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WWW Donating Member (597 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:17 PM
Original message
Does your mother drive you crazy?
Just wondering. Had one of those calls from my mother today. Totally dropped me about six feet under. If anyone wants to vent, here is your opportunity....
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GURUving Donating Member (707 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:20 PM
Response to Original message
1. Sometimes, but then she's only human
like the rest of us. I'll miss her a lot when she's gone.

No rant here.
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WWW Donating Member (597 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:27 PM
Response to Reply #1
6. I love her
Edited on Sat Oct-04-03 09:32 PM by WWW
But she still drives me friggin mad. I am 45, have two teenagers, have worked since I was 11 and she can still bring me down to a mass of seaweed. She hates the dems even though she has been on the dole since she has been born. I asked her what she thought of the recent dem developments, traitorgate, arnold, etc, and she said she turned off the tv because the liberal media had finally taken over the world.
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latebloomer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 10:30 AM
Response to Reply #6
43. Welcome, WWW!
You're 45? I'd guess Old and In the Way ain't that old, after all!
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WannaJumpMyScooter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:20 PM
Response to Original message
2. I was 35 years old, had been away from home since I was 17
was visiting my parents and went out with some friends one night. Long story short, it snowed that night.
I decided it would be smarter to crash where I was than drive home.
She called the State Police, the hospitals, the morgue... you name it.
Because I did not call her at 0200 when I decided to stay over.

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TNDemo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:25 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. I can beat that.
I was about 35, married for 13 years with three kids, and went to visit. Had not seen my friend from high school for a number of years so decided we would go out (A-OK with hubby). My mother told me to be in by midnight. I told her I was an adult now and really could stay out later if I wanted to and it would be okay. She said no, the rules of the house were to be in by midnight and I better be there. So I was. My girlfriend and I laughed about it but it was really ridiculous.
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truthseeker1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:23 PM
Response to Original message
3. My mother is a dittohead
of course she drives me crazy!
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Capn Sunshine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 02:56 AM
Response to Reply #3
30. Mine too.
but I love her. She's my mom. :)
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Blue-Jay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:26 PM
Response to Original message
5. Weird. I was going to start a thread like this a little while ago.
Mom was driving me apeshit on the phone earlier. Typical stuff. Apparently, I don't visit her enough. She only lives a few miles away, and I see her a couple of times every week. I think she was just upset that I didn't want to go to her place for dinner.

Even so, I can't imagine what I'd do without her.
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Champion Jack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:28 PM
Response to Original message
7. Nope, my Mom passed 8 years ago
Edited on Sat Oct-04-03 09:29 PM by Champion_Jack
But, my mother in law, that's a different story.
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WWW Donating Member (597 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:30 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. Then go ahead....vent n/t
Edited on Sat Oct-04-03 09:31 PM by WWW
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Champion Jack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:33 PM
Response to Reply #9
12. I would, but I've been painting my house all day
Edited on Sat Oct-04-03 09:43 PM by Champion_Jack
and I'm just too damn tired.
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prolesunited Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:29 PM
Response to Original message
8. She used to
She's dead now. I wish she was still around to drive me crazy. Sorry to be such a bummer, but that was was popped in my head when I read your thread title.
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Individualist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 10:32 PM
Response to Reply #8
21. Same here
Mine died 7 years ago; also wish she was still around to drive me crazy.
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Sideways Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 07:18 AM
Response to Reply #21
35. Mom Passed On 8 Years Ago And ShitFire I Miss Her
I am 44 now and going through the hardest personal situation I've ever encountered. I could use my Moms spunk and laughter right now.

I've been having vivid dreams of her and on several occassions I have woken up in tears. :loveya: and miss ya Isabella M aka Mom.
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kayleybeth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:30 PM
Response to Original message
10. My mom died 3 years ago
I miss her terribly, but she sure did drive me crazy when she was living. That's okay though, cuz I drove her crazy too :)
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jus_the_facts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 12:43 AM
Response to Reply #10
25. sorry she's not with ya anymore.....
...as long as it took me and my Momma to get along...I'm glad she's still here cuz we get along better now than we ever did...wish ya'll coulda had more time too!! :pals:
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Xandor Donating Member (166 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:31 PM
Response to Original message
11. Of course...
But that's her job, and she does it very well.
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KCDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:34 PM
Response to Original message
13. OMG, does she EVER!
Soon as I saw your title, I went to pour myself a drink... therapy time. ahh...

I've complained here before about how she cannot get it into her head that I'm 32, not 16. A few months back, she and I had a huge run-in where she did not respect my privacy and then railed on me over and over. Basically, she called, I didn't want to tell her what was going on, so I lied, and then she kept going off on me for lying. Thing is, had I said "this isn't any of your business", she would have yelled at me for not respecting her. She says that she wants to be my friend, yet she also wants parental respect. Uh-uh, can't have both.

Lately, she's at it again. I feel like every time I talk to her, she's criticizing something about me (how I live, how I parent, what my 4-y-old chose to be for Halloween... it's always SOMETHING) so, obviously, I don't enjoy talking to her. Now I'm getting flack for the fact that I don't want to talk to her. There is no way to win this one. I want to tell her to just back off, but I can't. Currently, there's an email from her in my inbox telling me how bad I make her feel. I'm constantly having to apologize to her. What she doesn't realize is that she's the one who should be apologizing to me. She's very domineering.

There's more... but that's enough for now. Yes, I love her, and yes, I'll miss her when she's gone. But right now, she's driving me up a fricken' wall. I don't need this right now. I've been feeling really stressed and really depressed the past several days. I know how you feel about how your mom "totally dropped (you) about six feet under". At least you have company. :P
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nini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:45 PM
Response to Reply #13
17. Tell her you love her but she has to let you live your life..
Edited on Sat Oct-04-03 10:39 PM by nini
that includes making mistakes if they happen.

Give her the choice of allowing you to do that or know she will be cut off from things that may 'upset' her - which will be just about everything in her mind.

My friend had to do this to her mom and she was pissed at first, but eventually followed the new rules. Still not perfect between them but the constant digs have pretty much disappeared.

I think they don't have enough to worry about when they get older so they decide to worry about things that are none of their business. If their parents had done that to them they would've had a fit.

Good luck..

on edit: not sure I should have given any 'advice'.. your situation just sounds so much like my friends I thought it may help to hear what helped her. Sorry if it was a bit presumptious of me.
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WWW Donating Member (597 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:47 PM
Response to Reply #13
18. I don't want
to call her..because I know how much she will bring me down. She calls my daughter "she" and my son 'he". She has no other grandchildren. She asked me why I was mad at her today because I haven't called her in a week. (I didn't call her because i was fckin busy!) My successful friends have nanas that come and clean the house, truck the grandkids everywhere, and my mother doesn't even know my kids' birthdates. You are so right sista, you have a friend with me....
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WWW Donating Member (597 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 10:06 PM
Response to Reply #13
19. KC
you can email me if you want...You sound like you are going thru the same thing I am...
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WWW Donating Member (597 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 10:42 PM
Response to Reply #19
22. I can't reply
to your email because it says you have a block, you can email me at tlockhart@gabrian.com, I have to do mom stuff right now, but I will talk to yu tomorrow=== I know I have a new friend here...we will get thru this together!!!
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WWW Donating Member (597 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:36 PM
Response to Original message
14. also no disrespect
I am sorry for some of you that have lost your moms.. This was just a light-hearted vent...no disrespect intended....
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nini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:41 PM
Response to Original message
15. THANKS MOM! After reading some of these posts - I'm lucky
we have our mom/daugther things from time to time but never a big deal.

She's pretty cool and a diehard Dem too :-0

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Lizz612 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 12:57 AM
Response to Reply #15
27. Same here
Mom took me on lit. drops in a stroller before I could walk. The only hard times so far have been when she's in pain; when she needed a new filling, the house was empty, we all scattered first thing in the morning and didn't come home till dinner 'cause she was CRABBY!
She loves DU, but can't navigate the forums.
:loveya: Love you Mom!!
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Rowdyboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 09:45 PM
Response to Original message
16. She knows how to push your buttons because...
she programmed them!

Be exasperated all you want, but love her. Mine's been gone for 4 years now so I can smile when I think about her. Enjoy.

And for all with freeperish relatives-irritate the ones you don't like. Those you have to be nice to (like your parent/grandparents/childen) well, talk about something else. Surely there's SOME subject somewhere you and your mom can talk about. If not, ask her about her childhood. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. Or make a list, between calls, of things you can bring up that will divert her and keep her on YOUR choice of subjects. I kept my list by the phone so it was always on hand when she called.
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KCDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 10:13 PM
Response to Reply #16
20. ah, the "list"!
When things get really nasty, I ask my mom about her relationship with her mom. That always helps for a bit. I think it helps her remember the "daughter" perspective, if nothing else. (and gets her all teary, as her mom passed away at 92 2 years ago).

Good idea to keep it by the phone. :)
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Rowdyboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-04-03 11:44 PM
Response to Reply #20
23. LMAO
I'm so glad I'm not the only one! Thanks for making my evening
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jus_the_facts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 12:39 AM
Response to Original message
24. Nowhere near as much as she used to.....
...had to cut her off for awhile until she decided to respect that I'm an adult and she couldn't continue to treat me like a child...and respect that I was my own person and there's NO reason to continue her attempts to cajole me into becoming a Southern Baptist Fundie Frootloop....we get along great now that she decided to gimme a freakin' break! :D
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mykpart Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 12:51 AM
Response to Original message
26. OK, I have you all beat.
I divorced my first husband in 1975. He was a drunk and used to beat me. I married my second (and current) husband in 1999. He's the great love of my life and treats me like a queen. My mother calls him by my FIRST husband's name. All the time. But that's not the best story.

Two years ago, at age 53, I had open heart surgery. My mother came to visit when I got home from the hospital. I had spent 3 weeks in the hospital and had been home cooped up in the house for a week and was really going stir crazy. My husband wanted to take me to the Sonic for a cherry limeade. My MOTHER told him I could not go, because his car rode too rough for me to ride in! I was so mad, and my husband was terrified I would get stressed and have a heart attack. I tried to get her to leave (she lives in another town) but she wouldn't go. So my husband told her she HAD to leave. I will always love him for that, and she will never get over it. She has not stayed overnight in my home since.
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Rhiannon12866 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 01:07 AM
Response to Original message
28. Oh, please, don't get me started!
My mother is a serious Freeper who loves to listen to Rush Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and has recently discovered Joe Scarborough! She HATED Bill Clinton, still hates Hillary and curses out them on the TV screen.

My mother has never forgiven me for growing up, since my brother refuses to. He is much better than I am because he is there for her to wait on hand and foot, yet she never did cook for me as she promised, after I had major surgery.

I know that your mother is supposed to be the one who loves you no matter what, but I am finally realizing that I am the exception. My mother will find fault with me, no matter what. I cannot ever win with her. I hate to shut her out of my life, but I know that I have to get away from her constant criticism if I am to ever regain my sanity. I want my mother to love me, but I am finally willing to accept that she doesn't love me because I am not the daughter she thinks I should be. :shrug:
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rucky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 01:15 AM
Response to Original message
29. They never cut the umbilical cord...(n/t)
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VOX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 03:36 AM
Response to Original message
31. I lost my mom last February. I miss her. And yes...
for the greater part of my life, she drove me nuts, always trying to clip my wings and keep me "small." She never viewed me as responsible, or even allowed me the chance to show that I was responsible. In opposition to all this sh**, she had one of the most terrifically funny senses of humor, and she could also be very loving and nurturing. But overall, you never knew which mom you were going to get on any particular day or subject -- which was all the more crazy-making.

For many years, I steered clear, and kept contact down to a minimum.

Then a very curious thing occurred. She suffered a stroke, and lived for nine years past that, during which time she apologized repeatedly for having been so overinvolved, and for having been such a tough customer with me. All the old bulls*** sort of fell away. I hold those last nine years dear, as the allowed me to get to know my mom, unfettered by all the neurotic crap. She just became much more of a loving person. And she trusted me -- old "irresponsible" me -- to take care of her papers and bills, etc.

I was lucky, I suppose -- I realize that not everyone with a difficult mom is going to experience this kind of transformation. My mom was an elegant, funny, complicated, pain in the ass, and for what may be the first time in my life, I will miss spending some time with her during the holidays.
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Piperay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 03:46 AM
Response to Original message
32. She did but she died
5 years ago. My mother was a hardcore Democrat but she was a real character, said outrageous stuff to people and embarassed the hell out of me at the time. Gosh I sure miss her, I even miss her embarassing me in public. :eyes:
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Spirochete Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 03:49 AM
Response to Original message
33. My mother was pretty cool.
She never intruded. Was always there for support or to talk. She was a staunch Democrat, too. Of course, she was an evil bossy dictator when I was a kid, like most mothers are :). She's been gone going on 4 years now. I still miss her.


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scarlet_owl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 06:50 AM
Response to Original message
34. Yes, all the time.
My mother is a very spiritual person, and while I don't have a problem with spiritual people, it gets annoying when that is all they talk about and it becomes the ONLY thing about them. She is a Wiccan and she is under the delusion that EVERYONE out there is trying to oppress her. While there are lots of people that do oppress Wiccans, she thinks people who don't even know her beliefs are after her. It is bordering on paranoia. If anything bad happens to her, it's because she's a Wiccan. If she gets cut off in traffic=oppression. If she has to wait in line for a long time=intolerance. She's driving me crazy! Sorry about the long rant. She really is a kind and wonderful person.
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radfringe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 07:48 AM
Response to Original message
36. yep..but still love her
When I was living about 1/2 hour away from my parents and I would go to visit - the conversation would turn into a "complaining" session in about an hour...

She would complain about my sister, brother, the grandkids, my father... :sigh:

Now that I'm in PA and the folks are in MN - it takes less than 5 minutes for the complaining to start when we talk on the phone

If I go to visit - it takes about a day for it to start..

I haven't asked, but I keep wondering if she complains about me to my brother, sister, the grandkids or father...

:eyes:
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Karenina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 08:49 AM
Response to Original message
37. I had one of "those calls"
with my mother about 2 weeks ago. My sister had warned me that she had her cannons loaded. (I thought I was prepared, we've had an extremely difficult relationship my whole life which in the last two years had improved significantly. I worked very hard to deal with MY issues, drop the blame, acknowledge and validate her and de-activate my own buttons. It also helps that there is a LARGE body of water separating us ;-))

She's scheduled to move into a managed care facility, a decision she made on her own. She ALSO decided that I should be obliged to live in her house. Her house is a long story. Suffice to say my sisters bought it for her as an investment, closed the deal when I was living in my car (another long story, divorce, autistic child in treatment from which I refused to move him,) I NEVER lived in that house or county, every visit was a nightmare, have few fond memories of the state or States for that matter and she knew before making the demand that she was blowing smoke.

During my regularly scheduled call, she told me of her "problem." I asked her LOTS of questions until she had to concede the house really wasn't a problem. Then KA-BOOM!!! A half hour of character assassination and threats. I remained calm and restated my position, feeling it better to let her vent at me than at my sister who would see her later that evening. (At least THAT worked. She was spent and Sis told me she was quite the pussy cat by the time she got there.) After hanging up I attempted to discharge the negative energy and FAILED MISERABLY. Within hours I was physically ill. Hey, maybe she did me a favor- obviously she got to me on a deep level which means the buttons are still there.

I called two days later to "kiss and make up" as I'd gotten progressively more ill. NO CHANCE and another KA-BOOM. This time I told her I would NOT tolerate any further verbal abuse. According to her that's just MY twisted interpretation. We agreed to disagree and left it at that.

A torrent of RAGE inside me was unleashed... I'm still not finished with it.

Ten days later Sis calls to say Mommy Dearest had been frantically trying to reach me. I called and she said, "Don't cut me off." I reiterated my position about character assassination and verbal abuse. No apology. I told her it was OK and that I'd call her at the usual time. So last night before my regular call I spoke to Sis to feel out the atmosphere before doing my filial duty. Mom had been admitted to the hospital for a minor corrective procedure so I called her there. More piss and vinegar, this time just a tad more subtle (she IS a MASTER). My throat immediately started feeling bad and this time after hanging up I simply screamed to the Universe, NO!!! SHE IS NOT TAKING ME DOWN WITH HER!!! NO! NO!! NO!!!!!!

I feel NOTHING toward her. Not love, not hate. I DO know I have no interest in engaging her again and the childhood fear that she was trying to kill me has returned with a vengeance. I've been carefully taught to turn my rage onto myself, source of all evil that I am, so now I'll go deal with that...

I wish her a peaceful passing.



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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 08:56 AM
Response to Original message
38. WWW
my mum never calls me. Would you prefer that? Count your blessings.
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kodi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 09:06 AM
Response to Original message
39. sometimes, but she was there when i needed her most, my birth
but then again, my mom is way cool.
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SpaceCatMeetsMars Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 09:18 AM
Response to Original message
40. Why is it so many people's mothers have these control issues?
These stories sound so much like my mother and mother-in-law. My mother is a fundie and my mother-in-law, who I'm closer to, is a dittohead! They both have these control issues and live in fear and negativity.

I'm confused about how to deal with both. If I try to nicely defend myself from the negativity, pot-stirring, and button-pushing, I start feeing guilty because I feel sorry for both. If I smile and go along with the digs, they just increase until I get mad and snap back and then feel even more guilty! What do you do?
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Darth_Kitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 09:39 AM
Response to Original message
41. No.....
My mom and I have always been very close. She's a loving, good, intelligent woman. :hi:
I bet I drive her crazy as much as she does me. (at times) but hey, that's normal. :)
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zanana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 10:02 AM
Response to Original message
42. I wish I could still talk to my mother.
She has advanced Alzheimer's disease now. I used to talk to her about everything. I find myself talking about her in the past tense, because her vocabulary is now limited to five words. I was lucky, and I know it--she was (is) a wonderful person. I'm her caregiver now, and she thinks I'm her mother.
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populistmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 11:09 AM
Response to Original message
44. Yes, we're not close at all
My mother told my husband a couple of years ago that she doesn't think I deserve happiness in my life and it's not fair she went through so many difficulties and I have it easy. Then she pretends like everything is fine and expects me to be the one who makes all the holiday dinners and has her over. "No more," I finally said. I'm civil and respectful, but I can't be close to her anymore. She has too many "issues" that I can't solve. She needs help.
My parents are divorced and my dad is chronically depressed, but at least he doesn't hate my guts for no reason. I'd rather hang out with my dad anytime.
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annonymous Donating Member (850 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-05-03 11:36 AM
Response to Original message
45. Yes.
She's high strung and tends to be a bit theatrical in displaying her emotions. My Mom and I have totally different ideas of what gifts should be too. I tend to be practical in my gift giving while she goes for sentimental type stuff which I find totally useless. She also can be quite bigotted in her opinions which drives me crazy, but I think that has to do with her upbringing in a fundy type church.
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