Attention straight DU men (if there are any): I need your help

[LDS Jock]

I'm working on my gay agenda today and need a few recruits. It is really quite simple. All you need to do is begin choosing homosexuality. Steve2470 turned me down already, but let me make a better case. Once you choose to be gay, you become much more desirable to women, have a much improved fashion sense, an incredible knowledge of Broadway musicals, and a fascination with Barbra Streisand. The downside is you will suck at sports. We leave all that butch stuff to the lesbians. The other problem is you need to recruit one new member a year. That is why I plead with you today. I thought about preying on some unsuspecting and defenseless child, but adults are much more fun. Please help. Post below and let me know if you would like to become gay and I'll walk you through the gay oath.

Thank you.

[matcom]

1. I'm already checking out DS1's package

i'm way ahead of you :D

[Misunderestimator]

2. Yeah, so am I... oh wait...

it's the straight agenda that has me in its thrall!!! :scared:

[DS1]

17. Don't worry, I've just turned gay so I can feel up

radwriter5555's tits for a buck.

[LDS Jock]

6. well, I'm glad we got one new recruit

even if it's not mine. Damn it, I should have tried the old "look at my package" trick.

[derby378]

3. Sorry - you're on your own

I like to dress nice, but I'm still far from metro. And I'll let you hog Barbra Streisand all you like.

[trumad]

5. So does that mean that I now have to be on the bottom?

[LDS Jock]

8. not necessarily

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

4. Oh, and going along with this..

Any of you new Wills who need a Grace...

look me up :D

[Bronco69]

7. "you become much more desirable to women"

You said a mouthful there! I had the strangest experience last night. I'll make a seperate post cause I'd like some feedback. Sorry to hijack your thread.

[LDS Jock]

9. not a problem

anyone is free to hijack away in my threads in the lounge. I'm not looking for real input here. :P

[Anarcho-Socialist]

10. Do you have an informational pamphlet I can peruse?

:)

[LDS Jock]

11. nothing in print, but check out

Will and Grace, and Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. They both showcase the lifestyle.

[Solly Mack]

12. You didn't mention the appliance give-away.

How can you have a gay agenda without the toaster give-away?

[LDS Jock]

13. I don't think we are supposed to tell recruits about it

we want them to think we are only in it for their sake, not for the new appliance. Personally, I'm working on the margarita maker for this one.

[Anarcho-Socialist]

15. Would it be exchangeable for the toaster? n/t

[LDS Jock]

22. yes, through wal-mart

they don't require a receipt and it gives us a kick to screw them out of a toaster

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

14. If I take you up on this...

You are gonna have to do better than give me a toaster.

[LDS Jock]

16. for five at the same time

you can get a big screen plasma tv.. would that work?

[Fleshdancer]

18. Is there a super secret handshake and a decoder ring???

I won't become gay unless it's exclusive enough to have a secret hand shake.

[LDS Jock]

19. no ring, but there is a handshake.. check this out

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0101/shake.html

[Fleshdancer]

29. woohoo!!!

secret handshake...okay, I'm recruited. So do I have to go to some sort of gay boot camp now?

[LDS Jock]

32. I'm not sure.. I've never recruited a new lesbian before

I'll need some assistance. You should only have to put a rainbow sticker on your car/truck, begin wearing flannel, playing softball, a Rosie O'Donnell haircut.. and a few other things. I'll need to check.

[Fleshdancer]

40. can I be a Sex and the City kind of lesbian???

Samantha had a relationship with this lesbian artist from South America (can't remember the country)...I want to be like her. Is that OK? The sensitive, sensual lesbian that takes a lot of bubble baths with her lover and talk about her feelings a lot??

Besides, flannel is just too damn hot down here in Texas.

[LDS Jock]

43. lol.. sure you can.. and yes it is hot down here

I love flannel myself, but its too hot to wear other than the three cold days. As far as Sex In The City, isn't the actress who played Miranda a lesbian in real life? Did you see her in the 7 UP commercial? She looked fabulous!

[Fleshdancer]

46. That's right! I forgot that she's out now....

I can be a Sex and the City type lesbian AND date an actual Sex and the City actress! Wow, this recruitment thing is GREAT! Thank you homosexual agenda!!

[LDS Jock]

47. lol.. you are welcome

and welcome to the family :grouphug:

[LDS Jock]

37. oh yes.. and

you must buy all the k.d. lang CDs you can find and play Constant Craving over and over.

I'm sure there are more things though. I've asked for help.

[Fleshdancer]

42. I'll go out and buy the CD right now

let me know what else I need. Is there a recruitment headquarters I can go to if I need more assistance?

[LDS Jock]

44. There is a dial-a-dyke assistance line number

I'll have to get that for you. For obvious reasons, I don't have it handy.

[Ediacara]

48. That's insane!

What's even more insane is this interesting Ad about fine equestrian dining. I thought only Frenchy French ate horse, LOL....

[DeaconBlues]

20. I think its a lost cause trying to find straight guys here on DU

at least it is according to my father-in-law. Here's an e-mail he sent to me a few days ago:



Interesting concept:
The Republicans should back off and let men marry men;
women marry women, and totally legalize abortion.

In three generations there will be: NO DEMOCRATS!



He's always a laugh riot.

[LDS Jock]

21. interesting theory

somehow, I don't think it will work

[DeaconBlues]

24. Logic has never been his strong point n/t

[Padraig18]

23. Step one: Repeat after me--- "Faaaaaaaaaaabulous!"

:P

[LDS Jock]

25. yes you are sweetie.. did you check out the handshake?

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0101/shake.html
I was a little rusty myself. How are you doing today sexy?

[Padraig18]

26. That' was hilarious!

I'm doin' OK. Just took a lil' nap with the pooches, and feel better. How are you, babe?

:)

[LDS Jock]

27. I'm doing fine.. I'd like to play tennis today, but

I'm still recovering from my klutzy fall and can't hold a racket yet. So, I'm sitting here, entertaining myself on DU and thinking about how sexy you were in that pic the other day, behind the bar with the slutty underwear on. :P

[Padraig18]

31. Hehe.

The reason you could see them is because I have no ass at all. Without a belt, my jeans would fall off.

;)

[LDS Jock]

33. hey Paddy.. what does a newly recruited lesbian need

to become official? I think I have one in GloriaSmith, but I've never "caught" a woman before. Can you help?

I think you are adorable as you are.

[Padraig18]

35. Let me call m sister, and ask.

She handles the distaff side of the gay agenda in our family.

;)

[jonnyblitz]

28. ""if there are any"..

that was bad. :wow: :hi:

[LDS Jock]

30. well, you know

sometimes it seems we dominate around here. The Democratic party is filled with us homos you know. How is JonnyB today?

[jonnyblitz]

36. ha...

I didn't get that memo (the "we dominate" one). I am fine so far...and you? :P

[LDS Jock]

39. I'm good

I can type again without pain, which is nice. Still having trouble with other things with my hand (get your mind out of the gutter) since the great fall of 2005.

[LDS Jock]

34. hey, I need help

what does a newly recruited lesbian need to become official? Can you help?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=2760542&mesg_id=2760691&page=

[jonnyblitz]

41. scott.

"im not a lesbian". :eyes:

[LDS Jock]

45. really?

all this time you had me fooled. I know silly.. but I thought you might know more about lesbians than I do, which isn't much.

[Redstone]

38. I'd like to help you out, but

I don't think my wife would let me.

Redstone