Yikes - work issue

[detroitguy]

I know this won't be seen as a "problem" by a lot of you.

I am a 42-year-old happily married guy... quite overweight (5'8", 215), thinning hair, progressive lenses, the works. Not exactly the kind of guy this happens to. But this 24-year-old co-worker has been flirting with me.

She's very attractive and outgoing -- and gets hit on a lot. So imagine how perplexed I am that she keeps saying stuff like how she wants to meet a "guy like me" and making comments about how "interesting" I am.

Now, don't get me wrong. NOTHING is going to happen here. Nada. But I worry about rumors and perception. And the fact that this woman is at a lower level in the company makes it even more awkward.

Any thoughts here? I mean, sure, on some level, I guess I like the attention. Why not? But I really, really don't want to encourage this.

Any advice?

[Debi]

1. You could nip it in the bud

Funny to say that on Valentines Day :loveya:

But you could take her aside (alone) and tell her that her comments are a little too personal for work. Thank her for her kindness, but ask that the 'little flirtations' stop.

Done. No more flirting. No quetions.

Yeah, it will be uncomfortable for a bit, but she'll get over it.

[Mr.Green93]

2. Wake up

You are being setup for a harassment suit.

[detroitguy]

4. I doubt that

She does not report directly to me. She pitches in a couple times a week in my department because she was cut back to part-time in her main job. But I am not her "boss" per se.

[fit4life]

6. That was my first thought.

Tell her it's inappropriate and notify YOUR supervisor before she gets the chance to go after you.

[detroitguy]

9. Documenting things...

...might be a good idea. But I don't want to make things worse by making "a deal" out of this.

[fit4life]

12. Worse?

I wouldn't take chances. I'd rather make things "worse" and not have to worry about a harassment suit than just maintain the status quo and have it bite you on the ass later.

[SharonRB]

3. Welcome to DU, detroitguy

I'm in the Detroit area, too. Just keep your distance as much as possible -- be polite, but don't say or do anything that might be misconstrued by anyone, especially her. Eventually, she'll get the hint. If she becomes more persistent, you'll have to politely tell her you're happily married and are not interested in any extracurricular activities.

[salin]

5. ever see that Simpson's episode...

when sexy young thing falls for Homer?

Didn't mean to imply anything - but it is what came to mind when I read your situation, and made me chuckle.

I think that you need to find a way to joke about it - as to gently set things straight, while using humor to give her a way to save her face. Just be prepared if in trying to save her face she says something a little insulting (again in joking fashion) ... its called a defense mechanism. Try something like... "If I didn't know any better, I would think that you were flirting with this older, and boringly, devoted husband..." Let's her know you are flattered, but not interested in that way.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

7. I suspect an ulterior motive.

Maybe she really likes you but...The chick has issues. This from an old guy who has been around. I mean really, did old fat chicks turn you on "back when." Run away as fast as you can! This is trouble!

[detroitguy]

11. She certainly has...

..."daddy" issues. And she does seem drawn to older guys.

[ScreamingMeemie]

8. Stay away. Double trouble. You don't want it.

:hi:

[sparky_in_ma]

10. She could be just a sincere person,

or ready for a nice legal settlement. When something feels wrong, trust that instinct. If you have an HR department, it might not be a bad idea to have a preemptive talk with them. Talking to your manager, in a casual manner wouldn't hurt either. I've saved two innocent managers from problems in the past by presenting a defense before any accusations were made.

(sexual harassment is NEVER acceptable. I feel very few women accuse falsely, my advice is meant only for those who may be accused yet have done nothing.)

[mr fry]

13. you are being harrased dude

ask her to stop and report her to hr

[geniph]

14. I generally give people a blank stare when they say things like that

and immediately change the subject back to work. I never respond to anything I regard as overly personal with anything other than a blank stare and a change of topic. Nearly everyone will get the idea after you've done this two or three times.

If it continues, I strongly suggest speaking in confidence to someone in HR and making sure it's documented.

[fudge stripe cookays]

15. CYA.

(Cover your ass) Something I learned working for the government. You ALWAYS do something about problems before someone does something about them for you.

Document everything, and definitely let your manager know. She may not be your subordinate, but that doesn't matter.

All it would take is for her to say you touched her inappropriately, you could lose your career, and the company could be looking at paying her a fat settlement no matter what.

Protect yourself.
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