I have been such a LOSER magnet lately!

[yvr girl]

I was walking to the bookstore and passed a fairly major bus stop. A guy, who looked like he was from Louisiana, stammered at me a bit and finely managed to spit out, "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

I assumed he needed directions, so I slowed down enough for him to ask the question. He didn't need direction. He wanted to know if I, "...wanted to hang out sometime?"

Could he really have expected I would say yes? I don't know a single woman who would have jumped at the offer.

[Arkana]

1. Weird.

I have to wonder where a line like that came from.

[Deja Q]

2. I feel sorry for the guy. Unlike me he's got the chutzpah to be extrovert

-ed.

Well, I'm gay, but still... if the guy is seen a loser, why hasn't anyone given him a cyanide pill yet? (no joke.)

Repressed sexuality seems the cause of 80% the world's problems.

Greed being the other 20%, and they need not worry about doing the humpty dance.

[solinvictus]

3. How do Louisiana people look?

That's my question..

[HEyHEY]

5. Perhaps..

:shrug:

[tjdee]

7. Yeah, that's my question too.

I could see saying "southern", but specifically Louisiana?

That's somethin'.

[eyepaddle]

9. A lot like Alabama people--

just slightly prettier! :P

(sorry, just couldn't resist!) :hi:

(For the record I lived in Louisiana for a couple of years)

[leftofthedial]

19. sort of mississippi-ish

except with a little french-ness thrown in.

[tjdee]

4. That's kind of sweet.

I wouldn't have said yes, because he could have been a psycho...I don't think men realize that.

I do think he could have come up with something better than "Do you want to hang out sometime?"--he could have added some kind of compliment, maybe, to explain why he was so taken with you walking by he asked you out?

It's kind of sweet, but it's kind of strange. It's a lot better than "Hey, you're hot" or "Your father must have been a thief cause you just stole my heart".

[MissMillie]

6. Honey, this is the story of my life

it's gotten so no matter what the person looks like or sounds like, he's never gonna feel right. My "loser" detector is set at super sensitive. No one is getting a chance.

[gollygee]

8. So I was wondering what a guy from Louisiana looks like

so I did a google image search :D

[yvr girl]

11. Sort of a combo

Big trucker-style baseball hat. He looked a bit like the guy on the bottom except much older and less put together. Overalls. He needed a shave.

I didn't mean to offend anyone from Louisiana. I could have said hardcore NASCAR fan.

[GOPisEvil]

10. Not the best line in history.

My tip: he should have been more specific and not as open-ended.

So, what about him looked Louisianan? :D

[yvr girl]

12. His line would have needed to be damn spectacular to work

It was on the street. He'd had less than 5 seconds to even get an impression of who I am. Sets off alarm bells.

[flamingyouth]

13. Was he carrying a large bowl of gumbo?

Or several jars of mayhaw jelly? For that, I would have gladly hung out with him! :D

[Longgrain]

14. I love you!

That's all I'm saying publicly...

[ltfranklin]

15. Obviously...

...a masochist who caught a whiff of your anti-loser vibes and was going for a quick shot of rejection. He was probably hoping for a hard slap and a knee in the crotch, and was no doubt disappointed in your measured response.

Just as well...probably lives with his mother and collects star wars memorabilia.

[yvr girl]

16. I didn't say anything about how I responded

How do you know I didn't drop him?

[ltfranklin]

47. You're right, I don't.

Did you?

[yvr girl]

75. lol. No

I just said no.

(I hardly EVER drop anyone.) ;-)

[ltfranklin]

78. What, Never?

No, Never!
What Never?
No, Never!
What Never?
...Hardly Ever!

G&S live!

[GalleryGod]

17. Super Dave(GOPisEvil) will beat them off next weekend!

Beware Loooo-sahs!:wow: Super Dave is Here!:patriot:

[amazona]

18. what the--?

WTF does "looked like he was from Louisiana" mean? We have all flavors here.

Maybe he was pink and had a big nose like this one?




Just out of curiosity, how are you supposed to meet people if it is considered a discourtesy to come up and talk to them? We weren't born knowing everybody we need to know?

Chances are I wouldn't take the offer either but I'd rather a polite, "Do you want to hang out?" than the more usual commentary you get on the street.

On edit-- yes, it's true, in Louisiana it is considered OK to talk to strangers. It was weird to me also when I first moved here but now I see the sense of it. It beats the attitude of some places that you can live there 30 years and you're still an outsider.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

[yvr girl]

21. All I said was no, and just kept walking

I talk to strangers all the time. There's a big difference between having a conversation and essentially asking someone out totally out of the blue.

If I'd been at the bookstore, and someone struck up a conversation I would have been more receptive (That's a great book...I like that author...etc.)

[Goathead]

37. You don't talk to strangers?

I do it all the time. :shrug:

[Name removed]

20. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[yvr girl]

22. I'm not exactly sure what your point is?

DU has nothing to do with my random encounters in Vancouver. In the last weirdo incident before this, a scary looking guy approached me in a dark alley and said something strange. Frightening a woman is not usually a good first move.

[Longgrain]

25. Alright then, I won't even get into my random Central MA ecounters...

Most with skanky (excuse the expression) women types.

(at least I thought they were women. They seemed smart before they...Im going to say something bad here...you'll all hate me for the rest of you're life but...)

Whew...stopped myself!

[progmom]

26. dude.

what is going on with you??
why are you on the attack again?
first maggie last night, now yvr girl? what the fuck has she done to you to deserve this kind of personal attack??

[Longgrain]

28. Never on the attack...IN LOVE!

Dayum! I'm in love!

Besides. I thought you women liked aggressive men?

Guess I was wrong.

[progmom]

32. "you women"?

So wait - you're insulting yvr girl in hopes that she'll fall madly in love with you? This is your response?

[Name removed]

30. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

33. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

35. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

38. Deleted message

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[sundog]

56. in jest?

:cry:

:hug:

[sundog]

54. hey I'm not a stranger!

:wtf:

[JimmyJazz]

57. thanks, sundog

what is up with this guy? :wtf:

[sundog]

62. I don't know you at all, stranger... who ARE you?

:wtf:

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

23. I promise I won't ask again. Sorry.

But being called a loser really, really... hurts... :cry:

And I'm from Indiana, if that helps... :evilgrin:

[CanuckAmok]

24. Can't blame a guy for asking. If one doesn't ask, that chance of...

...a "yes" is low.

Maybe he has a thing for capri pants and flowered crowns. Different strokes.

Now, me, on the other hand, I'm terribly shy around women. I never, ever ask them out because I hate rejection; I'm totally in awe of anyone who has the guts to 'pick up' total strangers.

Andy why do you hate Louisianans, anyway? Some Mardis Gras trauma you've been repressing?

[yvr girl]

27. I don't like being approached randomly on the street

I actually don't like feeling like I'm being 'picked up.'

If I was at a party, at least I would know that we had friends in common.

A random guy started talking to me at the beach in Barbados 3 years ago, and we're still in-touch.

I think I'm fair, and obviously approachable - just don't set off my weirdo alarm.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

29. I am with you, yvr girl! Any strange man who accosts you in public

like that is going to hear the word "NO" loudly and clearly, and needs to. It really doesn't matter what he looks like, or how he is dressed. The circumstances are just too weird, and you did just right!

I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE A LOSER MAGNET, EITHER!

:toast:

[uhhuh]

31. Oh, I don't know

Maybe he was under the misapprehension that you were a nice person, who wouldn't immediately judge him based on his appearance or his interest in you.

Maybe he thought you might be interesting, or, (gasp), he did find you attractive!!(horrors!!)

Maybe he has difficulty in meeting women because he's socially unskilled, and was making an effort to connect with another human being, and was hoping that he wouldn't be viewed as worthless trash and mocked on a message board because he isn't cultured enough , or dressed appropriately.

Why do I have the feeling that this post would have been the story of some great guy you met by chance at a bus stop, who cutely, but clumsily, asked you if you wanted to hang out sometime, if he had met whatever your standards are?

That guy is probably way better off, in my opinion.

[progmom]

36. you have to put yourself in a woman's shoes

This man was not approaching yvr girl because she seemed like a nice person. He couldn't have gotten that from her walking quickly past a bus stop. He was coming on to her because he was physically attracted to her. So this man, a total stranger in a big city, went up and asked her out. 99.999999999999999999% of women in this world would be freaked out by that.

[uhhuh]

50. I usually assume that everyone is a nice person

until they prove to be otherwise.

I understand caution. It's practical. I take offense that this guy is branded as a loser by merely asking a question. Is it a crime to be attracted to someone and strike up a conversation with them?

I stand by my contention that if this guy had been more attractive to HER, the story would have been different. It is even further supported by her contention that she has a long time friend she has retained contact with that she was approached randomly by.

There is nothing wrong with not agreeing to go out with this guy. I don't think it's fair to tear down his apearance and brand him a loser because he may not appeal to her, and he committed the great offense of asking her out.

I asked my girlfriend, and she (biased), agrees with me.

[progmom]

58. I hope you check out some of the other responses

...yvr girl made in the thread.
They give a bit more context/perspective on the situation and her reaction.

[uhhuh]

70. I did

The scenario breaks down like this:

Stranger asks her if she would like to hang out. She says no.

That doesn't make him a criminal perv, it makes him bad at mating rituals. I know a lot of socially inept people. I would be upset to find out that they were being labeled losers and being talked about in this fashion in a public forum.

[yvr girl]

67. I've had too many weird encounters not to be cautious

If you're curious, here's one of them. It taught me that a seemingly harmless guy can get pretty weird.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=2060501

I thought the guy was going to ask for directions. If he'd done that I wouldn't have given it a second thought.

He fell into my 'loser' category because he DIDN'T strike up a conversation. He made NO attempt to know me at all. He just asked me out. Give me time to evaluate if I'm even a little bit interested. Assure me that I'm going to be safe.

The guy on the beach didn't ask me out right away. He asked about the book I was reading. We talked for a couple of hours. Totally different scenario.

[uhhuh]

73. I read your story

It bears no resemblance to the current incident,but it does give some background as to why you might be hostile to anyone who is interested in you that you don't know. Based on that incident, you should be cautious.

Am I saying that you should have gone off with the guy at the bus stop? Hell no, but your insistence that he is a loser because he didn't put enough words in front of his request to spend time with you seems about as well thought out as asking for a date from people passing on the street.

I have many friends who are awkward when they are interested in someone. I don't think they're losers. This guy might have not known what to say, and blurted that out, and is now somewhere kicking himself and replaying the scenario, and feeling stupid he didn't put in enough words to make his interest in you acceptable. You are just rubbing it in here.

[yvr girl]

76. I was judge mental in branding him a loser

But I don't think for an instant that he is anywhere kicking himself about this incident. How invested could he be in my reaction after such a short interaction. I figure if he invests so little time and thought into who he approaches he doesn't spend much time afterward with regrets. IMHO All I was to him was someone with an X chromosome. There's a few billion of those.

I met this really shy, awkward guy on vacation one time. We both happened to be going for a late-night swim. I don't remember who talked to whom first. Since we were the only two people in the pool, I think it would have been strange to not say hi, at the very least. My friends and I ended up hanging out with him and his buddy the whole trip.

I didn't judge this guy because he was socially awkward, I judged him because he set off my weirdo radar. It's pretty finely tuned at this point in my life.

To be 'rubbing it in' I think he would need to be aware of it.

[eyepaddle]

53. There's a possibility,

that he was just a guy that has zero fear of rejection. Or criminal--at this point we can't say. He should however be aware that his chances of getting shot down (brusquley or otherwise) are pretty damn high. Like it or not that's just how it works.

I've had something like 30 different roommates over the years, and a couple of them were flat-out ladies MEN; after seeing them in action for a year or so I realized that for a guy to be randomly promiscous he needs only three things:

1) zero fear of rejection
2) persistence, and
3) flexible standards.

Other than that they were pretty different dudes, clean cut-smooth, guy from Tanzania, another was a semi bathed Hippie from Hillbilly Wisconsin and the last guy was an extremely annoying rich brat from a Minneapolis suburb.

They all got shut down a TON, but then moved on immediately and never looked back.

Maybe this guy was one of those.

I'll admit I'd never ever think of being that out front--and yvr girl certainly has every reason (and right) to be....cautious, I suppose is the best word here.

[RevCheesehead]

68. Can you tell me where I might find that Wisconsin guy?

I'm not sure where the hillbillies are, unless it's the Kettle Moraine area. :shrug:

But if he's persistent, and is truly flexible in his standards, then maybe I might have a shot.

[eyepaddle]

80. I think he's in Ukraine now,

but is from the Dodge/Fountain City area.

And oh yes, you've totally got a shot!

[RevCheesehead]

81. Actually, I was wondering if it was RetroLounge.

[eyepaddle]

82. Does RetroLounge have long red hair?

'cause there's still a shot! ;)

[RevCheesehead]

83. Don't know, but I have red hair.

I'll have to let you know after the Milwaukee meet-up.

As to "having a shot," my understanding is he's thinking of bringing his wife. So - do I STILL have a shot? ;)

[KitchenWitch]

60. I have an internal "creep-meter"

It works similarly to Gaydar. It is kind of a sixth sense thing.

A friend of mine, a long time ago, tried to set me up with this one guy. I went out with him, and my friend and her BF ONCE. He totally creeped me out. Come to find out about a year later, he was arrested for murder and arson. He had murdered his girlfriend, and then tried to burn the house down to cover up for the murder.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS listen to the Creep-meter.

As a woman, this is the best advice you can get, as far as strangers (and even acquaintances go).

A book I recommend highly to all my women friends is entitled "The Gift of Fear". It talks about intuition, and how to follow it to stay safe.

yvr girl do not listen to the people who trashed you on this thread. You have to listen to your gut feelings when it comes to these sorts of things. Most strangers are nice people, but the bad ones do more damage than the nice ones can un-do.

[yvr girl]

44. Clearly, my Louisiana comment hit a nerve with some people

I was trying to paint a picture (and be a bit snarky, I'll admit) I'm sorry if I offended you.

I assure you, if this guy looked like George Clooney, but the rest of the story remained identical the end result would have been the same.

He had nothing to base any opinion on me. He couldn't have even seen me for more than 5 seconds. For all I know, he asks out every 5th woman who passes by. I have no interest in dating anyone who accosts random women on the street. Sue me.

[uhhuh]

66. Your point is taken

And I will retract my assumption that his appearance made any difference as to whether you would have agreed, but I still contend that the greatest offense he committed here was not following the accepted mating rules. He broke the rules...he gets no date. He does not deserve to get verbally attacked after the fact.

I understand that if he looked like Clooney, you would have done the same, but would you have forgotten about it, or come here and posted about what a loser he was?


ac·cost ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-kôst, -kst)
tr.v. ac·cost·ed, ac·cost·ing, ac·costs
To approach and speak to boldly or aggressively, as with a demand or request.
To solicit for sex.


In your own summation, you state that he stumbled over the request to hang out. That does not seem aggressive, or particularly bold.

I guess in an abstract way, any time you talk to someone because you are attracted to them, it is a solicitation for sex, but I don't think most would view it that way while it's happening. It makes it seem too seedy. I think asking someone out that is passing on the street is not a good way to get dates, but it doesn't seem that this guy deserved to get shit on for it.

[ScreamingMeemie]

34. How do we know he was a loser? Perhaps he's got a mansion tucked

away somewhere and dresses "loserish" to meet "real" women. I kind of feel sorry for him.

[progmom]

39. ah yes

Has MrsGrumpy been reading those Harlequin romance novels again? :P

[ScreamingMeemie]

41. No..shhhhh don't tell.

But seriously, a dear friend's husband was one of the odd looking, crappy dressing fellows...she met him in a grocery store. I wish I had a tenth of his income. :hi:

[progmom]

43. I think the problem...

...was less that he was crappily dressed, and more that he just plain freaked her out by stopping her on the street.
:shrug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

45. I'm just more of a "Hey, how are you?" kind of girl. Perhaps it's naive

but I talk to many people in the course of my day. Known and unknown to me. I just couldn't see labeling him as a loser straight off. It made me kind of sad for him. :( Not that I'm saying yvr should go out with him... It just kind of reminded me of a cashier I once saw who talked smack about every customer after the walked out the door. Just seemed a little harsh is all.

[progmom]

48. maybe it's different

...because we don't live in as big a city? I think your defenses are up a lot higher in that situation.

[ScreamingMeemie]

51. Perhaps you are right.

:hi:

[yvr girl]

59. Exactly

What made him pick me? Is any random person OK as long as they're female? I need more than someone who is male.

Obviously dating is to get to know someone, but you need to pique my interest before you're going to get a date. I also need to be pretty confident that I'm not going to end up as a naked corpse in Stanley Park. Call me picky.

[ScreamingMeemie]

61. That's not my problem yvr. What I take issue with is your use of the

word loser. I talk to anyone and everyone. If I was standing on that stop and said, "Hey, crazy weather...read this book?...Man, my arthritis is acting up", I cringe to think that you would immediately label me "loser" and come back here to DU to poke fun. That's all. Your post seemed harsh. I agree, you don't take off with the guy. But a little kindness goes a long way. And you still won't end up a naked corpse. Sorry that I disagree with you this time. It's just something that I don't and won't do.

[yvr girl]

74. I talk to strangers all the time

An elderly man came up to me the other day and handed me a candy. I had a very pleasant conversation with him. (I didn't eat the candy however.)

I said hi to a lady in the grocery store and she ended up telling me how her daughter had just died. We talked for awhile and I gave her a hug.

I have tons of positive interactions with strangers all the time. Men and women, children and seniors. I'm very approachable.

I just think it's strange to ask a woman out when you don't even know her name, if she's married or not, if she speaks the same language as you etc.

My intention in this post wasn't to make fun of this guy. None of you know who he is. I don't know who he is. I will cop to being insensitive and mean-spirited. I'm sorry. It's just in the last few months I've had several instances like this. I do feel like a magnet for strange encounters.

[Longgrain]

40. Exactly! Don't judge a person until you get to know them!

My last thought for tonight.

[progmom]

42. oh - do you promise?

:P

[AlCzervik]

46. My sister in law looks like in her words "A peasant'

but in realtiy she's wealthy.

[norml]

49. Takes one to attract one.

If only you had looked more superior, he wouldn't have dared to approach you.

[mitchum]

64. LOL!!!

nicely done :)

[WI_DEM]

52. You are right it is not smart to come up to someone on the street

you don't even know and say, "you wanna hang out?" it would make anybody a bit defensive--at least sane people of both sexes, imo. There is a time and place for everything. Some guy sitting at a bus stop approaching a perfect stranger with a line (even if it wasn't a coarse line) is scary. If he is desperate for female companionship he could join a dating club, get involved in a book club, political campaign, gym, or take a class. I know it isn't easy to meet people (especially after a certain age) but that isn't the way.

[RetroLounge]

55. Hey, wanna hang out sometime...

...in the lounge?

:hi:

RL

[RevCheesehead]

69. Damn, Retro - was that YOU??

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3070311&mesg_id=3070980

(in response to the post above mine)

Two weeks to go! :bounce:

[Redstone]

63. That was not a very nice post.

How about a bit of empathy? And a bit less ego?

Redstone

[yvr girl]

77. I've admitted to being unkind and apologized.

I don't see where ego comes into it. He seems to pick women out at random. Being picked is nothing for me to gloat over. That's like the number 8 being proud of being a winning lottery number.

[Redstone]

79. I had a feeling you'd do that;

because you seem to be a good person.

Sorry if I misinterpreted your post as being egotistic. I'll buy you a drink in Boston to make up for it.

And I apologize for the negative comment as well; I had just come home from the funeral of an old friend and was not in a great mood.

Redstone

[crispini]

65. I'm trying to think if there is ANY way that

a random guy approaching me would get more than a NO. Here's the only thing I've come up with: If I could get any kind of read on him from the context (bookstore, coffeshop, etc.) that setting would help. Gas station, bus stop -- not so much, simply because they are so totally generic. If he's at a bookshop at least you know he can read. ;)

Then -- again, context would help. A bookstore, and a comment on the book I'm looking at, would be a perfect way to start. If it's just out of the blue (as in bus stop) how do you even say HELLO?

What he'd really have to do, though, would be to come up with some kind of line, preferably about how attractive I am, :evilgrin: but not in a sleazy way -- tough line to walk, that -- and hand ME *his* phone number. that's key, he has just given ME total control of the next step and has therefore sort of disarmed himself.

Now, whether or not I'd ever call him-- I might, if I were in a wild-hare sort of mood. But that's the ONLY method I can think of that would conceivebly work.

And he'd have to pass the weirdo-meter test, too. If he seems like bad news, all bets are off.

[entanglement]

71. Perhaps you did best to trust your instincts,

but IMHO it's a bit unkind to call him a 'loser' :shrug:

[RevCheesehead]

72. What amazes me is that you were insulted.

If that happened to me, I would have been flattered. Well, OK, I would have been shocked first, but then flattered. Then again, people don't stop me on the street, either. I'm not "pretty."

You claim your response would have been exactly the same if he looked like George Clooney. But in your OP, you explicitly refer to "A guy, who looked like he was from Louisiana. Then you apologize, and said "I should have said a NASCAR fan." Aren't these statements, in fact, showing that you do judge others by appearance?

Maybe you were just trying to start a conversation by posting this story. I'm sorry, but it seems pretty shallow to me.

[pdx_prog]

84. So, the line doesn't work then?

Guess I will have to find another one to use...:)

How about, "you must be from Tennessee, because you're the only ten I see around here".....lol

I had a similar experience the other day. I was at a department store here in PDX. I had stopped to look at some shirts hanging on a rack when this women walked behind me, extended her fingers and started at my right shoulder giving me one of them slow, light, sensual rubs, across my shoulder, down to the small of my back and across my butt cheek on the other side. I looked and she was giving me one of them innocent but deadly smiles. She was not unnatractive, just not attractive to me. I just stood there and watched her as she walked down and around the corner. I was so stupified I couldn't bring myself to say anything. After she dissapeared I high tailed it in the opposite direction from her....lol