CRIMES AGAINST MUSIC: Who would you indict?

[SweetZombieJesus]

Phil Collins for ALL of his post-Genesis work.
Kenny G
Michael Bolton, and most "blue eyed soul" in general.
The New Kids On The Block (The two who had comeback records a couple years ago should do twice as much time as the rest).
The J. Geils Band
KISS
All the Eagles EXCEPT for Joe Walsh
Billy Ray Cyrus
Mary J. Blige for referring to herself as "The Queen Of Hip Hop" (YOUR STUPID WEBSITE MADE ME LOSE A TRIVIA CONTEST, YOU LYING BITCH! YOU'RE AN R&B SINGER, NOT A HIP HOP ARTIST!)

That's just for starters.

[speckledgator]

1. I like William Shatner as a person....but please don't

sing!!!!

[LincolnMcGrath]

2. Most crimes are "fan" inflicted

It hate this, that sucks, they stink, yada yada yada :shrug:

[JVS]

3. G.G. Allin

[SweetZombieJesus]

6. Agreed

He makes Sid Vicious look like Leonard Cohen by comparison. If I knew where his grave was, I'd go NOT piss on it.

[JVS]

8. Way not to give in to what he'd want you to do.

Although I know his music is terrible, I must admit that his antics made him into a good story. He was like a living dirty joke.

[SweetZombieJesus]

10. Yeah, but the problem is, a lot of "punks" think his joke is a lifestyle

I've even heard him described as a "genius".

How I kept myself from beating that person to death, I'll never know.

[blondeatlast]

12. You mean you had the chance? 1000 lashes with a wet noodle or

maybe Skittles will kick your ass.

[furrylitldevil]

4. I'd convict and execute

Green Day, and any other "pop punk" band that came after them. You ruined a great genre!!!!

[SweetZombieJesus]

7. C'mon, Green Day's not that bad

Blink, Sum 41, and the rest of those shitheads though, should pay dearly for their crimes. Start by taking away their Hurley endorsement money, give them Black Flag's old touring van, and have them tour Norway and get beat up by death metal fans.

[furrylitldevil]

9. I'd agree with you

If Greenday never put out that "Time of your Life" bullshit. I still can't get over their reasoning behind it.

"The most punk thing we could have done was sell out." Whatever

[SweetZombieJesus]

13. Actually, if that song weren't so god damn soft, it would be pretty

fucking punk of them, lyrically at least.

Then again, that was kind of the point. They'd been called sellouts for so long, they seemingly did just that as a fuck you to the elitist punks. I thought it was kind of cool of them, personally.

Anyway, I cut them some slack because when they say they grew up on the Clash in interviews, you can believe it and hear it in the music. I've heard those assholes from Blink and Good Charlotte namecheck the Clash more times than I can count, and neither of them have ever sounded ANYTHING like the Clash. Not even "Cut The Crap" era Clash.

[SEAburb]

24. bubblegum punk bands like Blink and Sum are criminal

As for Green Day, "do you have the time to listen to me whine".

[Nevernose]

51. In Blink's (small) defense

I used to work concerts on the weekend, ao I've had the (mis)fortune to see several pop-punk acts, Blink 182 twice. A friend of mine swears that they USED to be good, and had always been emo/whiny/pop, and that top ten hit they had was on their fourth or fifth album. So they're sell-outs, not corporate.

Anyway, at the first Blink concert I saw (it was one of those radio tour things), in the middle of one of their songs they devovlved into a cover of an old Anthrax song -- they're okay in my book, just 'cuz they had the balls to sing a song that none of the top-forty listening little shits had ever even heard of, and they did it well.

[Langis]

29. This comic is just for you

http://elftor.com/guest.php?number=24

[joeybee12]

5. Soryr, but Phil Collins needs to be indicted for Genesis work also

Madonna, of course.

[Paragon]

40. Blame the 80's

Phil and Genesis put out some solid stuff before the "Invisible Touch" era.

[no one in particular]

46. Nope. Nope. Nope

Soryr, but Phil Collins needs to be indicted for Genesis work also
:spank:

Phil may well be the greatest rock drummer ever. Try listening to his 71-80 period with Genesis, as well as his work with Brand X.

I must now go and put on my vinyl copy of Foxtrot to make me forget such a blasphemous post.

[blondeatlast]

11. Michael Bolton and Simply Red, and anyone else who covered a

Motown/Philly sound tune without putting THEIR OWN SPIN on the arrangement.

Let's just say anyone sho covers a song and does it almost exactly like the original.

[SweetZombieJesus]

15. God, I forgot all about Simply Red

Holy fuck, those guys suck.

[AntiCoup2K4]

56. Not a big fan of Simply Red, but you gotta credit them for one thing.....

They got a pretty good slam against Reagan into their big hit "Money's Too Tight To Mention...

We're talking 'bout reaganomics
Oh lord down in the congress
They're passing all kinds of bills
From up there on capitol hill, we've tried it

Money's too tight to mention
Oh money money money money
Money's too tight to mention
Cutbacks!

We're talking 'bout the dollar bill
And that old man who's over the hill
Now what are we all to do
When money's got a hold on you

Money's too tight etc.

We're talking 'bout money money
We're talking 'bout money money

We're talking 'bout ronnie ronnie
We're talking 'bout ronnie ronnie
Did the earth move for you nancy? :puke:

[dolo amber]

14. Celine, Mariah

Christina, Shakira...any other shreiking scale-masturbating "diva".

PS - SZJ, I think Mary J. refers to herself as "the queen of hip-hop SOUL" ;)

[SweetZombieJesus]

16. She still made me lose that god damned trivia contest

I gave the only right answer there could be: Queen Latifah.

The quizmaster says "Mary J. Blige"

I go "WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU INSANE!"

Then they dragged me out of the church.

[Djinn]

25. LOL!

I hope you don't mind me stealing that line...it's the best description I've heard for those who seem to equate vocalling leaping up and down sounding like a wounded seal with talent

"shreiking scale-masturbating "diva"...Brilliant

As for crimes against music - MADONNA and her attempts at rapping - cringe isn't even the word!

[Dirk39]

17. How could you forget Bon Jovi!

I don't get this. You got it right every time and then you left out Bon Jovi! I'm really annoyed with you, you're worse than Bryan Adams:-)
If only you would have to listen to Dieter Bohlen,
Hello from Germany,
Dirk

[SweetZombieJesus]

18. Hey Dirk, what the fuck is the deal with David Hasselhoff?

I tried to get an explanation out of a foreign exchange student in one of my classes, but he didn't know what I was talking about.

And I try to pretend Bon Jovi doesn't exist. It's a lot better for my sanity that way.

[JVS]

19. David Hasselhoff is small potatoes, Heino is where it's at.

I think I saw 1 Hasselhoff record in Germany, Heino has millions.

[Dirk39]

22. Hi, David was for girls between the age of 6 and 9 &1/2....

and it lasted only a few month. Must have been his perfect performance in a New Order Video??? You have to love girls, the boys were more into Schwarzenegger, then. But none of them were allowed to vote...
Dirk

[FlyByNight]

20. Don't forget Creed

Overwrought. Humorless. Full of themselves. Plodding, sound-alike, third-rate Grunge. Awful. :puke:

[VOX]

21. Milli Vanilli

How much worse can it get?

:kick:

[FlemingsGhost]

23. Everyone and anyone associated with "American Idol"

Viewers/Voters included.

If we are going to "thin the herd," let's do it right.

[northzax]

26. fugazi

for making rock so fucking righteous. what ever happened to sex, drugs and rock and roll?

[Dirk39]

28. Agree, an absurd mix of...

american puritanism and being "progressive".
Dirk

[Abaques]

33. I like meaning in my music....

Fugazi, well, Minor Threat (along with Black Flag and a few others) was pretty much the spark that started hardcore punk rock. For some of us we love the sound of alot of punk, but the message can be stupid and self-defeating. And the punk "lifestyle" doesn't fit everyone either.

Hardcore cut through the crap.

And straight edge, which coalesced around Minor Threat, is simply a life choice. Sure some people take things too far, but for me it has been a way of life since I found it.*








*NOTE: I have never drinken or taken drugs nor have I ever been all about getting laid every weekend with someone I barely know. When I found out about straight edge it was like finding a new family. Oh, and I'm 27. Been calling myself straightedge for about 4 years now. And I have lots of friends who drink. Its just their choice.

[FlemingsGhost]

34. I never really "got" the straight edge movement

I've been to *a lot* of shows in my day, and more often than not the "edgers" were the ones knocking cigarettes out of folks mouths, verbally--and quite often physically--confronting those smoking grass, tugging from flasks etc. (We liked to remind them that adrenaline is a much more powerful and addicting chemical than anything they righteously preach against.)

In no way am I painting you as such, but the movement has some serious contradictions in it's general philosophy.

[NashVegas]

36. I Had No Idea that was Still Around

I was never a huge Fugazi fan, though I loved "13 Songs." Plus, they introduced me to Shudder to Think, and bless 'em for that.

[RandomKoolzip]

58. Wow, another Shudder to Think fan!

"Pony Express Record" is one of the greatest albums ever recorded. In ten years, people are going to discover their work and go "holy shit!".

[Abaques]

60. There are always a few bad apples to spoil the whole bunch...

In the years I've gone to shows (lots and lots of shows) I've never witnessed anything like that. But we've all heard the stories.

Most of those people who physically confronted people are probably drinkers and smokers now. They were into it for the wrong reasons and took things too far.

[Colin Ex]

72. Are you crazy, dude?

Fugazi and Minor Threat got me into punk. Socially conscious and very well-written stuff.

As for the Straight Edge Nazi Punks, fuck off. :-) I'm straight edge, but there's a difference between being straight edge and being a jackass (knocking cigarettes out of people's mouths and so on).

-C

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

27. Ashcroft

Soar THIS eagle, mo'fo!

[NashVegas]

30. Jelly Bean Benitez

And whomever else we have to thank for Madonna's rise to fame.

[mitchum]

31. David Geffen and Puff Daddy or P Diddy or wtatever the fuck...

he is calling himself now.
They're both philisine pimps

[Seneca]

32. me

I was atrocious in the shower this morning.

[baldguy]

35. Britney Spears

Christine Arugala

and the entire genre called Christian Rock

[ironflange]

37. Madonna, Britney, Tiny Tim, for

American Pie, Satisfaction, Stairway to Heaven.

[grasswire]

38. definitely Kenny G

I'd rather visit the dentist than hear Kenny G.

[Paragon]

39. All modern-day rap producers

...with exceptions for Dr. Dre, Timbaland, and The Neptunes.

Puffy, Jermaine Dupri, etc. etc. have forever poisoned MTV and Top 40 radio. Flush 'em all.

[Red_Storm]

42. Guilty As Charged....................

teen boy bands
Britney Spears
bling blingin' hip hop
80's New Wave
Vanilla Ice
La Macarena
Elevator Music
that dude that sang that Pac-Man song in the 80's
Captain & Tenille
Hair Metal
Courtesy red,white and blue and the stupid ass who sings it
Ricky Martin
Nelly
Blink 182

[Syn_Dem]

41. Christian Rock

And their evil leader Creed.

[mvd]

43. Only agree with some of yours

Here are mine:

Kenny G
Michael Bolton!
New Kids
KISS
Chris Cagle
Creed
Hilary Duff
Bijou Phillips
Kathie Lee Gifford!
Kittie
Amanda
Static-X
Insane Clown Posse
Willa Ford
Limp Bizkit
Ja Rule
Whitesnake
Guns 'n' Roses
Tommy Lee
Aaron Tippin
'N Sync & double for Justin Timberlake
Toby Keith
Darryl Worley (for his "Have You Forgotten")
98 Degrees
Mariah Carey

Those are just some..

[mvd]

49. Thought of more

Justin Guarini!
Jennifer Lopez
3LW
Linkin Park
Sex Pistols
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Aaron Carter
Jessica Simpson
Puff Daddy
Lauryn Hill (for being so highly rated)
Basement Jaxx

There are just too many to remember.

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

44. Definately Britney Spears

Nice bod but she sounds like shit, even with digital remastering.

[Elidor]

45. Cher: for thinking she could sing.

Stevie Nicks: ditto.
Nugent: Hey baby! You suck!
Paul Rodgers: stick to singing, Paul. You can't write lyrics to save your life. You make Vanilla Ice sound like T.S. Fucking Eliot by comparison.
Poison. Dokken. All those bad-hair bands. See them washing dishes at strip clubs on Sunset on VH1's 'Where are they now?'
Robert Plant: I'll never forget the critic who accused you of blowing your nose in our waffles. He had you down cold. And that whole 'Blues Museum' bullshit? You suck. You ripped off all those great blues artists, and then you slam Lenny Kravitz for being retro and ripping people off? You have no shame, you phony slut. Go sing to the punters at the local pub. Even that is too good for you.

EDIT: Brooks and Dunn
And all those 'New Country' jagoffs. Country died 50 years ago. What they play today is sad, sad, sad. Johnny had it right:

[Red_Storm]

48. Stevie Nicks? Booooo ............

no way :)

[mvd]

50. And boo to Cher, too

Stevie? She's a classic IMO. And while she's never that consistent, Cher is still doing some good pop.

But those are good natured boos - there are naturally going to be disagreements here.

[WillyT]

47. Madonna Doing 'American Pie' Made My Head Implode...

Got better...

:puke:

[FDRrocks]

52. Word to yo mutha!

Yea... that guy.

[Fenris]

53. My shit list

Diane Warren for every piece of shit sentimental ballad that bitch ever composed.

The Eagles (again, with the exception of Joe Walsh, because he rocks) for every goddamned laid-back California soft-rock standard they wrote. Don Henley deserves a seperate indictment for being a drummer who tries to be a front man and SUCKS at it.

Phil Collins for writing those god-awful songs for that Disney movie that beat out "South Park". Seperate indictment for his solo work AND with Genesis.

Everyone who ever played in KISS, because they were part of the absolute worst rock band that ever existed. Gene Simmons should get the death penalty because he exists.

Any Nü-Metal band. Open and shut case. Life imprisonment all around. Special mention goes to Staind.

Any modern "punk" rock group. Give it up. IT'S DEAD.

Any commercial country musician. Nashville should be razed and leveled.

Courtney Spungen...er...Love.

Madonna for every time in the past decade that she has said ANYTHING. Are you British? I don't fucking care about your life. If you want to sing, sing, but otherwise shut your fucking mouth.

Anyone who sings exclusively about God.

[mvd]

55. Well, I agree about Diane Warren and nu-metal

Diane's had some good stuff with Cher ("If I Could Turn Back Time," "Just Like Jesse James,") and some decent modern stuff ("I'll Be" by Reba McEntire,) but too many of her songs are really bad ("Don't Wanna Miss A Thing.")

Mainstream country seems either better or worse. Some of it is closer to country's roots and less manufactured, but some of the stars have gone downhill (Clay Walker, Billy Ray Cyrus, and Mark Wills have bad new albums), and some stars just sound like pale immitators, like Aaron Lines and Brian McComas.

I'll add in that much of Christian rock is shameful.

I think Courtney Love is a rock goddess despite her problems. Well, that's my opinion. Night!

[Snow]

54. John Cage, for 4'33"

and for just about anything else he's ever written, although 4'33" was maybe the easiest to listen to. Random number generators, indeed!
The rest of your criminals are pikers compared to Cage.

[ProfessorGAC]

62. Hisssssssssssssss!

Cage afficianado here.
The Professor

[Snow]

64. Good grief, really?

I supposed there's no accounting for tastes, and so on.....but Cage????

[ProfessorGAC]

70. Sorry. Whatcha Gonna Do?

I am also an afficianado of Ornette Coleman, Cecil Taylor and James Ullmer. So, the more divergent it is from traditional forms, the more likely i am to be be attracted.

I suppose that's the weird in me.
The Professor

[SideshowScott]

57. Anything passing as the screech called Rap nowadays

Its not that i have anything agiants Rap there are some good bands out there...But most of it pure sucks ass..Evertime i hear that rotten buzz sound from a car i just pray to god that the fad will die and soon..Not a fan of hearing cuss words of a so called gansta raper blareing out of an apartment window or car when there are kids around eather.. Not cool.

[RandomKoolzip]

59. Tori Amos, Morrissey, Trent Reznor, Billy Corgan, The Cure, Bjork...

I often wish I could get all of these people together in one room, lined up exactly right...one bullet could take all of 'em out. (I don't actually wish death on anyone...okay, maybe trent Reznor..although that would just turn him into a martyr for all of his idiotic fans...)

Can you say "pretentious?" Jesus, what horrible fucking music these peple make, and how they've conned so many otherwise sensible young people into buying into their "cults of personality." Utter wastes of plastic...

[Rich Hunt]

63. LOL

I totally agree. I hate narcissistic, whiny music.

However, I would spare Morrissey because he can be funny and has loads of style. He really doesn't take himself too seriously.

I would like to fly over the Lilith Fair with a crop-duster.

[mvd]

67. I disagree with him

I don't really like Bjork - I can agree there. She's not much of a singer, and the music is annoying art IMO.

Tori isn't whiny or pretentious, nor are many others in Lilith Fair. Tori is unique among them with her quirky writing, but they are usually nicely introspective to me. And I'm not a female.

Now Billy Corgan may be pretentious, but he still has made fine music - and his writing loosened up with Zwan.

The Cure makes some interesting stuff, even though I'm not a fan.

Trent Reznor doesn't really make my kind of music, but there's no reason to call his fans idiotic. I actually like some of The Fragile.

[Shigley]

75. Hey!

What's wrong with Reznor or Corrigan? Even if their music is crap stylistically, I like the sound of it. Then again, this is form a prson who will listen to damn near anything, so...

[ProfessorGAC]

61. All Of The Above

Except i don't like Joe Walsh either. And, i do respect Tim Schmidt from the Eagles. A solid bass player with a wonderful voice.

Kenny G needs to be expunged from this planet. All technique, no musical skills. Man, that guy makes my skin crawl.

I won't add any others to your list. Others here will do plenty of that, i would think.
The Professor

[THUNDER HANDS]

65. STOP KNOCKING PHIL COLLINS

A certifiable musical genius.

:)

Actually, I do actually like the guy. Phil Collins was the first artist I bought a CD of, back when CD's first came out.

[Red_Storm]

66. Some of his work.........

with Genesis was pretty good, still holds up today......I like some of his solo work too....he's not all that bad to be on a list like this one.....

[Corgigal]

69. Phil was good

the guy isn't touring anymore because he too became deaf in one ear and the other isn't holding up well either. I saw him 5 times with and without Genesis. So now he does some disney stuff and is now writing a playbill for a new Tarzan play they are going to perform on Broadway. Everyone has to make a living.

[FlemingsGhost]

76. The moment Phil started "acting," he lost me.

He peaked with "Face Value." (A very good album, by the way.)

[T_i_B]

68. Craig David & The Spice girls

Come to think of it UK Garage and teeneybopper bands in general.

[DrGonzoLives]

71. Dream Theater

Nothing more than a bunch of pretentious, know-it-all assholes who think they are the be-all end-all of progressive rock. Ooooohhhh, you can play a guitar really fast. Aren't you fucking special.

[Loonman]

73. John Ford Coley and England Dan

.

[bif]

74. Neil Young

I just can't stand that guy. Can't play guitar, can't sing, and can't write.