism was for me, but after awhile, I wanted something more; something with a stronger and older community. But now I realize, why do I need that? Why do I need specific and ancient rituals? Isn’t my faith enough? Aren’t my beliefs strong enough to stand on their own?

Thank you for reading this far ... I hope someone else can relate!

[K8-EEE]

1. I Quit The Catholic Church Nov '04 --- I'm 44

Still reveling in my free Sunday mornings and being able to write all the checks to things I really believe in....the Church has been increasingly influenced and hijacked by fascists as it has been periodically through history, I'm done with it.

[elcondor]

5. I agree

I do enjoy not having to give money/time to a cause I did't believe in. It's so freeing to admit the truth to oneself!!

[Not Me]

6. I left the RC church in 1998 and have not looked back

Actually, I had been a pretty active member until 1994, when our pastor went on a tirade about the city (Rochester, NY) extending domestic partner benefits to its employees. He just wouldn't stop on how this was the beginning of the slippery slope and how gay people can be changed, yada yada.

I actually walked out at the end of his 'homily'.

I found a progressive parish (Corpus Christi) in town, but that church was shut down by the Bishop (under orders from Cardinal Ratzinger) for allowing women on the altar, extending blessings to gay unions, and allowing all to receive communion. The parishioners were excommunicated unless they recanted. Nearly 2000 people left and formed their own independent catholic (small "c") church.
(for more info www.spirituschristi.org)

I have since moved to Florida and attend the United Church of Christ.
Couldn't be happier.

[keithjx]

2. From the other side

I actually just joined the Catholic church this past Easter. From someone that has done a lot of seeking, I wish you the greatest of luck on your spiritual journey. Keep exploring and growing, wherever it takes you. And whenever you pray or meditate, or feel closest to God, please ask for guidance for the rest of us, too.
:toast:
KJ

[elcondor]

3. Thank you and congrats!

:hi:

[sui generis]

4. one of the hardest things about leaving

organized religion is leaving the idea of "community". One of the most rewarding things of doing for a community is not having to claim you did it for religion. It is liberating to discover that you can still belong to a community and not belong to a religion.

You can be spiritually satisfied in your actions just as much as your affiliations. If community is what you want and long for, you don't need to use religion as an excuse to find it. Everybody is looking for the answers. Even people who have faith that a tidy little book and a man in a frock can give them some ready made spoon fed answers to every turn in life are still by definition looking for the answers. Religion is bread and water for some people, band-aids for others, and dandelions and poison ivy for still others.

If you ever discover that you actually HAVE found all the answers, you're probably dead or living in a fairy tale, or most likely just really deluded.

Whatever it is that makes you feel awe and joy and wonder will always be what makes you who you are. Religion can neither give it to you nor take it away. You have to decide what it is you want to get back from the things you choose to do, and then do the things that will reward you the most.

Sounds like you've been looking for a while already - sometimes the journey itself can be pretty rewarding. Been there, still doing that.

(my goodness, I think I was just talking in bumpersticker, not intentionally, I swear!)

[elcondor]

8. Hee, I didn't think you were speaking in

bumpersticker! ;-)

I absolutely agree with what you wrote. Thank you for taking the time to reply!

[Beer Snob-50]

7. Interesting Post..

I think the one thing that ties all religions together (or should) is the belief that we have to help others as we would want to be helped. That is the true message of the Catholic faith, the Jewish faith and all the others,

[bertha katzenengel]

9. elcondor...

I don't have much to say in reply. This was obviously a very heartfelt, long-thought-out essay, and thanks for posting it here. UU--me, too, but I'll probably never go to church again. (I had a lifetime of it in three years of Baptist Bible school (not to mention the 15 years before that going to a Baptist church).)

Best wishes.

[elcondor]

12. Thank you for your reply!

:toast:

[Jokinomx]

10. elcondor....

I found your post very interesting. I can relate somewhat... I was not raised in a religion per se but I almost became a minister once because I thought God had touched me somehow.

I didn't become one, but I never ever lost my passion to ask questions and search for my answers. I have said that one of my life's greatest feats was to break away from the need or want of a organization to tell me how to be. At some point I feel one "graduates" beyond the need of a religion. You do what is right, because it is the right thing to do. Not because you have to...or are afraid of some punishment, either in this life or after you die.


Once I realized this, I was able to search a much broader field to find those answers. Most of us are told the answers before we can conceive of the question. Which leaves that person unable to break away from the sometimes flawed belief system they happened to be brought up in.

Almost all the questions that I have pondered, I have been able to find the answers. It just creates two more questions is all. I look back at how close I came to becoming a preacher....If I had, I would have never answered many of those early questions. Instead I broke free from the bonds of any church or religious organization. I have raised two beautiful daughters, one is about to graduate from H.S. this year. Without any religious upbringing she is a bright, happy, intelligent and very morally intact young lady. My second daughter is a junior this year and is following in her older sisters footsteps. My wife and I are very proud of them both. They are now free to search themselves the different religions and make their own choice if it fits their needs or not. Because that is what religion is... a tool... a place to learn some things and then you can move on.

Our search will never end... neither will our journey...:-)

22 years ago I read a book that changed me.... it was called "The Mustard Seed" by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh... In the book he speaks on the teachings of St. Thomas. It changed my whole outlook on religions and the world. If you can find a copy... I think you would be fascinated on what he says.


Good Luck on your quest for truth...


:toast:

[elcondor]

11. I will definitely look for that book, thank you

I am just starting on my journey of truly asking questions. It took me awhile, but I realized that I won't ever find the answers (if I ever do) in a religion. Thank you for sharing your story with me ... I'm glad you realized that being a minister wasn't for you before it was too late! Congrats to your daughter on her upcoming graduation! :-)