If one more person posts that f*in masturbation study I'm going to scream!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

Geez...you guys remind me of a study that was done not long after the Loreena and John Bobbitt story broke demonstrating that that was the most popular current events topic for sixth graders that year! WHY? So they could use the word PENIS in their homework!

heheh we can use MASTURBATE in our DU header!

[GOPisEvil]

1. I have the healthiest prostate around!

Oooops! Said too much!

Can't spell prostate though.

[SOteric]

8. I'm sure it's much healthier

than mine.

[GOPisEvil]

12. What?

Do you have one sitting in a jar or something?

[lcordero]

2. Why scream? go masturbate

[ibegurpard]

3. Hey NSMA

Did you read this?
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20030...

[Dudley_DUright]

4. Have you heard about the Loreena Bobbitt computer virus?

It turns your 8" hard drive into a 3.5" floppy.

[KamaAina]

5. New masturbation study released (so to speak)

The American Animal Cruelty Society has released the results of a year-long survey which documents a link between masturbation and premature deaths among young felines.

Gray tabby kittens seem to be particularly susceptible to early death, most often in the form of bizarre attacks by little creatures that look like the bad guys in a Pac-Man video game.

AACS researchers were unable to explain any underlying mechanism behind these results. Further inquiries were directed to God, in care of Pat Robertson's office in Virginia Beach, Va.

Renowned expert KamaAina was not immediately available for comment.

[Wonk]

7. Please, think of the Domo-kuns ;-)

[Wonk]

6. Hey, NSMA, did you know that if you go to google and do a search for

"Weapons of mass destruction" then hit "I'm feeling lucky" you get a funny page that looks like a 404 error?

I think that meme holds the current record for dupe threads, but the masturbation reducing the odds of prostate cancer story is catching up quickly.

[Valerie5555]

9. What about a Presidential ooh la la or sex survey saying that

the Presidents who had the most sex ended up being the best American Presidents???????????????????????????????????? <BLUSH>

On edit Oops my apologies and my bad, REALLY couldn't resist.

[BlueJazz]

10. You Women are just jealous

because YOU can't masturbate.

(come-on, funny feeling)

[Skittles]

15. I bet you believe in penis envy

if I was gonna envy anything, it certainly wouldn't be something that looked like a dead chicken's neck and can be outperformed by a couple of AA batteries.

OK, I stole that from a lesbian comic way back when.

[ForrestGump]

19. Ostrich neck, I'll have you know.......

And D-size batteries.

[BlueJazz]

23. Batteries HA!!!!

With the Manly Studs here at DU, it would take Aircraft Carrier Batteries to equal our "Pleasure Capabilities".

[ForrestGump]

25. That's for damn sure

Nuclear-powered studmuffins of DU.

Hey, that'd make a great DU calendar idea.

And, in the pictures, we could all demonstrate our adherence to the ex-surgeon general's health plan.

You go first.....

[The Lone Liberal]

11. How would you feel about a "spanking the monkey" post?

[Skittles]

13. Oh, you know they can't help it

men are so freakin' PROUD of their solo activities, they absolutely brag about it. Imagine if they had periods. Besides having the week off work, they would have contests for the longest, heaviest, etc. When they weren't screaming in pain, of course.

[GOPisEvil]

14. Are you kidding?

We'd give our friends crap about their wimpy-ass periods...everything is a contest with us!

[Skittles]

16. Fancy finding GOPisEvil in a MASTURBATION THREAD

I'm shocked! NOT!

[GOPisEvil]

17. You have to stick with what you know!

[Maddy McCall]

18. LMAO! But you've GOT to admit it is not as bad as these threads

"Do you lube or not?"
"I just got through masterbaiting" (sic)
"How many times do you masterbait each day"

LOL!

[ForrestGump]

20. Hey, NSMA

Go massage your prostate.

Oh, that's right......YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!

Bwahhhhh ha ha ha haa ha!!!



Nyah-nyah....we've got an excu-use....nyah nyah....we've got an excu-use......nyah nyah......

[oneighty]

21. I agree NSMA

It is a whacky sybject.

180

[greatauntoftriplets]

22. But it sure as shit is....

...a handy way to whack cancer.

[ForrestGump]

24. Guys, please,

get a grip.