It's the most horrible tiiiiiime... of the yeeeeeaaaarrrrr.....

[SmileyBoy]

Yes, it's Valentine's Day, the day of the year that I fucking despise more than any other!!! I have had ONE girlfriend in my life, and she broke up with me two years ago to this day!!! How exciting is that???

I'm 22, I'm a virgin, I'm alone, I can't talk to girls (everytime I think I'm going to talk to one, my mind curls up in the fetal position), everytime I see a guy and girl playing tongue soccer in my dorm, I feel like kicking both their asses. Seriously, any of you lonely people ever get that feeling??? Like you just want to kick their fucking lovey-dovey asses???

I'm really getting fucking SICK of this holiday!!! Are people just more in love and having more sex and being in more relationships than in the past?? Everyone else is getting in on possibly the best thing in humanity (companionship from the opposite sex), and I'm being LEFT OUT!!! It's REALLY starting to piss the fucking hell out of me!!! Am I one of the very few people on this planet at my age who still hasn't had sex?? (I must seriously be in a very miniscule minority in this category) Am I one of the very few people on this planet who's not currently in a relationship??

Last week, I saw my roomate in my dorm lobby playing tongue tango with his sweetheart, and I just wanted to go over there and give those two bastards a double sucker-punch, clank their heads together and throw them both down the stairs. I don't CARE if I seem jealous and petty to you people. I TAKE PRIDE IN BEING JEALOUS!!! What's wrong with envying something that everyone else has that you know you can't get?? I'm so fucking SICK of this day!! If I ever became President (which won't happen, b/c the Murkin' people wouldn't elect a Muslim), I'd ban Valentine's Day, and I'd ban all public displays of affection. THAT'S HOW BITTER AND JEALOUS I AM!!!! If you don't like it, TOUGH SHIT!!!

ALL YOU PEOPLE IN LOVE MAKE ME SICK!!!

Well, here's a song for this special day for all (any??) of you people just like me, a song that I'm listening to right now, and a song that I know will make all you fellow lonely, girl-less, guy-less people on DU feel a lot better. The quintessential anti-Valentine's Day song, "Lovey-Dovey" by Local H:

Don't you hate it,
When people are in love?
They're so, they're so happy,
So god-damned happy, happy
Don't you hate it,
When people are in love?
They're so, they're so happy,
So fucking happy, happy

I wanna cut you down
I wanna cut you down
I wanna cut you down
Well, it's not fair
That you're so crystal clear
And glassy-eyed in love

Dave and Heather,
You see them fighting all the time
I kind of like that,
I kind of need that

Cause I just hate it,
When people are in love,
They're so, they're so happy,
So fucking happy, happy

I wanna cut you down
I wanna cut you down
I wanna cut you down
I wanna cut you down
I wanna cut you down
I wanna cut you down
I wanna cut you down
Cause it's not fair
That you're so crystal clear and glassy-eyed in,
That you're so crystal clear and glassy-eyed in,
That you're so crystal clear and glassy-eyed in love

Don't you hate it?
Don't you hate it?
Don't you hate it?
Don't you hate it?

[annabanana]

1. I know you DON'T want to hear this , but.....

At 22 you're probably better off without the aggrevation. Ask some of the old Marrieds if THEY like Valentines Day any better than YOU do..

As far as the glassy-eyed, they'll get over it and have to deal like everybody else.

(ps.. don't get me wrong, I love my hubby...but that kind of breathlessness is too exhausting to live with)

[thinkingwoman]

2. dude

try talking to girls.

But this holiday does suck...even for some people who are in love.

My husband and I loathe this holiday and give anti-valentines day or spoof gifts.

He gave me a black silk rose for our first one together more than a decade ago.

You're 22? I didn't meet my husband until I was 29. Relax. And try talking to girls. Some of them like tongue-tied guys.

[SmileyBoy]

5. You think it's that easy, don't you??

"Try talking to girls."

WELL GOLLY GEE-WHIZ, HOW STUPID HAVE I BEEN ALL THESE YEARS???

Like I've just been avoiding them all these years, and not trying to talk to them.

That's like telling an insomniac that the best way to fall asleep is to just lay down and fall asleep.

Try not to address the problem with a solution that is the actual problem.

[DistantWind88]

20. Maybe a fucking attitude adjusment

might help?

[SmileyBoy]

23. Maybe if you knew how I felt, it might help.

[DistantWind88]

25. I know that you feel like physically assaulting

people who are in relationships. I know that you are wallowing in self-pity. I know that you sniped at someone who suggested you just "get out there and meet girls," when that is PRECISELY what you need to do. When as the last time you went to a dance or a party? How about volunteering at place where other college students volunteer. How about developing a skill (singing, playing an instrument, etc) that will bring attention to you?

[thinkingwoman]

24. I have insomnia actually

and laying down and trying to sleep is pretty good advice actually. I've tried it myself. Doesn't work everytime but it does work a lot.

As for your problems...I think I'm beginning to understand why you're having trouble with girls.

[Bronco69]

3. I'll bet if you started by changing your attitude about people who

are in relationships you might see things start to change. If I were a woman looking for a relationship and came across someone as bitter as you I would run away as fast as possible.

[SmileyBoy]

6. If I was in a relationship...

I'd still make it a rule between me and my girlfriend to not show any public displays of affection, because I know how it feels like to be on the other end of it, and I don't want to be a hypocrite.

You probably have never been lonely at one period in your life and walked down the halls of your old high school or college dorm and saw two people making out in the hall, and feeling very bad about it. Because that's what us lonely people feel whenever we see that.

[yvr girl]

12. Despite what you think, most people go through lonely periods

Even people who you think are popular and have everything going for them. Lot's of people don't come into their own until after college. Stop focusing on what you don't have. Focus on what you do have. Gain some confidence through success in other endeavors - it will spill over into other areas of your life.

[Skittles]

4. SmileyBoy, you're making way too much out of VD

I never gave a rat's ass about Valentine's Day, I just don't care.

Norm in Cheers said it best: No matter how many times I see it, the sight of young people in love never fails to make me sick.

You're only 22 - stop being so hard on yourself. Don't say I'VE ONLY HAD ONE GF, say I've dipped my toe in the water and one day I'll be ready to swim. You're putting soooo much pressure on yourself. Try to relax! You're YOUNG man!!! :D

[SmileyBoy]

8. No, I was still young when I was 18.

I'm 22, I'm approcahing the end of college, and I have barely anything to show for it as far as relationships go.

A lot of you adults may think I'm young, but imagine being 22 and going to a high school and saying to the students that you're 22 and you've never had sex. Everyone would laugh at you and point. Will I still be "a young man" 7.5 years from now when I'm 30?? At that time, will you still be saying, "Oh, don't worry, you're still young"?? Because I cannot realistically envision any scenario before the year 2012 where I would ever be in a relationship or have sex. And I'm not counting hookers, because I'm morally opposed to it, and I would NEVER under any condition, seek the services of one.

[Skittles]

10. there are plenty of guys age 22 who have not had sex

you're not alone

really, if you have this dire a prediction for yourself, I would suggest you see a counselor to find out what is holding you back. S/he may provide insight for you.

[REP]

7. It Could Be Worse

At your age, I'd been with my ex, Idiot Boy, for five years already, and it'd take another four years before I got rid of him. Count your blessings!

[Jamastiene]

9. I feel ya, but

at least you have a penis... I know that sounds stupid to you, but if you were coming from where I am coming from, that is a lesbian in the mostly straight south, you'd totally understand how lucky you are. Sooner or later, you'll get to use the thing. Meet some punk girls who are straight and you'll have found your better chance at having a girlfriend who understands how you feel.

And yes, I feel like everyone around is half of a couple. That is their identity to me, because they have each other, take it for granted, don't know what it's like to be alone, and have never felt rejection time and time again to the point of total alienation. They can't understand and they say things that burn me up. For one thing they tell you how lucky you are to be alone. You and I both know they'd be devastated if something happened to their other half and oh the melodrama that they would subject us to then. So they tell us how lucky we are to be alone and they act like it's the end of the world if they lose whoever they are with. Taking it for granted, that's what they are doing.

All I can say is get into punk rock, go to punk shows, and be with the group that you'll probably have the best chance of belonging in. Trust me, it's the only thing that saved me from oblivion.

[SmileyBoy]

13. I think you just gave me an idea of what to put into my stand-up routine.

I could turn that statement into something really humourous...

[Jamastiene]

15. Please

let me know when you write it. I love to inspire people. I love humor. BTW, why are ya against prostitution? I'm curious. I mean I wish it was legal in all 50... :D

[SmileyBoy]

17. Just cause I'm morally against it doesn't mean I want it criminalized.

I think it should be de-criminalized, frankly. There's lots more men than me and a select few other men who like that kind of thing, and wish to partake in it.

I've always said to myself that my first experience will be consentual without the exchange of money involved. Getting a hooker in order to lose your virginity is just cheating, in my opinion.

Now if hypothetically there was ever news that the end of the world was coming very soon and that we all were going to die, the first thing I would then do would be to rush over to the local brothel, because I made a vow to myself that I would not die a virgin.

[Jamastiene]

19. Maybe that's an idea

You could find a brothel if you can and do some research. It'd get you over the hard time talking to women somewhat and you'd learn a lot. Who knows you may find the love of your life that way. It's possible, sincerely. Prostitutes are people too. They have lives. I've made friends with one or two before. They just do it for the money. They want to have a relationship with someone. Unfortunately, I lost contact with the ones I knew and haven't seen them for a while. I have been saying for the past 2 weeks that I dread and loathe Valentine's Day because of how seriously goofy all of the attached people act over each other. They do tend to trivialize they way we feel because they can't see the difference between prolonged loneliness and just little bouts of loneliness. There is a huge difference. When you've suffered with it for a long long time, it depresses you. Are you morally against drinking alcohol? I was just curious.

[SmileyBoy]

22. No. I drink once in a while, but not much.

My religion supposedly forbids it, but I really don't like the taste of alcohol anyway, so it's just more of a personal taste than anything else. I might have one vodka/Sprite or a rum/Coke ( I can't STAND beer) if I'm around the guys, but that's it.

The pork, on the other hand. I LOVE pork. I've been eating it instead of beef. It's kind of weird how back in the days of Mohammed when the pork rule was handed down, it was because it was very dangerous to eat pork (trichinosis), but beef was safer to eat. Nowadays that situation has been reversed. That's why I rarely eat beef, because of the Mad Cow. My father says to me "Cigs eat shit. Why would you eat them??" I tell him that cows eat shit now, because of all the factory farms, so which is really better??

Anyway, I digress.

[Jamastiene]

26. Eat what YOU feel is right for you.

Does your religion forbid oral sex? One hint, sin there as much as you can. When, and I mean when, you get a girlfriend, she'll love you for that one thing more than anything. Trust me on that one. If not, maybe a local Muslim group may be a good place for you to meet a possible girlfriend. I didn't even think of that one.

I eat anything that's not nailed down. And if it is nailed down, I examine the nail and check for signs of rust. I don't want tetanus. If it's a galvanized nail, I figure I can eat it and use the nail as a toothpick afterwards. I can't help it. I love food. I'm one of those people who can eat and eat and not gain weight. So I enjoy good food.

I don't like beer at all either. I will drink on occasion my own mixed drinks with vodka in them. The main reason I asked is that maybe it'd help ya relax a bit with women. It was just an idea. It worked for me.

[Guaranteed]

21. I don't see it as really "cheating."

Guys just need to get that shit out of the way. I had a long-time friend in college who basically went nuts because he was a virgin (not that you're going to- sounds like you have a great outlet with your stand-up).

It's an unfair expectation- that's why I really don't see anything wrong with getting it done however you feel is easiest.

But, yeah, like the above poster said, if you just get it out of the way you'll probably be a lot more comfortable around women.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

11. Be patient

I didn't date, but I met the love of my life at age 38 and have been very happily married ever since.

Sometimes the best things happen when you least expect it-but they can and do happen!

[ffm172]

14. I was 23 when I had sex the first time

and it took me 7 more years till I finally found the one man I can imagine marrying. I know how it feels to see couples kissing in public and you just wanna kick their ass. Oh yes, I definitely know it. I went through this more than one year. Don't put too much pressure on you.

[RadicalMom]

16. Try to trust that things will happen for you when you least expect it..

You can't force things, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't stay active in the world where people are also showing their affection. Instead of hating people, have faith in yourself, and don't give up staying involved with the rest of the world. It's not so terrible. I've been there, too. Everything changed for me one day, when the right connection with the right person, who was pretty much a loner, occurred. We are still together 29 years later. We met after college, and hadn't had serious relationships up till then. I didn't think anything quite like it would ever happen to me. Perhaps seeing people displaying affection can keep you determined to find ways that might help you find this for yourself. Try to give yourself room to lose your anger. It sends out bad vibes to people, and may scare away what you are seeking. So, don't hate those that are displaying affection. For one thing, we have no way of knowing what will happen to these people in the future. And we don't know what is really going on in their hearts and minds, either. Please give yourself a chance. Artificially induced holidays don't mean a damn thing.

[Guaranteed]

18. If it makes you feel any better, a lot of them aren't in any kind

of "love." They just say it and have sex, and then the second they see someone hotter or just get tired of each other they break-up.

You'll find someone, eventually. Seriously.

[Freebird12004]

27. this too will pass

try being kind to yourself - today.

I'm sure that you must know at least one other person who isn't in-love today {there are lots of us single folks out there too}. Go Out and do something that You enjoy. Hell - take one of your single friends along so you can both find a smile - even if it's to talk about 'how silly' some folks act.

:hug:

[JohnKleeb]

28. You and me both man

Sigh, I am staying home from school sick, I would have felt even worse if I had gone. I understand why youre frustrated too, believe me, my common reactions to being pissed off about never getting anything is usuaully anger or sadness. To people who dont get us shy guys, we cant simply go up and talk to a girl, its just not that simple, now while I admit Ive gotten better, I am still even slightly afraid to even IM the girl I crush for, yes I am pathetic but damnit it really is hard. Smiley if you lived near me and vice versa, I'd ask you to get us some booze because I hate this day too.

[bmovies]

29. Reminds me of a beautiful song....

"You lying whore . . . you used me . . . you never loved me . . . I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! Die! Die! Die! I want my records back!" -Sam Kinison

[SmileyBoy]

31. Sam Kinison kicked ass.

May he rest in peace.

[Penndems]

30. Slow down, take a deep breath and relax

You're 22 years old. There's plenty of time for you to find someone. And, hey -- it's only one day.

First off, not everyone in your age group is involved in a sexual relationship. Yeah, I know, it LOOKS that way, but the reality of it is, they aren't. I heard the same thing when I was your age, and that was back in 1977! In this day and age of HIV and AIDS, having random sex isn't just stupid, it's downright deadly.

It's been two years since your last girlfriend? Use that time productively and to your advantage. Make a list of your goals in life (where do you hope to be five years down the road? Ten years?) and take steps to achieve your goals (if you haven't already, start lining up an internship in your field). While those other guys are slacking off, you'll be one step ahead of the game! Taking care of yourself also fosters a sense of self-worth (and self-love).

Join organizations on campus where there are like-minded people who share your interests (e.g., school newspaper, student Muslim group, chess club, College or Young Dems). Or, how about a youth group at your mosque?

There are hundreds of charitable organizations where you can make a real difference. Focusing on helping others will take your mind off your troubles. There really ARE people worse off than you are who need to interact with someone who's caring and compassionate. We all need a shoulder to lean on, you know?

Get this: I married my husband when I was FORTY-FIVE years old, and I turned down nine proposals before he came along. (My career was so rewarding and exciting I didn't want to settle down right away.) So, don't worry -- there's someone out there for you. Just take your time, and use this "between girlfriends" period to take care of YOU.

Good luck, and please let me know how things are going with you.