Does Anyone Know Any Good Journalist Jokes?

[coreystone]

There's a long list for doctors and lawyers, but, I haven't been able to find any for journalists. Be creative please!

:-)

[rocktivity]

1. Aside from Bill O'Reilly and Jeff Gannon, you mean?

Why not just make some up?

:headbang:
rocknation

[Betsy Ross]

2. Gannon? n/t

[Hugin]

3. Suggestion...

Take your favorite lawyer/doctor jokes and replace the subject.

Example:

"What do you call a bus full of Journalists crashing off a cliff?"
"A good start."

Or additionally you could add "Blondie" jokes.

Example:

"Why did the Journalist get fired from the M&M plant?"
"Because he kept throwing away the "E"s, "3"s, and "W"s."

The sky's the limit.

;)

[bryant69]

4. Hmmmmm.

Here's soem good quotes, but not quite jokes.

"Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock." - Ben Hecht

"USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population." - David Letterman


"All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else." - H. L. Mencken

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

[bryant69]

6. Found one more.

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper." - Jerry Seinfeld

[Al-CIAda]

5. It has been discovered that some in the press practice revolting

and unseemly behavior...and the rest are just male prostitutes.

(adapted from Maher)

[Taxloss]

7. Lots of lightbulb jokes:

Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but first they have to rewire the entire building.
A: Two - one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.

Q: How many managing editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: You were supposed to have changed that lightbulb last week!

Q: How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Does it have to be a lightbulb?

Q: How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: The last time this question was asked, it involved art directors. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.

Q: How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?

Q: How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Proofreaders aren't supposed to change lightbulbs. They should just query them.

Q: How many cover artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why is there...an eggbeater, I think?...sticking out of this light fixture?

Q: How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!

[BiggJawn]

8. Wolf Blitzer.

That's a pretty big joke.
Larry King's the biggest joke of them all, though...

[WilliamPitt]

9. How many journalists does it take to screw a press secretary

One.

:)

[Clark2008]

11. ROFLMAO!

But, as a former journalist, I'd like to point out that we're talking about the corporate media here. Most of your "neighborhood" journalists are hard-working and low-paid.

Call 'em the corporate media in your jokes. It also helps spread that corporate media meme.

:)

[WilliamPitt]

12. Agreed

[coreystone]

15. One never knows what happens behind closed doors at 1600..

Pennsylvania Avenue.........YET! But, the numbers may not limited!

:-)

[NNadir]

22. What's a journalist?

I recall a class of people called journalists back in the 1970's or something like that, but I haven't seen one in decades. Are these the guys who used to do what the Republican Party spokespersons do?

[rman]

25. look harder, they are out there

just not in the MSM, obviously

[underpants]

10. ~"Everyone learns how to write in the second grade, most of us get over it

"

-Bobby Knight

[coreystone]

13. Some More! :-)

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks. The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."

--------------------------------------------------------

Q: What do you call a journalist with a Ph.D.?

A: Artificial intelligence.

-------------------------------------

Q: Why do so many newspaper reporters date TV news anchors?

A: It makes them feel superior.

-------------------------------------------------------

Q: What do you call a newspaper reporter with a TV reporter on either side?

A: An interpreter.

--------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's the difference between a professional boxer and a journalist?

A: The boxer sustained brain damage AFTER taking up his vocation.

---------------------------------------------------------

Q: How can you tell when a TV reporter is visiting your home for a story interview?

A: You'll see somebody wandering around in your yard, because he doesn't know where to come in.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 journalists.

--------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why did the dumb reporter take her typewriter to the doctor?

A: She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.

---------------------------------------------------------

I know a journalist who's so stupid... - He called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

[Clark2008]

14. Tee hee

This one made me LOL!!

Q: Why do so many newspaper reporters date TV news anchors?

A: It makes them feel superior.

(Former newspaper reporter here! :hi: )

[coreystone]

16. What does a "Bull Market" and a "Bull Reporter" have in common?

They both grab it by the horns!

[Hugin]

17. Here's one for ya...

Apologies to the long lost jokemaster who thought this one up:


One fine day a GOP operative walks into the WH press room...
He asks a crack journalist he finds there, "Would you tell me a dirty
story for $1,000,000?" The crack journalist replies, "SURE!"
The operative then asks, "How about $2.00?" The crack journalist
recoils in horror and yells, "What kind of crack journalist do you
think I am?" To which the operative says, "We've already established
that... Now, we're just dickering about price."

Heh, a fitting joke.

;)

[Hugin]

18. Always time for a joke. n/t

[coreystone]

19. Three more............

At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this."
"The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a big mouth."

----------------------------------

George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac river on foot.
The Washington Post : "President Bush crosses the Potomac River".
The Washington Time : "Bush's conservative approach saves taxpayers a boat".
Mother Jones : "Bush can't swim".

-----------------------------------

How the media would handle the end of the world

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD.
Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets as World Ends.
National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, Together Again.
Inc. Magazine: 10 Ways You Can Profit From the Apocalypse.
Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour.
Sports Illustrated: Game Over.
Playboy: Girls of the Apocalypse.
Lady's Home Journal: Lose 10 Pounds by Judgment Day with Our New "Armageddon" Diet!
TV Guide: Death and Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!
Discover Magazine: How will the extinction of all life as we know it affect the way we view the cosmos?
Microsoft Systems Journal: Netscape Loses Market Share.
Microsoft's Web Site: If you don't experience the rapture, DOWNLOAD software patch RAPT777.EXE.
America OnLine: System temporarily down. Try calling back in 15 minutes.

[xpat]

20. The innocent young thing blushes and asks her mother:

Momma, can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?

Momma: Of course you can dear; where do you think the MSM come from?

[ComerPerro]

21. Did you hear the one about the male prostitue who got a WH press pass?

Oh, wait. That happened.

[coreystone]

23. Unbiased Journalism

Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Doberman. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal", he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replies. "Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again. "I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy says. "Then what are you?" the reporter says "I'm a Cowboys fan!!!" The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet".

[coreystone]

24. April 8, 2004, and John Stewart was there:....

Condoleezza Rice defending the Bush administration:

RICE: I do not believe there was a lack of high level attention. The President was paying attention. How much more high-level can you get?
STEWART: Well, I suppose it could have went to Cheney.