Some random advice.

[InvisibleTouch]

Because I don't trust my group of close associates with this bit of hard-won advice, but because I do want to pass it along to someone for whom it may do some good, let me just mention:

Never, ever, ever, tell a friend anything about yourself that you wouldn't want an enemy to know. Never present yourself in such a way (revealing your shortcomings, vulnerabilities, stresses, self-doubts, etc.) that you wouldn't want exploited by someone who means you ill.

Because friends, more often than you might expect, sometimes become enemies.

End of message. Carry on. Nothing to see here.

[gyopsy]

1. Thanks

Good advice. Simply put. I can't really elaborate. I'll keep it in mind.

[moof]

2. Also the best way to keep a secret

is to not tell it to anyone.

[hfojvt]

3. good advice, except

what does that word "friend" mean?
It is unfamiliar to me.

[gyopsy]

5. I hope not

Friends (at least one person anyway) are important.

[imenja]

4. that's very sad. Figuring out who to trust is key

the thing to do, I think, is figure out how to judge people before disclosing information. If a person gossips to you about other people's business, that is not someone you want to tell things to. Some people respect carefully other people's confidences. Those are the ones you trust. They won't tell anyone, not because of their current feelings about you, but because they behave with integrity. I know a couple of people like that.

BTW, one of the people I know who is most trustworthy is a Conservative Jew. She tells me that Judaism teaches that gossip is wrong. Now I don't know how many Jews follow that teaching, but she certainly does.

[InvisibleTouch]

6. You must never have been...

...stabbed in the back by someone you thought you could absolutely trust. Someone you did think had integrity, but then did the shocking turnaround on you. Maybe I just have lousy judgment, but I've found that there's no way to tell in advance who will stand by you, and who won't.

I'm not so much referring to gossip as I am to vulnerabilities that you'd not want known by an enemy - whether or not they ever tell anyone else. So just ask yourself, next time you're tempted to confide something in someone: "Is this something I'd want known by someone who will use it as an excuse to laugh at me later?" That's the intent of my warning, anyway. Maybe I can prevent someone else from making my same error in judgment. I certainly won't be making it again.

[imenja]

7. it is terribly painful

and I feel very badly for you. It has happened to be, and I have become FAR more guarded as a result. I'm actually a very private person, so I don't disclose much. But I have gotten a bit better at figuring out who to trust.

It's natural that you feel so betrayed. I think with time, you'll decide to trust someone with information again, but it may not be information as personal to you as whatever this treacherous person disclosed.

Betrayal is an awful thing. It shapes our personality in ways that are not always for the better. And I'm very sorry that you
experienced that.

[Floogeldy]

8. A friend is not a friend if he or she does what you have warned

A true friend wouldn't do that.

B-)