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Is there a Madonna complex for nice guys?

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Wapsie B Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 10:23 PM
Original message
Is there a Madonna complex for nice guys?
The Madonna/Whore complex says there are women you date and then there are women you marry. Does the same thing apply to nice guys?
I've heard it said that women like the jerks, the bad boys at least on a sexual level. Some have told me there's an intense thrill they feel being with someone who may be not so nice personality wise but very skilled in other areas. wink wink
But what if a nice guy wants that same thrill? Why are nice guys looked as only the marrying kind? What if we want to sew some wild oats? Where are the bad girls for us besides the street corner?

I ask this because every woman Ive been with, with no exceptions has had this experience. Theyve been out with a bad boy and had their fun. Well some of us want our fun too.
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Philosophy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 10:33 PM
Response to Original message
1. I'm such a nice guy that I never get to have any fun
In my experience nice girls don't want nice guys, and neither do bad girls.
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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 10:38 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Not that nonsense again!
I suppose ONE woman told you that she didn't like "nice guys," and now you're extrapolating that to the notion that NO women like nice guys.

Sensible women like "nice guys," but here's your clue: they don't like boring guys, they don't like guys who are hung up on "real men don't...," and they don't like guys who go around like whipped puppies wimpering, "Nice girls don't like nice guys."

Also, in my experience, immature guys tend to chase after precisely the women who will hurt them and may ignore nicer women who like them.
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Kat45 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 10:46 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. I agree, particularly with your last sentence.
Unfortunately, some of these immature guys are still immature guys even in their forties and fifties.
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Philosophy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 10:52 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. Yeah, I do have sort of a hang up
I have a sick fetish where I can only be attracted to a woman after I am friends with her first for like at least a couple of months. Then when I try to move it to the next level they always say no because they don't want to ruin our friendship, but then they fall instantly in love with some other dude they just met, run off with him, and ditch me altogether. This has happened to me twice just in the past year.
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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 11:36 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. You need to master the art of the flirtatious friendship
You'll have her begging you to move on to the next step.
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NightTrain Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 11:46 PM
Response to Reply #8
11. Any chance you're giving lessons in that?
Because I sure as hell could use a few pointers in "flirtatious friendship!"
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Philosophy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Mar-03-05 12:55 AM
Response to Reply #8
14. Yeah, that's where I usually seem to start going wrong
I've tried this many times, and as far as I can tell the women usually respond by flirting back. But I keep falling for flighty women with Prince Charming come to sweep them off their feet fantasies, and that's just not my modus operandi. So when another dude comes along and skips the flirting stage and gets right down to business, they have no qualms about cutting me loose.

I guess maybe its actually me with the unrealistic fantasy.
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enigmatic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Mar-03-05 01:03 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. It's not you
It's the unrealistic fantasies of both sexes as to what they think love and romance should be. Avoid women who play games.

I kmow this is a moldy oldie piece of advice, but be yourself, and be honest in dealing w/ women. The ones that will reject you and go for the "bad boy", then complain that there are no nice guys are the ones you want to avoid anyway. There are some great, sexy, NICE women out there that do like guys who aren't "bad boys" or "dangerous"; I fell in love and married one.

Good luck.
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Mar-03-05 01:41 AM
Response to Reply #15
17. You fell in love and married one
Exactly. Nice guys are always who women want to fall in love and get married to. But they aren't the ones who women want to sleep around with before they settle down.

Anyway, your post was very nice, and I'm glad you found a good man. Nevermind how cynical I am.
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enigmatic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Mar-03-05 01:49 AM
Response to Reply #17
18. Well, we got our freak on w/ the first date...
We just clicked, you know? :evilgrin:

All I'm saying is don't give up, and start looking for the kind of women who think that "the chase" is a ridiculous and manipulative notion, and who prefer just plain old fun. They are out there, trust me on this.

And the shy, quiet girls??? O-La-La!

Good luck.
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Mar-03-05 01:52 AM
Response to Reply #18
19. LOL way to go!
Yeah I know you're right. One of these days...
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murielm99 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 10:34 PM
Response to Original message
2. Then, go have your fun!
Sow your wild oats, and then go back to being a nice guy.

Don't tell me you can't find any wild girls in Iowa. You just aren't looking hard enough.
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Robeson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 10:50 PM
Response to Reply #2
6. "wild girls in Iowa"...
...is there such a thing?... :silly:
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enigmatic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 11:43 PM
Response to Reply #6
10. Yes, there are...
Trust me on this. Heh..
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Robeson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 11:46 PM
Response to Reply #10
12. Hey, I'm married. My wife poured molten lead in my ears...
...when I met her, and told me I'm never to hear such things....
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Mar-03-05 01:53 AM
Response to Reply #6
20. Yes.
If my experience during the Iowa caucus in any indication.
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Robeson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Mar-03-05 02:07 AM
Response to Reply #20
21. Go away...I've already said that my wife....
...will not let me hear of things such as talk of the wanton Jezebels of Iowa... ;-)
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SarahB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 10:44 PM
Response to Original message
4. Every guy I've ever felt anything for is considered "a nice guy" by most.
It hasn't helped matters much. A fellow "nice" type who isn't afraid to sew a few oats is kind of perfect really. Some nice guys really complicate it all far too much (though I still don't like abrasive creeps and alone is definitely preferable to lack of niceness).
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enigmatic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 11:42 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. Honestly, I've been both..
When I was a musician in bands I pretty much got any girl I wanted, even though I was admittedly an ass to them most of the time. Once I cleaned up my act and became for a lack of a better word, "normal", alot of the same women who couldn't wait to jump my bones pretty much vanished, even the so-called "nice girls" that used to come to our shows.

The problem for both men and women most times when it comes to love is that they want the fantasy idea of what they think "love" is.
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-02-05 11:50 PM
Response to Original message
13. Yep. It really sucks
Women go to the assholes to get their kicks, as though nice guys are no good for that. Like they think so and so is too nice and good to do that. How ironic that the guys who treat women like shit and objectify them the most are also likely to get the most action.
The trick is to fool a woman into thinking you're a bad boy now and then. Buy a leather jacket and don't shave for a few days. That may help. lol
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Borgnine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Mar-03-05 01:05 AM
Response to Original message
16. Hah, yeah.
I'm the stereotypically nice guy right down to a tee. A few years back I tried to change this by becoming an asshole. It didn't work.

Anyway, from my experience, the "bad girls" still go for the bad guys for kicks, but enjoy fucking with the minds of nice guys. They'll flirt with us. Walk up to us from nowhere and give us backrubs. They'll call us up and start having phone sex with us. But they just like the thrill of trying to corrupt us.

Again, that's just from my own experience.
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