RANT: If they pass the plate aroung once more, I'll lose it!

[TXlib]

<RANT>
It seems everybody at my company is getting married or having a baby.

Every time somebody does, they pass an envelope around. You're supposed to put money inside, and write your name on the envelope.

It seems this has been happening just about every week.

I started at the company after I was married, and already had all the kids my wife and I want. Nobody did this for me when I was at my old company, and we had our second kid.

Still, they push the envelope at me each time, and everybody looks at me when I say, "No, thanks."

"Why don't you want to contribute?" somebody asks me, "Don't you like so-and-so?"

"I don't know so-and-so. Before today, I'd never heard of her," I reply.

"But I give even when I don't know the person," somebody counters.

"Look," I say, exasperated, "I'm already married and I've got all the kids I'm ever going to have. No coworker did squat for me at my last job when my second kid was born."

Finally, they let it drop, but from the whispering, I can tell they've labelled me a Bad Person. Fuck 'em.

I can barely afford to fund our Roth IRAs now, I can't afford to contribute to my 401(k) or my own kids' educational IRAs. So why the fuck would I contribute for the brat of somebody else I don't even fucking know?!

Next week, when somebody else announces they're getting married, they'll push the envelope at me again, pretending we never had this discussion, and they'll act just as surprised when I refuse to contribute.

I think I'll bring in a jar of pennies. Next time they come around, I'll flip a penny into the envelope.

</RANT>

Am I becoming a grumpy codger, or am I justified in my wrath?

Now, if the collection were for somebody who'd suffered some misfortune, and insurance wasn't covering it, that'd be different...

[Rowdyboy]

1. Very tacky...

of them trying to push you. When we collected for someone, an envelope was passed. If you wished to donate, fine. If not, also fine.

There's nothing wrong with asking. There's nothing wrong with saying no. But their pressure tactics show an appalling lack of common manners.

[eyesroll]

2. I like it how they do it at my work.

Sunshine fund. Everyone has the option of a small payroll deduction (1/2 hour of pay per month). If you decline to participate, no big deal; there's no public lists or anything. Wedding gifts, new baby gifts, funeral flowers, even birthday gifts come out of that fund at a set amount per event.

Leftovers at the end of the year go to United Way, so no strong-arm United Way donation drive, either.

Sometimes, people circulate a card, but that's about it. Baby/wedding showers usually get actual invitation, and you can accept or decline at your preference.

[Bunny]

3. I think you should calm down and throw in $1.00 each time.

I'm sure you have $1.00. I'm sorry that no one got you anything for your kids, too. Try to just grin and bear it!

[TXlib]

7. I'm not bitter about not getting anything for my kids

I don't think it's their responsibility to give me a gift for my kid.

If they had said, "Hey, we'll throw you a belated wedding/baby shower to make up for it," I would have said no. It's not a burden for my coworkers to bear because I chose to get married or have kids.

Now, if they were passing an envelope around for a coworker who had suffered an injury that wasn't covered by insurance, I'd contribute. That's different. I'd hope they would do the same for me if the situation was reversed. And I've told people who give me grief about it that that is how I feel.

Other than that, it's the principle of the matter. That's why I'm not going to throw in $1 each time.

[Bunny]

9. I only brought up your kids because you mentioned it. Twice.

And you certainly should not be brow-beaten or guilt-tripped into contributing. But please don't throw pennies into the envelope. It will only reflect poorly on you.

[TXlib]

11. That was mostly a "hmmmmm...." idea...

[KCDem]

4. let them know that it's Bush's fault

You're making significantly less this year than you did last, and it's their own asswipe beloved leader's fault. Tell them to give you a bonus and you'll be happy to contribute.

And remember, it wasn't just our second kid who got jilted; our first did as well.

[BiggJawn]

5. they STAND there waiting for you to grab your wallet?

How tacky.

I had a coworker who summed it up best:

"Hey, I gotta work witchu all, I DON'T gotta party witchu..."

[trof]

6. scrooge

grumpy codger
just kidding
Try this:
Keep an envelope handy with something like "John Smith's son just graduated third grade" on it. Or "John Smith's daughter needs braces". Or "Picture frame for John Smith's kid's latest refrigerator art".
Swap envelopes with whoever brings you the next one.
yer welcome

[TXlib]

8. I like that idea!

[trof]

10. one better

"Please contribute so TXlib will be able to continue to make contributions"
hee

[Droopy]

12. Just tell them you can't afford it next time

I'm sure they'll understand, unless their just jerks and I don't think they are or they wouldn't be passing the hat around for everybody.

[NicoleM]

13. Two options:

1. Screw 'em. Do what you want and don't worry about what they think.

2. Tell whoever hands you the envelope that you're out of cash, you will contribute and pass the card along after you go to the ATM. Wait a while, sign the card and pass it on. Unless people are putting a dollar amount next to their names, who's gonna know? I would never condone such deviant behavior, but it's nice to have options. I'm more of a "screw 'em" kinda gal.

[radfringe]

14. At one place I worked

we had what was called a "sunshine club" - $1.00 per week,

employees who participated in the club and who were getting married, had a kid,or if it was your birthday - you received a $25 gift certificate to a local restaurant

If it was because of a death in the family, then the employee had the choice of the money going for flowers, charity or whatever was appropriate.

At the end of the year - anything left in the fund over $100 was either divided up equally among the "members" or we voted to blow it on a big lunch party.

Worked well for us back then

but I can understand your position - especially if you don't even know the person.

The company I work for now (at our location in PA) has about 30 employees, we don't do any collections for anything. Yet, the main company in St. Louis keeps sending us e-mail asking for contributions for people at the St. Louis facilities - heck I don't even know who these people are or what they do... I just hit the old delete button

[TreasonousBastard]

15. Been there.

Just an envelope and no card to sign?

Tacky.

Seemed every other day there was someone doing something worthy of us digging into our pockets. At first it was OK, and sorta built community there, but it really got out of hand after a while.

Anyway we finally went to the Sunshine Fund idea when the woman who usually got stuck with the job of running around with the envelope got sick of doing it.

[Stuckinthebush]

16. Easy to take care of...

When the passer comes around, smile (genuinely), ask about the event in question (with interest), give a little laugh and discuss your experience with said event (birth, wedding, graduation, etc.), while you are talking pull out the card and sign it, put the card back in the envelope (still smiling and recounting), and hand the whole thing back to the passer.

If he or she says, "Can you help out with a little money?", say, "Oh, I can't today, but I'm so happy for <person-in-question>. Please tell him/her that I am so excited for him/her and send my congratulations!"

Then, turn back to your task at hand and resume working.

I can't tell you how many times I have seen similar situations handled this way down here in the South. Disarms them every time!

Good luck!

[thom1102]

17. At my partner's office...

it was getting so bad that the company passed a "No Solicitation" policy. They are no longer allowed to pass a hat on company property. I am alone in my office, so I have no one to collect for (although when a guy in one of the nearby offices lost his father all of us in the orbit chipped in for a donation)

[LiberalFighter]

18. We don't do events like that at GM

We only do the following:
deaths in the family if you knew the worker
if there was a fire or other disaster occur to the family
union locals that are in need due to economic situations

Then there is the criteria for non employees:
Basically disasters like floods, hurricanes that affect community(ies) outside of our area
Local events like March of Dimes, Coats for Winter, Day of Caring, etc.

[Lady President]

20. GM subsidiaries do

I was recently laid off from a GM subsidiary (assuming we're both talking about General Motors), but while I was there they passed the hat for everything. I contributed to wedding, baby, birthday, or graduation gifts every week or two.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. I would feel embarrassed

if a bunch of people I don't know from the man in the moon gave me a gift.

On the other hand, I don't mind signing a card and sending good wishes to a total stranger; and it'd make me feel good to receive the same from people I don't know.

[Missy Vixen]

21. One of my hot buttons

>It seems everybody at my company is getting married or having a baby.

Every time somebody does, they pass an envelope around. You're supposed to put money inside, and write your name on the envelope.<

One of my colleagues tried this a month or so ago. Two guys in the office had had additions to their families within the past year; they got a card. The female having a baby got a shower on company time. (!) I declined to contribute, and was not thrilled to be "hit up" in the first place. Everyone should either get the same (card, shower, whatever,) or there should be no observance at all.

Here's another thing I am sick to death of: Those who guilt neighbors, co-workers, and friends into buying whatever it is their kids are selling this week. DH was harassed into buying Girl Scout cookies last year from multiple co-workers' children, then we were hit up again from the neighbor's kids. Typically, we wouldn't mind making a nominal donation, but this began to border on the ridiculous.

We've now stopped donating altogether after having a less-than-pleasant confrontation with one of our neighbor's daughters last year. It seems she is under the impression that we didn't spend as much as we should have.

Julie

[Nikia]

22. Sounds like you work for a larger company

At my company, I know everyone although I suppose that some people don't know everyone. We have around 70 employees. Whether a card appears for people to sign or money is collected seems to be based on an initiative by their friends. I usually give a dollar and make something for a potluck that we might have to celebrate someone's retirement or return to work from an accident.