My tummy hurts, my back is sore.

[trof]

I ain't gonna do it for a dime no more.
Fifteen cents is now my price.
For twenty five, I'll do it twice.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Shoeshine, mister?

[trof]

1. There once was a girl from Nantasket,

Who traveled in a handbasket.
She arrived in Hell,
And said "things are swell,
But warmer than I should ask it".

-an original limerick by trof
thenkew

[trof]

2. There once was a girl from Madrass

Who had a magnificent ass.
Not round and pink,
As you might think,
But gray, had long ears,
And ate grass.

[trof]

3. I'm so blue in Alabama

That I want to take a hamma
And whack myself about the neck and head.

An ee-lectronic jamma
For Rush Limbaugh's constant yamma
Is what I want here in the Land of Red.

Though stars fell, there's no glamma.
What we need is an Obama.
Or maybe I'll curl up and go to bed.

So, midst trauma and midst drama,
All I can say is "Damma
Buncha people with no brain inside their head".

[trof]

4. THEM CRAB PICKERS

How bout them crab pickers,
Ain't they news?
Pickin them Dungeness,
Pickin them Blues.

Pickin them he crabs,
Pickin them shes.
Bustin they legs up,
Suckin on the knees.

Them shell-crackin crab pickers,
Ain't they a shock?
Some use a ball peen,
Some use a rock.

How to be a crab picker?
It ain't very neat.
Whacka buncha Blue crabs,
Pick out the meat!

Once again with thanks and apologies to Mason Williams, the original "Them Poet".

[trof]

5. THEM SQUID STICKERS

How 'bout them squid stickers,
Ain't they gung ho?
Stickin' them squidy things,
In they tummy-o.

Stickin' them big squids,
Stickin' them tiny.
Stick 'em in the head,
And stick 'em in the hiney.

Them hugger-mugger squid stickers,
Ain't they smart?
Some use a ice-pick,
Some use a dart.

How to be a squid sticker?
If you wanna try:
Git a buncha slimy squids,
And stick 'em till they die.

[trof]

6. THEM WORM DIPPERS

How 'bout them worm dippers,
Whah-dah-yah think?
Dippin' them night crawlers
Down in the drink.

Dippin' them mealy worms,
Dippin' them reds.
Lurin' them sleepy fishys
From they beds.

Them IN-sane worm dippers,
Ain't they a sight?
Piscatory idiots,
Just a tryin' to get a bite.

How to be a worm dipper?
Ain't nothin' to it.
Open up a can-a-worms,
I reckon that'll do it.

[trof]

7. Rubber Ducky

http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/rubberducky.htm

Rubber Ducky, you're the one,
You make bathtime lots of fun,
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you;

Woo woo be doo

Rubber Ducky, joy of joys,
When I squeeze you, you make noise!
Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's true!

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo

Every day when I
Make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who's
Cute and yellow and chubby

Rub-a-dub-a-dubby!

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of you.

Every day when I
Make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who's
Cute and yellow and chubby

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of -
Rubber ducky, I'd like a whole pond of -
Rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you!

Doo doo, be doo

[trof]

8. GOPatriotism

GOPatriotism
by Tony Peyser

Wave the flag
Wave it often
But never show it
On a coffin.

http://www.buzzflash.com/peyser/04/11/pey04065.html

[trof]

9. Too good to lose in the "If you had a tail" thread.

If I had a tail

(to the tune of "If I only had a brain" from the Wizard of Oz's Cowardly Lion)
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hills/6396/ifionly.h...

I think I could be a swinger,
To limbs I'd be a clinger,
If I only had a tail.
From a branch I'd be hangin',
My cajones would be clangin',
If I only had a tail.

I could be another Einstein
And my prospects would be so fine,
If I only had a tail.

Oh I could just hang out,
And post here on DU
I could post of things I'd only post for you,
And then I'd hang and post some new.

[trof]

10. Mine very own private thread.

I'm going for a hundred replies.
No others need apply.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

11. I sat with the dutchess at tea

'twas just as I feared it would be
her rumblings abdominal
were simply phenominal
and everyone thought it was me


( crashed your thread :loveya: )