OK you motherscratchers!!!! It's "Strangers with Candy" time!

[Bouncy Ball]

"I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard."

"If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts, we'd all have a bowl of granola."

"I've changed. People change. I'm not the same Jerri Blank who informed on those blind orphans. I'm not the same Jerri Blank who revealed the hiding place of those Guatemalans... such as yourself. And I'm not the same Jerri Blank who took a crap in the Fleishmann's holly bushes... last night."

"Stoney and I would go over to Buckle's and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I'd wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Those were some good times."

[Zomby Woof]

1. I am going to swashbuckling school!

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

[Bouncy Ball]

2. LOL!!!!!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. Hi there, Bouncy Ball,

I REALLY like your new pictures! Was it time for something new? They are very cool, for whatever reason you now have them!

:hi:

[Bouncy Ball]

5. Ha! I never could figure out how to have pics in my sig line

before now!

LOL. Isn't that crazy? I just now figured it out. Anyway, thanks!

[bridgit]

4. if a frog had wings...

he wouldn't bump his ass a'hoppin