Make me laugh. Too serious in here this morning.

[Cannikin]

[Lerkfish]

1. a democrat, a republican and a neocon walk into a bar...

the democrat, feeling good about themselves and the universe, buys a round for everyone in the house.
The republican, seeing all that money, announces a "drinker's tax" and immediately finds a loophole for the affluent bar patrons and doubles the tax on the poorer patrons.

The neocon, witnessing all this, stands up on a chair and proclaims himself a republican, and announces that due to family values concerns, he needs to liberate the bar patrons, shoots the bartender, sodomizes all the bar patrons, ties electrodes to their genitals, labels them terrorists and flattens the bar with a tank.

standing outside, viewing the rubble, the neocon says to himself "this is all the democrat's fault".


shrugs...oh well, its the best original joke I could come up with without coffee.

[Demit]

2. Start singing this:

"Dora, Dora
don't spit on the floor-a.
Use the cuspidor-a
thatsa what it's for-a."

Works for me every time. I don't know why.

[Heidi]

3. So, my Republican little sister says to me:

"I've always wanted to ask you, sis. What made you want to marry a foreigner?"

So, I reply, "Geez, I dunno. What made your husband wanna marry a dumba$$?"

We didn't talk after that for a couple of months, but everything's OK now.

[sniffa]

4. q: why didn't jesus Like to pLay hockey?

a: he didn't Like getting naiLed to the boards.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

5. It's too serious because...

Most of us don't start drinking until at least 10:00 am. :D

[tjwmason]

6. From a B.B.C. e-mail update

Allegedly true.

An American (Bush voter) is checking into The Dorchester hotel in London; the receptionist asks whether he would like a porter to take his bags up in the lift for him.

"Lift? Do you mean the elevator?"

"Yes, sir. but in England we call them lifts."

"We call them elevators, and we invented the goddamn things."

"Yes, sir but invented the language."


Dodgy and appaling humour, mixed with claimed cultural superiority in one small package.

[ronnykmarshall]

7. Read this ....

Just for my smartass responce.


http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=116113&mesg_id=116113