I'm the Bartender in Hell. What'll it be?

[Sugar Smack]

Sidle up, and I'll give you what you don't want, or worse!

[yewberry]

1. If you actually are a bartender in Hell

they'll all order different frozen drinks. And drinks you have to flame.:eyes:

[Sugar Smack]

4. It's frozen here, baby.

But here's a glass of warm mustard.

[mitchtv]

2. I'll have a John Paul special

and a side of Fallwell .

[Sugar Smack]

7. I'm CUTTING YOU OFF.

I think you've had way too many of those. Cheney! Give this guy a ride home!!!!!!!!!

[LostinVA]

3. A Sex on the Sulphur

Or maybe a Fuzzy Devil. They're BOTH good.

[Sugar Smack]

9. OK!!!!!!!!!!

I'll let you watch me drink both of them, sweetie!!!!!!!!!

:evilgrin:

[LostinVA]

16. OOh!

How about a Soft, Comfortable Pitchfork Against the Wall?

Or an Appletini.

[Sugar Smack]

18. I heard you loud and clear-

so here's that jar of licorice jellybeans!!!!!!


}(

[LostinVA]

19. I hate licorice jellybeans

You REALLY ARE THE BARTENDER IN HELL!!!

[Sugar Smack]

25. I'm sorry, sweetie-

What if I give you, instead, a platter with this drunk driver's head on it. Rumor has it he rammed a store in the middle of the night.

[LostinVA]

32. only if he has an apple in his mouth, and only because

You're a Tarheel.

[Longgrain]

5. I told you earlier non-alcoholic beer

what could be worse than that...:evilfrown:

[Sugar Smack]

10. Here you go, precious.

One non-alcoholic beer, room temperature, with a lime in it I personally chewed up myself.

ooh. *shaking lighter* sorry, can't light your ciggie.

[Longgrain]

12. What no alcohol, No cigarette...

That's what got me into Hell in the first place...:grr:

[Sugar Smack]

14. LLLOOOOLLLL!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE the way you think.



Meanwhile, have a big glass of Diddly, on me, a plate of Jack and a side of squat. And leave a REALLY HUGE TIP!


:evilgrin:

[Longgrain]

15. All I have to tip you with is this can of Norwegian Sardines

I asked Skinner for some Swedish Fish, but he was all out, so this was the best he could do...

[Sugar Smack]

23. If you don't pipe down, you maniac, you're going to have to

share LostinVA's licorice jellybeans!


:evilfrown: :evilgrin: :evilfrown: :evilgrin:

[LostinVA]

26. No! They're mine!!!

What am I saying??? You are EVIL!!!

[Sugar Smack]

35. Here.

*displaying a lime-green, devilish smile*

here's a nice, chewed-up bit of lime. Also, I've decided to give you your very own botte of vodka just to torure everone else.

[LostinVA]

38. Thank you, Devilish One

[joefree1]

6. I have a "Bloody Hell" please

4 1/2 oz Absolut® vodka
6 oz V8® vegetable juice
3 dashes Hot Sauce From Hell® pepper sauce
7 - 8 dashes Worcestershire sauce
2 - 3 pinches salt
2 - 3 pinches peppers
http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink7580.html

And here's a joke for you:
So Rush Limbaugh dies and goes to Hell. Its horrible. Burning fires. Hot bubbling lava! Incredible pain! No Oxycontin. He looks over and sees George W. Bush having sex with a beautiful woman. Non-stop, sweaty, constant, back-breaking sex.

So the next time Satan is going by on an inspection tour, Rush complains. "This sucks! I have to suffer for all eternity, and that White House squatting frat boy gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

The Devil replied, "Who are you to question my punishment of that woman?"


Seating now available in the Smoking Section:
Politics, humor, death and the Devil - http://www.eDiablo.com

[Sugar Smack]

17. Ohhhhhhhhhhh!

The imagery! My eyes, darlin'!!!!!!!

Just for that, here's a glass of-


6 oz V8® vegetable juice
3 dashes Hot Sauce From Hell® pepper sauce
7 - 8 dashes Worcestershire sauce
2 - 3 pinches salt
2 - 3 pinches peppers


and a small plate of writhing earthworms.

[flamingyouth]

8. A shot of everything you've got

And as a side dish, I'd like the head of the guy who drove into my store Tuesday night, the bastard. :grr:

[Sugar Smack]

11. how about the foot?

I've had it made into a keychain!

[flamingyouth]

13. Groovy!

You're the best, Hell Bartender! :woohoo:

[pscot]

20. How about a Death in the Afternoon

That's Pernod and Champaign. Pour one for the Pope too. He should be here any minute.

[Sugar Smack]

21. ONE BATH IN THE AFTERNOON!

Comin' right up!

[bertha katzenengel]

22. I really need a marg on the rocks. Please make sure the rocks are ice.

Thanks.

[Sugar Smack]

24. Oh, Shit, Bertha-

You're me hero & I am your slave.

I've lined up twelve on the bar for you, is that OK?

*bowing obsequiously*

sorry about the rocks. My employees couldn't find any ice. You know how employees are!

:beer:

[bertha katzenengel]

39. Rise, slave.

You have done well. :hi:

:rofl:

I love the internet. What a fun diversion it can be.

[Sugar Smack]

49. Bertha-

If it weren't for you, my dear-

I would never have written that fast-food rant.
Thank you to your lunch rant.

Forever yours,
amen.

LOOKING FOR THE I'M NOT WORTHY SMILIE WHERE IN THE FUCK IS IT??

[LostinVA]

27. Hey about a Hellini?

Or a wine shitzer.

[Sugar Smack]

29. A Hellini-

I learned how to make those in young Devil Bartending school.

100% grenadine in a 32-ounce glass!

:P

[LostinVA]

34. OMG! This is the recipe for a Hellini, I saw

it on the Food Network., on Giada DeLaurentiis' "Everyday Evil Italian."

[jmm]

28. Coors Light.

It's Satan's preferred beverage.

[Sugar Smack]

33. Here's your Coors light-

You liberals. Can I just say that if you'd chosen to vote republican, you'd be "up there" RIGHT NOW, drinking applejuice and eating Carville's ice cream cake, and frolicking in the poppies instead of down here in this smoke-filled, dingy bar!!!!

[Corey_Baker08]

30. I'll have an OHIO

Wait Im 15, they make those non-alcoholic right? N/M Give me whatever you have! :P

[Sugar Smack]

37. COREY BAKER, YOU ARE UNDERAGE!

You didn't have to tell me, I knew it already just looking at you!!!!!!!

*rips off Corey's fake moustache*

HOW'D THAT FEEL, HUH???? Go back to Earth and live a little longer!

[Corey_Baker08]

41. Sorry, are you gonna Call My Parents?

Please No :wow:

[Sugar Smack]

44. Yeah, I'LL CALL YOUR PARENTS-

And I'LL MAKE SURE THEY SHOW UP WITH YOUR LUNCH.

SINCE you've decided to come here, you get a Shirley Temple, and your parents will bring you a PB&J on grainy wheat bread, with unstirred natural peanut butter, NO JELLY AND A ROTTEN PEACH!!!!!

BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

:evilgrin:

[Radio_Lady]

31. A good glass of Chianti wine --

to toast to the kind and thoughtful people I'm seeing in Vatican Square tonight.

[Sugar Smack]

40. Radio_Lady-

Look around you. Degenerates, all.

We only get FOX down here. And we're having a 24/7, 7/30, 30/365, 365,infinity BUSH MARATHON DOWN HERE!!!

SO. Here's some liver, fava beans and a nice Chianti.

[Radio_Lady]

42. I have no idea where you live -- or if you are speaking in jest --

-- but I'm not going there.

You mean Fox is the only cable network in your area?

By the way, I don't eat liver and I've only had fava beans a couple of times. I like garbanzos, 'though!

[Sugar Smack]

46. Hi, Lady! The bartender in Hell speaks in jest-

it's a democratic hell down here, and I was making a reference to my favorite movie, "The Silence of the Lambs"!

[Radio_Lady]

47. Got it!

I'm going to have lunch.

Salad, ham and Swiss cheese. Yummy dressing! Come on over!

[Sugar Smack]

48. HEY, wonderful!!!!!!!!!

Can I smoke in your house?? The Devil (my boss, dammit) says I have to go outside to smoke.

:o

Longgrain, you are totally in charge right now.

So, remember:

No one named "COREY" is allowed.
NO REPUBLICANS. TOO GODLY.
NO ONE GETS TO RELIEVE HIMSELF TIL I GET BACK.

[Radio_Lady]

52. One of my best friends is Nosmo King -- sorry!

Both of my parents died from smoking related problems. "Grass" is OK, but I can't stand the smell of tobacco.

[zbdent]

36. A shot of sulfuric acid, with a battery acid chaser

Oh, and instead of olives, I'll have an eyeball of a small orphan skewered on a spit . . .

with a twist of lime . . .

[Sugar Smack]

51. Here's your peppermint schnapps

with a mountain dew
in a dirty glass
rinsed with battery acid.

OH, I ALMOST forgot-
Here's my ex-friend, Tina. She said I wasn't "MORAL" enough. Show her the light, would'ya?

[VOX]

43. Lighter fluid. In a dirty glass!

:evilgrin:

[Sugar Smack]

56. Coming up!!!!! Hold on a minute while I flambe if for ya-

shall I turn up the Oasis?

[WoodrowFan]

45. Peppermint Schnapes and Mt Dew

which I actually drank in college! :barf:

[LostinVA]

54. Green Goddamns, straight up

Green Gatorade and Everclear (grain alcohol). Yum yum YUCK. Drank tons of them in college, and still lived to tell the tale. Everclear has lots of labels on the bottle extolling it's flammability. So, a fun thing to do when you had had like three GGs and no brains left, was light a match and throw it in the basically empty bottle. A huge flame would woosh around it.

Fun times. Of course, it's also the reason why, at 40, I sometimes can't remember where I parked my car. Or is that from all the weed I bonged down?

[Sugar Smack]

60. WE HAVE A TRASHCAN FULL OF THAT!

Let me dip this cup in, and I'll serve you a bunch.

QUICK!!!! Get in your car and dive to Wal-Mart and see what happens!!!!!!!!

[Sugar Smack]

55. here's some dishwater, me love,

with eye-of-orphan on a decorative toothpick! :P

[Darth_Kitten]

50. I found a site where I can make my own liqueur

so there. ;)

[Sugar Smack]

57. Then you must have come here for the OASIS!!!!!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Lady Freedom]

53. That guy over there in red with the pointy beard said to remind you...

Of your 3 o'clock pineapple appointment!!! Your right after Hitler!

[Sugar Smack]

62. Then I'm going to mix you a special-pineapple

and peppermint schnapps!!!!!!!!!

[Sugar Smack]

64. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!:evilgrin:

[really-looney]

58. Saturday Night Special

I thought I had the bar shift from hell, every Saturday for nearly 20 years. The most stupid thing I would hear again and again on Saturday Night in a packed bar was "any specials" my reply was always the same, shot of vodka and a sharps $6.00

[Sugar Smack]

63. really-looney-

have one on me, buttercup! Plus, here's a human foot I had made into a keychain!


:evilgrin:

[Kire]

59. Fire Water

:fingers crossed:

[Sugar Smack]

61. here ya go, my sweet-

fire water with cinnamon schnapps and some tabasco sauce with pepper!!!!!!!

[vs the introvore]

65. habanero & ayahuasca, please.

served in a klein bottle, if i may.
bye.

[Sugar Smack]

67. sweetheart-

all we have left now is bad Oasis and good love.

You can have a squint-eyed cat with a vodka martini, or you could suffer the fate of everyone else


darling baby sweetie cookie.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

66. A cabernet, barkeep!